by Dale Mayer
After saying goodbye to the black mare, he slowly rolled his way around the rest of the building, lifting his face to the evening sun and the breeze that coasted around the property. It really was beautiful here.
He came around another corner and ended up in the open-air pool area. A number of other patients were sitting outside by the water. He thought about what Sicily had said about making friends. Two men sitting together looked up at him and smiled. He took that as a good sign, and he slowly wheeled his way over to them and introduced himself.
The two men nodded. “I’m Cole and this is Denton.”
Elliot nodded toward the pool. “Hope I can get into that soon.”
“It’s beautiful,” Cole said. “I felt like I had made a huge leap forward when I was finally allowed in the water. It’s up to your team to give the word, though.”
Elliot nodded. “I was wondering about that.” He studied the water for a moment and then looked back to the men. “I don’t have a bathing suit, though.”
“They have them in the change room here for patient use. When you’re allowed to swim, you will be assigned some.”
Elliot pulled his phone out and texted Shane. Any chance I can go in the pool for a swim.
Shane’s response was immediate.
Yes. Have you got trunks and towels?
No.
You want to go now?
Sure, that would be very nice.
I’m free. I’ll meet you there in five.
He looked up from the phone to the two men. “That was easy. Shane said he’d meet me here, and that I can go in.”
He nodded his goodbyes to Denton and Cole and slowly made his way around to the change room. In the time it took to make it there, he saw Shane striding toward him.
“Have you done much swimming since your accident, Elliot?”
Elliot shook his head. “No, but I was a strong swimmer before. I doubt that’s changed.”
“Perfect. Let’s get you some trunks and some towels, and I’ll hang around for a few minutes, just to make sure you don’t get in trouble when you’re on your own.”
A few minutes later, he was changed and hanging onto the railing, working his way to the edge of the pool. The pool was completely empty now, and the surface was like glass. He glanced over at Shane and smiled. Taking a deep breath, he just fell in, without making any attempt to dive or buffer the fall. The distance wasn’t very big, and the sensation of the water closing over his head was so great that he wanted to shout with joy. When he was completely submerged, he rolled and swam, turning like a dolphin and enjoying the freedom that the water gave and the absolute ability to move the way he always used to. When he finally surfaced, it was to see Shane standing beside the pool, a satisfied look on his face.
“See? I can swim. Remember, I was a SEAL.”
Shane smiled. “Right you are. Don’t do too much, though,” he cautioned. “Just try to do a little bit of work, and I’ll have a look tomorrow to see how we can fit this into your schedule. Then you can come down here on a regular basis.” He glanced at his watch, and pointed to the clock up on the far wall. “Thirty minutes only today.”
Elliot nodded. In truth, he was already getting tired. But being in the water was such a joy, he didn’t want to cut it short. Still, he didn’t want to overdo it his first time. He wanted to be able to come back down here again. He rolled over onto his back, and stretching out, he floated on the surface of the water. Now, this was perfect.
Chapter 6
By the time Sicily walked into the nurses’ station, she was only two minutes ahead of her shift. Sandra was just coming off shift. Jenna should be here already.
“Good evening.”
“Hey, glad to see you. I can go home now.” Sandra laughed.
Together, the two went over the day’s notes. They caught each other up on a few of the patients and went over any irregularities and conflicts, but it had mostly been a simple day, and it looked to be another simple night.
Sicily sat down and went over the caseload. She had one new patient in today, and she had several that would be checking out this week.
As soon as the check-outs left, there were going to be intakes, the following day, and they’d need to prep for those. That was the way the system worked. Checking out was always a good sign. It was lovely to see the people who came to Hathaway move on with their lives, and get back to the reality of living with their families and friends.
Their patients’ quality of life was so important. When patients left Hathaway House, they were physically stronger, more flexible and more capable. And most of all, they were also happier. Psychologically, they had gone through difficult times. She always smiled at those successes. Sure, there was the odd person who didn’t make the same gains others did. Those cases were harder to deal with, but with perseverance, success still happened. People generally arrived angry, hurt and terrified, but they usually left strong and capable, and that gave Sicily a real sense of satisfaction. A sense of knowing that what she did had value and the people around her needed her. The patients absorbed everything their teams had to offer them and turned that into something good. She hoped Elliot would have the same experience.
But his case was different. PTSD was unfortunately common enough that they always had cases, and everyone’s experience was different. In Elliot’s case though, it seemed he had a memory block. As the nightmares and the symptoms got worse, she knew he would come to a crunch period where he would either remember the truth or find a way to block it to the point where he couldn’t remember anything. There was no “normal” way for this to work its way out.
He needed a breakthrough one way or the other. Even if that meant just accepting where he was for the moment. As it was so very hard to heal when the body didn’t get the rest it needed.
She wrapped up her charts and walked to her medicine room to carefully prepare for her evening rounds. Sandra took care of medications for the day shift, but Sicily and Jenna split that job at night for some of the patients who took their medications as soon as Sicily got on shift. Jenna was in the supply room, checking inventory.
