by Cat Kane
It was moot, anyway. The stuff was back, no-one was any the wiser. Christmas could go on as planned, even for surly little Dennis. Everything was fine.
He still felt the uneasy weight of judgement though, under the curious, angry and anxious stares. It was enough to break a man, it really was. These kids could wring a confession from a saint.
Getting out of here, away from this odd pressure, would be a very good idea.
"So," he said to no-one in particular, needing a distraction from his thoughts. "I heard there were some cookies around here someplace."
Carly yelped in delight at the prospect of scalping another sale, scampering off to the cookie table. Her brothers followed, both evidently glad to be escaping this conversation too.
Riley was smiling at him again, that sweet, soft, bone-melting expression that made him want to drop to his knees and spill out the whole stupid story. Anything to be able to accept that look with a clear conscience. But it was too late for that now, and anyway, what difference would it make?
His fingers brushed against Riley’s as he moved to follow the kids, the deliberately light touch sending a jolt of sensation up his arm, like static. "That was too scary. You owe me. You owe me in a big way."
Riley breathed a chuckle. "Yeah. I think I do."
FIVE
Riley had never known what to expect from a date with Jase. He wasn’t entirely used to second guessing dates with anyone, least of all someone that unpredictable. His last boyfriend thought going to the movies and holding hands in the dark was daring and progressive. Either way, he vowed to enjoy whatever it was Jase had planned, if only to make up for dragging him around the school first.
Still, it had been worth it, if only to see Jase deal with someone who was even more adept at charm than he was.
He hadn’t expected the boys to take to Jase. There were days when Riley wondered if they still resented his presence. But if it wasn’t Riley’s fault their father had been a deadbeat, it certainly wasn’t Jase’s, and he’d been far more patient with them than Riley had been in his time.
If he had his way, they’d have a lot more time to get to know Jase.
"So, where are we going?"
Jase’s reply was the same playful, secretive one that greeted each attempt at coaxing out information.
"You’ll see."
That had been the token answer each time Riley asked, too. He’d lost count of how many times he’d uttered the same question, but it was often enough to make him feel like a five year old on a mystery road trip.
"Not even a clue?" Riley pasted on his most winsome expression—you learnt something from living with three kids, after all. "I’m good with clues."
"I bet you are." Jase laughed. "Okay, fine. If you fall on your ass, don’t count on me to pick you up."
Riley almost faltered in his step, hurrying to catch up with Jase as he strode along the frosty sidewalk. From the school, they’d been progressing towards the older centre of town, where houses were big and ornate, each decked out like a Christmas card. The only things down here, as far as Riley knew, were expensive boutique stores, old hotels and sprawling parks that, every few months, featured in some expansive city regeneration plan.
"I thought you said I was safe with you!"
"You are." Jase turned to face him, the grin less secretive now, and more downright wicked. "But I make no guarantees about your safety when you’re off your feet."
There wasn’t much Riley could say to that, except a quiet pleased sound that he prayed Jase didn’t hear. It was one thing to hope, but to have it as a real, tangible thing was a whole different matter. Things he never gave much thought to suddenly became incredibly important, like his hair or this ridiculous scarf that was probably bright enough to be seen from space. He’d throw it away into someone’s bushes, but they’d probably throw it back with a brick attached.
Fortunately, he only had a few more minutes to wallow in the rush of anxiety. Turning a corner, laughter and music cut through the chilly air, the scene before them one of movement, music and warmth. The centre of one of the old parks had been turned into an ice-skating rink, and by the looks of things, most of the neighbourhood had decided to show up.
It was perfect, and for a moment all he could do was stare at the happy, teetering skaters as they swirled and glided past like a carousel.
Jase must have taken the silence for disappointment, watching him warily.
"I know it’s not much, but they do this every year, and it’s always looked kinda fun, so…"
"No, it’s…" Riley shook his head vehemently. "It’s great. Really! I didn’t know they did things like this in town."
