Instacrush (A Rookie Rebels Novel)

by Kate Meader

  Only where did commitment end and obligation begin?

  Her mother was in full flight. “At least this time, you have the anchor to keep him around.” Unlike last time when Preston told her adios, she supposed. “Just …”

  “What?”

  “Dee,” her father warned, perusing the menu. “Let her handle this.”

  Dee scoffed. “Just don’t keep the cuffs on him too tight. A man on the road for his work and with all that attention needs a little freedom to indulge. You’ll do better if you give him latitude. Let him do his thing and you stay home, cashing the checks.”

  “How long are you staying again?”

  Her mother mouthed ha ha. “I’m hoping that this can be a new start for us, Eloise. After you broke up the band with your interference at your sister’s wedding, I wasn’t sure we were going to be able to get over that hump.”

  “But now I have a bump to get me over the hump, huh?”

  Dee grasped her hand and squeezed. “I want to be your friend, my love. I do. But that self-righteous streak makes it so hard. Everything we did—we do—is to help us survive. No one is going to give us a thing. But I can see that Theo means something to you. We’re not here to interfere, not when you’re doing so well already.” She might have winked at that. “So you’re not a chip off the old block. We can’t all be the same and that’s fine. It is!”

  At an early age, Elle had recognized that she wasn’t like her family and that her worth was tied up in how she could contribute to their bottom line. Maybe that was about to change. Maybe they would finally listen.

  “I won’t let you hurt Theo, and that includes asking him to invest in anything, lend you anything, or scam him out of anything. Are we clear?”

  Her mother’s eyes widened in faux shock. “We’ll behave! Believe it or not, we’re here for you and the baby. So we’ve had our differences. It’s time we buried the hatchet.”

  Was there any point in arguing? Theo was on alert and Elle had done her best to warn him. The moment they tried anything, she’d eighty-six them back to wherever they’d blasted in from.

  “So how come Amy’s not with you?” She’d texted her sister, only to get cryptic replies telling her she was busy and to forget she’d even mentioned the sort-of-mob-connected former fiancé’s family who were after her for the engagement ring she hocked. No biggie!

  “Oh, you know how she is,” George said. “Likes to do her own thing.”

  “She said that last score had aftershocks. I’m worried about her.”

  Her mother laughed softly. “Oh, we never have to worry about Amy. She’ll always land on her feet. It’s you we’ve always been concerned with. Too soft.”

  All relative, she supposed.

  How bad could it be? They wouldn’t dare try anything, at least until the baby was born. No way would they risk endangering their pay day.

  She could handle this. Manage her parents, manage Theo, manage her pregnancy. After all, what else could she do?

  Elle unlocked the Empty Net’s back entrance and headed to the office. Tina sat there, pouring over paperwork.

  “Hey, how are you feeling?”

  Elle leaned against the door jamb. “Well, my nutso parents are driving me up the wall, my sister isn’t answering my calls, I’m carrying a pro-athlete’s super-baby, I’m not eating nearly enough vegetables, I haven’t done anything about taking classes, and I’m probably the worst employee ever. Other than that, peachy.”

  Tina laughed. “Don’t worry about the bar. If you need time off, it’s fine. In fact …”

  “You’re going to fire me? It’s okay, I have it coming.”

  “No, I’m not.” She swiveled in her chair toward the printer and a large box on top of it. “I was going to say that Theo arranged a bar-back for tonight so you could go on your date. I really should just give him access to the weekly schedule. And he dropped this off.” She handed off the box.

  “Our date?”

  With astonishing timing, her phone vibrated and she checked the screen.

  Be ready at seven. DATE NIGHT!!!

  Tina smiled. “Wish I had your problems.”

  Elle checked herself in the mirror. She didn’t usually wear makeup but she’d stopped at the drugstore on the corner to get some concealer and lipstick, spending far too long in the cosmetics aisle looking for magic that would make her look WAG-worthy … and worthy of the dress Theo had bought her.

