Ava’s dad and older brother were both deployed overseas, so it was just her and her mom to arrive a few minutes later. When Dashiell introduced me to Ava, his face lit up. He was so in love. She was petite, even smaller than me, and seeing her standing next to his six foot three wall of muscle, she looked like a pixie. She had a short, shiny blonde a-line bob that skimmed her high cheekbones. It was a haircut that made her huge brown eyes stand out. Her giant bright smile and positive attitude were infectious! They were the cutest couple!
Our house quickly filled with a few families who live on base, several colleagues from my moms’ hospitals, a couple from the yoga studio where my mom taught a few days a week, and a widowed elderly neighbor from across the street. Our house was filled with friendship, joy, and great food.
I decided to host my own Thanksgiving in my bedroom for Dashiell, Ava, Finn and me, so we filled our plates with all the fixings and sat on the floor picnic style. Finn played DJ and treated us to an upbeat selection of music. We played
Illimat. Dash and I even quickly video chatted with Janey.
After stuffing ourselves with second helpings of pie, Finn convinced Dashiell to become his “Thor pillow”, laughing at his own wordplay for throw pillow, and Dashiell was all in. They were cuddling on the bed with Dashiell’s arm draped around Finn’s shoulders and Finn’s leg draped over Dashiell’s thigh; Finn was savoring every minute of it. They were watching Ava and me make up ridiculous choreography to a funky Motown song, our forks used as microphones, until I saw a figure in my doorway, James.
My breath caught in my chest as his emerald eyes held my gaze. He stood there silently and looked around my bedroom. His posture tensed when he saw Dashiell, but then it switched to confused when he registered that Dashiell was contentedly cuddling with Finn. True to his empathetic nature, Dashiell sensed the tension, jumped off the bed, and scooped up a giggling Ava, throwing her face-down over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He paused in front of James as he was carrying her out of the room.
“James this is my very serious girlfriend, Ava. Ava, this is who Tati is totally into, James.” I smirked at Dashiell’s lack of subtlety.
From her upside-down position, Ava shrieked, “Nice to meet you! Next time hopefully it will be face to face!” as she raised up her head to wave to James; when she released back down she pinched Dashiell’s butt, followed by him shouting “OW! Now you’re in trouble missy. A hundred kiss punishment for you!” I couldn’t help but smile. Finn rose from the bed and excused himself, too. He kissed me on the cheek, then squeezed James’ shoulder as he closed the bedroom door behind him when he left.
James awkwardly stayed by the closed door with his hands in his coat pockets. We stood there staring at each other for a moment before he cleared his throat and broke the silence. “Your mom said … I didn’t realize you had so many people over.”
I stared at him in silence willing him to continue speaking. He cleared his throat again, “Hi.”
“Hi.” I whispered.
I fought the mixed emotions swirling around in my head. Part of me wanted to run, part of me wanted to cry, but mostly I wanted him to talk to me, to hug me, to be a part of my life again. I deeply missed my friend. I held my breath as he stared at me.
“Can I...?” He gestured toward the bed. I nodded, and he took a seat on the edge. I stayed standing unsure of what to do or say. James patted a spot next to him. “Please, Tati? Sit with me?” I sat next to him and stared at my hands in my lap. “Tati, please look at me,” he whispered.
I looked into his eyes and his face softened. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I’m sorry, Tati. I am so fucking sorry for everything. I miss you so much it hurts.” He took one of my hands in his. His eyes glistened with tears. “I’m sorry I was such an ass to you this week. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting you until last night. It killed me to see you like that. I hate myself…”
Tears rolled down his cheek, but he didn’t bother to wipe them away. His eyes searched mine as he continued,
“I’m so sorry for fighting with you and for avoiding you. I’m so sorry I hurt you. You’re my best friend and I need you to be part of my life. You make everything better and these last few days have sucked without you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Tati. Can you forgive me?” I stayed silent, tears falling in a steady stream into my lap, not trusting myself to speak or move, fearing I would ruin the moment. I just gazed into his beautiful eyes. “Please, Tati … be my friend.”
I took a shaky breath and searched his face for the answer. I knew that if I wanted him in my life, this was probably the one shot I’d have to make things right. Janey’s words swirled through my head, but I had to trust my intuition, and my intuition said that the risk was worth it. I had to forgive.
“James, I accept your apology.” Relief filled his face. “But we need to set things straight before we can move forward.”
He let go of my hand as his face fell and he let out a defeated breath. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”
“Tati, this isn’t on you.”
“It is a bit. Dash and I have known each other forever and we just fell back into that familiarity, I get that hurt you, but you have no reason to be jealous of Dash. There is nothing between us other than friendship. Plus, I have other friends who are guys. You have to trust me.”
He looked down at his lap. “I know I was a shit, but I need to explain why.” He looked back into my eyes. “I felt like we were so close to something and then your hot ex walked in – fuck he’s hot - and you looked so happy to see him. I’m sorry I was so jealous, Tati. I do trust you. I was just so afraid of losing you. I was watching him touch you and wanting it to be me who was the one hugging and kissing you. I wanted to be the one who made you so happy. I panicked. I’m not proud of it. I’m sorry.”