"I think they meant it to foster community spirit or something. But like I said"—Jase’s confident charm was back in place—"you better not fall on your ass. It might ruin our plans for the rest of the day."
Riley couldn’t hide the squeak this time, if his life depended on it. If anything, Jase’s grin just widened.
"C’mon, let’s go stake out our square inch of ice, huh?"
They traded their shoes for slightly odd sized ice skates, and ventured out onto the ice, a task that felt as safe as running out onto a freeway at rush hour. There was barely room to move once they got there, but even the jostling was good natured, and for once, people were polite enough to apologise for bumping into him.
You’d think it was Christmas or something…
He’d gone skating once, in high school, and ended up spending most of the day clinging to the rail at the side of the rink and trying not to fall over. Out here, though, there was no rail to grab onto, there was only Jase.
Every time he grabbed on tight to Jase’s coat sleeves, threatening to lose his footing, he succumbed to a blush. Jase smiled at him, an expression he probably reserved for puppies or kittens when they did something unbearably cute, and Riley wondered if this whole holding on thing had been the plan all along.
But Jase was warm and solid, and held on as though Riley could trust him to never let go. He didn’t think he could argue with a plan like that.
The crowd could have faded away as he found a modicum of balance, progressing to only needing the touch of Jase’s hand to keep from falling. The lights on the makeshift picket fence around the rink and on the old gazebo that usually dominated the park sparkled and glowed as the afternoon drew on. The cold barely registered, the breathless laughter and Jase’s proximity keeping him warm.
Eventually, reluctantly, they made it back over to the entrance gate, handing back the skates.
"I don’t know…" Jase began as they left the ice. "I think you were about to fall a couple of times out there."
Yeah, Riley couldn’t argue with that.
"Hey! Only cause you were distracting me!"
"Please, I pulled on your scarf! That doesn’t count!"
Riley stuck his tongue out at Jase, as he tied his laces. It took a moment to re-learn standing and walking in something other than the skates, his legs feeling as wobbly as though he’d been at sea for days. He wasn’t entirely steady on his feet, but Jase proved as adept at keeping him standing on solid ground as he was on ice. It had nothing to do with enjoying the sensation of leaning into Jase, really. Not at all.
He’d never really understood the term `comfortable silence` before, but standing there, breathing in Jase’s presence without a sound, without a word, he thought this might be it. Speaking would have ruined things, especially speaking anything predictably dumb Riley might come up with.
Looking as Jase with a moony expression he could feel was completely dorky wasn’t much better, but Jase didn’t seem to mind. Jase was doing that adorable puppy smile thing again, and Riley wasn’t certain, but he decided to take that as a compliment.
It was probably another compliment that Jase still kept their hands entwined even when Riley could stand on his own two feet. More or less.
The crowd had thinned, but the rink would stay open well into the evening. Riley found himself r
eluctant to leave this winter wonderland hidden away in a forgotten city park. Jase was showing him a side of town that Riley had never known existed. Twenty four hours ago, he was terrified of telling Bree about the shopping. Now he had the gifts back, a gorgeous sweet guy holding his hand, and a better Christmas in prospect than he’d ever imagined.
Maybe there really was a Santa Claus.
Jase sent him a quizzical look at Riley’s chuckle, but seemed to accept the shake of the head Riley gave as a non-answer. He held Riley’s gaze anyway, smiling softly.
It wasn’t just the blush that gave off the flare of heat this time. In the half light of the evening, and the diffused glow of Christmas lights, Jase was all shadows and light, dark hair and even darker, unfathomable eyes. Belatedly, Riley wondered how cold Jase was; the ratty denim jacket didn’t look particularly warm, and he had no gloves, no scarf.
At least Riley could do something about the latter, however much Jase might not appreciate the monstrosity wrapped around him.
Jase’s eyes widened when Riley unwrapped the scarf, looping it around Jase’s neck instead. It looked more like surprise than horror, so Riley took it as a good sign. Besides, it looked so much better on Jase than it ever had on him.
