by Mia Belle
“‘A Change in Me.’”
“Perfect choice.”
Every single pair of eyes is locked on me, including Miss Lewis, who ran to sit with the others. I’m used to people staring at me during auditions, but this is multiplied by a thousand. I just stand there, at a total loss.
Miss Lewis stands. “Kara? You okay, hun?”
I blink and shake my head. “Sorry. Yeah, I’m okay.”
Kelsey leans toward her friend but says in a very loud voice, “And she’s Broadway’s IT girl?”
“You’ve got this, Kara,” Carter whispers. He gives me two thumbs up.
Tucking my hair behind my ear, I clear my throat and nod at Carter. He starts to play the song and I sing. My voice is shaky at first, and I worry I won’t hit the right notes. When was the last time I actually sang? Was it a few weeks?
But after several seconds, something takes over and I become a different person. My voice is no longer shaky and I’m not standing there like a scared little girl. My voice booms throughout the auditorium as I move around on stage, putting everything I have into the song. I’m not just auditioning for the role of Belle. I become Belle.
When the song ends, the entire auditorium is dead silent. Everyone blinks at me, and Miss Lewis looks like she died and went to heaven. Then Stalker Guy leaps to his feet and claps enthusiastically, releasing a few whoops. Other kids join in the cheers.
“That was amazing!”
“She’s perfect for the role!”
“Her voice is so powerful and rich. So beautiful.”
“No wonder she was on Broadway!”
Kelsey folds her arms and glares at me like she wants one of the overhead lights to clump me on the head. The girl next to her mimics her.
Miss Lewis stands up. “Ezra, join Kara on stage.”
“What?”
“I want you to run lines with her.”
He takes two copies of the script from the pile on one of the chairs and makes his way onto the stage. His eyes meet mine for a second before he pulls his gaze away.
He hands me one of the scripts.
“I know it by heart.”
“Me, too.” He stashes them on the piano.
There’s quite a distance between us. Miss Lewis notices, too, and says, “Is one of you a leper?”
Ezra glances at her before looking at me. He takes a small step closer. I do the same.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “For blowing up on you yesterday. I had no right.”
I tuck some hair behind my ear again. “Yeah, you didn’t. But you did make a valid point.”
His brows rise. “Is that why you’re here?”
“I…I don’t really know.”
“Okay, let’s take it from after the wolf attack,” Miss Lewis announces.
I look at Ezra. His eyes are still a little hard like yesterday. He’s still so good looking, though.
Ugh.
I clear my throat and start my lines. I’m a little off in the first thirty seconds, but then I fall into the role. Ezra totally knocks me off my feet. He transforms into a whole different person. His eyes aren’t hard. He’s not stiff. He completely and utterly embodies the role.
I just gape at him when the scene’s done.
“Bravo!” The familiar voice of Jax calls. “Awesome!”
Miss Lewis is on her feet, too, clapping just as enthusiastically as Jax. “Fabulous, guys. Amazing.”
With a smile, I bow, which makes some of the kids whoop. I bask in the glory for a second, realizing just how much I’ve missed this.
But no, I can’t allow myself to get caught up in this. It’s just a high school musical. I left New York for a reason.
Miss Lewis calls on the next girl to audition. Some of the kids still clap as I make my way to my seat, the loudest being Jax, who also attempts to whistle. The same proud feeling nestles inside my limbs, until I reach my seat and come face to face with Kelsey and her friend. They scowl at me like I’m a disgusting creature who dared invade their turf. And as soon as I sit, Kelsey leans forward to whisper something in her friend’s ear, and they giggle so loudly Miss Lewis asks them to quiet down.
I try not to let it get to me. All schools have a girl like her. I’ve always thought I have pretty tough skin because of the industry I’ve worked in, but I guess it’s different when trying to fit in at school.
“That’s everyone,” Miss Lewis says as she scans the sign-up sheet. “I’ll post the cast list tomorrow.”
