VAMPIRE MAN (The Librarian's Vampire Assistant Book 6)

by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

  She continues, “My maker was a huge macho jerk. Only made female vampires because he thought we would serve him. Finally, everyone in our coven got sick of his whole ass grabbing and chauvinistic talk—” she lowers her voice, pretending to talk like a man “—female vampires are meant to live in caves, barefoot, waiting to please their maker with a warm human on the table when he comes home.” Liza exhales and smiles proudly. “So we shared his blood and dusted him.”

  She is saying that they devoured the vampire who created them. And, as every vampire knows, if one ingests the blood of a stronger vampire, they inherit their powers. Sounds a bit confusing, unless you’re a virologist with a background in genetic mutations. In short, vampirism is caused by an ancient virus.

  The original strain is the most powerful, though no one knows its origin. As the virus is passed down from vampire to vampire, the strain weakens. All that sciency stuff aside, I cannot believe my luck. She will be the perfect maker for me! “So you are essentially here for a vacation?”

  Liza giggles. “Not exactly.”

  “Then?”

  “Well, I think it’s finally time to set down roots. I’ve seen it all, done it all. Everything except the one. The big L.”

  Love. She wants love. She is perfect!

  “I am sure you will find it, Liza. A woman such as yourself…” I reach for her hand and kiss the top. “…will have no issues finding suitors.” I gaze into her azure blue eyes. “But how will you ever choose? I’m sure the gentlemen are lined up around the block.”

  She snorts and jerks her hand away. “Well, yanno. I guess a lottery would be the fairest.” She doubles over and laughs hysterically, snorting profusely.

  It takes everything I have not to show what I am thinking: What the hell is the matter with this one?

  Still, one cannot look a gift horse in the mouth. She is attractive and physically stirs me in all the right places. Check that box.

  She is an ancient vampire. Check that box, too.

  And, most importantly, she seems to have no clue who I am. Check, check, check!

  “Liza, since you’re new in town, why don’t I take you to dinner tonight? I can show you a place that makes a mean Mongolian beef. Very spicy.” Vampires love hot food.

  “Oh. Ohhhh. Sounds good.”

  “Then I shall see you around eight?” I say.

  “Sounds great.” She smiles, flashing a bit of sexy fang.

  “And where should I retrieve you from?”

  She gives me the address of her rental. It is not far from the library. “See you then. And please wear something breathable.”

  “Sorry?” she says.

  “It’s going to be a hot night.” I wink.

  She stares blankly.

  “The restaurant has the hottest peppers in town. You will be sweating.”

  “Oh.” She swipes a hand through the air. “Very funny!”

  I saunter out to await Brandi in the car. I have forgotten all about reading myself to death or dying of old age. Liza is quite possibly the sexiest woman I have encountered in my existence. She gets my vampire juices flowing, which says a lot! I have no vampire juice.

  “Racker?” says a soft voice.

  I turn my head and find Brandi sitting next to me in the passenger seat. I hadn’t even noticed her getting into the car.

  “You’re really going out with her? Tonight?”

  “You heard all that?” I ask.

  “Yes. And I know what she is.”

  “How?”

  “After what I went through, a person just knows,” Brandi growls her words.

  “What has your panties in a brunch, woman?”

  “It’s bunch.”

  I shrug. “Who cares? I don’t wear panties, now do I?” I wait for her to disclose what’s eating her. “Well? Out with it.”

  Her warm brown eyes flicker with anger. Her pouty little lips are puckered in an angry little circle. “Never mind. Can we go now?”

  “Yes, but you must help me prepare for this date.”

  “Why do you want my help?”

  “Because you are a woman, and I must practice my game.”

  “Game?” Brandi frowns.

  “Liza does not know who I am, and she thinks I have always been human. I must practice behaving like a modern man while wooing her at the same time.”

  “Why not just tell her the truth?”

  Brandi clearly doesn’t understand the complexities of my situation. “Because she is my last chance at becoming a vampire again.”

