Say Something

by Jennifer L. Allen

  I shook my head, my empty stare focused on the black TV screen. I didn’t even know who that person was anymore.

  “She’s in there somewhere,” he said, getting up and walking over to me. He knelt down in front of me and took my hands. I still couldn’t look him in the eye. “I’m talking about the girl who stole my heart in the tenth grade. The one who cheered at all my football games in that sexy little green cheer skirt with my number painted on her cheeks. The girl I lost my virginity to after homecoming junior year. My prom queen. The one I waited years for while we went to separate colleges. Jesus, Jess. If we could get through being separated for all four years of undergrad, we can get through this.”

  A lone tear dripped down my cheek, and I cursed myself for letting it fall. I remembered that girl he was talking about. I missed her, too. But she was gone…dead...right there with her hopes of having a family.

  “Please, Jess. Please come back to me. If you still love me, if you want to try, say something. Please, Jess. Say something.”

  I looked into his light brown eyes for a moment…just a moment. They were glassy, like he was on the verge of tears. My big strong man...he was going to cry.

  I broke him. Everything was my fault. I had to let him go. It was the right thing to go. Give him a chance to have everything he ever wanted. A family…

  Yes, I had to let him go. It wasn’t just the right thing to do, it was the only thing to do.

  I tugged my hands out of his grasp, not missing the way his entire body wilted before I turned away and closed my eyes.

  “I want a divorce.”

  I was left with nothing.

  Nothing.

  Nothing.

  Nothing.

  “I’m sorry I asked you for a divorce,” I said, a stray tear sliding down my cheek.

  He caught it with his thumb. “That was just a piece of paper, Jessie. It didn’t mean anything in here.” He tapped his chest, right over his heart.

  This man. More tears spilled over my lids. How could I have ever lived without him?

  “I love you,” I told him. “I love you so much.”

  “I know, baby,” he said, wiping the moisture from my face. “I know.”

  This time, I kissed him.

  - 33 -

  For our first official re-date, Danny and I attended a movie in the park.

  Oak River had been doing these drive-in style events for as long as I could remember. Everyone brought chairs or blankets and found a spot in the grass in front of the huge white, canvas-wrapped board that served as an outdoor movie screen.

  So, not only was I nervous about our first date, but we were coming out to the entire town at the same time. No pressure. None at all.

  I wore dark jeans and a light green sweater. It was still a little warm during the days, but it would cool down once the sun set. I pulled on a pair of dark brown, knee-high boots and peeked out the front window. It was almost six, and that was when Danny had said he’d pick me up. He was taking care of dinner, and I was bringing dessert. We’d eat at the park, everyone did. I baked s’mores brownies, a recipe I’d found on Pinterest a while ago and had been waiting for a reason to make them. They were packed away in a Tupperware container, resting atop the thick blanket I’d promised Danny I would bring.

  Headlights rolled across the wall; he was here.. I took a deep breath, readying myself. I didn’t know why I was so nervous. It was just Danny.

  I startled at the knock on my door. I hadn’t expected him to get out of the truck, but I should have known he would. He wanted this to be a real first date, and on a real first date the guy would come to the girl’s front door when he picked her up.

  I hurried over and opened the door, smiling shyly at him. “Hi,” I said. “Come in.” I stepped aside as he came through the doorway. He looked delicious, and he was dressed similarly to me in dark jeans and a light grey, long-sleeved henley. His boots didn’t come up to his knee, but they were dark brown, too, and were laced under his jeans.

  “You look great,” he said, scanning my body the same way I was scanning his.

  My cheeks heated. “Thank you. You do, too.”

  He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “This is weird. Why is this weird?”

  I laughed, glad he said something. “I don’t know. It shouldn’t be.”

  “No, it shouldn’t.” He took his hands out of his pockets as he walked up to me. His eyes hooded as he looked down at me. “Hi,” he whispered.

  “Hey,” I said.