“If she gets Belle, I think I’ll puke for days,” Kelsey tells her friend as they head to the exit. “She’s not even that talented. You heard how she missed the notes in the beginning? Miss Lewis better look past her experience and give the role to someone who deserves it…”
“Hey, Kara?”
I look up and see Jax heading my way. I quickly gather my things and hurry out.
Chapter Eleven
Kara
I have a few errands to run for Grandma before my dance class starts at six PM. She drove to upstate New York earlier today for a concert performance with some of her costars from way back then, and she won’t be home until much later.
I might have to adjust my schedule because of rehearsals, but for now I have lessons every Tuesday and Thursday. A part of me is looking forward to it because I love to dance, but the other part isn’t in the mood. But maybe I’ll make some friends there.
The errands take longer than I expect, and I’m fifteen minutes late to class. The last thing I want is to make a bad impression on my dance instructor. I’ve always been so good at managing my time.
I burst into the studio and come to a stop when I find a group of little girls prancing around in tutus and one boy in black tights. They must be around seven or eight. The male instructor’s back faces me.
I’m about to back away and search for the right studio room, when the guy claps his hands. “Again, guys! Gracie, chin up. Claire, lift your right arm just a little bit. Remember about technique. Come on, Tommy, you’re a handsome prince amongst a sea of princesses. Show me what you’ve got!”
The voice sounds familiar. Where have I heard it before? I scan the back of him, taking in his tall, skinny frame. He’s built like a dancer.
Some of the kids have noticed me standing there, which makes the instructor spin around to face me. I involuntarily stumble back. It’s Stalker Jax.
He works here? Then I remember his last name is Miller. He must be the son of the owner, Lisa Miller.
A large grin breaks out on his face. “Hey, Kara. Keep going, kids.” He makes his way over to me, tripping over a bag. He tries to twist away so he won’t bang into me, but his shoulder knocks into my arm. “Sorry.” He grabs my arm before I topple over. “You okay? The kids are always leaving their stuff around. Did I hurt you? Break any bones? Oh, god, I could have killed the awesome Kara Starr.”
I step away, forcing his hand to fall to his side. “I’m okay.”
He grins again. “Phew. No harm done, the awesome Kara Starr is totally a-okay.” He laughs. “What is the great and awesome Kara Starr doing here?”
“I’m taking dance classes.”
“Duh!” He slaps his forehead. “You’re dressed for dance class.” He laughs like he’s high. “With my mother, right?”
“I think so.”
His smile grows even wider, if that’s possible. “That’s so cool. Kara Starr is actually taking lessons from my mom at our studio!”
I force a smile, then start backing away.
“I give lessons here, too,” he says, making me stop in my tracks. “For kids. Some tap and beginner’s ballet. The kids are so adorable.” His eyes flick to the kids. “One second. Alyssa!” he calls, “Watch your legs. And Tommy, remember what we talked about last week? Confidence! Always exude confidence!” He turns back to me with another smile. “Tommy feels a little weird about being the only guy in ballet class. His brothers give him crap and some kids at school make fun of him. But he loves it so much and he’s so
talented. He shows up to every lesson on time and told me nothing and no one will make him quit. Isn’t he amazing?”
Even though I feel so uncomfortable when we’re within twenty feet of each other, the way he loves the kids and takes his job so seriously warms something inside me.
“I really need to get to my lesson.” I turn away.
“Wait, Kara?”
I shut my eyes for a moment before facing him.
“Do you want to hang out after your lesson? There’s this awesome Chinese place around the corner. Maybe you can tell me what it was like to originate the role of Young Elsa in Frozen. And you can tell me what it was like—”
“I have a lot of homework. I really need to get to my class.”
I hurry out of the room, but not before seeing his face fall. I can’t let that bother me. He’s showing the same signs as him, and if I don’t watch myself…
A chill runs down my spine. I stay planted where I am for a few seconds as some of the memories run rampant in my mind. Jax isn’t like him. He seems harmless. Unhealthily obsessed, but harmless.