“James, I understand why all Dash’s touching upset you and the timing of that sucked so hard. But you need to understand, Dash is overly affectionate to everyone. You saw him cuddling Finn when you walked in and they were lying like that for the last half hour – that should tell you everything you need to know.”
James smirked. “I get that now. Yeah.”
“You have to talk to me if something’s bothering you. And you have to understand that if I am telling you something, it’s the truth. I won’t be treated like that again. You really hurt me with that silent treatment and if you had just talked to me… Can you see things from my perspective now?”
“I do. I’m so sorry I hurt you, Tati. I promise I’ll talk to you. I’ve never been with someone like you before. I’m trying to do the right thing. You deserve so much better than me, but I’m not willing to let you go from my life without a fight. Please forgive me, please be my friend again.”
My heart raced as I took his hand and his eyes met mine. “James, I want to be your friend, but…”
His brow furrowed and he frowned. “But what?”
I had to take the risk. I pulled myself closer to him and spoke softly into his ear, “But …” I pressed my cheek against his and inhaled his clean coconut scent, his unshaven stubble lightly poking me. I gently kissed his cheek, then moved my lips from his cheekbone down his face toward his lips. I held my breath and looked longingly into his emerald eyes. He
closed his eyes and I did the same and our lips hovered. I whispered, “But this is what I want. Not just friends. I want to try to be more than friends. Is this ok?”
My heart raced as his hands gently pulled me toward him pressing his lips against mine, softly at first, then more hungrily. An electricity filled my body as I let my hands trace along the side of his torso, feeling his chest rise and fall with each shallow breath. We lingered in the kiss and it became gentler, softer, until James pulled away from my mouth and placed his forehead against mine. We took several breaths. I looked into his eyes, seeing them crinkle at the edges as he smiled.
“It’s what I wanted, too. Thank you for forgiving me, Cheetah-girl.”
>
✽✽✽
A few minutes and several sweet kisses later, we opened my bedroom door to rejoin the party that had dwindled down to only our core group of friends and their parents. Finn, Dashiell, and Ava scattered having been caught eavesdropping. James took my hand in his as we walked into the living room with easy grins stretched across our faces. My parents were close by and when they saw us they exchanged a relieved glance. Dashiell approached us, and it was the first time I felt James relax near him. Dashiell wrapped his long, strong arms around the two of us with his head between ours.
“Oh my gosh! I’m so happy for you, Tati,” and to James he laughed as he warned, “Just wait ‘til her parents give you the talk!” He stood up to his full height. He drew Ava to his side and waved Finn over. He put his other arm around Finn’s shoulders. James looked to me with an imploring, uneasy gaze at the mention of “the talk”, which made Dashiell laugh harder. “Just wait, brother, just wait!” I rolled my eyes and shook my head knowing what was coming.
Everyone chatted quietly for about another twenty minutes, but then we all pitched in to clean up and put away the leftover food. As we tidied, James stayed near my side sneaking quick kisses every few minutes. All our guests, except James, said their goodbyes and left our cozy house, a contrast to the brisk, damp air that blew in through the open front door.
My smiling parents approached James and me and wrapped us in a group hug. My mom was the first to speak, “I am grateful for all of you.”
My mamma replied, “Me, too. James, it’s nice to see that you and Tatiana resolved things positively.” My parents released us and took a step back, maintaining their close contact with each other. “We’re off to bed. James you may stay a while, but it’s already pretty late, so not too much longer.” He smiled and agreed.
Good night hugs were given freely to James and me and we were left standing in the quiet living room. James pulled me into an embrace. He rested his chin on the top of
my head and relaxed. He adjusted his head so that he was pressing his face into my hair. He inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of my shampoo, and kissed the top of my head.
“Cheetah-girl?”
“Hmmm?”
“What’s ‘the talk’?”
I giggled and looked up into his nervous dark emerald green eyes. I sing-songed, “You’ll just have to wait and see…”
✽✽✽
James
I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.
Me
Me too
James
❤Good night, Cheetah-girl
Me
❤ Good night, bodyguard.
James
seriously, what’s ‘the talk’????
11
James and I were inseparable the remainder of our Thanksgiving break. On Friday morning it was snowing, so he took me to the indoor track at the community college to practice some sprinting techniques for the tryouts and record my baseline times. He was a knowledgeable coach and my times improved without much more effort.
We followed up the track time with lots of lazy couch time watching movies and playing video games the rest of the day with his sisters at his house. I ate dinner with his family and got to know them better. His mom was quiet the entire night, but his sisters were engaging as they told me hilarious stories about James growing up.
As James walked me home, he seemed bothered. “Hey, James? Are you ok?”
He sighed and stopped walking. “Did you notice something off about my mom tonight?”
“She was quiet for once, so, yes?” I joked. My smile faded quickly when met with James’ serious face.
James shook his head and looked back at his house. “I think she is drinking again. Or on something. She just got back from rehab like a week ago, so maybe not, but … she is super quiet this week, you’re right, but then she’ll start yelling at me to get away from her and saying all these horrible things to Beth. I just … it feels like deja vu.” I reached out and took his hand in mine. “Tati, I’m freaked. I can’t go through this again with her. I don’t know what to do.” He began to cry.
