Beautiful Otherness

by Shirley Simmons

  The day was already off to the perfect start. Murphy’s parents called in a favor and arranged to have the party catered by my favorite BBQ restaurant in Memphis. There was a DJ setup in the backyard and there was the surprise male dancer that I wasn’t supposed to know about, but I had overheard Jamie and Lori conspiring together on the phone one evening securing him for the party.

  Then there was the shocker that morning; a package without a return address; I was not expecting a package so I had no clue who it could be from. The brown paper wrapper had only my name, address and postage that gave me no indication where it was from. Inside was a flat white velvet box with the black Versace logo. Once I opened it, I immediately recognized the white tissue paper with the iconic gold Versace insignia.

  The card inside the box read, “Happy birthday, sis! Hope this makes your birthday special. I am certain you and Murphy have something fantastic planned. From your boys, Tim and Rodrick.”

  I reverently rolled open the paper to find two pairs of black Versace leggings. Of course, Murphy and I were thrilled with our gifts. We may have never made it to the Versace mansion, but Versace still found a way to make it to us.

  I did not have a boyfriend at the time, but I did not want to be completely single on my birthday, so I invited Enzo. Enzo had been trying hard to date me, but after a couple of dates, I did not think it would work. Enzo was your typical college guy. He was the type of guy I usually found myself attracted to. He was not a jock or the guy trying to be a player; he was simply a nice guy, but there was something about him that held me at bay.

  Enzo was a tall version of Carlton. Yes, the “Carlton” from the ‘90s television show, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The boy drank a glass of warm milk before bed every night.

  By ten o’clock, all of us had a nice buzz going from the alcohol. Murphy and I were dancing when Leonard returned from his room.

  “Who wants to drop acid?”

  Staring at him, Jamie quickly spoke up. “Oh, hell no. I am out. You must be out your damn mind.’”

  “Is it safe?” Murphy shouted.

  Jamie yelled. “What drugs are safe?”

  “Are the ones given to you by your doctor safe? Nothing has ever happened to me when I did these. I just tripped.”

  “Leonard, man, we are black people. We smoke weed. We don’t do acid!” Lori’s response was swift.

  “Shut up, Lori! I’m not trying to pressure anyone, but you only live once. You’re supposed to do dumb shit when you’re in college.”

  We exchanged smiles and giggles in an attempt to hide our faces from God, ashamed of what we were about to do. One by one, we took our turn placing the small pieces of paper under our tongue. Murphy and I started to dance; the anticipation of what was about to happen filled the room. Lori and eight of the other guests who were partaking in this illegal activity did the same. It didn’t taste like much, so we waited.

  About an hour later, I was dancing on clouds. Murphy danced and held hands with me while we floated around the room. Everything was so beautiful, and I felt like I did not have any feet. Every emotion and sensation I had was enhanced, and my skin responded to the slightest touch. Murphy and I laughed and talked. We had complete conversations with each other, yet our mouths were not open or moving. I was trippin’.

  “Heaven help me!”

  She let me go, and I floated away into all the beautiful lights until I couldn’t see her.

  I do not know how long I tripped, but when some of my senses returned, I found myself sitting in Enzo’s car kissing him. My body was engorged with sensation, and I was close to losing all control of it. We must have been going at it hard because I never heard Murphy shouting to get my attention. Enzo and I never saw her. Our kissing meshed our faces into one.

  It wasn’t until she climbed on top of the hood and began to jump up and down shouting “Kennedy, stop it, stop it, you don’t even like him’’ that I noticed her.

  I got out of the car giggling like a little schoolgirl, and within seconds I could feel my spirit float back into my body. That was my first- and only-time taking acid. I vowed I would never do that again.

  Still hazy from the drug, Murphy helped me into the house leaving Enzo in the car. We fell onto the couch in uncontrollable laughter, our senses still heightened.

  ‘‘Kennedy, I can’t believe you!”

  “What did I do, girl?”

  “You were kissing Enzo.”

  “I was not. I don’t believe you.”

  “You were Kennedy. You were kissing Enzo. You don’t like Enzo.”

  “Did I really kiss him?”

  “You were on top of him Kennedy!”

  Our laughter was contagious; when I stopped laughing, Murphy would begin and vice versa. By this time, most of the guests had cleared out. It was late. Some had moved on to the club, but a few remained in the backyard smoking weed and swimming.

  Sitting there on the couch, we assumed the house was empty, but through the music and the laughter outside, we could hear the faint sound of noises coming from the hallway. Like two intruders, we crept down the hall, trying to hold back our giggles. The acid still had us somewhat high.

  As we got farther down the hall, we determined the sounds to be coming from my bedroom. Opening the door slowly we stood there in disbelief. I did not say a word nor did Murphy. We just stood there with our mouths hanging open, as if in a trance.

  Leonard and another guy were having sex with Donna. And from where we stood, she was enjoying the attention. Donna was known on campus as the girl all the guys liked being around. However, none of the guys wanted her as a girlfriend. And now we knew why.

  I was pissed that they had chosen my room, but I closed the door without saying a word and we returned to the couch. They emerged from the room a few moments later, their clothes partially on as if nothing had taken place. They all kissed as if Murphy and I were not sitting there.