  For their date.

  She should be terrified, waiting for the house of cards to come tumbling down. For the last couple of days, her parents had behaved themselves. Last night, Theo had finagled an invite for them to the owners’ box, which was full to bursting with plenty of opportunities for her parents to do their damage. Elle had recognized a couple of pro athletes from the NBA and MLB, and combined with the megawattage of the Rebels organization, it was the perfect hunting ground. Elle had spent the night keeping one eye on the TV screen and another on her viperous family in full flight. Dee regaling Dante with some story about a trip to Sicily—Elle couldn’t recall if she’d truly ever been, but she sure sounded like she had. George pumping Harper for information on trades while the Rebel Queen rebuffed him politely at every turn. Elle trusted no one would be foolish enough to be taken in and so far no damage had been done.

  This might work.

  Theo was going out of town tomorrow to LA for Game 3 of the series, so he wanted to spend some time with her—and only her—tonight.

  On a date.

  She looked in the mirror again. The whole thing had a Pretty Woman vibe she would normally not appreciate. The dress was red, draping perfectly over her curves, and leaving no one in doubt that she was pregnant. Maybe that was Theo’s intention—an assertion of his biblical rights as a father. Behold! Look at the baby bump I have madeth!

  But what took the dress from lovely to perfect was the matching footwear: patent black wedge Nike sneakers with a diamond-encrusted swoosh. Comfortable, yet completely classy. She wasn’t a bling sort of girl, but this choice spoke to her. I want you to be yourself and look as hot as fuck in that dress.

  He had dropped it off at the bar, which was presumptuous and weird and oddly romantic. But after coming clean in her hospital room, something had unfurled inside her—a transformation of her heart.

  Theo wanted her to be happy.

  He cared about Elle, the woman as a separate person from Elle, the mom-to-be. He wanted her to have choices, to exercise agency, and to accept that sometimes she didn’t have to do everything alone.

  She opened her door to a vision of male perfection. They’d been here many times before: Theo in a towel, Theo in sweats, Theo just being Theo. Tonight, he wore charcoal dress pants and a slim blazer with a pink shirt, open at the neck.

  “Wow!” Said together, which made them both laugh.

  “You like the dress?”

  “Yes. How did you pull it off? Somehow I can’t imagine you scanning the racks at Macy’s.”

  “I asked Casey, Harper’s assistant, to get it for me. Don’t worry, she was well-compensated.”

  The perks! “But you chose it?”

  “Yeah. I wanted something that makes you feel classy and comfortable.” Which was exactly what she’d thought before he arrived. Simpatico! “We should get going,” he added.

  Fifteen minutes later, they walked into a beautiful restaurant downtown overlooking the lake. The dining room was packed, and several people acknowledged Theo as he walked by. A couple of people even clapped!

  One eager beaver tried to take a photo and Theo’s defensive and papa bear tendencies took over as he stepped to block. “Sorry, not tonight.” Polite yet firm.

  “What are you doing?” Elle whispered.

  “You don’t want that, right?”

  True, but she didn’t expect Theo to play bodyguard. People had been hands-off about hounding her as the mother of Theo’s baby and now her family knew, it didn’t seem so important.

  Hand in hand, they cont
inued on through the dining room. “You haven’t been sharing as much on social.”

  “Trying to be more mindful of that.”

  “Oh?”

  He leveled a serious gaze at her. “I have to be careful about who has access to my family. I know you don’t want to be in the spotlight and I’d never want you to feel hassled. You’re a private person, so we’re private people.”

  My family. The words made her warm all over.

  Heading toward the back of the restaurant, one diner stood out on their journey. His cheeks were flushed an ugly red, his jaw had a pugnacious set to it, and his suit looked stiffer than his spine. She would have paid him no mind but for the extra squeeze Theo gave her hand as they walked by.

  Seated in a private enclosed porch, they had a fabulous view of the water. Strangely, all the other tables in the section—nine of them—were empty.