Then again, I thought he was harmless, too.
I take a few deep breaths and shove the memories out of my head. By the time I find the right studio, the lesson is half over. Lisa Miller excuses me because it’s my first time—or maybe because she’s just as star-struck as her son? I try not to groan. Hopefully she’ll treat me like a regular student.
I internally sigh. It’s not that I’m not grateful for my fans. I love them and want to make them happy. But ever since that fan took things too far, I’ve become hesitant. I don’t know if I’m ever safe.
Chapter Twelve
Jax
“Idiot,” I mutter as I watch Kara flee from the room. I seriously have no idea how to talk to girls. Especially one like Kara. Every time I come close or try to talk to her, she runs away like I’m a walking disease.
It feels like my heart split in half. I know, I know, that’s way too melodramatic. But what can I say? I’m a romantic at heart.
“Jax?” Someone tugs on my arm. I look down and see Izzie. She’s the youngest of our group, two months away from seven. Small but powerful. A little firecracker.
I smile at her. “Hey, Izzie. You’ve improved a lot since last week. Keep up the good work.”
“Why are you sad?” she asks.
I force the smile to remain on my lips. “I’m not sad.”
“Sure are.” Tommy now joins us. “Is it love? My dad says whenever a guy looks bummed, it’s usually matters of the heart. Is it that girl? Is she your girlfriend? Do you love her?”
Kids are way more insightful than adults give credit for.
“She’s not my girlfriend,” I say. “But I do love her. Do you guys know who she is?”
They both shake their heads.
“She’s a famous Broadway star,” I say.
Izzy’s face lights up. “Like you’ll be one day!”
I ruffle her hair. “That’s the dream.”
I tell them to return to their places and continue with the lesson, pushing Kara far, far away from my mind. It works until the lesson is over. After telling the kids how proud I am of them and wishing them a good night, my legs carry me to Studio B, where Mom is giving her lesson. The door is wide open, and my eyes immediately search for Kara. She’s in the first row behind Mom, following her steps. Mom always wanted to be a professional choreographer, but she never made it to an actual stage. I don’t know why. She’s amazing, and I’m not just saying that because she’s my mom.
Most of the adults are struggling to keep up, but Kara is totally nailing it. God, she’s so talented and beautiful. Her skin is milky white and her hair is jet-black and wavy, though it’s currently pinned up in a bun. She’s a real life Snow White. She’s wearing a black dance dress and black leggings.
I know it’s creepy to stand here watching her, but I’m so entrapped. Smitten. I have such a major crush on her that I don’t know what to do with myself. I know I can come off too strongly, but I don’t know how to tone myself down. I hate seeing the fear in her eyes. I turn into a totally warped version of myself when I’m around her.
She moves her body so elegantly and powerfully. Some of her hair has gotten loose from her bun and slaps her in the face. My hands itch to run through the strands…
My fantasies cut short when her eyes spring to mine. That same panicked look conquers her face when she catches me lurking at the door like a creeper, and she misses her steps. I quickly leave the room.
I get my phone from my bag and scan my notifications. Miss Lewis sent me an email telling me which store to buy the fabric for the costumes. I did a pretty good job on las year’s performances, if I may say so myself, but I want this year to be different. I want my designs to pop. I want Belle to stand there on stage with the most beautiful golden ball gown in the entire world.
I want Kara Starr to stand there in the most beautiful golden ball gown.
I shake my head. Seriously. First of all, she hasn’t gotten the part (yet). Even so, I need to stop obsessing. But how do I draw the line between love and overbearing? Is there such a thing to love someone too much?
“Hey, hun.” Mom gets her water bottle and chugs it down. “That was an intense lesson. I definitely kicked things up a notch today.” Sweat shines on her forehead.
“Because of Kara?” I ask.
She grins. “She’s very talented. So what do you say to my surprise?”
“Surprise? You mean, Kara?”
