Mum’s brows raised even higher. ‘Really, Lina?’
‘Okay, fine,’ I gave in, snatching the dog-eared book from her. ‘What if he doesn’t turn up? Then I’d look so sad. At least if I have a book with me, it looks like I’m alone intentionally.’
She snatched the book back. ‘Lina, Lina, Lina. Have you learnt nothing? You are a strong, confident woman. If he doesn’t turn up, you hold your head high, and you enjoy your evening knowing that you’ve made a lucky escape from an unreliable man who stands up women.’
I sighed. ‘Can I have the book back?’
Mum shook her head. ‘No. You don’t need it.’
Caleb and I had chosen to meet at an Italian restaurant in Deansgate.
I’d been once before, and the 1920’s décor had drawn me in, boasting high ceilings, a Grand Island bar, and dark green leather booths and seats. I was about fifteen minutes early, so I sat at the bar and ordered a Bellini, taking in my surroundings. It was Saturday night and busy, but the atmosphere didn’t feel chaotic or overwhelming; it was happy and warm, with families celebrating milestone birthdays, friends reuniting and couples celebrating anniversaries or just a solitary date night away from the kids.
I made a mental note to recommend this place to my mum for our annual Christmastime meal.
I was halfway through my Bellini when Caleb arrived ten minutes later. The nerves had made me drink much faster, but now that he was here, I promised myself I’d slow down. I didn’t want to end up a drunken mess on the first date I’d dared to go on since my husband’s death.
‘Elina,’ he said happily in his rich, deep voice. ‘You look beautiful.’ He leaned in to kiss me on the cheek and sat on the barstool next to mine before ordering a red wine for him and another Bellini for me.
He looked gorgeous. He wore a dark grey shirt with smart black jeans and a dark blue jacket. His shoulder-length blonde hair hung around his face in lush waves. It was the first time I’d seen it down and not tied in a messy ponytail. I liked it.
‘You look good, too,’ I said nervously and betrayed myself by taking a large sip of my first Bellini. I really didn’t cover nerves well.
Caleb smiled. ‘You’re nervous,’ he observed.
My jaw dropped.
He laughed, but not out of mockery; it was a warm, sympathetic sound. ‘I am too. I haven’t been on a date for a long time.’
I relaxed slightly at his words. ‘Neither have I. Does it
show?’ I joked.
Before we could continue, the host appeared and led us through the restaurant to our table. It was in a quiet corner, perfect for getting to know one another. I felt like I’d known Caleb for ages, but in truth, we’d never really got to know each other during our climbing sessions. We’d had banter, we’d flirt, and we’d share reviews on music, books, and films, but I didn’t know too much about him, nothing personal, at least.
Once the waiter had left us with our menus, we resumed our conversation.
‘So, when was your last date?’ he asked, ignoring his menu and paying attention only to me.
I pursed my lips. ‘Well, I’m not sure I’ve ever really been on a date.’
Caleb’s eyes widened.
Before he could say anything, I jumped back in to explain myself. ‘I met my husband on the first day of high school. You don’t really go on dates at that age,’ I laughed.
‘You were married?’ he asked, a little surprised, but not put off. He glanced at my left hand. I no longer wore my rings. I kept them on a necklace that I planned on giving to Anna one day.
I nodded and took another sip of Bellini. ‘Yes. Yes, I was. I thought Max might have told you.’
Caleb shook his head. ‘When did you separate?’
I took a deep breath. ‘Well, actually, my husband passed away nearly four years ago.’
Caleb’s brow raised. ‘Wow, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. That’s awful.’
‘Yeah,’ I agreed. ‘I’m sorry to lay that on you so early on in the date.’
Caleb shook his head. ‘No, no. I’m glad you told me.’ He reached across the table and placed his hand on mine. My hand tingled, and my whole body suddenly felt warm. ‘I’m shocked.’
‘Yeah. He died young,’ I said quietly.
‘I know how hard that is, Elina,’ he said delicately.
My brows raised. ‘You do?’