  “No one’s eating tonight?”

  “Not with us.”

  Awareness dawned. “How many people’s dinners were ruined because you had to have your way?”

  “Me? Nice, wouldn’t-harm-a-fly Theo Kershaw ruining dinners?” He grinned, though it wasn’t quite as wide as normal. “Everyone who had a reservation will be accommodated another evening and will have their dinner covered by me.”

  She shook her head. “You’ll be bankrupt before the kid is born.”

  “Actually, I won’t. But I’ll happily bankrupt myself to make sure he’s got the best life I can give him and grows up healthy, well-adjusted, and loved.” Theo was fairly certain the kid would be a boy. The next ultrasound in a week or so would tell them for sure.

  A lump the size of the delicious rosemary-olive bread roll on her side plate lodged in her throat. She took a gulp of water, hoping it would pass.

  “Who was the stiff suit out in the main dining room?”

  “No one important.”

  “Theo.”

  He slid an uncomfortable glance out the window. “Alderman Isner.”

  His father? Hell, no! “Are you okay?”

  “Yep.” He wasn’t, but he covered. “Don’t worry, I’ve had great teachers, coaches, captains. I’m not interested in making nice with a guy who’d abandon a sixteen-year-old girl so he could have the full kegger experience at Harvard.”

  The words were quiet, forceful. This was Theo with his heart broken.

  And it wasn’t just because of his father. There was the relationship he was being denied with his half-brothers.

  “It’s okay to be angry, Theo. He let you down. They both did.” On their phone chats, Aurora had filled him in on Candy and how she fell in with a bad crowd, desperate to ignore any responsibility as Theo’s mom. By the time Theo was ready to accept her and the consequences of her deception, she was already too far down the path of drug addiction, which would ultimately lead to her death.

  She grasped his hand, a gestured promise that she couldn’t verbalize. I won’t let you down. I won’t hurt you.

  Of course he had to play his part in stopping that from happening. Stop being so appealing, stop making her fall head over Nike wedges in love with him. It was getting harder and harder to resist him. Shackled for life with this man might not be such a bad thing, but only if he felt the same way. Was that even possible?

  The server came, told them about the specials, and took their order for drinks.

  Still stuck on how his parents had let him down, she thought about her own upbringing. George and Dee hadn’t treated her as a child, more like an apprentice. She and Amy could do anything they want as long as it didn’t threaten the overall enterprise.

  “I guess neither of us lucked out the day the goddess was handing out moms and dads.”

  “Family’s what you make.” He reached for her hand. “We’re building something. You and me and Hatch. We can choose who we have in our lives, who’s privileged to be part of our circle.”

  It was tempting to think they could reframe everything, create their own molds for the future. “I wonder what kind of parents we’ll be,” she said. “There are all these books on parenting styles and I have no idea where to start.”

  “Don’t need a book. Just common sense.” He smiled, clearly pleased to be on his favorite topic: his awesome dad potential. “TV or no?”

  “Like TV as a babysitter while I take my first shower in three days?”

  His lips turned up at the corners. “Sure.”

  “Of course. You?”

  “Don’t want my kid’s brain to be mush.”

  “Already will be because of the processed foods.”

  He growled. “If our kid wants to get a pet, do we let him?”

  “I already see myself on the hook for poop scooping and early morning walks. And you won’t be around.”

  “We can hire a dog walker.”

  “Sounds like we’ll be hiring an army to do all the things I don’t want to do. Leaving me plenty of time to be a bad mother.”

  He chuckled.

  “You think I’m joking.”

  He laughed again, and she joined in because it was sort of funny. And easy with him. All this pressure she felt—was it self-inflicted? She was beginning to think it was, that her problems with Theo came down to what went on inside her head and not what was going on between Theo’s ears or in the schemes of her parents.

  She wasn’t sure if that was a comfort or a curse.

