Clutch Player

by Ash, Nikki

  Landon closes the distance between us and rubs his thumb along my bottom lip. “Why don’t I run you a warm bath so you can relax in the tub? I can throw the dinner I picked up in the fridge and we can eat it later, if you’re feeling up to it.”

  My eyes burn with unshed tears. I want to let him in. Pull him toward me and never let him go. But I can’t be selfish. This time it needs to be different. I can’t put my children—this baby—through another marriage out of obligation.

  “I’m sorry, but I really just want to be alone right now,” I tell him. “I’m going to go lie down.” Refusing to make eye contact, I move slightly to the side so we’re not as close. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  Without waiting for Landon to say anything, I step into my bedroom and close the door behind me. The second I’m inside, the sob I was holding back bursts through my chest and causes my entire body to tremble. I fall into my bed, and holding my face into the pillow, I allow myself to cry until I finally fall into a fitted sleep.

  The next morning, I wake to my phone ringing. When I look and see it’s Bridget, I answer immediately, needing someone to talk to.

  “Hey,” she says softly. “You okay?” Her concerned tone confuses me. I haven’t even told her anything’s wrong yet.

  “Why would you be asking me that?”

  “Landon called this morning and said you weren’t feeling well and asked me to check up on you.”

  Oh, my heart. This is exactly what I’m talking about. He’s a good man through and through.

  “Are you okay?” she asks again.

  “No,” I say through a sob. As I’m preparing to tell her what’s wrong, a wave of nausea hits me and I drop the phone as I run into the bathroom to throw my guts up. Because I fell asleep last night without eating, most of what I throw up is acid and it burns my throat.

  When I’m sure I’m done, I quickly brush my teeth then grab my phone. Bridget is, of course, still on the phone. “Hey, sorry about that.”

  “I could hear you throwing up,” she says. “You’re pregnant?”

  “Yeah,” I admit, my voice cracking.

  “Isn’t that a good thing?” she asks, her tone free of judgement.

  “It should be…” I take in a deep breath then release it. “But I’m scared.”

  “Of what?”

  “Of him resenting me, feeling trapped, blindsided, feeling like his choices were taken from him, asking me to marry him to do the right thing.”

  “Harper,” she says calmly. “Do you hear yourself? Everything you just said wasn’t about Landon, but about you. How you felt when you got pregnant as a teenager. How you felt about your marriage.”

  “I know,” I say. “Because I would never want Landon to feel the way I felt. I spent years stuck in a loveless marriage, wishing for affection and attention. Every time Richard climbed the ladder, I resented him more and more. Every diaper I changed, every baby tear I kissed away, I felt so completely alone.”

  “And I get that,” Bridget says. “I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anybody. Something that, even though it was out of my control, still used to embarrass me… about Ben.”

  “Ben?” I ask, shocked. Ben is Bridget’s deceased husband. She doesn’t talk about him often, but she did once mention he was killed in a car accident.

  “A few years ago… when I met Simon, I found out… information about Ben that changed the way I saw him. I learned my entire marriage to him wasn’t what I thought it was.” She goes on to tell me the entire story—how she found out the car accident Ben was in was with his co-worker who turned out to be a woman he’d been having an affair with for years behind her back.

  By the time she’s done with her story, I’m in shock. “Bridget, I’m so sorry.” I hate that we’re on the phone and I can’t hug her. I can’t imagine finding that out after my husband was dead and couldn’t explain or defend himself.

  “It’s okay,” she says. “My point is when I found out what Ben had done—what he had hid from me—I questioned everything. My love for him, my marriage, myself. Everything I had ever known was now a lie.”

  “I can’t even imagine.”

  “It was hard, but Simon was there for me. I could’ve easily pushed him away. Told him I didn’t want to get married because I was scared it would happen again, but you know why I didn’t?”