‘I haven’t been on a date in ten years because my last one was with my wife, and she died five years ago in June,’ he told me.
My jaw dropped, and I adjusted my hand so that I could squeeze his. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Thank you,’ he said sincerely. And then he asked, ‘Did it take you all day to tell yourself you’re not cheating by being here too?’
I smiled a bit. ‘Yes. Yes, it did. But just saying that makes me feel better.’
Caleb smiled right back at me, and my tummy flipped.
‘Me too.’ He paused. ‘What was his name?’
‘Michael,’ I said. My heart panged a little. ‘What was your wife’s name?’
‘Neomi,’ Caleb said. He said her name with such warmth. I could tell already how much he’d loved her.
‘What happened?’ I asked him hesitantly. ‘You don’t have to answer if you don’t want,’ I told him quickly, after realising that might have been too intrusive. I didn’t want to put pressure on him. I knew how hard these things were to talk about
‘No, no. It’s fine. I can talk about it. She died during childbirth,’ he said softly. I could hear the pain in his voice.
I gasped. ‘I’m so sorry, Caleb. That’s awful.’ I paused.
‘It was hard. Welcoming my daughter into the world and saying goodbye to my wife at the same time was so confusing. I felt so many different things. I was angry, I was scared, and I was broken. But Mai helped me see there is still light in the world.’
‘Mai. That’s such a pretty name.’ I smiled.
‘Would you like to see a picture of her?’
I nodded, smiling. ‘I’d love to.’
He pulled out his wallet from the inside pocket of his suit jacket, and from it, he took out a picture of a beautiful young girl.
She had darker skin than him, rich brown eyes and long black hair that looked soft like silk.
‘Wow, she’s gorgeous. Her eyes are so striking,’ I said in awe.
‘Neomi’s mother was Native American, and she passed on a lot of her looks to Neomi and her granddaughter,’ he explained.
‘Wow, what an amazing heritage,’ I said.
‘Yeah, Neomi’s mother had some pretty interesting stories. She moved to New York when she was twenty-five after a house fire killed her parents and younger brother. There, she married Neomi’s father and they moved to England. She died of cancer a year after Neomi passed. She was forty-three when she had Neomi.’
‘Is Neomi’s father still alive?’ I asked.
Caleb nodded. ‘Yes, but he’s been ill with dementia for the last ten years. He didn’t even know who his daughter was when she died.’
‘How tragic,’ I whispered. ‘I bet that was so hard for Neomi.’
‘It was,’ he confirmed. ‘We got married seven years ago, and even then he didn’t know who was who or where he was. It killed her. Your parents are supposed to be these invincible superheroes, aren’t they?’ he said with a wistful, bittersweet smile.
I smiled. That’s certainly how I thought of my parents. I couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to them. ‘That’s right. Do you tell Mai about her mother?’
Caleb beamed. ‘All the time. Did you and Michael have any children?’
I nodded. ‘A daughter, Anna.’
Caleb’s face lit up. ‘Wonderful. How old is she?’
‘She was one in June,’ I said and waited for Caleb’s confused expression.
When it came, I explained everything. I told him about Michael’s cancer and how we’d frozen some of his sperm. I told him about the night Michael had died, and how I’d been co
mpleting his bucket list.
He was amazed by our story, and I was amazed by his and Neomi’s.
It was nice. Nice to talk about Michael with someone new, someone who wanted to know what he was like, what his interests were, and how he lived his life.
That night, I got to know Caleb and his late wife. It wasn’t the date I’d been expecting at all, but the pain of our losses had formed a connection between us, one that felt strong, unbreakable even.
‘You know, I didn’t expect this,’ Caleb said once we reached the front door of my apartment.
‘What?’ I asked.
‘I didn’t expect to leave this date feeling like I’ve known you forever,’ he said. His tone was soft, gentle. ‘I knew I liked you. I’ve had a crush on you since you tripped over your own feet and fell right into my arms. I thought this might be a fling or something. But I didn’t expect this.’
