HAGEN: 1. Revelations

by Jadhe HAMILTON

  “So, what are you doing here?” she repeated.

  “I wanted to talk to you.”

  Tara gulped, intimidated. Right from the start she had felt an attraction for Nina that she couldn't explain nor define. The only reason she had followed the strange fuchsia-clad woman on that fateful day, was because she had promised to take her to Nina.

  Nina walked towards her. She felt her heartbeat quicken and instinctively covered her breasts with her hands again.

  “You must think I hate you,” Nina began, leaning against the marble cabinet.

  Tara remained silent. She didn't dare believe that the young woman was declaring friendship, although she hoped for it more than anything.

  “Tara, you mean a lot more to me than you think.”

  Nina looked her straight in the eyes as she spoke, a solemn and serious expression on her face. Tara swallowed while she stared into her almond-shaped eyes that shone under the warm glow of the spotlights. Her short chestnut hair, still disheveled, shone with its blond highlights. Her small pulpy mouth remained half-open following her statement; a phrase that left Tara thunderstruck. She remained speechless for several seconds before regaining her composure:

  “Why are you telling me this now?”

  Nina didn't answer right away but she smiled mischievously. Unsettled, Tara slid deeper into the water, hoping to hide her nudity. After a short silence, the young woman answered languidly:

  “I guess I finally found the courage to talk to you woman to woman...”

  Tara felt as though she was provoking her and preferred to change the subject:

  “Are there many angels like you, as powerful as a seraph, but stuck at the rank of legionary?”

  “No, it seems that I’m the only one,” answered Nina teasingly.

  “What’s your angel's name?”

  “Don't you remember?”

  “No, I have no clue.”

  Tara was expecting Nina to go back to her cold and distant attitude any second, but instead, the young lady slowly approached her with her catlike stride. When she reached the jacuzzi, she slowly bent down and grabbed her chin. Tara remained paralyzed, not knowing how to react as Nina placed her plump lips on hers. Her entire body trembled with desire. Slowly, Nina stroked her cheek with her face until her mouth reached her ear. Then, as Tara’s body suddenly manifested all the repressed desire she felt for the coach, Nina whispered in a voice much too sensual for Tara to remain indifferent:

  “If you don't remember, then forget it forever.”

  With that, Nina carelessly let go of Tara's face and nonchalantly disappeared from the bathroom. Tara remained confused as she sat motionless in her jacuzzi. Her heart was pounding and her whole body felt torrid. She no longer wanted to linger in the water doing nothing. She had to finish her conversation with Nina. Trembling, she jumped out of the water, grabbed her towel and quickly dried her body and hair. She put on her gray pajamas and ran to Nina's room. When she arrived in the corridor, she fell face to face with Hugo who stood in her way, amused:

  “Where are you going?”

  “I need to speak with Nina.”

  “Since when do you want to speak to her?”

  Tara didn't answer, embarrassed. She blushed in spite of herself. The young man looked at her from head to toe, then smiled before he burst out laughing:

  “Oh, no! Not you! Don't tell me you fell for it too Tara!”

  Tara remained silent, wounded.

  “You all fall for it, one by one... She's almost as good as me!”

  “What are you talking about?” she asked, dryly.

  “Nina. I’m sure you have a crush on her. She did her big number on you, didn’t she. What did she do? She brags about knowing how to caress breasts better than anyone. Is that what she did to you? Come on, tell me!”

  “What are you talking about!” Tara cried out, her voice cracking with emotion.

  She felt betrayed. Her throat tightened as she did her best to hide her tears.

  “You're a seraph,” Hugo said with a smile. “You shouldn't get attached to a simple legionary. Nina’s a player and she likes women. Besides, she's your soldier.”

  Humiliated, Tara slapped Hugo violently across the face. He took it on without flinching:

  “I think that one was for Nina, but I'll take it for her if it makes you feel better.”

  “You mean she was making fun of me?” cried Tara, trembling. “Where is she? I have to talk to her!”