  When I don’t say anything, almost positive I already know where she’s going with this, she continues. “I couldn’t live my life in fear, Harp. I had to trust that Simon’s love for me was enough. I’ve seen you and Landon together,” she says. “He is great with your kids and is head over heels in love with you. What happened with you and Richard isn’t you and Landon, and it’s not fair to either of you to try to compare the two relationships.”

  I know she’s right, but at the same time… “What if love isn’t enough?”

  “I guess you just have to trust it is,” she says. “There are couples who have been married for thirty years and wake up one day deciding they’re no longer in love and want a divorce. But that doesn’t mean they never should’ve gotten married. Sure, it’s sad they’re getting divorced, but what about all those years they were happy?”

  Well, when she puts it like that… “Thank you so much, Bridget. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  “And you’ll never have to find out. Now go call Landon, tell him to come over, and tell him you’re pregnant.”

  “I have to get the kids.” I glance at the clock and see it’s already almost noon. I can’t remember the last time I slept in this late.

  “I’ll get them,” she offers. “They can even spend the night. Go talk to him.”

  “Okay, thank you.”

  We hang up, and I pull up Landon’s name, about to call him, when there’s a knock on my door. Thinking he’s come back to talk, I jump out of bed and run to the front door. I swing it open, only to find it’s Richard on the other side.

  “Oh, it’s you,” I say, disappointed it’s not Landon.

  “Real nice, Harp,” Richard says as he walks inside without permission. “We need to talk.”

  “About?” I close the door behind him and turn around.

  “Landon.”

  I groan, not wanting to go another round with him. I can’t even imagine how he’s going to react once he finds out I’m pregnant.

  “There’s something you should know about the man you’re allowing our kids to be around.”

  “I know everything there is to know about Landon.”

  “Oh, really?” The corner of his mouth quirks up into an evil smirk. “So, then you know he killed Melissa…”

  “What?” I give him a confused look, not understanding what the hell he’s talking about. Why would he say something like that?

  “The night she died… she hooked up with Landon and then he killed her.”

  As I repeat the words he’s just said in my head, trying to make sense of them, my brain begins to feel foggy. My heart picks up speed and it’s hard to breathe. I try to catch my breath, but I’m having trouble swallowing down enough oxygen. Landon hooked up with Melissa… He killed her…

  I think back to the day she died. It was the same day Landon showed up at my doorstep and I told him I was pregnant and engaged. My stomach churns and acid burns my throat. My body feels overheated. My hand touches my forehead. I’m sweating. And before I know what’s happening, I’m seeing black dots behind my lids.

  The last thing I hear as everything around me fades is Richard asking me if I’m okay.

  Thirty

  Landon

  “I need to get one Oreo McFlurry, please.”

  “One Oreo McFlurry. Anything else?”

  “No, that’s it.”

  “Please drive to the first window for your total.”

  After paying the cashier, then grabbing the McFlurry, I head over to Harper’s house to talk to her while the kids are still at camp. When she told me last night she wasn’t feeling well, I knew s
he was only saying it to push me away, and I allowed her to do so. But only because I knew why.

  When I walked into the kitchen to set the takeout on the counter, I didn’t see the small brown bag that was there and I accidently knocked it over. Several packets of pills fell out. Wondering why Harper would be given all those different drugs, I read the labels, only to find out they were samples of prenatal vitamins. As I placed the pills back into the bag, I spotted a few pamphlets about pregnancy.

  To say I was excited about the possibility of Harper being pregnant with my baby would be putting it mildly. Forgetting the food, I went in search of her to confirm. With Bridget being pregnant, I didn’t want to get my hopes up, only to be told the bag of vitamins and info isn’t in fact Harper’s.

  The minute we locked eyes, I could tell something was off. Her face was pale and her eyes were a bit bloodshot. My first instinct was to comfort her. Was something wrong? Did something happen with the baby? But then Harper backed away and asked me to leave. I wanted to argue but didn’t want to upset her further. So, even though it just about killed me inside to do so, I walked out the door. I drove around for a while and then returned to her house to check on her. She was passed out in her bed, snuggled up in her sheets, when I arrived, so I watched her sleep for a little while. Watched the way she tossed and turned. I wanted to climb onto the bed and pull her into my arms. Play with her hair and tickle her back the way I always do when she’s restless. But instead I left, not wanting her to know I went against her wishes.