He’d let his hands linger far too long, smoothing away imaginary creases in the hopeless scarf, but when he tried pulling his hands away, Jase caught his wrists. Riley sucked in a breath. What had he been thinking? It was a horrible scarf, a hideous scarf, no-one in their right mind would be grateful for it even if they were freezing, and…and…
He hadn’t really expected the kiss, but it was probably better that way. If he’d been anticipating it, he’d have been far too anxious to truly enjoy the delicious shock of Jase’s lips against his, warm and inquisitive. Riley’s finger curled back into the softness of the scarf, while Jase let go of his wrists, arms winding loosely around Riley’s waist instead.
It only occurred to him in the midst of experiencing the kiss that he’d been wondering all day what it would be like. Either he didn’t have a great imagination, or Jase was simply that much better than anything Riley could summon as a fantasy. The kisses were soft, but demanding, like something wild and breathtaking was straining at its tethers, begging to be set free.
Riley was all too willing to accommodate. But the skating rink probably wasn’t the best place to indulge. A few parents with little kids sent them dirty looks as they headed for the rink, and Riley was feeling much too happy to let people like that ruin his day.
Jase drew back in a series of reluctant little nibbles at his lips, and Riley felt an irrational surge of delight that Jase’s smile looked as dazed as he felt.
"That was…"
"Yeah," Riley agreed, because it was. It was that and then some.
For a moment they just stood there staring stupidly at each other and getting thoroughly in the way of other skaters trying to get to the rink. Riley didn't want to move; he wanted to etch this into his heart so that the next time some schmaltzy, twee song about the magic of a perfect Christmas came on, he could say, 'Yes! I know that feeling. I've had that feeling.'
Eventually, Jase took his hand.
"I guess I’d better get you home safe," he said, "otherwise your Aunt isn't gonna think I'm such a nice, polite guy anymore."
"I'd be okay with that," Riley heard himself say, emboldened. "You can be not-so-polite for a while, I won’t tell."
Jase laughed, leaning in to kiss him sweetly again before they began walking away from the rink and back in the direction of Bree's place. Riley knew it was the responsible thing to do, but he hadn't been kidding – he was perfectly willing to find out firsthand just how naughty and demanding Jase could be.
And that's what he blamed it on when, standing on the porch – out of range of the death-trap reindeer – he'd turned to Jase and said, "What are you doing tomorrow?"
"Nothing," Jase shrugged. "But it’s Christmas Eve, you've probably got stuff to do with your family, right?"
"Not until the evening. So, what do you say? It'll be my turn to surprise you."
Jase reached up, chilly fingers curving against Riley's cheek, and watched him for a moment with a combination of amusement and confusion. "You're full of constant surprises, Riley Miller. But yeah, I'd… I’d really like that."
"Good." Riley closed his eyes for another soft, promising kiss. "Come by around lunch?"
"Wouldn't miss it for anything." Jase smiled against his lips.
It took a few more failed attempts at letting each other go before Jase finally stepped – carefully – off the porch, and Riley wandered into the house, still feeling the ghost echoes of Jase's warmth on his lips.
"How was it?" Bree called from the living room.
"Amazing." Riley scrubbed his hands through his hair, suddenly realizing what he'd promised, and also realizing that there was virtually no way he could deliver. Not unless the surprise involved babysitting three kids while they were buzzed on sugar and arguing about who got to open their presents first.
Bree caught his expression as he came into the snug warmth of the living room. She was half-lit by the flashing lights on the tree, and half by the glare of the TV, playing cheesy Christmas clips on some music channel.
"If it was amazing," she said, "why on earth does your face look like that?"
"Because I screwed up. I promised Jase something just as amazing for tomorrow, and now I have no idea how I'm gonna make good on it."
"I don’t know," Bree said, ever the romantic, "why don’t you just go out for lunch?"
"Because nowhere in town is gonna accept magic beans to pay the bill, especially on Christmas Eve." Riley slumped down into the worn easy chair. "And I can’t beat ice-skating." He groaned. "Ice-skating, Bree. He took me ice-skating."
