by Lauren Wood
I enjoyed the moment when I could silence my brain again, much as I had enjoyed many women for her. She was generous now, but I knew that she was going to be angry in the morning. I tried not to think about it, just like I’d always had before. At first, I had tried to imagine that I was with Candy, however, the disappointment was just too bitter, and I turned the lights off completely.
I went to sleep with the woman next to me and I could already tell that being with her had been a mistake. I was left defeated and I didn't know how long it was going to be until I didn't feel this way anymore.
The next morning, I didn't waste any time getting rid of Ginger. Ernest was back from his late-night airport trip and he was able to take her to her place. She was not happy about how everything was arranged and, like everyone else, she seemed to really think that she was going to be the one to make me settle down. It didn't seem to matter to her that I had already settled down. That hadn’t worked out very well.
The more I tried to forget about Candy throughout the day, it just reminded me that it was unlikely that I was going to be able to. If I hadn't forgotten about her in seven years, I didn't think that I was going to now. Especially after what happened between us. There was no way that I was going to be able to rid her from my mind.
The worst part of it all, was the fact that I had created more memories with her and now it seemed like she had ruined me for anyone else. Candy was all I could think about and even when I was in the presence of a beautiful woman like Ginger, it wasn't enough. I worried that no other woman was ever going to be enough and I was going to live this way forever. A week ago, that idea wouldn't have been so bad, but now it made me wonder. I had to wonder if this was it and I must say, that I wasn't that excited about my future anymore.
Chapter 21
Candy
Even though I had to go to Las Vegas to get it, I had in the end got everything that I wanted. With that thought in mind, I should have been happy. The papers were signed, and I was on my way back home. But I wasn't happy. Now I felt like I was leaving a part of me behind, a part that I forgotten was there and I would never get back again.
Strange enough, I hadn't talked to Jax since I left. He kept calling, most likely wanted to find out when I was coming home, but I wasn't too worried about it at that moment. I wasn't thinking about him and there was a lot of guilt associated with Jax right now for me. While Colt was technically my husband, what we had done together was wrong on so many levels. I knew that I was going to have to handle it when I got back home. Nothing was ever going to be the same between me and my fiancé again.
The flight was delayed on both sides and it was almost 2 o'clock in the morning before I got home. At first, I was going to just go to the house, the one that I shared with Jax, but that wasn't really where I wanted to go. I didn't have the energy to face him right now, especially not with what I had to tell him, so I went home to my parents. I knew that I could get in and get out without them knowing I was there. All I had to do was be quiet.
The house was rather large for what my father did for living. It was my mother and her innovation to do anything possible to make money that gave them the standard of living that they had. She did fund-raisers, rubbed shoulders with the rich, all in a pursuit to get a little of their money in her pocket. I had known that she was always that way, because we had never really gotten along because of it. While I was looking love, my mother Cynthia, was always looking for the next payday. I know that's what she saw Jax as.
I snuck in the back door that was always locked, but the key was under a fake rock in the garden. I moved up to my room and laid down in my bed, my mind swirling with too many things, but at the same time, I was too tired to worry about it. I went to sleep moments after I got there, and I already knew who I was going to dream about. I had a feeling I was going to dream about Colt for the rest of my life.
* * *
“What the hell are you doing here?”
I woke up to the loud voice and saw that my mother’s face was only a few inches from mine. She looked angry and it took me a minute to realize what was the matter.
“I didn't think you would mind.”
“I don't mind that you were sleeping in your bed Candy, what I mind is why you are not back home with your fiancé? You have been gone for several days and the last place you should be is here. Why aren't you back at home with your husband?”
“He isn’t my husband for one.”
She looked at me as I asked I was speaking blasphemy and I decided to shut my trap before I got into an argument that I wasn't going to be able to get out of. Cynthia, what she wanted me to call her, so she didn't feel so old, was a very hard person to deal with. She had very clear lines to her life, that I didn't expect in my own. It had made it so that we never got along.
“Don't you dare say that.”
“What? It is the truth you know.”
My mother sat on the bed next to me, pushing me over so that she could have more room and I knew what it was that she wanted to talk about. She wanted to have a pep talk to make sure that I was still going to marry Jax, her next golden goose for her retirement.
“You two not being married is only temporary. I thought that is why you went to Las Vegas for the weekend? Didn’t that man sign the paperwork like he was supposed to?”
The way she said, ‘that man’ was funny to me. It was clear that she didn’t know what she was talking about. I almost wanted to tell her that Colt was actually far better off than Jax was, but I knew that it wasn’t going to do any good. There was a huge part of me that knew that I needed her to stop worrying about my love life. It wasn’t going to help matters any.
“Yes, Colt signed the paperwork. He was actually really nice about it.”
Cynthia turned her nose up and asked a little bit about him.