  “So this one is for an older kid,” he said, having no heed to the turmoil bubbling in her chest. “You suspect they have a false ID and are drinking. What do you do?”

  “Rip them a new one because threatening them with you will be useless. You’ll be too nice.”

  “Not about underage drinking!”

  “You’ll want to reason with them. Be their friend. And they’ll hate me because cool Dad isn’t around and mean Mom is trying to limit their freedom of expression. I already suck at this and the kid’s not even born.”

  He curled a big hand around her fingers. “You said ‘they.’”

  “What?”

  “You said ‘they’ll hate me.’ Plural. Like we’re having more than one.”

  “I meant the gender-neutral pronoun. I’d rather not impose societal rules on them until they can choose their own path.”

  “Don’t think so. I think you want me to fill your belly with more babies.”

  She shook her head. “One child with us as parents will be enough. The poor kid will have my neuroses and your lack of filter. I shudder to think what we’re creating.”

  He leaned in closer. “Sometimes I worry that I’m going to pass on something weird, some genetic weakness that makes his brain blow up.”

  “Theo, it’s not genetic.”

  “That’s what they say, but who knows? Who the fuck knows anything?”

  She thought about his father, out there in the dining room. She thought about her parents and the pain they’d caused her all these years. “Let’s worry about what we can control. We can produce a kind, curious, well-adjusted little human and make sure he’s safe and sheltered and loved so damn much. He’ll never have to live for his parents. He’ll be his own person. And no matter what he wants to do or turns out to be, we’ll support every choice. As long as it’s legal and not just plain dumb. Deal?”

  “Deal.” He grinned. “I have something for you.”

  “You mean more than the bountiful seed you’ve already given me, Kershaw?” And all this terrifying hope for the future, she didn’t add.

  His smile took her places. “It’s not much.” From inside his coat pocket, he extracted a jewelry case, bigger than a ring box, but still—had her mind gone there? So dangerous.

  “Theo, you didn’t have to do this.”

  She opened it with fumbling fingers. A silver-linked bracelet lay on a velvet bed, a couple of twinkling charms winking at her. She plucked it from the box, her mind racing as she examined the details. One charm was of miniature dog tags representing her army service. Another was a crossed set of hockey sticks fashio
ned into a heart. The final one was baby feet. Her heart skipped several beats, and she pressed hard on her breastbone, seeking to return it to its regular rhythm. As if the choices he’d made weren’t enough to rip her heart to pieces, the fact that there was room for more punched her in the feels.

  “I can return it or get you something else—”

  “No. I love it. It’s perfect.” She wasn’t usually a jewelry person but she would treasure this forever. “I didn’t get anything for you.”

  “You did.” He squeezed her hand. “Best gift ever.”

  She burst out crying.

  “Ellie! You have got to get those hormones under control.”

  She dabbed ineffectually at her eyes with her napkin, thankful that Theo had done the tacky thing and booked an entire restaurant section.

  “Christ, if you’re going to be hormonal, you should be channeling it into getting orgasms instead of all this emotional fuckery.”

  He was teasing so she wouldn’t feel like a blubbering fool—and it was working. How did he always know what to say? His emotional intelligence was off the charts and she couldn’t wait to see him being a dad.

  She only wished he could be more because she’d done the dumbest thing and fallen in love with him. She didn’t expect him to feel the same way and no number of date nights or charm bracelets could convince her otherwise. She just hoped she’d get over him eventually.

  27

  Dinner was perfect, and Theo didn’t even seem to mind that she ordered extra mashed potatoes—probably because he insisted she choke down three florets of broccoli and show her open mouth like an asylum patient proving she’d swallowed her meds.

  On her way back from her third visit to the restroom (her bladder was the size of pea these days) she spotted Theo’s father approaching. She searched for the resemblance. It was there around the eyes but there was a harshness to his mouth that he hadn’t passed on to his son.

  As he walked by her, he fronted a careful blankness that rubbed her the wrong way.