Embrace Your Weird

by Felicia Day

  Recently I was at the playground with my baby, and another child came up and wanted to play. After about five minutes, the other mother called the child to leave. Before he left, he wanted to hug my baby good-bye. I asked her, “Do you want a hug?” She looked him straight in the eye, with outrage plastered on her face, and said, “NO!” I’ll admit, I winced. I felt the impulse to force her to be polite and accept the hug so the other mother wouldn’t think I was raising a heathen. But then I asked myself, Who am I correcting her for? Myself, other people, or for HER? So I just smiled and said, “She doesn’t want a hug right now, but thanks for offering!” (Needless to say I never saw that other mom again.)

  Now, I’m certainly not advocating a Liar Liar approach to life. I know my baby eventually will need to learn to be polite and consider other peoples’ feelings, but what I don’t want is to teach her to cut off what she’s feeling for the sake of the outside world before her inner world gets a real chance to develop. It’s one thing not to express a feeling, but denying or burying it just causes a toxic sludge puddle we have to excavate later in life through playing too many violent video games.

  Being aware of our feelings, letting them flow through and out of us in healthy ways, is an important part of creating a new Hero-Self. And the safest way to release those big emotions we don’t know how to deal with is through creating things. We can dance that rage away! Blog that sorrow! Show love to our cat by making tiny animals out of its hair! It’s not creepy if we’re doing it as an emotional outlet, promise!

  Looking at creativity as a release valve for big feelings is a wonderful way to rid ourselves of the inhibition that I need to be perfect when I make things. No, we don’t. Creating can be just a vehicle for releasing feelings. That’s just as legitimate as writing an epic novel that wins awards. Sometimes it’s even more fulfilling, because it’s only for ourselves.

  * * *

  When was the last time you felt a strong emotion but denied it for the sake of someone else?

  Find a creative outlet to RELEASE and CHANNEL that emotion! For example…

  Knit anger into a scarf.

  Infuse sorrow into cupcakes.

  Share happiness by singing a song.

  Dance away your rage about politics.

  Do you feel cleansed afterward? Relieved? Lighter?

  If creativity is something you use to help clean out your emotions, with no other goal, that’s okay! Don’t judge how you fit it in your life! Just start cleaning!

  * * *

  In a primal way, creating is simply a conduit for showing ourselves to the world. Not necessarily to convince others that we’re right, but to be understood. This is important to remember when mustering courage to share our weird.

  Clearly I’m a huge proponent of being proud of your weirdness. It’s in the title of the book. We NEED our weirdnesses. Otherwise the world would be vanilla-flavored boring. (Not to knock vanilla, it’s my go-to ice cream flavor. I mean, if you want to fudge-ripple mint-chunk up your dessert, no judgment. For me, give me purity of dessert or give me death.) If everyone had the same opinion about dogs, or summer camp, or glasses… if everyone liked the same kinds of food or types of cars, it would be a tragedy, and a betrayal of what nature’s given us—an innate uniqueness in how we see the world. (Also it guarantees a near-infinite number of stylish frame choices to help our eyes see. THANKS, MODERN LIVING!)

  I’m lucky that I’ve always been proud to stand out from the crowd. I was homeschooled as a kid, so my weirdness was never bullied out of me like most people’s was during their awkward formative years. I was never shamed for embarrassing teen hair choices, something I have ample proof of in old photos. In fact, my inner creator won’t even ALLOW me to conform. It insists that I have to stand out—which is a weird sort of reverse peer pressure hipsterdom. (I should probably take my inner creator to group therapy to discuss being a wee bit more flexible, but I’m not sure how to get him/her outside my skull long enough to do an intervention.)

  In order to be creative, we need to befriend all parts of ourselves. Our passions and our unique experiences, whatever they may be, need to know they’re welcome to join the Us Party, and be reassured that the invitation won’t ever be rescinded. “Don’t worry. I won’t abandon you just because my roommate Dave thinks anime swords aren’t good wall decorations.” It’s worth alienating a few people to free up your creativity. (You were just pretending to get along with Dave anyway.) Hiding who we are takes work. And it’s work that betrays who we are. So don’t bother!

  Our weirdnesses are the most fertile places to start when we want to create. No video ever went viral because people thought, Gee, I’ve seen that so many times before, let’s share it with everyone I know! Whatever format of creativity we choose to express ourselves with—whether cooking, welding, creating fake movie props, making our guinea pigs into Instagram stars—by leading with the attributes that set us apart, we will always feel more authentic and more fulfilled in the end.

  * * *

  Answer one of the questions below:

  On a basic level, why do you think you’re weird?

  Or—

  What are some fun ways you see the world that others don’t?

  (Hint: IT’S THE SAME QUESTION!)

  * * *

  Inside each section of the toolbox below, write a life experience or interest you have that makes you stand out as odd compared to the people around you.

  This is your creator toolbox. A place you can always go back to, where you can find something that will lend your uniqueness to whatever you want to create! These “oddities” live inside you. They have ALWAYS lived inside you, just waiting to be shared with the world. Grab one and see what you can build with it!

  * * *

  Summarize your life in one sentence. What is the title of your autobiography?