  Brandi runs her petite hands over the length of her ponytail. “You’re serious. You really plan to seduce her so she’ll turn you.”

  “She is quite beautiful. I wouldn’t mind bedding her too.” I always preferred sleeping with vampires. I like it rough. I like to push boundaries. And I go for hours. A human could never keep up.

  Brandi shakes her head. She doesn’t approve.

  “So you are refusing to help me? The man who nearly died rescuing you from a vicious vampire, therefore tarnishing my three-century-old reputation in the vampire world.”

  “You’re not playing fair.”

  “Judge me if you like, but you owe me,” I add.

  “Fine. I’ll help. But promise me, if this works, you won’t end up being like that monster Julia.”

  She is a reproachable specimen. Even at my worst, I would never have kept my house looking like that. “You have my word.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  Liza. Liza. Liza! Words cannot express the joy I feel tonight. To think, there is an ancient vampire out there who has no clue I am Mr. Nice. It’s like winning the lottery. She is also beautiful, well traveled, and had no issues accepting an invitation from a human male with the mark of the bat.

  “It is almost too good to be true.” I check my hair one final time in the foyer mirror.

  “Just remember what I told you, okay?” says Brandi, already prepared for bed in sweats and a T-shirt. “Talk about her. Ask questions about what she likes, her travels, any hobbies. If a topic makes her eyes light up, ask more questions about that. If she asks about you or your past, just sidestep and say something vague, like, her life sounds way more interesting. But don’t be pushy! Let the conversation flow naturally and, repeat after me, I will not showboat. I will not showboat.”

  I nod. Brandi and I spent the afternoon practicing the fine art of modern human conversation. I can converse just fine as a vampire, but I’m supposed to be human. One hundred percent.

  My biggest challenge will be pretending I do not know as much as I do. I too am well traveled, well educated, and well lived. Luckily, I have spent most of my existence playing a role. “Got it. How do I look?”

  “Like you’re about to fight a bull.”

  Brandi does not support my red cape.

  “Woman! What do you want from me? I am in jeans. And I have put on one of these hideous pastel pink button-down shirts you insist I wear. What more do you want?”

  She backs away, holding up her hands. “Just trying to help. I don’t want you to die of old age because of your fashion choices. But what do I care?” She says that last part with a bitter edge, like I’m a moron for not seeing how vested she is in my plight.

  “Funny.”

  Her eyes whip to mine. “How’s that funny?”

  “You’ve known me all of two days.”

  “So?”

  “You expect me to believe that you genuinely care for my well-being? We hardly know each other.”

  She looks like she wants to claw out my eyes. “Did you actually put me down just now because I showed concern for you?” She shakes her head. “You’re damaged.”

  I feel my conscience kick in. I am extremely untrusting, and I know it. Comes with the territory of living among my kind for three centuries.

  “Apologies. I was out of line.” I remove the cape and toss it to the bench next to the door. “I am nervous. Can you imagine? Me. I have never been nervous in my life.”

&n
bsp; “Just promise, if you convince her to change you, that you won’t become a turd like Julia.”

  This is the second time she’s mentioned that. I don’t understand where this is coming from, but, all right, “Yes. Fine. I promise.”

  “Just making sure. Have a great date.” She marches to her room and slams the door.

  What has gotten under her skin? “I turned on the hot tub! Maybe you need to soak away that nasty attitude, young lady!”

  I don’t have a clue why she is behaving so oddly, but I cannot afford to lose focus. Everything is riding on tonight. I must win Liza over, at least enough to get some of her blood. If I am lucky, she will do it while we are in the throes of passion.

  “You’re a virgin?” From a quiet corner of my favorite Chinese restaurant, I gaze across the table at Liza over a steaming plate of spicy onions and eggplant. The establishment is a hole-in-the-wall with old carpets and too much dust on the dragon-painted lamps. Still, there is no better food in town. And no better view.

