by Lauren Wood
“I have to. I don't really know how to explain it. My family really like Colt and they wouldn’t let me break up with him. Jax did some legal work for us and helped my cousins a lot. That is how we met and being married to you just happened. They won’t let this happen.”
It was not my reason two weeks ago when I was walking down the aisle to marry Jax, but I could see now that it had a lot to do with it. I had been pushed towards him when we first started dating and my family hadn’t let up since. They were far more upset about the wedding mix-up, then me or Jax had been. I knew that my mother and father wanted to get close with his family, so they would not see why I would be leaving him. They would never allow me and Colt to be together.
“I don’t get it, so you are with him because you have to be? I thought he was ‘the one’ for you?
“Please don't make it any harder than it has to be. It's just complicated. I do care about Jax, and for a long time I thought I loved him, maybe I still do, but things have changed. Ever since I came here, things have changed. Seeing you again and feeling the way I do, makes me wonder if it was ever real with me and Jax. This is the first time in over a year, that I've been able to back up a little bit and just breathe.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“I don't know what I'm saying, but I know that I can't figure it all out right now. I have to get back to work and I have to go home eventually. I have a lot of people waiting for me and they are going to want that paperwork signed.”
He just didn't seem to get it and I didn't know how to explain it. I could tell when I asked for the signature though, that he wasn't too enthused too give it to me. He was still under the assumption that we were going to be together and everything was going to work out. I knew from the start that it wasn’t going to be the case, but now I questioned it I was going to find what I needed from Jax. It didn’t help that I was doing a thoroughly crappy job of trying to explain myself and the situation that I was currently in.
“So, you want to divorce?”
“That is why I came here. That is what I mean by not making it harder than it has to be. The marriage was a sham from a long time ago and it needs to be ended.”
“Then what about what we have now?”
“I don't know. I just need time and you making it impossible to think when I'm around you. If you don't want to sign the papers, then I will go the other way and my lawyer will do what needs to be done. I'm not going to argue with you about it. You know what I came here for. I did what you wanted me to do, so now I am just asking for you to keep your end of the bargain.”
“Then you have to tell me that you want to divorce.”
He was going to make me do it and I knew that I was going to resent him because of it. The last thing I wanted to do was have this conversation and argue with him. I was tired of being the bad guy, when it was he who wasn’t able to think straight at the current moment.
I took a deep breath and looked him square in the eyes. His green depths told me that he was not going to make it easy at all. It was rather clear that he was trying to make it harder on me, and he was.
“I want a divorce Colt. I care about you...”
He stopped me, and I stop talking. I was just going to make it worse if I continued and I didn't want to do that. I really did care about him and even though it wasn’t ending the way he wanted it to, it certainly wasn’t the way I had expected it to end either. I hadn't expected to feel this way, to question everything that I was doing now.
It was all because of one weekend, whether he knew it or not, it was all because of him.
Chapter 19
Colt
I didn't want to hear anymore. It was the words that I feared, and I didn't want to hear it all the way through. So, I stopped her mid-sentence and told her that everything was fine. She didn't have to explain herself.
“Just give me the papers and I will sign them now. I wouldn’t want you to miss another flight.”
“I'm sorry, Colt.”
“Don’t be, you’re right. I should have realized that this was a long shot. I know that it seemed silly to think that I had somehow, that we had somehow found true love in one night. It won't happen again.”
“I don't want you to be mad at me Colt.”
“I'm not. It is good to know where I stand.”
She sighed loudly, and I could tell that my words were bothering her a little bit yes. I did back way the fuck off or I wasn't going to be able to make it through. I told her that I was going to get Ralph to get her a driver to the airport.
“Why don’t you want to talk about this?”
“I don't think there's anything else to talk about, Candy. Do you?”
She must have seen that I was bothered because she finally just dropped it and didn’t say another word. She actually started to get her things together and walking away from her killed me.
I went into the kitchen and told Ralph that he could stop.
“Why? What’s going on?”
“She is going to go, and can you just call Ernest and tell him that I need him to gas up the car and take her to the airport as soon as possible?”
Ralph was not usually good at holding his tongue down, but tonight he was, and I was thankful for that. I didn't want to have to explain myself anymore, I didn't think I could take it. The weekend had been an emotional rollercoaster and now I was coming back to earth, and I can't say that I liked it very much.
“Will do boss.”
“Thanks Ralph, I don't know what I do without you.”
This will be one of the times that he would have something smart. It was usually sarcastic as hell, but not today. I hated to think it but, it seemed like he could feel my pain is well.
I started walking out of the kitchen and he startled me with his voice.
“It is all going to work out the way it's supposed to Colt. Just remember that and you will feel better.”