I smiled and felt my heart glow. ‘Neither did I.’
‘We can take this as slow as you want,’ he assured me.
‘I think we both need that,’ I replied. I stared at his lips, into his blue eyes. ‘But not slow enough that you don’t kiss me tonight.’
He smiled, and when he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine, I felt something I never thought I would feel again.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
March 2023
The sound of children laughing woke me from my peaceful slumber, and with a smile, I opened my eyes.
Caleb’s blue eyes met mine. ‘Morning, sleepyhead,’ he said with a whisper, reaching out to softly stroke my cheek with the back of his knuckles.
‘How long have you been awake?’ I asked, wriggling closer to my boyfriend and planting my head on his bare chest.
‘Mai and Anna turned on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse about fifteen minutes ago.’ He grinned.
I smiled blissfully. Mai and Anna were becoming close, and I so enjoyed watching them together. Mai was five years older than Anna but she loved playing big sister to my daughter, and whenever Anna and I stayed at Caleb’s house, she got her up, gave her her breakfast and watched TV with her. ‘M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E. Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mouse!’ I sang.
Caleb laughed and started tickling me to shut me up. ‘I hear enough of that song as it is!’
‘Nah, we’ve not heard it anywhere near enough yet,’ I quipped back with a sardonic grin.
‘I love watching the two of them playing together,’ Caleb
said softly, running his fingers through my hair. ‘In fact, I think it would be nice if we spent even more time together. What do you say we all go on holiday later in the year? We could take them to see Mickey Mouse in Florida?’
My eyes lit up. Walt Disney World was somewhere I’d never been, but I’d always wanted to, especially now I wasn’t so afraid of roller coasters. ‘That would be brilliant. I’d love to travel all the way across America too.’
Caleb kissed the top of my head. ‘You’ve got yourself a deal there, pumpkin.’ He paused, and I felt his chest start to rise and fall slightly quicker. ‘Listen,’ he began, a tone of apprehension in his voice. ‘I’ve been meaning to ask you something, but I was planning on asking you after your climb.’
My tummy flipped, and I looked up at him. ‘You have?’ My climb was next month, and I was growing more and more nervous by the day. By the hour, even.
Caleb nodded. ‘I’m only bringing it up now because I have to act fast.’
I frowned. ‘Why? What are you talking about?’
Caleb took a deep breath and reached over to the bedside table to retrieve his phone. He started to scroll through, and then showed me a picture of a house. ‘What do you think?’
I craned my neck to get a closer look at the screen.
In the picture was a white cottage, with ivy running up its walls. A small white gate stood affront a stony path that weaved between bright green lawns that were decorated with colourful plants and flowers.
‘It’s beautiful. Where is it?’ I asked wistfully.
‘It’s in Didsbury,’ he said after a pregnant pause. ‘And I was wondering if you and Anna would like to live there with Mai and me?’
I shot up. ‘Wow, Caleb…’
Caleb sat with me. ‘Look, I know it’s sudden and that the past eighteen months have worked well going back and forth, but I want to wake up to that face every morning, Lina. You and Anna have given me something I thought was lost to me the moment Neomi died. You’ve given me hope. You’ve given me a whole family. You’ve given me love.’
My heart soared, and I couldn’t help but grin. Instead of answering, I planted my palms on Caleb’s chest and pushed him back down on the bed, throwing myself on top of him, covering his lips with my own.
‘Is that a yes?’ he asked when I finally stopped smothering him.
I giggled. ‘Yes, Caleb. Yes, it is.’
Epilogue
April, 2023
Dear Michael,
I did it.
I finally completed your bucket list. I climbed Mont Blanc with your dad and Max after two years of training. I hope you’d be proud of me, and I hope you know that after all this time, my love for you hasn’t faded.
As I write this, I’m looking at the most incredible view from Chamonix. The mountains (I’ve just bloody climbed!) are topped with snow, and the sky is the bluest of blues, complementing the bright green of the lower trees that haven’t been touched by a dusting of snow, unlike some of the others higher up. The buildings look so typically French that I feel like I’ve walked straight into a postcard, or a calendar or something. It’s magnificent, and the atmosphere around me is warm, filled with families and friends exploring the area.