“I still can’t believe you got married without telling me.”
“It just happened mom.”
“So how bad was he?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, he lives in Las Vegas, so what does he do?”
I was going down a dangerous road, but I didn’t want to hear negativities about Colt. She didn’t know him and though she thought she knew what she was talking about, she really had no clue. She must have imagined him to be some total lush or something. I didn’t like that she thought badly of him, even though it didn’t actually matter what she thought.
“He is a lawyer like Jax for a big firm. Colt made partner though, years ago. He said something about being the youngest partner in the company’s history.”
That got her attention and I stilled my tongue. I knew better, and this was not going to help.
“But like I said, he signed the papers so that is taken care of.”
Mom asked a few more questions, but by the direction they were going, I didn’t want to hear them or answer them. She was on a fact-finding mission and I didn’t like it at all. It was what she was going to do with those facts that bothered me so much. If she knew the truth, mom would be on Team Colt, by the end of the conversation.
“I don’t know that much about him mom. We didn’t get into all of that. I don’t care how much money he has, or any of that.”
“Did you sign a prenup?”
“I’m not talking about this. It’s over. We’re getting divorced as soon as I file the paperwork with the lawyer.”
“Why don’t you let me take them over to Charlie. That’s who you’re using, right?”
She was being too helpful, or I was being too cautious. I really wasn’t sure what the problem was, but I knew that I was going to have to be careful.
“I can take it mom. I know that you’re probably busy.”
“Nonsense. I would love to do this for you. You need to go see Jax and tell him the good news. Don’t worry your head about it again.”
I didn’t want to go see Jax, but I couldn’t tell mom that. I hadn’t even woken up really good yet, so dealing with her like this was not advisa
ble. I agreed, just so that she would leave, and I would get a moment to myself.
“I’m glad that you are home Candy. You and Jax should come over for dinner tonight. I will make a lamb roast.”
I agreed, but the truth was that I didn’t think I was going to be welcomed if I didn’t bring Jax. She was about to realize that her little plans were not going to work, and I didn’t want to be around for it.
When mom was unhappy, everyone was unhappy. I’d learned that lesson well from before and I breathed out a sigh of relief when she was gone.
Now I just had to figure out what in the world I was going to do about Jax. I had averted one crisis with mom, but I didn’t think that the same thing was going to be possible with Jax. He was going to be far worse to face and I laid back down, covering my head, because I just didn’t want to do it.
The unexpected wake up call had me thinking about the wonderful dream I was in moments before. I wanted to go back to that place, but I had a feeling that I would only dream of my mother now.
That got me up and out of bed. I didn’t have a choice, but to keep on going on with my plan. The new plan that no one knew about, but everyone would soon enough. It wasn’t going to be easy, with external pressures.
Chapter 22
Candy
After about an hour of the first wake up, mom popped her head back in the room and I knew that I had to get up. I wasn't going to be able to put it off any longer and I went to turn my phone on, finding out that Jax had already called several times today. I didn't put it past my mom to have already called him to let him know that I was back in town.
Even though I had finally gotten up early, I was still dragging my feet because I was not looking forward to the conversation I was going to have to have with Jax. I thought about it as I was coming back from Vegas, ever since the first time that me and Colt together and I knew it had to be done.
What happened in Vegas, could stay in Vegas as far as I was concerned. The fact that it happened, told me that Jax wasn't the one that I thought he was. If he had been the one, what happened with Colt, never would've happened.
So about one in the afternoon, I was finally ready to meet up with him. He had been waiting for my call and waiting to go on lunch break so that he could see me. It was just one of the many things he did that was so sweet. To be honest, it just made it harder. I knew what I had to do, and I knew it was for the best, but at the end of the day I didn't want to hurt Jax. He’d never done anything wrong.
I was so nervous to see him that instead of just going to the house, I told him that I wanted to meet for lunch at a restaurant. I figured that it would be better if we had a few people around, then I was hoping that the emotions wouldn't be a strong. I know that it was a long shot, but it was the only thing I could think of to do to make this better for us both.
When I got there, a part of me hoped that Jax wouldn't be there. Maybe he had work to do and had to do something to please one of the partners. It was sad really, but I was never good at confrontation. I didn't mind it, but I didn’t enjoy it at all when it was with someone I cared about it. It was a lot easier to do if I didn't care about the person's reaction. And whatever happened between me and Jax, I was always going to care. Also, our family was going to care as well. They were the hardest critics of all.
He was waiting for me, of course. Jax was always punctual, and he had the biggest smile on his face. I know that there was a lot of questions that he was going to want answers to, but at the moment all he did was get up and give me a hug.
“Damn Candy, I have really missed you.”
“I've missed you too baby.”
“Then why didn't you come home last night?”
“I didn't want to wake you up. It was late.”