“It was quite a challenge keeping it from you these past few days. I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“Oh. Yeah, I was definitely surprised.”
Her eyebrows come together. “What’s wrong, Jaxie?” She sits down near me. “I thought you’d be happy that Kara is taking dance classes here. I was thinking you can sign up for the class as well and I can partner you up.”
“She hates me.”
“What? No one hates you. You’re so lovable.” She pinches my cheek.
“I’m serious, Mom. She hates me.”
She frowns. “Do you know why?”
I shrug. “I probably come off as a creeper.”
“Oh, hun, I’m sure that’s not true—”
“Mom, what’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing wrong with you, sweetie. You have the biggest heart in the universe. When you love, you love hard. You’ll make a woman very happy one day.”
I turn away. “The only woman I want to make happy is Kara, but all I do is scare her off. I come off too strongly. I’m so in love with her that I don’t know how to act around her.”
Mom rubs my cheek. “You know you can’t force someone to love you, honey.” She gently flicks my cheek. “But I’m sure you can win her over with your charm.”
I lower myself back on the chair. “What if I don’t really love her? What if I love some fantasy version of her? I mean, I’ve literally watched every interview of her. I’ve seen every one of her shows. I’ve watched every single one of her YouTube videos a million times. I feel like I know her. But maybe all that was just an act. We know what an awesome actor she is.” I look at Mom. “Don’t you think it’s weird that I have such a strong crush on her? Why do you and Dad support my obsession?”
She sits down near me and takes my hand. “I don’t see this as an obsession. I just see a young man with a big heart wanting to shower that love on a person he really cares about.”
Maybe it’s because I’m their only kid, but sometimes I feel my parents accept me way too easily. Ezra struggles every day yearning for his parents to accept him and his dreams.
“If you’re so worried about it, maybe you should try to get to know her as a person,” Mom suggests. “Know her, not what she’s done.”
I think for a bit. “You’re right. Maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I need to slow down and get to know her for who she really is. Thanks, Mom.” I hug her. “You always know what to say to make me feel better.”
“I lo
ve you. You make me the proudest mother in the world.”
“Love you, too.”
Chapter Thirteen
Carter
My stomach rumbles pretty badly. I turn onto my stomach and squish my face in my pillow. Nothing blocks out the discomfort.
Hannah missed lunch today, so I gave her my dinner. Of course she refused, and I had to practically force it down her throat. The truth is, I’ve been giving myself smaller portions and the kids haven’t noticed because of the way I arrange my food on my plate.
With Kevin’s ADHD pills, we hardly have enough money for rent. I asked my boss today for a raise, but she refused. Maybe I should be selfless and get a job that pays better, but I need to play music. I think I’ll lose my mind if I don’t.
The front door closes. Mom’s home. I crawl out of bed, careful not to wake Kevin, and tiptoe into the kitchen so I don’t wake the girls. She’s sitting at the table in the dark.
Her face lights up when she sees me. “Carter, what are you doing up?”
“Couldn’t sleep.” I sit down across from her. Hopefully far enough that she won’t hear my stomach. “How was work today?”
“It was fine.” She gives me a tight smile.
Dread settles in my gut. “What happened?”
She runs a hand through her graying hair. “They caught me trying to sneak away some bread. I got fired.”
“Mom.” I sigh. At least they didn’t call the police on her. They’d come and see we’re basically starving and they’ll ship us away. We’ll get separated and never see each other again.
“I know,” she says, tears staining her cheeks. “I screwed up. Carter, I just…” The rest of her words are swallowed by tears.
Mom’s pretty depressed. Maybe even clinically. She really loved my asshole father. Still does. Maybe that’s why she can’t hold a job for long. And she refuses to get help.
“Fine, I’ll quit my job and see if any diners are hiring waiters. The pay’s got to be better than the shit I make at the club.”
“No,” she says in a stern voice. “You’re not giving up on your music. I’ll…” Her voice wobbles. “I’ll try to be more responsible.”