Because of how he was, he threw me off guard because he wasn't really into the hippy, dippy, bullshit like that. We didn’t believe in fate or destiny. That’s what I told myself anyways. The fact, that I've been holding out for seven years for a girl that I'd met once, was more than a little ridiculous. If I didn't think that we were fated together, then why the hell would I waited so long?
I went back to the hallway and knocked on the door of the room that she was using. It felt weird all of a sudden to be around her and I didn't want to impose. How quickly things have changed in the blink of an eye.
“Do you mind if I come in?”
“Of course, not come on.”
I walked in and I could see that she was already pretty much packed. It wouldn’t be long before Ernest was ringing the bell and he would be taking her away from me. This time, he was going to take her away from good and I don't think I was ever going to see her again. It was bad enough seven years ago but now it just seemed worse. At least this time I hadn't woken up alone, but it didn't change the fact that I was going to miss her. More than that, I was going to miss what could have been. we could have been damn good together.
“Do you need help with anything?”
“No, I think I got it.”
I stood at the doorway and I can't really express how weird it was to not be touching her. It was about a couple of hours ago that we had fallen asleep in each other’s arms, exhausted from be together all day, but now I was expected to stand here and pretend like it never happened. I didn't know how to do that, and I wanted to hurry it along.
“So, do you have the paperwork? I don't want to keep you waiting.”
She told me that there was no rush, but obviously that wasn't true. If she hadn't been in a rush, then I would've been able to talk her into staying for a while longer. She was the one that claimed she had to get back to work and the man she was going to marry.
When I didn't back down about the timing thing, she went to the bag and it was then that I noticed the stack of papers. I should have gone over them, there was no telling what was inside of it. I w
as a lawyer. I knew better than to sign something that I hadn't read, but I trusted her. I didn't trust her this day, but I trusted her to do the right thing when it came to the divorce.
After my signature was written down and my initials where put in all of the right spots, I flipped the papers back together and handed them back to her.
“Here you go Candy. Now you have everything that you came here for.”
I didn't say anything to the fact that I questioned if that was what she needed. Her life did seem a whole lot more complicated than it looked in the beginning. I had thought that she was a woman in love, and maybe she was, but it sounded like she had responsibilities and obligations that came first.
I was walking out of the room, needing to put some space between us before I did or said something stupid.
“Wait, where are you going?”
“I am going down to the kitchen to make some dinner. Ernest will be here in a moment and I will ring you when he arrives. I will make sure that you don't miss the next plane.”
“So, you aren't even going to say goodbye?”
It was the way that she said it, or more accurately, it was the tone of her voice when she said it. I could tell that she was really bothered by the concept of me leaving without saying goodbye and I wanted to believe that it was because she really cared. I didn't know if that's true, but that is what I wanted to believe.
“I didn't think you would want me to. You seem rather determined to get me out of your life, came all this way to do so. Now, you have what you want. I don't think you have any more use for me.”
“Please don't be upset about this.”
I wasn't upset, it was more like a bitter feeling that I didn't think was ever going to go away. I can't believe that I had been such a fool. I should have known better and now it looked like it was going to be biting me in the ass instead. I just should've known earlier. It made me wonder if this is what it was like for the girls that I casted aside. Maybe this was my payback for hurting so many other women. A little tit for tat from the universe.
“Be safe Candy. I hope everything works out the way you want it to.”
I couldn’t bring myself to congratulate her on her new fiancé and upcoming wedding. I just didn’t want to think about her getting married to someone else, so I didn't say anything. It wasn't going to end well if I did.
She vaulted into my arms and wrapped them around my neck. She was holding me so tightly that I didn't think she was ever going to let you go. This was more than just a hug, but with Candy, there really was no telling what was going on. She was a confusing woman.
“I'm going to miss you too, Colt. I can't tell you how good it has been to be here with you. I needed this rejuvenation and a new outlook on everything. You have changed my life, in a way that I never would have thought possible.”
Meanwhile I had no idea what to think of that. I let go of her and kind of pushed her away a little bit, so that we would have the space that I needed. This was just some sort of torture that did not have a happy ending and I didn’t want to go through it.
“I will buzz you as soon as Ernest is here. Okay? Looks like you have a little bit more packing to do, so I will make sure that you have all the quiet that you need to do it.”
“Thanks Colt. Will I see you before I leave?”
“Probably not. It’s probably for the best.”
She agreed with me with a shake of her head, but I could tell that it wasn't the answer that she had been looking for. Or at least, it wasn’t the answer that she had been expecting from me.
“Okay.”
...
That was all that she said as I was walking away, and I didn't look back this time. She didn't try to stop me again either. I think we both knew that whatever was going on, was not going to get better. It was over between us, and the weekend that I have blackmailed her for was over. Now she was leaving, and I had to get my shit together because she wasn’t going to be coming back.
Chapter 20
Colt
I heard the front door slam shut because it always runs loud, and I usually liked that fact. I could hear people coming and going, but this time I didn't want to. I didn't want to hear the door close when Candy left, because I knew that it signified something bad.