"Mm-hmm," Bree said meaningfully, unromantic but clearly filthy-minded. Riley sunk deeper into his sweater to hide the blush.
For a while he just listened to the TV rotate through half a dozen songs, punctuated at one point with the thud of small feet on the creaky floor upstairs, and Bree’s yell of "Get back into bed, Dennis!" and still couldn’t come up with any ideas.
"What about this?" Eventually, probably exasperated by Riley’s fifteenth frustrated sigh, Bree dug through the pile of festive flyers on the coffee table. Most of them were garish neon ones for sales and school plays, but the one she handed him was in a pretty Victorian style, made to look like old parchment paper and bordered with vintage-looking holly and ribbons.
Riley eyed it dubiously. "I don’t know … it looks pretty expensive."
"But did you see that?" Bree pointed one manicured finger at the fancy, scrolling text at the bottom of the flyer. Volunteers Always Needed. "Maybe if you guys help out for a while you can score some leftovers or something."
"I don’t think that’s how volunteering works, Bree…"
Except the more he thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea. After yesterday, he was pretty sure Jase would be okay with spending their time helping other people out, but most of all he wanted to give Jase a reason to enjoy the holiday season on his own terms. Riley didn’t know what, exactly, had caused the distinct sense of unease Jase seemed to associate with Christmas, but he could make a few educated guesses – if it wasn’t for Bree and the kids, Riley would have given up on it altogether.
He’d have given up on a lot of things, truth be told. But watching the kids’ unrestrained joy at everything the season brought, watching Bree’s unwavering devotion to making the holidays perfect for her kids even when it was near impossible… well, it put a lot of things into perspective.
And maybe a few hours volunteering on Christmas Eve wouldn’t do much to change Jase’s mind, it might just give him something nicer to associate it with.
He dug in his back pocket for his phone, and, while Bree smiled smugly to herself, dialled the number on the flyer.
SIX
Riley was in his room, trying to decide what to wear for the aftern
oon’s adventure, when Bree yelled up from the bottom of the stairs: "Jase is here!"
"Crap…" Riley muttered under his breath, yanking off the fifth sweater he’d tried on, and digging in the pile on his bed for the very first one he should have gone with in the first place. All three kids were downstairs, having spent the whole morning watching Christmas episodes of their favorite shows and probably stuffing themselves full of enough candy to power a medium sized city for a week. Leaving poor Jase alone with them for long probably wasn’t a good idea. "Coming!"
When he did make his way downstairs, he heard the tail end of a bizarre conversation.
"Nuh-huh, Captain Freeze is obviously stronger than Mister Majestiko," Jase was saying with utmost authority. "Everyone knows that."
"He is not!" Dennis argued, his tone more excited them belligerent. "Captain Freeze could use his ice rays to block Mister Majestiko from using magic! He is too stronger!"
"I like Lady Lightning," Carly said decisively. "She’s the best."
"She’s awesome," Jase agreed. "What about you, Craig? Who’s your favorite?"
Riley didn’t expect Craig to answer. Of all the kids, he’d taken his dad walking out hardest. Carly had just been a baby but she had buckets of her Mom’s resilience, and even Dennis’s outbursts of anger and frustration had been as understandable as they were upsetting. Craig on the other hand had withdrawn, especially from strangers, and especially from men. And even though Jase had managed to eke out a response from Dennis, surely the magic would run out.
After a predictable silence, he heard Jase again: "Hmm, I bet I know."
And, to Riley’s surprise, he heard a quiet little meep of curiosity from Craig.
"Yep," Jase went on, "I’m actually one-hundred-percent certain I know. I bet it’s Swamp-Rage."
Craig must have shaken his head, because the next thing he heard was Jase feigning scepticism: "Are you sure it’s not? Like, really really sure?"
"Really sure," Craig said quietly, and Riley’s throat tightened at the note of a smile in his voice. "Nobody likes Swamp-Rage."