by Kat Bostick
Time had no meaning as they stood under the shifting stars. Mari held him firm—held him together. This was not the music he longed to hear from her lips, but it was enough. Tonight, it would be enough.
It was the day that would follow, and the next and the next, that had Jasper worried.
Chapter 3
Mari
Mari should have known that her day wasn’t going to get any better when it began bright and early with the chime of her cell phone. After spending half the night standing in the snow with Jasper—she still wasn’t positive she didn’t have frostbite on her fingers—she was none too keen to wake up before 10 AM. Her shift didn’t start until noon and that gave her plenty of time to catch some much needed sleep. Or it should have if someone wasn’t rudely calling her at…Oh, shit. It was already 10:30.
Okay, fine, she slept in. That didn’t make her any more enthused about answering the call and hearing another lecture from her father. As if she was some sixteen year old that came home past curfew and not his adult child who’d lived on her own for years. Though Dad knew about Jasper and Mari’s living arrangement, he hadn’t ceased calling almost daily and demanding that she return home. It would be less irritating if he actually sounded like he wanted her home. Talk about mixed messages.
She supposed it could be genuine parental concern. After all, she did flee her hometown with little more than the shirt on her back and shack up with a complete stranger in rural Minnesota. If she was a parent, Mari might find that alarming too. But no amount of explanation and reassurance made him let up. Even when she’d proven to him that she was safe and happily working at Charlie’s lodge, he wasn’t any less suspicious.
Mari almost didn’t answer the phone. Of course, she realized by the second ring that ignoring the call would only lead to another. Lately Dad was unusually persistent.
So, Mari answered with a croaked “hello” and nearly dropped the phone when she heard her best friend’s squeal. She carefully withdrew from Jasper’s arms, slid to the edge of the bed, and whispered “Aubrey?”
“Finally! Mar, where the hell have you been? You haven’t answered my calls for like two weeks. I was starting to worry you were going all Norman Bates on me.” Aubrey shouted into the phone. Why did she have to talk so loudly?
“Wait, what?” Mari tried to cover the speaker to muffle some of the sound. “That doesn’t make any sense. Do you even know who Norman Bates is?”
“Yeah, duh! He worked in a motel; you work in a motel. It makes people psycho.”
“It’s a lodge, not a motel. And Norman Bates was psycho because of his mother, not the motel. What’s going on Aubs?”
Her answer came out in a hiss. “What’s going on is that you’re my best friend and I miss you. You don’t answer the phone anymore. I was trying to catch you off guard.”
“Why are you whispering?”
“What? I don’t know. Because you are! Why are you whispering?”
“I’m not whispering!” Mari whispered.
Jasper picked that moment to roll over, toss his arm around her waist, and say, “You realize I can hear you whispering when you’re in the other room, so there’s no point in keeping your voice down when I’m right next to you.”
“Oh em gee! Mari Sowka is that a man’s voice? Is there a man in bed with you?” Aubrey was squealing again. “Here I am thinking you’re trapped in some crappy motel, surrounded by hillbillies and in dire need of rescue when really you’re just busy getting laid!”
“I’m not getting—”
Aubrey continued her verbal attack. “Wait, he’s not one of the hillbillies, is he? At least tell me he’s a hot hillbilly. Holy shit, Mar, don’t tell me he’s a motel guest. Only creeps stay in shady motels, you know that, right?”
“Aubrey,” Mari tried to interrupt as an unhappy noise vibrated in Jasper’s throat. She wasn’t entirely sure which part of Aubrey’s chatter was bothering him. Jasper didn’t exactly like Aubrey.
“I know he’s not your boyfriend. You would have told me about a boyfriend, right? So, who is he? Is he leaving now? Was he a one-nighter or are you friends with benefits? I can’t believe this.”
“Aubrey,” Mari tried again.
“And for the record, I deserve pics. I need to know what this guy looks like. What did it take to finally de-prude-ify you?”
