Low Sided

by A. J. Downey

  “Yeah, me too.”

  I went back to the club, Sauley walking silent as my shadow beside me and when I got there? I got good and fucking loaded.

  “Get up!” Someone kicked my booted foot that was hanging off the end of the couch or chair or whatever the fuck I’d passed the fuck out in.

  “Fuck off,” I growled to a track of masculine chuckles.

  “Now is that any way to talk to your president?” Mav demanded.

  I groaned and cracked my eyelids. Regret in the form of the dim club lights lanced through them into my skull and set shit off into pounding.

  “Fuck me,” I rasped and closed them again, tight, colored starbursts going off behind my eyelids.

  “Oh, I know what that’s like,” I heard Glass say, laughing.

  It felt like my brain was sloshing around, banging into the inside of my skull as I went to sit up. Nausea rolled through me and I stopped moving, gritting my teeth, waiting for shit to fucking settle.

  “This fucking sucks,” I grated.

  “Yeah, well that’s what your ass gets for hittin’ the bottle like that, homey,” Glass declared.

  I glared up at him and he just laughed at me.

  “That’s not what we need to talk about,” Mav said with an unhappy sigh. “It’s what you said after hitting the bottle that hard.”

  He gave me a plaintive look, and I felt my stomach drop like a motherfucker.

  “What’d I say?” I asked. Glass and Mav exchanged a look.

  “You’re fuckin’ lucky you didn’t have shit to say in mixed company,” Glassjaw told me.

  “Just us brothers,” Mav agreed.

  I laughed a little and tried to ineptly cover my ass when I glibly said, “Y’all act like I confessed to murder or something.”

  Mav’s expression turned even grimmer if that were possible.

  Shit. I totally fucking had… I was so fucked.

  Mav sat down across from me and Glass kept to his perch on the arm of the couch I’d racked out on.

  “I’m going to let you confess your sins and then Glass and I are going to confer whether this shit needs to go to full council for a vote,” Maverick declared.

  Fuck me…

  I spilled my guts. All of it. Except I wouldn’t give up Fen. No fucking way. This was my deal and not his. He didn’t need to go down with me.

  “And you want us to believe you did this shit all by yourself? Solo? First time and all?” Glass Jaw demanded, scratching amidst the raw stubble on one cheek.

  “Damn right,” I said. “That’s my story and I’m sticking to it,” I said grimly.

  Mav shook his head.

  “Fen helped, we already know he did, but mad props for not throwing a brother under a bus to save your own ass.”

  “Mav, I’m loyal to this fucking club. Raven’s mine, for all that she broke it off with me last night, I couldn’t let what that pig did to her stand without consequence even if it did happen before we fuckin’ met.”

  “Loose lips sink ships,” Glass said, and it was borderline unkindly – but I deserved it. I really did.

  “Who sold me out?” I asked a little put out.

  “You sold your fuckin’ self out!” Glass barked. “Ain’t no one dipped in shit but you, right now.”

  I winced at the sharpness on my ears and how his voice thundered through my skull, but he was right. As much as my fuckin’ mind was lookin’ for someone else to blame for my stupidity, the buck stopped with me.

  Mav was a little gentler when he said, “I need the full picture, bro. What did this asshole do to your woman that retribution so brutal and so swift without informing the rest of your club was required?”

  I shook my head, grimacing, and said, “I already violated her trust once – maybe lost her forever for it. I don’t want to fuck up like that again.”

  “We’re your brothers, yo, not some rando motherfuckers off the street. Like it or not, as a part of this club, you made it our business last night lamenting how you fuckin’ killed for her and shit. We need to know the fuckin’ ‘why’ of it.”

  “Nothing you say goes past us, bro,” Maverick declared.

  I looked up at him and the sincerity in his dark eyes won me over. He was right. This wasn’t the state pen, these guys were family beyond blood, thicker than the water of the womb.

  I sniffed.