  “Calm down,” answered Hugo, putting his hands tenderly on her shoulders. “She's already gone.”

  “Gone where?”

  “I don't know! But I have a piece of advice for you Tara: forget about her. The only thing that counts is your mission, don't let Nina distract you.”

  Tara could feel her eyes moistening as she did her best to control her rage. Let Nina distract her? Wasn't it the coach herself who came to her while she was taking her bath?

  “She doesn't deserve your tears...”

  “Let go of me!” Tara shouted as she pulled away. “I'm not crying! Do you see any tears? Leave me alone, all of you!”

  Gasping, she ran to her room and slammed the door behind her before collapsing on her bed. Her exhaustion was even more intense now, with the added sorrow. Depleted, she closed her eyes and sank into her warm soft duvet. Her heart felt heavy but she no longer had the energy to grieve about it. As for Max, he came out of the closet as soon as he heard her lie down on the bed. With a leap, he landed right beside her and curled up at her hip. They both fell asleep instantly.

  When she opened her eyes, she discovered Emily’s chubby little figure staring at her with a big smile.

  “Are you hungry?”

  Tara stretched, feeling ill at ease. What a terrible habit she had of always coming into her room like that. She’d end up putting a lock on the door if it continued.

  “Why didn't you knock?”

  “I did, but you didn't answer. How was your first workout?”

  Tara stuck her head into Max's fur in lieu of a reply.

  “If you want to eat,” continued Emily, “it's right now. Otherwise, you'll be waiting until your breakfast tomorrow morning.”

  With that, she turned on her heels and left the room. Tara stretched again before reluctantly getting out of bed. She glanced enviously at Max who was curled up on her warm duvet, still sleeping. Feeling shattered because of the fatigue and hunger, she slowly tottered to the kitchen where Emily, John, Mark and Stanislas were waiting for her. She sluggishly took her place around the table that had already been set by John and the lady of the house.

  Dinner at last! The moment she had been waiting for since nine o'clock this morning. When she saw the large plates and the starter standing in the center of the table, her appetite soared. Emily had prepared a gigantic salad with lettuce, tomatoes, cheese and olives, seasoned with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. It looked fresh and tasty. Tara was so hungry she couldn’t take her eyes off the salad bowl. And to top it all off, a delicious smell of potato gratin was emanating from the oven, promising a feast fit for a king. Paradise was just a few feet away. Tara salivated.

  “Emily, the food smells great.”

  “I advise you to make the most of your salad,” replied Emily cheerfully, “because you won't be having anything else.”

  Tara froze. Incredulous, she questioned Emily with her eyes.

  “What about what's baking in the over?”

  “You mean the gratin dauphinois? It's not for you. Until you’ve lost your 22 pounds, you won't be allowed to eat anything but a salad in the evening.”

  Tara held back a cry of revolt. This was sadism! She felt like throwing the bowl of salad on the floor to show Emily what she was made of. Nonetheless, she remained disciplined and calm. Trying to contain her rage, she asked, in the calmest voice she could muster up:

  “What about the protein in the gratin? If I need to build up my muscles, I have to...”

  “Your protein is in the cheese in
the salad.”

  Tara nodded. Obviously, Emily wasn’t going to budge. She sat quietly and waited to be served while her whole being boiled with anger:

  “I hope you’re not only giving me three tiny lettuce leaves...”

  “I couldn’t have put it better myself,” Emily laughed.

  Tara’s heart skipped a beat. She imagined herself as thin as a nail and already mourned her generous figure. She knew she would soon look like Nina. What a nightmare! She made sure she ate her salad slowly, appreciating every mouthful as if it were her last. Emily had added diced Comté, Gouda and goat cheese, and the tomatoes were sweet and juicy. The salad was excellent.