  Donna and the other guy made their way to the table and made themselves a drink while Leonard sat on the couch beside us and lit a joint.

  “So, the three of you are going to act like nothing happened? Why were you in my room?”

  “My room is dirty, real freaking dirty.” Leonard spoke while exhaling a puff of smoke.

  “Is that your excuse?”

  “Yeah, my room is dirty; besides, you were trippin’ outside with Carlton, I mean Enzo. I thought we would be done before you returned,” he spoke with a sly half smile.

  Taking another pull from the joint, Leonard walked over to Donna and blew the smoke into her nose before kissing her.

  “Tomorrow I want a new comforter set, with sheets and pillowcases.”

  “Done.” Patting his pockets Leonard stood up then walked to his room and returned, placing money in my hand.

  Donna took another pull from the joint before asking, “You girls aren’t going to tell anyone about this, are you?”

  “Donna, I’m never the one to judge nor would I share what I just witnessed, but I’m pretty sure we won’t have to. Word gets around, you know.”

  Before I could finish speaking, Murphy interrupted.

  “Well, we won’t mention you liking threesomes if you never say a word about us trippin’ on acid, right Kennedy?”

  “That’s right! Not so much as a word.”

  With Murphy, Donna and I having come to an agreement, Leonard returned to his joint and took a long hit.

  “Are you guys ready to keep this party going? When you’re tripping you have to go to the club and dance it out.” Leonard adjusted his clothes and stood to go. Murphy and I looked at each other and shrugged, then we followed him out the door.

  A bunch of us piled into the car and began to pull off when we noticed Enzo asleep in his car.

  “Wait, I’ll be right back.” Murphy ran back into the house, returned with a blanket and placed it over Enzo.

  The Disco was a gay club, but they played better dance music than any other club around. We really just went there to da
nce and to stay up all night, but as soon as we arrived, one of the guys who came with us started freaking out because we did not tell him it was a gay club.

  “This is a gay club,” he screamed as the rest of us were paying to get in. He was causing a big scene. He became extremely upset and took off, walking away. But the rest of us stayed and partied until last call.

  I do not know what time we got home, but the sun was up, and we found Enzo still asleep in the car. Still hungover, we managed to get Enzo from the car to the couch to finish sleeping off his high. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as exhausted as I did after that party. I think we slept for the next two days.

  The word had made its way around campus that we had had the best party of the year, but there was never a mention of acid. Everywhere we went kids asked about it and if they could be invited to the next one. People had really begun to exaggerate about what took place. There were rumors that there were strippers and a live band. But the best rumor I heard was that you could only enter the party if you agreed to give up all your clothes and party for three days, Friday to Sunday, without leaving. Whenever I heard that foolishness, I would only smile and say they missed a great party. And they would always end with “don’t forget about me; I want an invite to the next one.”

  Thanksgiving break was approaching, and I knew that I did not want to travel back to Florida. I hated the holidays. Not having parents or a family that I really cared for made the holiday seasons difficult. Every year I never knew what I was going to do or where I would spend a holiday. I knew Murphy’s parents were traveling to Europe over the holidays, but when Jamie and Lori told me they had decided not to travel home to Minneapolis, that made the decision to stay home easy. Since we’d all be together, we decided to cook Thanksgiving dinner. The only problem was no one had ever cooked a Thanksgiving meal. In fact, none of us had ever really planned a meal that involved anything more than a can opener, a drive-up window or paying a delivery guy.

  For my entire time in Little Rock, I had either dined out or had my meals prepared by Dr. Morgan or Chase. Now, we had to trust Leonard to prepare everything. Don’t get me wrong, Leonard could cook, but cooking a full Thanksgiving meal was a lot for any one person. And I knew now was not the time for me to try to learn how to cook.

  Once Leonard got on board with the idea, the meal fell into place somewhat easily for him. We even got a few of our friends from California to join us for Thanksgiving. They did not want the expense of traveling back to California for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, so Cam and Riley were more than happy to join us.

  Thanksgiving morning, we awoke to all the smells of a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. One by one we entered the kitchen where Leonard greeted each of us with a breakfast Mimosa, and we watched as he moved through the kitchen like he was in a choreographed dance. Every move was precise. Mixers turned, pots and pans clanged, and timers alarmed all to the aroma of sage, basil, onions, and other herbs I had not heard of. House music rang out from the living room and filled the entire house. The music and the savory aroma from the kitchen reminded me of childhood with my family. Leonard was proud and pleased to have an audience as he prepped and prepared the meal. He’d been at it for two days. The boy had skills. I could not help but be in a festive mood. Everything was perfect.

  When we finally sat down for dinner, we were excited to see that he’d made turkey, oyster dressing, greens, mac and cheese, lasagna, and chocolate mousse cake. After dinner, we all sat around stuffed, drinking wine, and talking about what type of impact we would make in the world after college. We were like a real family, comfortable around each other and content with the world that day.