  I should probably give her more time, but I can’t stay away any longer. I need to talk to her. Find out what’s going through her beautiful head. Whatever it is, we can figure it out together.

  I pull into her driveway and notice Dick’s car is here. I park and grab her McFlurry, hoping it will help make her feel better. I consider knocking since she has company, but I haven’t knocked in a long ass time. She gave me my own key and told me I could use it anytime.

  When I open the door, I’m stunned as fuck by the picture in front of me. Richie is sitting on the living room sofa, and in his arms is Harper. He’s speaking softly to her, and she’s nodding at whatever it is he’s saying.

  Unable to control the hurt and anger I’m suddenly overcome with, I slam the door behind me. Richie’s and Harper’s gazes swing over to me. Richie’s eyes form small slits as he glares my way, while Harper’s widen as she scrambles off Richie’s lap. Yes, she was in his fucking lap.

  “Landon,” she breathes, scampering onto her feet. She stumbles slightly and Richie stands, catching her around the waist.

  “Well, isn’t this a sight,” I say, my eyes glued to the way his fingers are digging into her sides to hold her up. “I was worried about you, so I thought I would come by so we could talk. I brought you an Oreo McFlurry.” I drop it onto the end table. “But it looks like you’ve already found someone to talk to.”

  At my words, Harper moves out of Richie’s grip, her hand going to her stomach. And then it hits me… Is the baby his? No fucking way. I’m a fucking dumbass to even think that for a second. I don’t know what the hell is going on right now, but I know damn well Harper wouldn’t cheat on me, especially not with Richie.

  “I can explain,” Harper says, stepping toward me. She only takes one step before Richie wraps his arm around her bicep and pulls her back.

  “You don’t have to explain shit to him,” Richie spits.

  My eyes land on how tight he’s gripping her arm, and I see red. Stalking toward him, I cock my fist back and land a punch straight to his jaw. He stumbles back, letting go of Harper.

  “Don’t you ever fucking touch her again,” I warn, as he grabs the arm of the couch to catch his fall. He rights himself then comes after me. He swings, but I duck and lay another punch to his face. This time there’s nothing to catch his fall and he hits the ground.

  “Landon, stop!” Harper yells. I glance over at her and see her eyes are filled with unshed tears. “Please.”

  Not wanting to upset her any more than she already is, I raise my hands, indicating I’m done.

  Richie stands and wipes the blood from his mouth. “Hope you enjoyed that.” He smirks. “Because you’re done,” he spits. “Now get the hell out. You’re not welcome in this home or around my family.”

  “Have you lost your mind?” I ask, shaking my head. “This isn’t your home, and Harper isn’t your family. And the only way I’m going anywhere is if Harper tells me to. You had your chance and you lost it. You fucked up. I get it, man.” I step toward Harper, who is frozen in place. “The dumbest decision I ever made was walking away from Harper, but we’re together now and you’re just going to have to accept it.”

  Richard smirks once again, looking almost demonic. “You may have been together, but there’s no way Harper would be dumb enough to stay with you now that she knows the truth.”

  “That’s not for you to decide,” Harper says, finally speaking up, at the same time I ask, “The truth about what?”

  Richard’s eyes bug out as his head whips around to look at Harper. “He’s no good for you. You heard what I told you.”

  “And I need to hear it from Landon,” she says calmly.

  “I told you what happened!” he roars. “Do you really want to be with a man capable of murder?” His finger points at me and chills race down my spine.

  No. No. No. There’s no way he’s saying what I think he’s saying. Those files were sealed. Nobody has access to them except… Fuck! The hospital.

  “You want to tell her how you killed her best friend?” Richie asks. “Or should I?”