  But, when her plate was clean and the salad bowl was empty, her stomached growled in protest. Emily got up and took the empty bowl off the table, then put on her cooking gloves to take the potato gratin out of the oven. Tara knew that when she opened it, the delicious smell that was already escaping from the oven would fill the whole room. It would be unbearable she thought. She loved fine food too much to deprive herself of it in this way.

  As Emily grasped the oven door, Tara exclaimed:

  “Forgive me but I'm leaving the table!”

  Van der Worthen turned to her, looking her straight in the eyes enquiringly:

  “Why?” she asked.

  What a question! Tara felt her herself desiring food right now even more than she had desired some of the men in her life.

  “It’ll be unbearable for me to watch you all eat when I can't have anything.”

  Emily smiled tenderly before answering her lovingly:

  “It's important for you to know how to deal with frustration. You're staying. And that way, you'll be more motivated to lose weight quickly.”

  Tara was so surprised by her answer that she didn't know how to react. She remained motionless in her chair, shocked by the torture that was being inflicted upon her. She watched as Emily opened the oven, then contemplated the fumes coming out of it, imbuing the air with the tantalizing smell of melted cheese. Then, she observed the lady of the house grab the large dish in which dozens of potatoes bathed in cheese and cream, before she put it on the table. Picking up a large spoon, she served Mark, Stanislas, John and finally, herself.

  “What are you going to do with the rest?” asked Tara, who’s hunger was making her sound aggressive.

  “It’s for Nina and Hugo when they return.”

  “Where are they?”

  “Both of them are out chasing girls,” joked Stanislas.

  “Together?”

  “They make a good team.”

  Tara remained silent. She wasn't allowed to indulge in food, and she wasn't allowed to go out either. She suddenly realized she was living a dog’s life. Her hunger made her feel like the whole world was against her. Revolted, she left the table even though Emily had forbidden it.

  “Where are you going?”

  Believing that she was accountable to no one, she hurried out of the kitchen without answering, and went to her room where the two black angels were waiting for her.

  “Do you ever eat?” she asked wearily, throwing herself on the bed.

  Neither of the guards answered. They weren’t a source of pleasure for her either. She’d have to find a solution quickly if she wanted her stay at Emily’s place to be less unbearable.

  She got up and went to the window. Contemplating Paris had always been a source of gratification to her. Night had already fallen several hours ago, and the city lights illuminated the slate roofs and the navy-blue sky. All around, thick smoke could be seen billowing from the chimneys. So far, winter had been harsh and relatively humid, but Paris was still an undoubtedly magical city. She was aware that the view from her room was a privilege that few were able to enjoy. After admiring the capital from her window for a few minutes, Tara felt an irresistible urge to go out for a walk.

  “You know you can't go,” said one of the black angels, interrupting her thoughts. “They can’t come for you here, in Sofia's apartment, because they know it’s a sacred place. But once you’re outside, we won't be able to protect you anymore.”

  “I can't wait to find Hagen!”

  “You can say that again!” replied one of the angels. “Our mission here is far less than exhilarating.”

  Tara ignored his remark and once again lost herself in her daydream, while looking out over the Parisian rooftops. She felt like she was trapped in a golden prison. She would have given anything to be able to spend a quiet evening with no worries. She needed to get her weapon back at all costs; not only would it allow her to move around the city freely again, but more importantly, it would allow her access to the Sphere so she could reunite with the Seraphim. She had to see the Decision-Makers in order to regain her position, her prestige and her responsibilities. She wanted to reconnect with the six hundred missionaries who were under her command and were devotedly waiting for her. Above all, she would once again receive orders from the Sphere and start doing what she had been created to do.

  Suddenly, her thoughts started to worry her: although Sofia had warned the Decision-Makers of Diane's return, They hadn’t sent any messenger angels or guards to welcome her back after her two hundred thirty-six-year absence. She felt that her return should have aroused their curiosity and wondered why They hadn’t reached out to her.

  She was worried. The Decision-Makers’ silence didn’t bode well. Did They condemn her for deserting her army? Or perhaps They were planning to kill her to punish her for her departure...

