Leaving Barringer

by Tina Martin

  Barringer walked away from his family and headed down the hallway alone. As he retreated back through the maternity waiting room, he saw Calista sitting down, her face hidden by her hands, weeping. Everything in him wanted to run to her, pull her into his arms and convince her that he would be a better man. That, if she came back to him, things would be different. He shook off the feeling. He knew in his arms was the last place she wanted to be and perhaps not even last. She didn’t want him to console her. He couldn’t be a husband to her when he had her. When she needed him. Why did he have a sudden urge to be one now?

  Reluctantly, he walked right pass her, out of the waiting room and to the elevator he took down to the main floor, quickly exiting the hospital. Air, that’s what he needed – a lot of air. As he walked towards his car, he pulled in all the air he wanted until he sat in his car and punched the steering wheel. Tonight, Calista made it apparent that she had no desire to come home. Not only was he certain he’d lost his wife. He was on the verge of losing his sister-in-law.

  Chapter 14

  With a broken voice and eyes swimming with tears, Garrison stood in front of family and friends who came to pay their last respects to Vivienne. “On behalf of our family, I want to thank you all for coming here to honor the life of my sweet Vivienne.” His voice faded. “Sorry. This is perhaps the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.”

  Garrison took a moment to get himself together before he said, “Vivienne was my best friend. My beautiful wife. My lover. My everything. She was brilliant. Loved to sing. Travel with me. She used to talk about us retiring on an island somewhere, living out our final days in paradise. She loved life. Lived it to the fullest. When I first met her, she was fishing.” He smirked. “That’s right. Everyone who knew Vivienne knew she loved fishing, as do I. So one day, I’m at the dock and I see her, alone with one of those big straw hats and a pair of sunglasses. I first noticed her because her fishing pole was better than mine and I remember thinking, who is this woman with a better fishing pole than mine?”

  He smiled while tears ran down his face. He wiped them away and continued, “Instead of fishing that day, I watched her fish. I was intrigued. She was reeling them in, had caught five impressive trout. She must’ve felt me looking at her because she turned around and said: You’re not going to try today? The way she said it made me realize that that particular day wasn’t the first time she saw me out there fishing, so I responded: Not today. Besides, I think you’ve caught everything. What time is dinner?”

  Garrison smiled, remembering. “The smile that came to her face was the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen on a woman and I knew then that even though I didn’t know her name, even though all I knew about this woman was that she liked to fish, I knew she would be my wife. Now she’s—”

  Garrison cleared his throat, looked at his son cradled in his mother’s arms and said, “I was going to say she’s gone, but then I look out at my mother and see my son in her arms. My wife isn’t gone because she left me a gift – this beautiful baby boy. Vivienne was the embodiment of love and she loved me with a fervor that can never be matched. So today, instead of mourning, let’s learn from Vivienne’s example of love, for she loved a son in which she never got to meet. John 15:13 states there’s no greater love than to lay down one’s life for his friends. Vivienne did that for her son. For our son. We should take a lesson from her and love each other that much – so much we would be willing to die for each other. Life is short. Short in the aspect of years and short in the sense that we never know when it will end. One day we’re here, the next day we’re the product of memories. So let’s love each other because tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us. The last thing you want to do is live with regrets.” Garrison looked at Barringer when he said those last few statements. He pinched the corner of his eyes and walked away from the podium.

  * * *

  Later in the evening, close family and friends gathered at Garrison’s home and over a meal, they talked about the good times they’d shared with Vivienne. After a few hours, people were leaving – friends of the family, that is. The family remained.

  Candice held Junior in her arms.

  Elowyn sat next to her, eyes still weary.

  June watched Everson exit the front door with his cell phone to his ear. She wondered what was so urgent.

  Calista sat next to Kalina, talking about random things. Anything to avoid the sadness of the situation and to keep from looking up at Barringer again. He had been staring at her for the last thirty minutes, like he was reading her lips. A blanket of warmth consumed her as she pretended his gaze had no effect on her.

  “He’s going to need us in the coming weeks. Months, even,” Bryson said as he walked up to Barringer. He was speaking about Garrison, but he wasn’t sure if Barringer was aware of that. Barringer was zoned out, eyes fixated on Calista. Every now and then, he’d catch her gaze and she would simply look away.

  “It would probably be more beneficial if you actually talked to her instead of stared,” Bryson told him.

  “She doesn’t want to talk. She got this independent air about herself now like she doesn’t need me,” Barringer said, watching Calista get up and head for the kitchen.

  “She needs you. You…you can’t let your pride get in the way when you love someone, Barry.” He was speaking from experience. When he’d fallen in love with Kalina, she rejected him, but he didn’t let that stop him from pursuing her and now, they were happily married. His brother could have a happy marriage if his ego wasn’t so big.

  * * *

  Calista stepped out onto the porch where she saw Garrison sitting on the steps, staring out into the backyard. She hadn’t had an opportunity to talk to him since Vivienne’s passing and although she didn’t want to bring up anything she and Vivienne talked about that day at the restaurant, she knew she had to at some point.