  He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine. I went dizzy as he took my breath away.

  “I know it’s our first date,” he said after he pulled away, “but I couldn’t wait until the end of the night to do that.”

  “No worries,” I told him with a smile. I didn’t think I’d have been able to wait until the end of the night either, if I was being honest. And making out in front of the town during the movie didn’t sound too appealing. We’d really be the talk of Oak River then. Inside the privacy of my home was just fine. My eyes rolled inwardly. We were going to give them enough to talk about tonight.

  “You ready?” he asked.

  “Yep.” I grabbed my bag and the brownies and Danny carried the blanket. We locked up and walked out to the truck. Like the gentleman that he was, he opened my car door for me and waited until I was comfortable and buckled in my seatbelt. He rested the blanket on the floor by my feet and kissed my cheek before shutting the door, making me blush again.

  I couldn’t remember feeling this bashful with him in the past but I loved it. I loved how nothing felt old. Everything felt new and fresh and perfect. The butterflies were perfectly present and I knew in that moment that life with Danny would always be this way. I’d never be bored with him. Our life would always be full of life and love and surprises. Good surprises. First dates, warm kisses, and love. Always love.

  “What’s that look for?” Danny asked as he settled in the driver’s seat.

  “What look?” I asked, unsure of what he saw. Had I been making a face?

  His eyes scanned my face and he shrugged. “I don’t know. You look...happy, beautiful…”

  “In love?” I offered.

  He smiled. “That, too.”

  “I am,” I told him, holding his gaze. I wanted him to know how certain I was about us. That I was taking this second chance seriously. “I am so in love with you.” His eyes were shiny and I knew that was what he’d needed to hear.

  “I love you, too.” He leaned over and kissed the tip of my nose.

  He started the truck and put it in gear, then reached over and took my hand. He held it all the way to the park.

  ***

  “Coach T, who’s this?”

  Since arriving at the park, Danny had been approached by at least half a dozen high schoolers—a combination of his players and students. They were only a month into the school year, but his students already appeared to be enamored by him, maybe that had something to do with his position as coach of the very popular football team. Or maybe it because Danny was just that amazing to be around.

  This particular student, who was probably one of his players judging by his bulk, was the first to directly ask Danny who I was. I was curious to see how he’d introduce me to one of his kids.

  “This is the love of my life.” Danny said it so matter-of-factly, my heart skipped a beat. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, as though he knew I needed the extra support to keep from swooning. “Jessica Price. She’s the new attorney in town.” He looked at me, nothing but love in his eyes and I fell harder for him, if that was even possible.

  “Jessie, this is Devin,” he said to me. Then to Devin, he said, “When those contracts start rolling in, this is who you’ll need to call. My girl is the best lawyer around.”

  I rolled my eyes and patted his firm belly. He was my biggest supporter. He’d used that same line with two other kids tonight.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Devin,” I said to the boy, putting out
my hand to shake.

  “Devin’s our QB,” Danny told me. “He’ll be at the game Friday night.”

  Apparently, I was going to the game Friday night. We hadn’t talked about it, but were officially a couple now, so I supposed it went without saying that I would be there to support him and his team at the games. I didn’t mind. It would be like old times...me cheering for him on the sidelines. Cheering for Oak River.

  We really had come full circle, hadn’t we?

  “The pleasure’s all mine,” Devin said with a wink. He took my extended hand and kissed it. The little flirt!

  “All right, Casanova,” Danny joked. “Get off my girl.”

  “Can’t help it. She’s hot, Coach.”

  Danny winked at me. “I know. Get back to your friends, Dev. I’ll see you Monday.”

  “Later, Coach T. See ya, Miss Price.”

  “He’s a character,” I said, wrapping my arm around Danny’s as we continued walking into the park. We had been stopped so many times, we weren’t going to end up with a very good spot to watch the movie. I wouldn’t have traded it for anything, though. Being there with Danny? It was priceless.