“Aubrey!” She snapped just as Jasper snarled, “You didn’t tell her about me?”
No, Mari hadn’t, because how the heck do you tell your best friend that? “Hey Aubs, by the way, I’m mated to a werewolf and live with his pack now. No biggie.”
Obviously, she couldn’t tell Aubrey the truth, so she’d been avoiding the conversation. It was one thing to lie to Dad, but she really hated lying to Aubrey. And, come on, she’d been a little busy.
Running away from a murderous luminary—who also happened to be the only other witch like her that Mari had ever met and the one responsible for cursing Jasper and stealing more than a year of his life—and her crazed, fire-starting coven, seeking refuge in a pack of werewolves, facing off with said coven, knifing the aforementioned luminary, and ending it all by agreeing to join the pack and learn her craft so she could be their official Wolfseggner—if that was even a real title—was just a teensy bit overwhelming. Hard to fit socializing on the calendar between all of that.
But honestly, it was mostly avoidance. Mari was the queen of not dealing with things. She could neatly tuck away emotions and problems in a safe and secure box in her head, only facing them when the box was overflowing with a maddening amount of crap.
Mari slipped from the bed and shut herself in the bathroom before Jasper could do or say anything else. “There are a few things I haven’t told you.”
Since they’d already woven a reasonable story to tell Dad, Mari decided to stick with it when she explained everything to Aubrey. As was expected, Aubrey was pissed. Not only was it her “best friend privilege” to know information like that, she couldn’t understand Mari’s decision to move in with someone she’d only just met. Mari wasn’t the head over heels in love type of person and her best friend knew it.
But it was different with Jasper.
Mari felt a rush of sadness as it occurred to her that she and her best friend not only lived in different places, they lived in different worlds. Aubrey knew about Mari’s witchcraft—theoretically, anyway—but there was no way for her to know about the rest. How long before her best friend got tired of the secrecy and lost touch?
“I’m sorry, Aubs, I really am. It’s been a hard year and I finally found something good. Part of me was afraid that if I shared it, I risked spoiling it. Like it was better because it was a secret.” As she said it, she found that it was true. Keeping her two worlds separate, the mundane and the magical, felt safer not only because the pack was safer but because there was less risk of the overlap destroying her finite happiness.
“I get it, Mar. You deserve something good. Someone good. And hot. He better be hot if you moved in with him without telling your best friend.” Aubrey started to giggle but it quickly turned into a sigh. “I just wish you weren’t so far away. Not even literally far away. You don’t talk to me anymore. I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
For all that Mari was happy, it was bittersweet. She still hadn’t figured out how to handle the drastic changes. Pack life had its charms, but there were aspects that drove Mari absolutely batty. How was she supposed to adjust to that without alienating her friends and family back home?
Jasper was upset when Mari finished her call. It was rare for him to get angry with her and if he did, it was usually a quick snap of irritation and nothing more. She was already feeling raw after her conversation with Aubrey so it stung when he stormed off to breakfast without her.
Just because Jasper didn’t get angry with her didn’t mean he hadn’t been angry more often than normal. Mari was trying not to let it worry her but a niggling voice in her head reminded her that Aubrey was right. Mar
i cannonballed into this with barely a toe test in the water first. She thought she knew Jasper well, better than she should have considering how short their time together was. Now, with his shortening fuse, she was having doubts.
The worst part was that Jasper could feel them through their bond. It was subtle and he didn’t pick up on everything, but when his emotions were already charged, he became much more aware of hers. Knowing that she was concerned about him, maybe even concerned about their relationship, did nothing to quiet his rage.
That was one of two reasons Charlie called Mari into the study for a meeting after breakfast. She’d expected a blow up when the alpha wanted to exclude Jasper, but before Charlie even finished extending the invitation, Jasper was stripping off his clothes and hurrying out the back door. On the one hand, she was glad he chose to get his frustration out with a run through the woods. Last time, Teal was the unfortunate victim of a stellar left hook. Not that Teal saw it that way. By the time they were up off the floor, their knuckles bloody, he was laughing. Jasper, not so much.