  She took a step down, sat next to him and said, “You gave a good eulogy, Gary.”

  Garrison turned to look at the woman who would be the fill-in mother to his son – his ex-girlfriend and sister-in-law, Calista. “Thanks, Cali.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  After a few minutes of silence, Garrison said, “I’m going to need your help.”

  “I know. I promised Vivienne I would be there for Junior.”

  Garrison nodded. “We’ll meet one day next week and talk about it.”

  “Okay. Until then, I want you to know if you need anything you can call me, okay?”

  Garrison nodded again.

  Calista took his right hand in her left. “I mean it, Gary.”

  He turned to look at her, connecting their vision.

  “If you need anything, I don’t care if it’s just to talk, you can call me.”

  A small smile appeared on his face. “I appreciate that.”

  “Okay.” She released his hand and continued down the steps, preferring to walk around the house to get to her car instead of going back inside and seeing Barringer again. He stared at her enough for one night.

  Chapter 15

  Three Months Later

  “Hey, Gary,” Calista said, standing at the door, gently bouncing a sleeping baby Garrison, Junior in her arms. Garrison had arrived to pick up his son. “Just a sec. Let me get his things.”

  He’d usually stand outside the door like he was afraid to come in for some reason – like it was politically incorrect to be inside of her apartment alone with her, but today, the first time in three months, he stepped in and closed the door.

  The move surprised Calista. “The diaper bag is right there on the couch. He just had his bottle and has been sound asleep for…umm…about twenty minutes now.”

  “Okay,” Garrison said, sitting down.

  “Oh. You’re staying?”

  “I have nowhere to be,” he said.

  “Okay,” Calista said. Guess there’s no use in putting Junior in his car seat. He smiled. She would get to hold him a little while longer. It didn’t take lo
ng for her to grow attached to Junior. After the first few days of keeping him, she was hooked. His baby smell, those cooing noises, his little hands and feet – she loved him already.

  “How was he today?” Garrison asked.

  “A piece of cake. He does get fussy when he’s hungry. I imagine he gets that from his daddy.”

  Garrison grinned.

  “Speaking of food, have you eaten? I made some barbecue chicken and mashed potatoes. I can warm some for you.”

  “That would be great. I haven’t had a home-cooked meal in…can’t tell you when.”

  Calista walked over to Garrison and said, “Here. Hold your little man.” She was careful while transitioning the baby from her arms to his.

  Garrison carefully cradled Junior’s head into the palm of his hand and while holding him, he bent forward to kiss his cheek. Then he lowered Junior to the car seat before standing, looking around the apartment. He never did that before either – never paid much attention to how small her apartment was in relation to where she’d moved from. Barringer had the biggest house of them all.

  Calista set the microwave to two minutes, then turned around to see Garrison eyeing up her apartment. “I know it isn’t much, but it’ll due. It’s only me.”

  Garrison nodded. “It’s plenty for one person.”

  “And a part-time baby.”

  Garrison grinned. “Right. And a part-time baby.”

  The microwave dinged. Calista removed his plate of hot chicken and mashed potatoes and set it on the table – the two-chair dinette in the kitchen. The area wasn’t big enough to fit a four-chair table set.

  Garrison sat down, looked at the food and said, “Mmm, this smells delicious.”

  “It used to be one of Barringer’s favorites,” Calista said.

  “Speaking of Barringer, when was the last time you two talked?” Garrison took a bite of the chicken, mumbled how good it was and licked his fingers. He looked up at her, waiting for an answer to his question.

  “Um…”

  “That long, huh?”

  Calista nodded. “Last time we talked, we were in the waiting room at the hospital when…when—”

  “When Vivienne was in labor,” Garrison finished saying for her when he realized she was hesitant to do so.

  “Yes, so three months.”

  “Yeah. Three months,” Garrison said, staring blankly at her for a moment. He returned his attention to the food.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” Calista asked.

  “A glass of water will be fine.”

  “Okay,” she said standing. She took a Styrofoam cup from the cabinet and filled it with ice and water before placing it on the table next to his plate.

  “Thank you, Cali.”

  “You’re welcome. Sorry I don’t have glasses. I don’t see a point in buying any when these cups work just fine.”

  “It’s okay. I’m not picky.”

  She smiled while watching him drink then decided to ask, “So how have you been coping?”

  Garrison shrugged. “How are you coping being without Barry?”

  “It’s not the same, Gary. My situation is much more different than yours.”

  “I wasn’t trying to imply it was the same. I was simply asking a question.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you and my brother have been married for half a decade and now, you’re here and have completely started over from scratch. So, how are you coping?”

  Calista expelled a breath. She didn’t know she’d be talking about the life and times and Calista and Barringer with Garrison, but maybe it was his way of avoiding any and everything that involved Vivienne. Seemed that’s all everyone wanted to talk about whenever he came around and it must’ve been a pain to do so. So she decided to answer him as truthfully as she could. “Honestly, I could be better. It’s not like I wanted to leave Barringer. I still love him. I told him I did, but I’m too valuable to be third place to a man.”