The hallway lights dimmed. Visiting hours were long over, and the peace and quiet of the setting sun had descended. That was another big plus to the place. It was so much more family-oriented and friendly.
Sicily stopped in Norman’s room first. As always, he was wide awake.
He watched her come in and smiled. “Did you bring my sleeping pills?”
She chuckled. “You should try yoga.” She handed him his medication and a fresh glass of water.
He took the little paper cup and tossed back the pills, returning the cup to her. “I’d consider yoga if I thought I could do any of those moves,” he said. “Big guys like me don’t bend so easy.”
They’d been on this conversation merry-go-round over his entire stay, so she knew there wouldn’t be a change now either.
She grinned. “Every inch is an improvement.” With a small wave, she walked out and headed to the next room.
Her rounds usually took about forty minutes. By the time she walked into Elliot’s room to check on him, no lights were on, and the covers were pulled over his shoulders. She stood in the doorway for a moment.
“I’m awake,” he whispered.
She walked in. “That’s too bad. I was hoping you were sleeping.”
“Not yet, but hopefully soon.” He rolled over and yawned, his eyes only partially open. “Anything new and different happen today?”
She realized she had something he might like to hear. “We’re considering adding horse therapy for the patients. I think that would be good for you.”
“Sounds good,” he muttered in a low voice, then slid deeper under the covers.
She was worried about how he was doing, but there was no sound, so hopefully he slept.
She tiptoed out and continued to her office.
She still had some notes to read from the day shift. With the need to have somebody on twen
ty-four hours a day, they ran three shifts, and it was important for her to keep up with the information on all patients. She made herself a small pot of coffee and sat down at her computer desk.
Minutes later her alarm went off. She checked the room number and realized it was Elliot’s. In an instant, she was already in the hallway, dashing toward his room. Although she was fully equipped to handle most emergencies, and they did have crash cart here, she could call on only a few people if it were a true medical emergency, like a heart attack. A doctor was always on call, but it would take them at least five minutes to get here.
Jenna was only minutes away as well.
Sicily usually got an alarm like this once or twice a week, and it was rarely life-threatening. She burst into Elliot’s room to see him thrashing on the bed, his covers on the floor, and his huge muscled body arching, his arms clenched as if fighting off an unseen enemy. His features were twisted with rage.
In a low, soothing voice, she spoke. “Elliot, it’s Sicily. You’re having a nightmare. Slowly come back out, please. Relax and take it easy.”
She knew better than to touch him. He could just as easily see her as the unseen enemy and attack. She assessed his condition and realized he was lying on the nurses’ call button. It was wall-mounted but with a longer cord for those who struggled to reach it. Somehow it had been caught underneath him, triggering the alarm.
Realizing it wasn’t worse than it was—and it was already bad enough—she relaxed slightly and continued to talk to him in a low voice. She walked over to the small dresser where he had a portable radio and put on some music. Peaceful, calm, and joyful instrumental sounds filled the room. She continued to talk to him for a long moment, trying to get through to him.
Then his body collapsed against the bed, and his arms dropped to his sides. His eyes flashed open. He bolted into an upright position and cried out at the pain.
She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Take it easy, Elliot. You’re coming out of another bad dream.”
He stared up at her, pain and torment in his eyes. “When will it stop?”
She shook her head wordlessly and then clasped his hand with both of hers and held it tight. “I don’t know. I can’t tell you that. But they are getting better.”
He stared at her in disbelief. “How can you say that?”
She smiled. “Because lots of nights you don’t have these. I don’t know what brought this on tonight, but if we could figure out what triggers them, maybe we could stop them.”
“The doctor says I’m avoiding looking at something.”
“That could be part of it. It doesn’t mean you did something wrong or you saw something so horrific. Everything you experienced over there was terrible. Separating that life from the life you have now, that’s what’s important. Finding a way to compartmentalize that history and to put it away would be a good thing.”
Slowly his breathing relaxed. He lay back down on the bed, wincing as he finally made it to the prone position. She picked up his water glass.
“I’ll get you a fresh glass.” She walked outside into the hallway where they had an ice machine and filled it for him. When she returned, he had the light on, and the soft glow filled the room. She understood. Some of the men could never sleep in the dark again. Some of them could never sleep in the light. Every man’s experience of what he’d gone through was different.
When he was calm again, she asked him, “Do you need anything? Are you hungry, or do you want to sit and read for a little bit?”
He smiled. “I’ll be fine. I’ll read or turn on my laptop.”
“If you want a hot cup of tea or something, just let me know.”
He tilted his head in acknowledgment. “Maybe later.”
With nothing else to do, she slowly backed from his room and returned to her station. She wished she could do something for him. She had been correct in that his nightmares were improving. But when you were the one caught up in the nightmare, progress seemed so far off.
The skin finally dried. One of the worst things was waking up drenched in sweat.