  What would you LIKE it to be?

  * * *

  Whatever we take away from this process of rethinking who we are, the wonderful thing to realize is that there is always so much more we can discover about ourselves! Anything unearthed here is just the tip of the iceberg! It’s so reassuring to be able to own the fact that I have more creativity inside me than I’ll ever be able to express. I’d better start getting it out there now! That mouth harp isn’t gonna play itself!

  Dreams

  The journey of uncovering our Hero-Selves has taken us through our pasts, our presents, and now into our futures. Where cars fly and all the buildings are glossy and slick! Everyone wears a unitard because we’re all SO FIT! We have computers in our skulls! So much neon! There are no trees left! It’s like The Jetsons gone wild!

  Okay, back it up, we’ll all be dead before there aren’t any trees left.

  Maybe.

  I like to think of myself as a reverse Pig-Pen from Peanuts. You know how he carries a cloud of dust around his feet everywhere he goes? That’s me, except reverse the placement and substance. Basically I drift through life with my head in the clouds and it’s astonishing I get anything done, ever, including this book. (Psst, I’m three months over my deadline!) While I’m thinking of new ways to redecorate my bathroom, I’ll drive down a familiar street and, for the first time, notice a twelve-story building. “Wow! That wasn’t there yesterday! They built that quick!” The pile of notes I have on uncracked projects fills four filing cabinets. My New Year’s resolutions are generally suggestions, never mandates. And I live in a perpetual state of my brain remarking, “Things are great! But let’s imagine how they could be different!” All this used to frustrate me, but then I read a biography of Leonardo da Vinci and took solace in the author’s second-guessing: “If only Leonardo had published [whatever], he would have revolutionized the field!” If Leonardo was a dream-filled slacker, there’s hope for the rest of us, right?

  Except the idea that dreams are a waste of time is infuriating to me. Dreams are the fuel of our creativity! We have to have a restless vision of “else” that makes us get up and MOVE. And thos
e visions are created by our wondering how the world and we, as people, could be different.

  So the question is…

  When you see a random house for sale, do you picture yourself living in it? When you see someone on TV doing something heroic, do you imagine it could be you, if you only had bigger biceps? When you watch a movie, do you dream of being the director, the actor, or the craft-services person who makes everyone’s day brighter when they come in with a cart of candy? (Aside: I love Bit-O-Honey and I’m glad everyone else hates it on movie sets because MORE FOR ME!)

  No matter how nailed in to our realities we are, we all have things like dream careers, dream vacations, and dream abilities. (Mine is to be able to turn anything into cookies.) To look at the world with possibility-filled eyes is a gift we’ve been given as human beings, and one that can help us pinpoint at least a creative goal to start working toward. That’s why making our dreams concrete and actionable is our final step in taking possession of our creative Hero-Self: if you can’t dream it first, kids, you’ll never achieve it. (THANKS, COACH FELICIA!)

  Before goal setting, though, it’s helpful to start with the completely impractical. (Not surprising, coming from a consummate daydreamer.) What better way to learn who we want to be as creators than imagining our ideal selves? I often picture myself in Meghan Markle’s shoes, which is fun for about two seconds, and then I realize she never gets to wear gym clothes to buy coffee anymore and has to be polite to strangers all day as a job. Forget that noise.

  So try to embrace opening up, taking a chance, and PUSHING the boundaries of what’s reasonable or possible for yourself! Hold nothing back!

  It might feel like stepping into an icy pool of water to imagine accepting an Oscar on live TV, or seeing a novel you wrote sitting on the shelf of the local library, or landing on Mars to create a colony named after ourselves. (Welcome to Feliciana, “Home of the High-Strung”!) Hubris isn’t a quality that’s encouraged in life. But we can never know which one of our impractical visions might spawn something life-changing. Might as well imagine in the privacy of our own heads that we CAN do great things! Unless we live in a psychic commune, no one else needs to know about it.

  Sure, it probably won’t happen for me, but if I allow myself to daydream about winning a gold medal in figure skating, that could spur me to get my own kid skating lessons and give her a chance at winning one herself. (If she wants. Don’t worry, I won’t be a stage mom, jeez.) If I imagine a world without electrical wires because the area behind my computer is SO TANGLED AND UGLY, no, it probably won’t inspire me to go back to engineering school and figure out a way to wirelessly power my Xbox. I honestly don’t understand electricity at all. And what’s up with the different ends of batteries? Who knows. But I could write the idea into a movie, and perhaps that might inspire a REAL scientist to make it her goal to “make it so,” just like Martin Cooper was inspired to invent the cell phone by watching the television show Star Trek. (TRUE FACT! LOOK IT UP! CORRECTION! WIKI SAYS THE INSPIRATION WAS DICK TRACY’S WRIST RADIO. MOVING ON!)

  No matter how ridiculous, go ahead, fling yourself to the stars! There’s no gravity inside our imaginations!

  * * *

  As fast as you can, fill the page below with impossible things you could do with your life. Whatever comes to mind. The weirder and more grandiose, the better! Give yourself permission to surprise and delight yourself!