  “If They wanted to get rid of you, They would have done it long ago,” corrected one of the black angels.

  “When human beings don't speak out loud, it's because they don't want to share their thoughts with others!” she replied, irritated.

  Damn guards! It wasn’t enough that their monstrous shadows darkened her room, they had to start commenting her thoughts now too! She had to figure out how to protect her mind from the other angels or she knew she wouldn’t last very long. She was completely transparent to them. She would have to concentrate her efforts on becoming stronger spiritually, as well as physically. Hagen was the only one that could help her with that: when she retrieved her weapon, she would be whole again; she would regain her full potential. Losing a few pounds wasn’t enough, she had to pass a spiritual milestone too.

  She knew that each angel was connected to their spheric weapon, and this connection could only be destroyed if one or the other was annihilated. She thought that if she concentrated enough, she might be able to connect to Hagen's energy and find out where it was.

  “It's a bad idea,” warned the first black angel.

  “Shut up!” ordered Tara dryly, as she sat down cross-legged on her bed.

  The second angel burst out laughing. What an idiot he was, she thought. When he finally quieted down, she was able to concentrate deeply, thus increasing her frequency. In order to condition her mind, she thought back to the memories she had of the Sphere: the spiritual atmosphere, the creative energy, the different ranks of the warrior angels... Slowly, she began to feel lighter, and although her physical body remained still, she was able to move around freely.

  When angels are freed from their incarnation, they return to their original size, which is much more impressive than their human proportions. Thus, when she left her body, she was able to see how small her human form body really was, as it sat there in meditation.

  The two black angels stared at her with vicious eyes: they were now in the same dimension as she and could even touch her if they wanted to. But Diane paid no attention to them; they now seemed so small next to her. When she concentrated even harder, she was able to see the energy channel that shot out of her abdomen, connecting her to her weapon. It was a pale violet-blue ray of light. She knew that if she followed it, it would lead her to Hagen.

  The beam of light started from her belly and went straight through the wall of Emily's apartment, extending all the way to the Seine, passing over the buildings. Carefully, she flew throug
h the window, expanding her red wings. She took flight with a powerful flap and followed the ray of light across the city. Paris was splendid seen from the sky. In this wonderful state of connectedness, she could see the countless channels of energy that connected all human beings to each other: the maternal bonds linking each mother of the capital to her offspring, the bonds uniting lovers, uniting colleagues... The city had become an immense network of lights right before her eyes.

  Savoring her nocturnal flight in the cool night air, Diane glided gently down to the Seine, above the Louvre, and over the Tuileries Gardens. There, the beam of light plunged down towards the river. She immediately came to a standstill. She knew exactly what she would find if she went underwater without an escort and without her weapon. This was the territory of the demons; it was out of the question. She would return later, accompanied by her missionaries. Even if she wasn’t able retrieve Hagen tonight, she was more than happy to have found out where it was. Getting it back was only a matter of time now.

  However, as she turned around a powerful force suddenly pulled her towards the Seine. Taken by surprise, Diane started to panic: she was unarmed and none of her missionaries had any idea she had left the apartment. Without Hagen, she was more than vulnerable. She attempted to fight off the attraction by powerfully flapping her wings, but to no avail. The force was much too strong for her to take flight.

  Refusing to descend into the cold dark water, she continued to wave her wings as fiercely as she could. Her face contorted in pain as her wings became increasingly heavy, until finally they were immobilized by the demonic forces that tried to pull her into the river. She looked up to the sky hoping it would help her resist the force, but when she lowered her gaze to her feet, she was horrified to see that she was only a few yards away from the water. With a cry of rage, she mobilized all her remaining force in an attempt to pull herself out of there, but to no avail. All she managed to do was twist the muscles at the birth of her wings, making herself cry out in pain. Without warning, the voice of the demon who had attacked her in the elevator rung out:

  “Stop fighting it. Let yourself go...”