  I told them everything. How he’d raped her, brutally. How she’d been so fuckin’ brave, had gone to the cops, done everything a citizen was taught to do and how she’d tried to work within their fucked-up pretend system of justice. How they’d dragged her off in cuffs and beat her fucking ass half to death in some parking garage for it.

  Glass’s face held rage; Mav’s was carefully neutral.

  “With that kind of reasoning, I can’t say either one of us blames you the slightest bit for going off the rails on this,” Maverick declared.

  “Still, there has to be some kind of consequence,” Glass said.

  “I’m getting my ass beat, aren’t I?” I asked, wincing.

  Both of them grunted and nodded. I winced.

  Glass’ fist came out of nowhere and crashed into the side of my face. It was fucking lights out all over again from that one punch.

  I fucking deserved this.

  22

  Raven…

  “Hi.”

  “Be right with you, honey,” I said without turning around right away as I slid the bottle of top shelf locally distilled stuff back on one of the higher shelves of the bar. This particular bourbon was from out in Auburn. One of the local native tribes had started distilling and aging and it was one of the best bourbon’s the state had on offer. No one else could touch the simple fat round bottle with the orca whale on the label.

  I turned around and stilled. One of the SHMC was sitting at my bar. One I vaguely recognized from the party the other night. The deeply dark black guy with the dreads… what was his name?

  “Major, right?” I asked.

  “Yes, ma’am.” He grinned like he was pleased I’d remembered.

  “What can I get you?” I asked.

  “Uhhh, how ‘bout an IPA – dankest you got.”

  “One dank IPA coming right up,” I said and went to the tap to pull one for him. He slid onto a nearby barstool, looking around Shoreman’s and giving some of the regulars up the bar some side-eye. I turned back to the line of taps and smirked. I guess Mace getting his ass beat here had given the bar itself a sort of reputation.

  I went over, laid down a cardboard coaster, and set down his beer.

  “You want to open a tab?” I asked, and he shook his head and slid a ten across the bar.

  “Keep the change,” he said, and I shook my head.

  “I don’t need any charity. What’d Mace send you here for?” I asked and scraped my bottom lip between my teeth. “To see if I’m big mad still?”

  “Mace didn’t send me,” he said. “Don’t get me wrong, I like Mace well enough, but I ain’t Cupid or his fuckin’ errand boy.”

  “So why are you here?” I asked.

  “For a dank IPA,” he said, grinning and taking another sip.

  I rolled my eyes and moved up the bar, calling back over my shoulder, “Wave me down if you want another one.”

  “For sure, for sure,” he called, and I got the distinct impression he was checking out my ass. I glanced back, frowning, and he gave me a shit-eating grin.

  Yep. He had definitely been checking me out. Was that why he was here? Chum in the waters? Was Mace taking our break hard, and this guy thought he could sidle in?

  Gross… so much for bros before hoes or whatever, I thought to myself as I went about my job, getting glasses to washing and working on other miscellaneous bar prep and cleanup. It was a busy night. The longshoremen had work again down at Terminal 5, the biggest terminal in the city – even if it was in service to an oil rig about to deploy up north into the waters around Alaska.

  It had all sorts of Green Peace eco-warrior
types up in arms and there were some uncomfortable times knowing what some of my Burner friends would think about me serving up drinks to what they would consider the enemy.

  I wasn’t so hardcore. I realized that most of these men were caught up in the capitalism machine just trying to survive like I was, put food on the table for their families. It made me tired, but there were some things that, well, resistance was futile.

  Like loving Mace… as hurt and as angry as I was, as upset as he made me… I loved him. Deeply. And I didn’t know how long I would be able to stay away or stand on principle. Still, what he’d done couldn’t stand without some kind of answer or consequence.

  I was staying away from Angelica and my old life for a reason. To keep them safe, and I really hoped for their sake that Mace hadn’t somehow fucked that up.

  Damn it.

  “Yo, Raven!”

  I looked down the bar and Major held up his empty glass scaled with the remnants of his beer foam.

  Guess he did want another.