  Lori wanted a career in politics, Murphy planned to be a sports analyst, Jamie was working toward a law career, and I still did not know what I wanted to do. I hadn’t hit on anything that truly appealed to me yet. Even after all I had been through, even after having a professor tell me, “I think your mother sent you to college to find a husband.” The nerve of that old heifer! Even after attending two colleges, I still didn’t know what kind of career I wanted; what I did know was two things: I was not returning to the small town I grew up in and someday I would have everything that I wanted. It was just a matter of knowing what that was.

  Jamie interrupted my thoughts.

  “Kennedy you always tell us what you don’t want, we know that already. Tell us what you do want.” For the first time in my life, I stopped and thought. I knew she was right. I always said what I did not want. I began to cry as I sat there thinking. I have always been running away from my life, running away from my past, running away from my future, and running away from certain people.

  I hesitated before pushing the tears away from my cheeks, the shaky words fell from my tongue. “I want to make a difference in people’s lives. I want to leave their life better than they were when I found them. When people say my name, I want them to smile and know that there is comfort in it. I do not want to work, or should I say I don’t want it to feel like I’m working.”

  “I want to travel the world and see all the things you see in magazines; you know, go places and do things that little black girls only dream of. I do want to be married someday. I want a husband who will allow me to be me; one who will cherish me and live to make me happy, who loves my over-the-top personality even when it’s out of control and overly enthusiastic.”

  “I don’t want comfortable. I want to be impassioned to have effortless mindless passion. I need someone who will kiss me like it is the only thing keeping him alive, and I want to be admired, touched, and smiled at. I want a man who misses me when I am not around. I want someone who is my equal in strength and commitment, who cares about the world, who has integrity, who is funny and smart and kind…” I looked at the faces of the others. I had their full attention. Then I smiled, realizing that I’d been going on and on about what I thought was the perfect man for me.

  “Is that too much to ask?”

  Riley began to laugh aloud, “Good luck! That fool ain’t on this campus.”

  “Shut up, Riley!” I said good naturedly. “Oh, and I want to make a lot of money.”

  Jamie caressed my cheek and stared into my eyes. “Listen, Kennedy, over half of the people on campus don’t know what type of career they want, so you’re not alone in that area. Just keep working ‘til you figure it out. Besides, your inheritance has provided for you during college. I know losing your parents sucks, but they have left you with a tremendous advantage in life.”

  Murphy sighed as something changed in her demeanor; you could also see the change on her face. “There have been countless times I start my day wondering what the hell am I doing here? Am I here just to appease my parents or am I here for myself? All the money my parents pay to this school and I am still not sure what I want to do. Sometimes I just want to see what is out there, but I can’t tell my parents that.”

  “Yea, your parents would lose their minds.”

  After a few more emotional moments of crying, Lori, Murphy, and Jamie comforted me in a group hug. Eventually breaking the moment, Riley suggested we all take a road trip, a trip to California. And this trip…all I can say is wow!

  HYPED FOR HOLLYWOOD

  We started making plans for California right after dinner; everyone was on board and psyched about driving there during our Christmas break. A California Christmas had me so excited; I had always wanted to visit the west coast, so I was filled with anticipation. Murphy’s parents had relocated there, plus Cam and Riley’s parents lived there, so we had multiple options of where we would stay.

  We only had eight to ten days. It would be a twenty-four hour drive straight out I-40, so we’d need to drive without stopping for the night in order to have more time once we got there. We’d take turns doing the driving.

  Two days before our departure, our plan started to change shape a bit. Jamie and Lori decided to go home for the holidays. Their parents were not going to allow them to miss both Thanksgiving and Christ
mas. Riley’s girlfriend was not going home for break so she would now be joining us, and Riley’s frat brother, Malik, was going to go with us as well. Malik grew up playing basketball in California with Riley. For the sake of me, I can’t imagine the transition from California to Little Rock, but Philander Smith recruiters had brought them there.

  Murphy and I drove west followed by Cam, Riley, and his girlfriend in a second vehicle. Malik flew ahead to arrange some entertainment for us once we arrived. Malik’s parents worked in the music industry; they both had worked on the TV show Soul Train and now worked for Sony Records. He promised to give us an unforgettable experience in California.

  Halfway through our drive, we decided to stop in Las Vegas. We cut off I-40 and drove up Route 93. As we rounded a bend heading into the city, the lights of the Vegas strip appeared in the distance in a neon glow that filled the sky. My stomach tingled with excitement the closer we approached. It had been a long detour, but I knew it would be worth it.

  The lights and energy of the strip were somewhat overwhelming. They pulled at every emotion I had; I had never seen anything like it. We were college kids with limited money, but that did not matter to us. We were determined to take advantage of the city and all that it offered.

  It was everyone’s first time in Vegas, and we didn’t have any idea what awaited us when we pulled up to Caesars Palace valet parking. I could not believe that I was in Las Vegas! We were all tired from the twenty plus hour drive, but we were excited, too, so some of us went straight for the slot machines. But I needed a drink, so I circled the casino twice before finally taking a seat at the bar. I needed a moment to take it all in before I started to gamble.

  I knew nothing about gambling. The idea of giving my money to a game where the odds were clearly against me made me cringe, but I did want the experience.

  Waving over the bartender, I ordered a drink.

  “What will the pretty lady have?”