  “Yeah, he’s a good kid.” Danny moved the tote bag carrying our food and blanket higher on his shoulder.

  “What’s it like?” He looked at me, raising an eyebrow. “Living your dream?” I specified.

  His grin was lopsided, like the boy I’d fallen in love with years ago. “I’m not living it yet,” he replied simply.

  “What else could you possibly need?” I wondered.

  He stopped at a space large enough for us to spread out a blanket and still have some distance from other movie goers. Setting the tote bag down, he faced me and took my hands in his.

  “Well, for starters, I’m going to need you to marry me again.”

  My eyes widened as my jaw dropped. He wasn’t...he couldn’t be…

  “And if I thought you were ready for that, I’d ask you. Relax, I’m not proposing tonight.” He laughed, shaking his head.

  He was smiling and his whiskey eyes were light, full of fun and mischief, so I knew he wasn’t hurt that I went frigid on him when he mentioned the M word.

  But...would Danny proposing be such a bad idea?

  He was always it for me. When I’d agreed to re-date him, I knew this was it. I knew there was no turning back. And the ultimate end point in any relationship was marriage, wasn’t it? Or at least forever? I was committed to forever with him. Did I want to marry Danny again? Without a doubt.

  I wanted to marry him.

  I wanted us to live together again.

  I never wanted to go to sleep without his eyes being the last things I saw before I closed my own.

  I wanted everything to be the way it was before it all went wrong. Things had changed, yes. We weren’t the exact same people we were, but we were never better than when we were together. I wanted that feeling back. That love and comfort…the familiarity. I wanted that again.

  Before I knew what I was doing, I dropped to my knees.

  Danny’s brow furrowed, “Are you okay?” He started to lower himself to the grass, too, but I held up a hand to stop him. “What’s going on?”

  “Marry me, Danny.” His eyes widened as he realized what I was doing...what I just realized I was doing. “I know I’m a hot mess ninety percent of the time, but at least I’m hot, right?” I laughed and so did he. My eyes filled with tears as he wiped the corner of his. “I love you so much, Danny. We lost so much time because I was being stupid, and I don’t want to lose another minute. Marry me. We don’t need to date. We know each other better than we know ourselves. We don’t need to take the time to fall in love because we’re already in love. We’ll just end up loving each other more and who has time for all that anyway? Marry me. Let’s start the rest of our lives together right now. I want to be us again. I want things to be what they used to. Please?”

  He dropped to his knees in front of me and cupped my face in his hands. “You’re such a brat, you know that?” he whispered. I nodded and we both laughed again. “Of course I’ll marry you, Jessie. I love you so much. Thank you for coming back to me.”

  “Thank you,” I said, smiling through my tears as he began kissing them away.

  “I love you,” he said, still kissing the tears on my cheeks, then my eyes, and finally my mouth.

  “I love you,” I said against his lips.

  Cheers erupted around us, and I pulled away from him. A quick scan of the park made it clear that everyone had been watching us. They were still watching us now with smiles on their faces, clapping and hollering.

  My cheeks flushed, and I tucked my head against Danny’s chest. “Oh, my god.” Danny laughed, and I felt the vibrations on my cheek.

  I pulled away and looked into his eyes. He was happier than I’d seen him in years and I couldn’t help but smile back at him.

  The crowd began chanting “kiss, kiss, kiss.” Danny wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips against mine. He kept it chaste...he had students in the audience, after all. It was enough to get the crowd going again. Damn small town.

  We broke apart and smiled at one another, my forehead pressed against his. Everything was going to be just fine.

  - 34 -

  My engagement ring glittered in the lights of the stadium as I sat front row for Oak River High’s football game. They were currently killing the other team, a nearby rival. It was also Homecoming weekend, so the stadium was packed with Oak River alumni.