  “Be right with you, honey!” I called and winced inwardly. I was in full bar-matron mode and hadn’t meant for the endearment – it was just habit. If Major was coming around to see if I were a suddenly eligible bachelorette, I didn’t want to give him any ideas. Not that he wasn’t nice to look at – oh, he was – he just didn’t strike me as my type. Wrong vibe, you know? Certain people you just vibed with and could tell, and I could tell we were on completely different wavelengths… plus, I had literally just broken up with Mace – hell, I hadn’t even broken up with him! I’d just said I needed a break which was true. I did.

  The club and his life were somewhat overwhelming. Absolutely sure to draw law enforcement’s attention at points, and I wanted to stay as far off law enforcement’s radar as possible.

  I got Major another beer and set the fresh glass in front of him, putting the other in the waiting rack to go in the washer. He watched me move, his gaze discerning as I moved with practiced rhythm, letting muscle memory practically carry me through the steps.

  “So, why are you really here?” I asked after a moment.

  “Why you think I’m here?” he shot back.

  “Well, I sure as hell hope it’s not to hit on me,” I answered, tossing one of my long dreads from my freshly mended wig over my shoulder.

  He grinned and winked at me as he said, “I thought about it, but you’re still Mace’s girl.”

  I narrowed my eyes and asked, “What makes you say that?”

  “Mace ain’t declared it quits yet, and Mace is the one with the final say on that. At least where the rest of us are concerned,” he said with a shrug.

  I didn’t know if I liked the sound of that.

  “Awfully misogynistic of you to say that, isn’t it?”

  He gave an infuriating gallic shrug.

  “Club life ain’t for the women. It’s for us,” he said succinctly.

  And there was some of the heart of it. Adopting club life meant setting some of my feminism aside… not something I wanted to be parted with. I glared at Major, and he laughed.

  “Don’t shoot the messenger on that one, beautiful,” he said, raising his long-fingered hands in surrender. I shook my head and went down the bar to refill the bourbon for a longshoreman they called Sharkey.

  Major slowed way down after the first two beers, preferring to nurse the next couple over the remaining hours of my shift. I thought he planned on staying until I was off but about ten minutes before I started chasing the stragglers out of my bar after last call so I could lock the doors, he had disappeared.

  I leaned heavily against the door once the last two patrons were out and threw the lock.

  “Boy, I’ll be glad to be outta here!” Manuk called from the kitchen.

  “You and me both!” I called back before I shoved off the bar across the glass and with a heavy sigh, half-assed my way through final closing and cleanup. There wasn’t much to do, and damn it, I was tired. Physically as well as mentally and emotionally. It’d been a damned long few days.

  After finishing up my work and making the drop to the safe, I donned my light jacket and called out my goodbye to Manuk.

  “You want I should walk you, sistah?” he called, and I shook my head.

  “No, I’m good!” I called back.

  He waved from the kitchen and I pushed back through the door into a cloud of fragrant green smoke. I looked over as I keyed the lock so Manuk wouldn’t have to leave the kitchen.

  “I thought you fucked off back to the club, or home or something,” I said casually to Major who stood by with a spliff in his hand.

  “Naw, figured I’d walk you home.”

  “Mace ask you?” I asked, curiously.

  “Nope, Mav,” he declared, falling into step beside me.

  “Mav?” I asked. “Why would he care?”

  “Like it or not, girly, you’re still a friend of the club for what you did for Mace. Mace may have fucked up, but he still loves you. Mav asked that we all keep a lookout for you, make sure you were good. A brother asks for help, you help him. The president asks you to do somethin’, well… that goes without sayin’.”

  “So, all that talk back there about whether I was available?” I asked.

  He gave me that shit-eating grin again, his teeth very white in the dark, the shadows of the alley behind him engulfing him so his smile hung like a Cheshire cat. The visual made me smile in return, how could you help it?

  “You know how I got the name Major?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “I thought you weren’t supposed to ask,” I said.

  He gave another one of his gallic shrugs.