He knew the doctors meant well, and they said he needed to rest, but every time he closed his eyes, he was sent back to the same frontlines, being unable to save his friend … His continuing reaction seemed like a weakness to him. Every time he tried to strong-arm his mind into bypassing all the scenarios, it refused and dug down deeper. He shifted so he sat up in bed. From his window, he could see the stars outside. It would be a beautiful evening.
He checked his watch and gave a broken laugh. “Actually,” he muttered quietly to himself, “it’s already midnight, so the evening’s long gone.”
Slowly he shifted to his feet and grabbed his robe and his crutches and carefully made his way to the dining room. He could make himself a cup of tea, but what he wanted was to sit outside on the deck. Feel the cool air pass over his heated body and breathe in the scents of normality outside. He put on the kettle, filling it with water from the jug, and when it was ready, he brewed some tea.
He did not care what kind of tea it was as long as it wet his throat and warmed his chilled body. His body was a mixture of conflicting emotions and sensations. He couldn’t explain it. Moving slowly, he made his way through the doorway out to the deck.
Once outside, he made it to the far end of the deck and sat down. He laid his head against the railing and closed his eyes.
He was so damn tired. And he was so damned scared to fall asleep. Instead he sat and watched the night fall away. When he did crash, morning light was already breaking through the clouds in the sky.
Chapter 7
Over the next few days, Sicily sent out several emails regarding the horse therapy idea. She’d discussed the matter with several of the physiotherapists. They had all been open to the idea of bringing in horses for specific exercises. Although several of the horses here were broken to ride, they didn’t have the right disposition for this kind of work rehabbing patients. Most of the horses were rescues themselves. They were in need of human interaction but not in this way.
Several days after her first inquiries, she got an exciting email. She printed it off and walked to Dani’s office. Dani had already left for the day, but Sicily placed the copy of the email in the center of Dani’s desk, so it would be the first thing she saw. Then Sicily dashed off emails to both Shane and Sidney. She wrote Might Be the Best Answer in the subject line and then copied all the parts of the email so they could see how far she’d gotten.
It appeared somebody was willing to come to the property with two of her horses once a week for a few hours to work with several of the patients. The prices seemed reasonable to Sicily, but that part was up to Dani.
Finally Sicily felt she had accomplished something with this event, and she shut down her email program and went back to her rounds. It was five o’clock in the morning, and her shift was almost over. Several people were stirring, but if given the chance, they would roll over and fall asleep again. When she came to Elliot’s room, she stopped in the doorway and checked to see how deep his breathing was. He’d had several bad nights. Whatever time she’d come in, he had been staring blindly at the wall across from her. He’d been past the point of pretending to be asleep. He was so exhausted he couldn’t complete most of his daily schedule.
She walked in. “How are you doing this morning?”
He rolled over and gave her a half smile. “I think I slept for a couple hours.”
“Excellent.” She beamed, delighted for him. “Do you think you can deal with your schedule today?”
They were all concerned because he was here to make progress, and so far, they were still dealing with getting him physically strong enough to get through the programs set up for him.
“I think so. After the workout with Shane a couple days ago I fell into a very deep sleep. I was wondering if it’s possible to get more massages in a day.”
She nodded. “What about the pool or the hot tub?”
He shrugged. “The
pool is great. I haven’t tried the hot tub yet, but it doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Particularly at bedtime.”
She frowned. “I’m not sure how late it’s open. However, if it’s something you want, I could probably arrange it, and I could be there with you to make sure you’re okay.”
He sighed, his shoulders slumping. Sicily partially understood the reason. It was a hit to his pride to be babysat at every turn. It was so damned important for him to keep his pride too. “Not that I want to babysit you or anything,” she teased lightly. “The liability issue would be horrific if you didn’t have somebody with you and if something happened.”
“Of course. I’d be happy to have you stay with me.” He flashed a big grin at her.
Not for the first time she recognized the grin coming her way. It both warmed her heart and made her feel special. Then again he was special. He was a good man, and she was honored to know him. He was going through a very difficult time right now, and that was hard on him, but he withstood the pressure like a trooper.
“I can ask too.” He snagged his tablet and made a few clicks. “I am sending Dani a message right now.”
She grinned. “While I’m walking around, checking on everyone, do you want a cup of coffee, or do you want to sleep?”
“Sleep’s done for the night,” he announced. “The therapist has me doing some meditation for the next little bit. Maybe coffee around six?” he asked, glancing up at her, his tone hopeful. “You’re off then, right?”
“I am, indeed, and yes, for coffee. I love my caffeine.”
He nodded, a smile spreading across his face. “I do too. This is a habit I’d get up for every day.”
She gave him a shy smile, feeling the color wash over her face as she hurried away. As it was, she’d spent a good ten to fifteen minutes with him. But she’d already been ahead on her schedule, and she loved her time with Elliot.
Sandra was in the office by the time Sicily finished her rounds. Jenna was logging off the computer. The three compared notes. By the time Sicily was done, she realized she was late. She winced and stood up. “I’m late for a coffee meeting. Got to run. Any questions?”