  One blissful week had passed since my proposal in the park. Danny still had my original engagement ring, and he gave it to me later that night when we went back to the farm. He said a few proposal worthy things himself. I cried as he slid it on my finger, and then, like he had in the park, he kissed every single one of those tears away.

  The cottage was still my home, but I had spent most nights over the past week at the farm with him. Once I officially moved in, I’d probably rent or sell the cottage. I wasn’t in a rush though, and it was kind of nice to be able to escape into the cottage during the day when I needed a break from the four small walls of my office. Maybe I’d just keep it.

  The stadium vibrated with stomping feet and raucous noise as Oak River scored another touchdown. I rose to my feet, clapping and whooping. I sat between Melissa and Michael—all of us wearing Oak River green—and we celebrated with smiles and high fives. Bryan and Karla had left at half-time to put the kids to bed.

  Every so often, Danny would look over his shoulder at me and wink, but his focus stayed on the game, as it should. He was such a great coach. It was reflected in the way his players gave him their complete attention. They looked up to him with admiration and respect. I was always proud of him, but seeing him in his element on that field was something else. My pride skyrocketed right along with the fireworks the town set off at the end of the game when the scoreboard read Home 35, Guest 0.

  As the stands emptied, Michael and Melissa hugged me goodbye. We were due to have a Sunday dinner at my parents’ house that weekend, and it would be the first where Danny and I attended as a couple. Melissa cackled at my expression of discomfort as she reminded me of that fact.

  “Mom and Dad are thrilled,” Michael said, kissing my cheek before he followed behind Melissa.

  I hadn’t seen my parents all week. I wasn’t avoiding them, I was just very busy. I had appointments with clients every day, many of which were new and required new documents to be drawn up rather than the usual edits and updates. I was actually surprised my mother hadn’t made an appointment to come see me at the office, that wasn’t outside the realm of possibility. She’d done far worse things with the right motivation. I imagined she was giving me space, not wanting to spook me.

  The truth was, I felt solid. For the first time in years, I was comfortable in my own skin. I was happy. No, happy wasn’t a strong enough word. I was...jubilant, tickled pink, blissful, delighted…

  I couldn’t stop smiling. I was living my bes
t life...with Danny again. Everything was out in the open and all was forgiven. We were starting fresh. It was perfect.

  I sighed happily as I moved with the crowd out to the parking lot. I waved and said hello to a few people here and there. Danny was in the locker room with the team and would meet me in the lot when he was finished giving his pep talk and spending time with any of the players or crew who needed him.

  I reached one of the massive light poles in the parking lot and rested against it as I people watched. Oak River’s homecoming queen was laughing near the concession stand with members of her court. Her hunter green dress reminded me of the dress I’d worn when I held that same title. It had been tradition that the queen’s dress be the school’s colors. I was glad to see that hadn’t changed.

  I was tempted to pull up the hood on my sweatshirt to ward off the cold air. The temperature had turned fall crisp over the last week, particularly at night, which was just one of the many reasons spending the evenings with Danny had been so wonderful. He kept me warm.

  Speaking of Danny. I watched as he emerged from the tunnel, smiling as he chatted with one of the assistant coaches. He’d introduced me to the guy, but I couldn’t remember his name so I hung back watching my man. I smiled as he fist-bumped a couple of the players, and I smiled even deeper when he spotted me and gave me a small wave, holding up one finger for me to wait for him. I nodded and just watched him, still in his element talking to his team and the coaching staff. He loved this so much. And I loved him.

  His attention tore away from his conversation, and he looked to his left, out into a different part of the parking lot from where I was. I tried to follow his gaze, but saw nothing.

  “Da-da” a little girl screamed.

  I saw her then, a quick flash of hunter green in between two parked cars. She was little, so small that I couldn’t see her above the hoods and trunks of the vehicles in the lot.

  I hoped she had a parent with her, that she wouldn’t get hit by a car running by herself in the busy lot. Her path was leading her straight to Danny and the other coach, maybe she belonged to him.