  Liza looks stunning tonight with her huge blonde bun, thick glasses and a bulky dress that resembles a floral potato sack. I really appreciate when a woman is confident in herself and doesn’t try to impress. Her look says ‘I am sexy underneath this wall of impenetrable fabric. But you won’t get to see it unless you impress me first.’

  “Yes, well,” she says, “I was raised by a very strict family in a small village. Women were expected to save themselves for marriage, and I guess after I was turned, I never really let go of my traditional upbringing.”

  “But you are very old. That is a long time to wait.”

  She plucks a piece of eggplant from the plate and pops it in her mouth. Meanwhile, my eyes are tearing from the fumes. There is an inch of fire-roasted hot peppers on the dish—special order. The waitress looked at us like we were mad. Even now, I keep seeing the chef poke his head out from the kitchen. He cannot believe we are eating it.

  “Oh, trust me,” she says. “I wasn’t waiting. I was too busy living. One adventure after another until one day, boom! Five hundred years went by. It’s been an amazing journey.”

  I am almost jealous. Liza has been taking in all the experiences life has to offer, while I spent my years acquiring wealth and power. Look where that got me. I still have the money, but I am about as powerful as a three-legged caterpillar. “So now you’re here in Phoenix, looking after Miriam’s library.”

  “Just until my aunt comes. Then I’m off again.”

  “To where?”

  “Not sure. But it’s time, yanno? Sex and love are the two things I’ve yet to experience. Well, that and having children.”

  “Children? You mean, you wish to turn someone?”

  She laughs and waves a dismissive hand through the air. “God no. I’ve never given anyone my blood. Don’t plan to either. I mean, it would have to be a very special person under very special circumstances—someone I really trust and love. But I meant real children. I plan to take the cure and have actual babies.”

  My throat goes dry. “Babies? The cure?”

  “Yeah, there’s a cure now. It took a while for them to get the dosage right, but they can reverse vampirism. Isn’t that wonderful?”

  I know all too well about the cure. Ground zero here. “I have heard of this cure—through my vampire friends, of course. They mentioned there is an issue with memory loss.” I am one of the only known exceptions. It’s a miracle that Vanderhorst did not lock me up in the lab for further study. No memory loss, an extreme age makeover, and rapid aging. They assume there was a reaction to the large dose I consumed, but no one truly knows for certain.

  “My entire existence as a vampire will be erased from my mind,” she says. “When I wake up, there’ll be a new life waiting for me, which is why I have to make preparations. I’m thinking of recording a few videos for myself to explain why I’m no longer living in the 1500s. I kind of hoped to meet my special someone first, so I have help adjusting to what will seem like an entirely new world, but after some thought, I decided not to wait. I’m going for it.” She shrugs. “Mr. Right will come along when he does. Plus, I figure it’ll be easier to meet a human guy if I’m human, too.”

  This is a disaster. My savior intends to become human again. Soon. And she wants a human companion. “Not to put a damper on your dreams, Liza, but have you ever considered that your soul mate might be like you?”

  She blinks.

  I continue, “And forgive me for being so frank, since we hardly know each other, but you are one of the most well-adjusted, eh hem—” I do not want to say vampire out loud in a public place “—persons of your kind I have ever met. I think you were born for it.”

  The waitress comes and delivers a plate of piping hot Mongolian beef with the tiniest chili peppers I’ve ever seen. I know they must be hot.

  Liza’s eyes light up. “That looks yummy. Dig in.”

  Not wanting to be rude, I grab my spoon and load some onto my plate. My tongue is still on fire from the eggplant I sampled.

  I take a bite and feign a smile. “Yumm…” Dear God, I am going to burst into flames. The pain! The pain! “Really spectacular.” I reach for my water and guzzle while Liza helps herself to the hellfire on our table.

  “Wow. That is good. I’ve really missed meat. I’ve been living off yak herders and cheese for years.”

  “So,” I try not to cry, “what do you think?”

  “About?”