He looked at me as if I was lying, but he was always good about not calling me on things. This was one of those times that I was thankful for it and I knew that I had a lot to be thankful for. I didn't know if he was going to make this easy for me or not, but his kindness was actually making it worse. It would have been easier if he was like a bad guy or deserved it, but he didn't and that was what made it so hard. I didn’t want to do it, even though I knew that I must.
“Something has changed, something is different with you. Do you want to talk about it?”
While Jax looked like he was as calm as everyone else in the room, I knew better. I knew him better than most and while he was a great guy, he definitely had a temper that was hard to forget and even harder for him to contain at times. It was at the very least, in the back of my mind as I started speaking, the knowledge that this could go south very quickly.
“Not really, Jax. It has just been a long weekend and I'm probably feeling jet lag. I usually don't travel this much back and forth is in a couple of days, you know that.”
“I get that Candy, but what I don't get is why you would go to your mother’s house. You don't even like her.”
What he said was true. As soon as I was allowed to get out of my parents’ house, I had. My dad was alright, but at the end of the day, he had been talked down to long enough that he didn't have a voice anymore. He just let things happen and I didn't want to live that way. My mother controlled everything, and it was a strange place for me to go, considering.
“I don't know, I just knew that I could get in and nobody would wake up. The flight was cancelled and then I had to grab another one and then it was delayed, so it was almost two in the morning when I got in last night.”
“You know that I wouldn't have minded if you woke me up. I never have before. I wanted to hold you in my arms last night. I stayed up, looking forward to it Candy. You know I sleep better if you’re with me.”
“I know, I just, I don't know.”
When I had ran this conversation in my head, I was certainly more eloquent than I was being at the moment. It was hard not to lie or hurt his feelings. It seemed like I had to do one or the other and I didn't want to do either. I hated to lie, never was good at it, that's why I was so blunt about everything. But I think that I liked the idea of hurting his feelings even less.
“I just feel like the time away has gotten me thinking. You know, maybe this wasn't supposed to happen and everything that stopped it, was just trying to tell us something. Should we really keep pushing it if it wasn't meant to be at all?”
“Meant to be? Where is this coming from? You don't even believe in fate.”
It was true a week ago, but things have changed. I had met a man after seven years that I had married and never seen again, but as soon as we were around each other, it felt like we've never been apart. That connection hadn’t been coincidence. I just couldn’t believe that Colt hadn’t been anything short of fate.
“I'm not saying anything about fate, Jax. What I'm saying is that it shouldn't be this hard. I know that you have stood by me, even after everything that happened last week, but at the same time I can see a little resentment in your eyes. It wasn't the perfect wedding that you wanted or that you expected.”
He was silent for a time and I could tell that he was just getting madder. I could almost guarantee that his blood was boiling, and he was quite upset, even though handsome face would not show an iota of it. It was what made Jax such a good trial lawyer. He had the face that would hold all of his client secrets in and not many people could do that. I certainly couldn’t, and I turned away so that he wouldn't see my emotions.
“I don't understand what you are saying.”
Losing was so far from his wheelhouse, that he couldn't even comprehend that it was over. I don't know why that bothered me so much. But I did know that I was going to have to press on. I still wasn't sure what sort of truth or how much of it I was going to give, but I knew that I was going to do it as delicately as I could. I wanted Jax to see that it wasn't even about me, but more about him.
“I'm saying that maybe it's a good thing that we didn't get married.”
The silence that took over the table was only broken up by the waitress that
walked up to the table. She asked us what we wanted to drink, and I ended up having to answer for both of us because Jax was unable to. He was still looking at me in shock as the waitress walked away, giving us both a look of curiosity that I refuse to answer or comment on.
“You are happy that we didn't get married?”
“I wouldn't say that I am happy about it. I was certainly very upset in the beginning. but now I've had time to reflect and I have to wonder if everything happened for a reason or not. It is hard to think about it, but maybe what was supposed to happen, did.”
It was rather clear that he was not in agreement with me. The look on his face spoke volumes and the facade that he had been holding on to so hard was finally starting to break. He was losing his grip and I was more thankful than ever that we had went to a public place to do this.
“Why are you saying this?”
“I have just had time to think. It was the first time we’ve been apart before, and I was able to finally think. I am not saying that I don’t love you and that I didn’t want to marry you, but things are different now, aren’t they? Can’t you feel it?”
“No, I can’t.”
Chapter 23
Colt
My lawyer called and asked me about the divorce. I had given him a heads up about it, but apparently it hadn't come through yet. He was waiting for the filing and he was going to let me know when it was done. I don't know why, but it felt like the closure that I needed. When I knew that it was happening and done, I could finally stop worrying about my wife.
“I don't know what to tell you Colt, but it has been almost a month and I've heard nothing.”