  “You looked into sealed medical records,” I say. For insurance purposes, while the files were sealed, the hospital has to keep what happened on file in the hospital records. But they assured my attorney they were sealed and nobody would have access to them. But Richie isn’t just anyone—he’s the fucking chief of surgery. On the fucking board of the hospital. He could’ve requested the files be sent to him. I imagine the patient has to sign off on it, but it doesn’t mean he didn’t figure out a way to get around that—illegally.

  “You realize I can take that precious license from you, right?” I point out. “I have the money and the means to make sure you never practice medicine again.”

  Harper gasps. “So, he’s lying? You never hooked up with Melissa and then killed her?”

  What the fuck did she just say? “Fuck no, I didn’t hook up with Melissa.” I glare at Richie. “Is that what you told her?”

  “Landon, I need you to explain this all to me, please,” Harper begs. Then she looks at Richie. “You need to go so I can talk to him.”

  “Like hell! I’m not leaving you alone with a murderer. I know what I read. He’s lying, and as soon as I leave, he’s going to lie to you.”

  “The next time you look into confidential files, make sure you get your facts straight,” I say to him. I’d rather say what I need to say to Harper alone, but fuck it.

  Grabbing Harper by her hands, I guide her to the couch so we can sit. She looks pale and I’m worried about her. “When you told me you were pregnant and engaged, I knew I lost you. I lost us. I was too late, and it just about killed me. I went to the closest bar so I could get drunk enough to temporarily forget that you were no longer mine. I was sitting at the bar and had just knocked back my first shot when Melissa walked up to me.

  Thirteen Years Ago

  “So, judging by the look on your face and the empty glass, you’ve seen Harper?” She smirks, like the evil bitch she is, and I ignore her, knocking back my second shot.

  “What the fuck do you want?” I ask, neither confirming nor denying. Fucking small towns.

  “Nothing.” She shrugs and saddles up on the stool next to me. “Just wanted to see how you’re doing with the news.”

  “What news?” I ask, playing dumb.

  “Oh, c’mon.” She scoffs. “You’re back in town and sitting at the bar, looking to get drunk. There’s only one reason why you wou
ld be doing that. You went to see your precious Harper and found out she’s knocked up and engaged to Richie.”

  “I don’t give a fuck what she is or who she’s with.”

  “Yeah, okay. Keep telling yourself that.”

  I raise two fingers to get the bartender’s attention, and when he looks my way, I point to my empty glasses. He nods once, indicating he’s on it. My phone buzzes in my pocket, and when I pull it out, I see it’s my brother. I hit decline, but it immediately starts ringing again.

  “Hey, man, now’s not really a good time.”

  “Dad’s been admitted into the hospital,” he says.

  “What?” I stand, needing to go somewhere quiet so I can hear him better.

  “Dad collapsed earlier and the neighbor found him on the ground. She called for help and they transported him to the hospital. He had a mild stroke.”

  “Fuck!”

  “The doctor believes he’s going to be okay, but they’re keeping him here for a few days to observe him.”

  “Does he need anything? A private room?”

  “No, he’s okay for now. I just wanted you to know.”

  “I’m on my way.”

  “Visiting hours are over for the night. I would’ve called you sooner, but I had no reception in the hospital. You can see him tomorrow morning at eight.” I hate that I’m so far away, but at the same time I’m glad Dad moved to Providence after I graduated so he could be closer to Brian, who took a teaching position there after graduating early in December. With me traveling with baseball, I hated the thought of him being alone.

  “I’ll be there.”

  We hang up and I walk back over to the bar. Another shot is waiting for me, so I pick it up and down it. I want nothing more than to have another and another, but I need to be sober in the morning to drive to Providence to visit my dad. It’s only an hour drive, but it will be a bitch to do if I’m hungover. And the last thing I want is for him to see me like that.

  “Everything okay?” Melissa asks, reminding me she’s still fucking here.

  “What the hell are you still doing here?”