  * * *

  * * *

  Describe your own superhero outfit.

  What superpower would you want?

  Why?

  How would you improve the world with your powers?

  What would be your weakness?

  Describe your ideal Fortress of Solitude.

  * * *

  You suddenly have power over reality. The world of Earth is customized to your tastes. What is different about it? What would be your ideal role in it? What favorite fictional things would be a part of it? Things from past or future ages? How would daily life be different?

  (Psst, this could be the start of a great fantasy novel. Just sayin’.)

  * * *

  For me, I’ve never NOT had my mood improved by going online and shopping for houses in Barcelona so I can pick one to imaginary-move into. I subscribe to twelve travel email lists so I can more easily picture myself hopping on a plane and going to soak in a hot tub in a fancy South African hotel. (With all the “get out of my house” dreams, I now understand why I like open-world video games so much. It’s not about the gameplay or killing things, I’m just looking for exotic places to imagine paying rent.) Will I ever actually live outside my own country? I’d like to think I might retire to a beach in Belize. It’s one of my dreams to be an old woman who runs a tourist knick-knack shop and doesn’t care about her hair. But if it doesn’t happen, maybe just imagining the possibility was enough to inspire me to do SOMETHING creative with my love of travel. (And possibly be able to tax-deduct the whole experience for work, teehee.) At any rate, if we don’t allow the “What if?” to exist, then it will never have a chance to affect us or the world. Better to indulge delusions for a hot second than quash something before it can take shape. So open the door and let your dreamer self take over for a bit!

  * * *

  Take a day and go house shopping, just for fun! Go online, browse listings around the world, then describe your dream house below. Bonus for drawing the layout too. (Make sure there are enough bathrooms.)

  There are seeds of possibility in each of your dreams. No matter how big or small. And there is nothing NOT worth planting.

  * * *

  Lightning Round!

  I wish I knew how to________.

  I wish I had created/invented _________.

  I wish I could spend a year in ______ and do ________.

  If I were all-powerful, I would gift ________ to _________.

  If I were in _________’s shoes I would __________.

  * * *

  Your birthday is a global holiday! What does the world do to celebrate?

  * * *

  What have you dreamed of doing that you haven’t accomplished in your life yet? Write those dreams in the clouds.

  Visualize them every time you look in the sky. They are always there above you. Waiting to be actualized.

  * * *

  After allowing our minds to wander and formulate perfectly wonderful impossible dreams for ourselves, a great way to start grounding them in reality is to do what our ancestors did: hold gladiator games!

  Just kidding. I meant “hunt and gather.” (But if you want to do gladiator games, that’s cool. Just don’t hurt any animals, please.) When I want to remind myself of what delights me, I pull out a repository of small objects and clippings I’ve gathered over the years. Pressed flowers. Pictures of hugging platypuses. Weird Al Yankovic’s autograph. If it piques my imagination, I collect it. I’ve done it my whole life. As a kid, I used to cut out my favorite Sunday comics and paste them in a scrapbook. There was a LOT of Garfield in there, but strangely, most of the clipped comics involved Nermal. Having a “dream file” full of weird articles about things like the origins of macaron cookies (they were invented by nuns during the French Revolution!) or profiles about people from history I admire, like Nellie Bly, who was a total nineteenth-century badass lady journalist, gives me a place to go for quick creative inspiration and jump-starts my muse.

  Whether in a file, in a box, or on Pinterest (YES, IT’S OKAY TO LIKE PINTEREST!), gathering our dreams in one place helps plant them in reality. Sure, the idea of making a “dream board” has become a punch line in sitcoms, but honestly, the first time I made one was the year I started writing The Guild and found outside success with my art. So… screw it. Go ahead and pin pictures of your dreams on a board! Better yet, try to transform the concept into something more your style. Use a 3-D printer to create a “dream vault.” Knit a “dream bag of holding.” Solder an adamantium “Aspirational Module of My Alt-Dimensional Existence”! (Okay, that would be t
oo long to print out with a label maker. Also, Felicia, adamantium doesn’t really exist. Vibranium? Again, fictional metal. Please stop reading comic books.)

  * * *

  Create a physical space for yourself and your dreams. Whether using a box, a scrapbook, or services online, make sure it reflects you as a person. Collect things there that inspire or excite you as you go through life.

  Also write a note to include in your file. Leave it inside your dream repository for some future person to find, like in a time capsule. Describe to them who you are and the purpose of the collection. And leave them with encouraging words to create their own collection for their OWN inner creator. (This is as much for YOU as it is for THEM!)

  * * *

  Once we’ve cast our net super wide to capture all the dreams we can imagine, the next step is to start turning a few into actionable goals. (If anyone dreamed about growing wings and flying, look up gene-splicing books in the library.) To winnow down the choices, we need to examine each one closely and pose the questions: “Why do I WANT this dream? Do I just want to sign up for the RESULT of it, or do I want to sign up for the PROCESS?” Sorry to have to bring my Mom voice in, but this step is crucial! And requires soul-searching. But answering it in an honest way can guide us closer to defining dreams that will fill our lives with richness rather than frustration. And give us a better chance at achieving them.