  “Well, what if your Mr. Right is a vampire? Or is a human who wants to become one? It wouldn’t be absurd for a man to want to spend eternity with a woman such as yourself. One human lifetime wouldn’t be enough. At least, it wouldn’t be for me if I truly loved a woman.”

  “Wow. Aren’t you full of opinions?”

  “I’m sorry. I merely meant to provoke a conversation. A habit of mine. I like to philosophize and debate.” A lie. I am not in the habit of caring what others think.

  “No. No. Don’t apologize. I like people who make me think.”

  Good, because clearly you’re not accustomed to doing it on your own. I mean, take the cure? Become human and weak again? She is mad!

  She continues, “And maybe you’re right. I’ve been so fixated on my plan that I forgot my motto: Go with the flow. My best adventures have always come from the most unexpected places.”

  “So you changed your mind? You are not taking the cure?” That was easy.

  “I still plan to take it. I already have my date set. But if Mr. Right happened to have different thoughts on what species we should be, I’d definitely keep an open mind.”

  At least the door is still open to persuade her, but I do not have much time.

  We spend the rest of dinner talking about her time living in the Amazonian jungle, traveling Asia on horseback, and living in an abandoned temple after taking a vow of silence that lasted several decades. All of which sounds extremely boring. Yes, I respect her for living her dreams, but wouldn’t it have been more exciting to, I don’t know, be around other living creatures? Converse with someone other than a rock? It seems like she did everything possible to avoid contact with humans and vampires alike.

  I wonder why.

  The answer might help me understand what makes her tick. One thing is clear, though, if she is looking for Mr. Right, I am not him.

  But can I convince her I am? Because reading between the lines, it sounds like she’ll do anything for love. Including turning them into a vampire.

  CHAPTER TEN

  “No, Racker. You can’t do that. It’s not right,” Brandi protests from the comfort of the hot tub outside. I am pleased she decided to relax, but why does she think she has the right to judge me?

  “I did not ask for your opinion.” I fold my arms over my chest.

  “Then why are you telling me?” she bites back.

  Good question. I came home from my date filled with many questions, so I shared everything with Brandi, including Liza’s plan to take the cure, find Mr. Right, and have babie
s. Blech! Then I asked Brandi what she thought would be the best way to convince Liza to change her plans so she’ll turn me. Boom! Guilt trip.

  “I told you,” I say, “not because I seek your approval; I want your help. I have another date with Liza tomorrow.”

  “You seem to have everything under control.” She sinks deeper into the water and looks away.

  I push off my dress shoes, unbutton my hideous pink shirt, and slide off my jeans.

  “What are you-you doing?” Brandi asks.

  “Getting in the water.”

  “Naked? You’re coming in naked?” she asks.

  She averts her eyes, but only after taking in an eyeful, including my generous manhood. I do not care. Nudity is not something I have ever shied away from. Basically, vampires are big old nudists.

  “I am not about to go in with my jeans on.” I get into the water across from her. The heat and bubbles are just what I needed.

  “Don’t you own a swimsuit?” she grumbles.

  “Are you wearing one?”

  “Well, no, but that’s because I was here alone, and I don’t have one with me.”

  “Ah, but that is not the point. You are naked. I am naked. What is the problem?” Suddenly it dawns on me. We are naked. Together.

  Nope. Nope. I do not like human women. I have never been with one, but that changes nothing. My taste in the bedroom is something a mortal female wouldn’t enjoy. Lots of hard foreplay, maybe some spanking, and hours of pounding.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” Brandi asks.

  “Like what?”

  “Like you’re eyeing a piece of chocolate cake.” She crosses her arms over her chest, even though I can’t see a thing. It’s dark out, and there are tons of bubbles.

  A shame. I would not mind looking at her breasts again. I am a male, after all, and the female form is one of the nicest things on the planet to look at.

  “Do not be alarmed. I was merely trying to picture you naked in my bed, on all fours, taking my large co—”

  “Whoa. Excuse me?” She holds up her palm.