  “Ouch. If you’re third, who’s first and second?”

  “Well, first is his job, second is his money and all the material things he buys with it.” Calista watched as Garrison finished the last piece of chicken she’d given him. “I have more if you would like.”

  “You have more?”

  “Yeah. I cooked a big pan of it.”

  “Why, when it’s just you here?”

  “Force of habit. Barringer always had a big appetite, so I’m used to cooking extra whenever I do cook. You want more?”

  “Yeah. I’ll take more.”

  Calista stood up, removed the pan of chicken from the fridge and the Tupperware container of mashed potatoes, took his plate, refilled it and warmed it in the microwave again. While his food heated up, she quickly stepped over to the living room to check on Junior. As she walked back to the kitchen, the microwave dinged. She retrieved the food and set the plate on the table in front of Garrison.

  She took the chair opposite of him again, watching him eat.

  “I quit,” he said, steadily chewing.

  “What?”

  “My job at Blackstone Financial. I resigned. Barringer wasn’t happy about it, but I did what I had to do.”

  Calista nodded. “If you resigned, what do you do after you drop off Junior with me?”

  “Run errands. Sleep. Mostly sleep. I don’t have a lot of motivation to do anything these days.”

  “Whatever happened to your dream of owning your own consulting business?”

  A smile came to his face. “You still remember that?” he asked curiously.

  “Of course I remember. We did date for almost two years, Gary. I remember a lot about you.”

  Garrison stared at her and she held his gaze, waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t. Just stared.

  Finally, she looked away, feeling her cheeks redden in the process. Crap, what was that?

  “Like what?”

  “Huh?” she asked, glancing up at him again.

  “What do you remember about me?”

  “Uh…nothing,” Calista said, standing. “I think I heard my phone. I’ll be right back.” She grabbed her phone from the coffee table then rushed to get into her bedroom, closing the door. She palm-slapped herself in the forehead and sat on the bed. Why had she brought up anything pertaining to their past? “Not a smart move, Calista,” she whispered.

  After she shook it off, she left her phone on the nightstand before joining him in the kitchen. Before she could get a word out, he said, “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. Wasn’t my intent.”

  “No, it’s fine,” Calista said sitting down at the table again though she was a bit uncomfortable. She had a past with Garrison. And, by looks only, he reminded her so much of her husband – of Barringer. Dark. Chocolate. Alluring. Physically fit. The difference between the brothers was, while Garrison was more mild-tempered, Barringer was brash, argumentative and somewhat of a perfectionist. If they could swap personalities, Barringer would make the perfect husband. But what was she really saying?

  Stop it, Calista. What are you thinking?

  As Garrison neared his final bites, relief settled her stomach. He’d be leaving soon. She could handle a few more minutes of small talk. “Junior is a good sleeper.”

  “He is,” Garrison said in agreement. “Once he’s fed, burped and changed, he’ll kill some sleep.”

  “That’s true.” Calista watched Garrison wipe his mouth with a paper towel.

  “That was delicious,” he said. “Whenever you decide to cook, remember me, girl.”

  Calista laughed. “Okay. I will.” She held his vision again. “So how have you been doing, you know, with everything?”

  Garrison glared lightly and said, “It’s okay to say Vivienne’s name, Cali.”

  “Oh. Okay. I didn’t know if I should, or how you felt about it and—” Calista blew a breath. “Sorry for making this awkward.”

  “Forgiven. Let’s see…ah…some days I’m good. Some days I really miss her
. She was a part of me, and she left me with a beautiful son.”

  Calista nodded.

  “The weeks immediately following the funeral were the hardest. For the first month, I cried…not ashamed to admit that.”

  “You shouldn’t be ashamed. It’s good to cry. I know men like to play the macho role, but crying is good. Emotion is good.” She could only wish Barringer showed his true emotions. He was more like a cold, corporate robot than a loving husband. Hence, their separation.

  “I can’t thank you enough for quitting your new job to take care of Junior on a full-time basis. I know it was a tough decision to make.”

  Calista shrugged. “I was only there for a month.”

  “Well, I hope the money Vivienne and I set aside for his care is enough for you to live off of and take care of Junior at the same time.”

  “It’s more than enough. In fact, I think it’s too much. I would’ve made due without it.”

  “Nonsense.”

  “Seriously, Gary. I made Vivienne a promise, and it’s one I intend on keeping.”

  Garrison finished drinking his water.

  “Was it your idea for me to take care of the baby?” Calista inquired.

  Garrison shook his head. “It was Vivienne’s idea, but I agreed to it. She knew how much you wanted to be a mother, so it made sense. I’m glad she chose you. You have a way with children.”

  “Thanks.” Calista glanced at the clock. The time was close to eleven. Garrison looked too relaxed to leave. He leaned back in the chair while stretching his arms above his head, yawning.

  She smiled. “You got the itis now?”