Refusing to go to the window and watch her leave, I found a cigarette in one of the kitchen drawers and lit it. I didn't smoke much, only a couple of cigarettes every now and then, but now I felt like I needed a whole pack. I don't know how I was ever going to feel normal again and when there was no longer a sound of the wheels on the driveway, I knew that she was gone for good.
Ralph walked into the kitchen, saying something about getting some coffee. We usually didn't make coffee in this house much later then noon, but it looked like both of us needed it.
“Why don't we go ahead and put something a little stronger in here? I think that we could both use it.”
I had to agree.
“Okay, what should we put in there?”
“I don't know, anything that is going to get the job done.”
I just shook my head slowly and thought about Candy. She had said something very similar before and of course it would remind me of her when he said it again.
“How about I go get some whiskey?”
He agreed that whiskey would be fine, and I went up to the bedroom where I knew there was some. The bed was unmade, and everything was making me remember and think of Candy. I couldn’t stay there, and I told Ralph to change because we're both going to go out instead. I needed to get away from my house and all the memories that were made so quickly, vividly in the last couple of days. My weekend request was going to bite me in the ass it looked like and there was nothing that I could do about it.
“Why are we going out?”
“Because it’s a beautiful night and we don’t have any good whiskey.”
Ralph could have easily called me on that bluff. I most likely had four or five bottles scattered out and around the house. I knew that there was more to it than that, but I really wasn’t going to get into it, I really couldn’t. The last thing that I needed to do was bring up any of that.
The woman across the room was still looking at me and I started to pay a little attention to her. I wasn't going to say that it was a coincidence that she was a redhead and she looked a bit like Candy.
Ralph was not paying attention to the woman across the room, or to me for that matter. He was worried about something else altogether. I finally went over to talk to her, but even though this was normal for me, it felt strange now.
“Hello. I see that you are here alone. Would you like some company?”
The redhead was looking at my watch and my shoes, before she looked at my face. That was really all I needed to know about Ginger, supposedly her real name, because she just became just like every other woman I've met. She wasn't worried about the man I was or even the physical man that I could be, all that women like her were ever worried about was money.
This was not something that was new to me. The concept had always been rather clear, especially coming from the family that I did. I was meant to be a lawyer, just like a long line of lawyers before me. My father didn't teach me much outside of the business, but he did talk a lot about how to see a woman's intention for what it really was. Ginger was a gold digger and it wasn’t hard to see that. She was the type of woman that didn't even want to hide it because Ginger was pretty enough that she didn’t have to.
I was the type of man that wasn’t offering anything, except one night of pleasure. It was all that I ever offered, and it was all I was going to do again. Never again would I go down the same route that I had with Candy. I just didn't have it in me to do it again.
“So why don't we get out of here Colt and you can show me your place?
Ginger had a slight smile on her face, though she wasn't being very slick. I knew what it was that she wanted, because she was so obvious about it. There was no hint of mystery or innocence and the brow
n eyes that looked back at me. She knew exactly what was going to happen and I had a feeling that she was going to be very good at what she was offering up with the question.
“Yeah, sure, come on. I just have to let the guy I came with know. We can get a cab or something.”
“Oh, you don't have your own car?”
She looked at me with something akin to disgust and for some reason, a big part of me wanted to just walk away. There were plenty of women here, though none of them were red headed and I was in the mood for a redhead. I had been done with the one I had and in the right lighting, Ginger would be exactly what I needed. If I could just get her to close her mouth long enough to give it to me.
“Of course, I do. However, my driver is out on an errand for me and I want to leave the car for my friend. A taxi is just easier.”
I don't think that Ginger actually believe me, even though I was telling the truth. She look back at the watch, maybe the shoes and jacket, realizing that they were worth more than her car and she decided to take a chance. I knew before we got in the taxi that ginger was going to want the same thing that every other woman I took home wanted. They wanted more. They wanted exactly what Candy kept asking me about, what was next. I wanted to give Candy that, but she hadn’t wanted it.
It didn't take long to get to the house and she was making comments of how big it was. I had several cars in the driveway and some weren’t even back yet. She was most likely thinking that she was thankful that she’d taken the chance on me. I found it hilarious of course, but Ginger wouldn’t. She was thankful that I wasn’t going to waste her time.
Ginger smiled at me several times and she laughed at all of my jokes. Ginger didn't drink too much, not letting herself get sloppy and she took the first steps. They were half-hazard at best, but it wasn’t hard to see what it was she wanted and what her goal was. She wanted to attach herself to me, and the best way for a woman like her to do that was to use her body. It was a damn fine fuck-buddy, but there was no birthmark in between her breast and a brash of red color on her chest when she started to get turned on. Ginger was close, but not close enough.