  “Some dudes care, some, like me, don’t give a fuck.”

  “Okay, so how did you get the name Major?” I asked.

  He stopped and put a hand on the door leading to my stairwell as I unlocked it. He dragged it open and said, “’Cause I’m a major pain in the ass.”

  I laughed, and he swept open the door for me. I stepped through, expecting him to follow, but he just let the door swing shut trapping us on either side of the glass, shot me a weird little salute, and jogged a little sideways out of view, in the direction of the club.

  I shook my head, locked the stairwell door behind me, and went up to my door.

  “Hey, you!” I called the next night when Sauley slid onto the barstool across from me.

  “Hey, Raven,” he said, tossing his too-long brown hair out of his eyes. I sighed.

  “Any word when they’re going to let you cut it?” I asked, pouring him his usual beer.

  “Probably when I start to look like a girl,” he said laughing.

  I shook my head. “I can’t say I will ever fully understand it all.” He shrugged, and I smiled and asked, “What brings you in?”

  “Mace asked me to walk you home, then Mav ordered it,” he said.

  “H—” I hesitated on the question then decided I really wanted to know. “How’s he doing?” I asked carefully, not looking at Sauley.

  “Got his ass beat,” Sauley said. I looked up sharply.

  “What?”

  Sauley swallowed his mouthful of beer. “Don’t let anyone know I told you,” he said. “It’s technically club business, so that’s all I can say. Don’t pry for more – please.”

  I nodded, unsettled and unhappy and asked, “Is he alright?”

  Sauley nodded. “He’s good. Sore for a while, but that’s so the lesson sticks if you know what I mean.”

  I shook my head and leaned onto the bar and said, “I’m afraid I don’t.”

  “Club’s different, Raven. You fuck up, they let you know about it. The system of club justice is swift – you take your whoopin’ and that’s it. No dragging shit out through the courts or whatever. You pay your price and it’s done. Mace fucked up, he got his ass kicked, and he won’t fuck up again. That’s how it works.”

  “It sounds brutal,” I said sadly and Sauley nodded.

  “Brutal, but efficient. No waiting or won
dering if it’s really over. Once it’s quashed, it’s quashed. It’s easier than how citizens operate by far. Simpler. In the end? In a lot of ways, kinder.”

  I listened to him, absorbing his words, and finally nodded slowly.

  “It makes sense,” I murmured. “Even if I don’t always agree with it.”

  He smiled. “You’re more one of us than you are one of them,” he said, jerking his head in the direction of the bar and the rest of the people in it.

  I shook my head and sighed. “I honestly don’t know where I belong,” I said.

  He searched my face, a strange set to his expression that I had no name or words for, and he said, “Honestly? I know he fucked up, but you know the answer to that just as much as I do, and I wish it wasn’t so…”

  His expression shut down then, sulking, sullen, as he took his beer back up and drank nearly half of it down in just a few pulls.

  I straightened and blinked, a little shocked, as the implication of what he was saying sank home.

  “I didn’t know you felt that way,” I said and felt the shock wash over and through me.

  “I didn’t either, but then there it was. Can you really blame me?” he asked.

  “Uh… yes?” I asked. “I don’t have any control over your feelings and I…” I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head back and forth. “I’m no prized pig, Sauley.”

  He smiled at that and laughed a little. Nodding, he said, “You are too. Don’t talk about yourself like that – and I’ll get over it. I promise. It’s just a little crush and I wouldn’t dream of getting in Mace’s way. Plus, I see the way you look at him. I just hope someday a woman looks at me like that.”

  I blinked once, long, slow, and stupid. I literally had no idea.

  “Why are you telling me this?” I asked.

  Sauley shrugged.

  “Don’t make it weird,” he said. “Just… if shit does fall through with Mace, I guess I just wanted to be on your radar.”

  Again, with that long stare in his direction with an equally long, slow, stupid blink.

  “I’m not sure what to say…”

  “Don’t say anything,” he said with a shrug. “You got a customer.”