I can really feel you here. I can feel your excitement. I can see you laughing with your dad, thrilled at your latest accomplishment. I can see you picking out a postcard to send home; I can see you snapping selfies and downing a celebratory beer.
That’s why I’ve decided to leave a part of you here.
You’ve been sat on our bedside table for far too long, and as much as I’ve loved having you there, I feel like you wouldn’t want to sit there forever. You never liked staying in. You liked to be out, exploring. I held onto your ashes because, for so long, I thought they were all I had left of you. But I have so much more of you than I thought. I have Anna. I have my memories. I have the earrings that ensure a part of you is always with me. But most of all, I have the courage you gave me through completing your list.
I spoke to your parents, to your sister, and your mum and Genevieve have travelled with us to scatter the rest of your ashes here.
Genevieve is doing much better. She blames herself less and less for what happened to you, but she has her dark days, as we all do. But she seems happier. She’s engaged actually, to someone I think you’d really like, and they’re expecting a child of their own. She’s living back in Wilmslow near your parents after an exciting few years in America. Her life finally seems like it’s headed in the right direction. She’s done so well. I’m happy for her, and I know you would be too.
Kit and Roanna came to see you off as well, along with my parents, and Max’s wife, Olivia, and their son, Sebastian. We all wanted to say goodbye to you. Even Anna. She’s three now. She doesn’t fully understand what we’re all doing here, but one day I’ll tell her. I’ll tell her why her mum was mental enough to climb the highest bloody mountain in Europe even though she’s secretly still a teensy bit scared of heights! I tell her about you all the time. She sees pictures of you and says ‘daddy’. She knows you, Michael. She always will. That, I can promise you. I just wish you could have known her.
She’s so sweet and kind. All she ever wants to do is hug people and make them smile. Even people she’s never met! When we go shopping, I’m forever dragging her away from people’s legs!
I can’t believe how much like you she is. It’s truly wonderful. I couldn’t have climbed this mountain without her, or without you. But there’s someone else I couldn’t have done it with
out.
Caleb.
You’d like him. I know you would. And in a strange way, your bucket list brought us together, led me right to him.
It feels right, Michael, it really does.
He hasn’t come on this trip with me. But he’s at home with Mai, waiting for Anna and me to come home to him and tell him of our adventures. He’s wonderful, Michael, and it feels so nice to be happy again. To be in love.
It’s a different love I feel for you. Neither is stronger or weaker than the other, but it’s different, and I feel them
simultaneously.
So, I want to thank you, Michael.
Thank you so much for marrying me. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for leaving that list for me to complete. I’ve learnt so much about myself- about you- through completing it. I’ve learnt how brave you were, I’ve learnt more of your thirst for adventure and excitement, and it has infected me.
Caleb and I are planning a trip across America next year with the girls. We fancy camping in the forests of Redwood! Me! Can you believe it? That’s all down to you, Michael. Every adventure I’ve had has been down to you and all the lessons you taught me.
I’ve also finished writing a book about our love. I promised myself one day I would. So one day, last winter, I sat down, and I wrote about our love. About a love that would never die. A love that would live in my heart until its final beat, until my last breath escapes my lips.
I haven’t shown anyone. For now, it’s just for me. Perhaps it will stay that way forever, or perhaps one day, I’ll tell the world about you. About what you made me.
You made me, well, me.
So, once again, Michael, thank you. Thank you so much for being the kindest, sweetest, most inspiring husband I could have ever wished for. Our time together will live in my heart forever, and I will always cherish every single moment we had together.
I will always love you, no matter what, Mr Mills.
Your wife, your Lina, your Mrs Mills.
‘Are you ready?’ Genevieve’s voice pulled me from my letter.
I looked up at her and smiled. ‘As ready as I’ll ever be.’
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