I pulled James in for a hug. “I’m so sorry, James. I’m here for you.” I released the embrace and took his hand as I pulled him to my house. “Come on, let’s go talk to my parents. They’ll know what to do.”
“Tati, no,” he replied. “Not your moms. I just needed to vent a bit. It’s fine. We’ll be fine.”
“James, my parents are in the medical field. They can help.”
“Tati, I said no!” I bristled at his tone. James pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry. I’m just stressed.”
He released me and leaned down to look me in the eyes. “Look, if we can’t figure it out as a family, then I will talk to them, I promise, but please don’t bring this up with your moms. Please. Just keep it between us for now, ok?”
Against my better judgment, I agreed.
✽✽✽
On Saturday morning, most of the snow had melted, so James suggested that we hike with my parents and Beth. We went to an easy meadow trail, Gulch Gap, that had gently rolling hills and a small creek that cut through the valley. It was cold enough to need a down jacket and gloves, but the sky was clear, and the sun shone warmly on us.
After our hike, my parents treated us to a late lunch at a café downtown. We finished lunch, and James and I walked to the movie theater that was across the street from the café, but my parents and Beth headed home. When we walked back to my house from the theater, my parents had left a note saying they had dinner plans with friends. We ate the last of the
Thanksgiving leftovers and a frozen pizza and settled in to watch TV on the couch.
James leaned deeply into the corner of the couch, propping up his head and back with pillows. I curled up against his side pulling a blanket to cover us. I settled in with my head on his upper chest and my arm resting on his muscular abs as we clicked through the channel guide looking for something to watch.
Lying there, I breathed in his clean coconut scent and he kissed my forehead with sweet, tender kisses. Wanting more, I tilted my face up, meeting his lips with mine. His soft kisses turned more urgent and he pulled my body closer into his. I slipped my hand underneath his shirt and his six-pack abs which flexed in response to the soft touch of my fingertips. I stretched out and hooked my top leg over his hips and he guided me to lie on top of him. I pressed my body firmly into his and kissed him deeply as I allowed his hands to freely explore beneath my shirt.
We heard the door unlock and quickly righted ourselves putting several inches of separation between us on the couch.
James quickly gathered the blanket into his lap. I was flushed, and my heart was racing. I looked at James and we took matching deep breaths to steady ourselves as my parents entered the house. They sat down with us, my mom on the other end of the couch and my mamma in the chair facing us.
My parents exchanged glances and my mom inquired with amusement, “Nice night?” I nodded, and James focused on the blanket in his lap. My mom looked at my mamma and said, “Iris, I think it’s time for the talk.” My mamma agreed, and James’ eyes widened as he looked at me.
“Mom! Oh my god. No.”
“Tatiana, yes,” my mamma sternly said. “It’s time and by the look on your face when we walked in, you know it.” I grew hot as her eyes met mine. I nodded.
She began, “James, in our family, we set clear expectations when it comes to Tatiana and we believe in an honest and open communication – that includes with you. When we feel like things may be getting serious between out daughter and a boyfriend, we like to sit down and discuss some things so that there are no surprises and so that we
are all on the same page.”
I took a deep breath and looked over at James. I apologetically mouthed “sorry” and rolled my eyes as I turned my attention back to my mamma. She continued speaking. “James, the first rule in this house is ‘Tati’s body, Tati’s choice’. We exp
ect you to respect her boundaries and her body; there will be no pressuring her to do anything before she is ready. Unless she verbally consents, the answer is always, always a clear ‘no’. She will do the same for you. If you are ever uncomfortable with something, you tell her to stop and she will. Agreed?”
I looked at James and we both nodded.
“Good. The next rule is that there will be zero sexting or nude photos sent or requested by either of you in any way, shape, or form. Even in the digital age, pictures are permanent.” That was a new one. James and I looked at each other and nodded again.
My mom picked up the conversation, so we turned our attention to her at the end of the couch. “James, Tati takes birth control pills.” James quickly turned his head to face me
with his eyes wide.
I gestured to my lower stomach and explained, “Not for boys. To help with my lady time. No more accidents.” James blushed and looked away. I knew where the rest of this was headed because my mom had already had this talk with me when I started taking the pills. It was only going to get worse for James, the poor guy.
My mom continued in her clinical nurse voice, “Birth control pills are not 100% effective against pregnancy and they don’t protect against STDs. Should you two come to a mutual decision to have sex, we expect you to use a condom every single time and you will put it on before any penetration, especially in light of the fact that you have had other partners, James - and getting tested for STDs is probably a wise idea going forward. Planned Parenthood will test you if you don’t want to ask your regular doctor.”
I hid my face in my hands at that. “Tatiana, no hiding! If you can’t responsibly talk about it, then you are not ready for it. We will buy some condoms for you tomorrow just in case.”
She gave a stern look to James who was redder than I’ve ever seen him, the blush rapidly traveling down his neck. He looked at me with a “make this stop” expression, then hyper-focused back down at his hands in his lap. He was mortified. “James? Do you agree?”
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