On the other hand, she knew she wasn’t the only one that thought he was changing too frequently.
Jasper seemed to be an exception when it came to a lot of the usual problems werewolves ran into. He walked as the wolf for almost a year before even a hint of madness set in. Sometimes—maybe most of the time—Jasper was more comfortable on four legs.
That, like much of Jasper, was a mystery.
Apparently, his current behavior was less mystery and more mishap waiting to happen, in Charlie’s opinion. The first thing he said to her when she walked through his open door was, “Your mate is becoming a problem.” Cash and Deak, who were seated in the two leather chairs in front of Charlie’s desk, nodded their agreement.
“What do you mean, ‘a problem?’” She stopped in front of the fireplace, crossing her arms and scowling.
“Where is he right now?”
“Outside?” Mari gestured vaguely toward the window. “I don’t know. I’m not his keeper.”
“You do know and you’re as concerned as I am. Don’t forget who you’re talking to.” What you’re talking to was more accurate. For all of their violent tendencies, werewolves were incredibly sensitive. They were highly attuned to the emotions of others, true empaths. It was freaking annoying.
“He’s stressed out. Can you blame him? He lost a year of his life to a curse.”
“It’s more than stress.”
Where was he going with this? “So, what do you expect me to do about it?”
“What you were born to do. What I brought you into this pack to do.” Charlie pushed back in his chair, focusing on rolling the sleeves of his button up as he said, “Or else I fear the time will come for me to handle it.”
The temperature in the room dropped. Even the fire at her back felt cool. The only heat was on her tongue, fizzing and popping with magic that she hadn’t intended to call when she asked, “What does that mean?”
The main door to the study opened and Clem cleared her throat primly. “Based on the suffocating tension in here, I’d say it’s going well, father. It’s been what? Thirty seconds? And you’ve already got the witch ready to turn you all into toads. Well done.” The she-wolf stepped into the room and shut the door behind her. “Males can be incredibly tactless. Please forgive them their poor communication skills.” She said to Mari.
“So, is this a pack meeting now? Are we all here to talk about Jasper behind his back?” Mari snapped.
“I told you it wasn’t a good idea to have this conversation with them here.” Clem gestured to her brothers.
Charlie’s smile was rueful. Mari wanted to smack it off his face. “Yes, yes, did you come here to gloat, my citrus sweet?”
“I came to mediate so that Mari doesn’t hex any of you. Did you bring up the mating issue yet?”
“Mating issue?” Mari choked.
“Haven’t you wondered if your mating, or rather lack of mating, could be the cause of this?” Charlie unbuttoned his other sleeve and continued rolling.
No, Mari hadn’t wondered that, exactly. It was the opposite that crossed her mind with growing frequency. And it was the opposite that had her hesitating in that department far more than her nerves.
During one of the few lessons she was allowed to give her, Gran described black magic as an entity more than an act.
“Inside each witch is a door.” She explained. “When they come into their power that door is firmly closed, but never locked. You have a door inside of you, just as I do. Only you can open that door and let the darkness into you. Be warned, chérie. Once that door is opened, it can never be shut again.”
Lyse had her door wide open the night she tried to kill Mari. Though her intentions started in the right place, it didn’t stop the darkness from creeping into her and muddying her soul. There was no better way to invite it in than to use an enchanted dagger to kill other witches and take their power. As far as sins went, murdering and stealing from your own kind was pretty high up there.
Intention was an important element of casting. Mari knew that, though she didn’t quite understand how it worked. She didn’t understand how any of it worked. Which was why she didn’t know if her intentions were any kind of protection from evil when she killed Lyse. Self-defense meant little to the scale that balanced dark and light.
Inside Mari was a door, and with every night that she dreamed of wolves massacring innocents, of shadowy voices encouraging her to spin spells born of hatred, she became more afraid that it was open. Something insidious was festering in her soul. A soul that was indelibly tied to Jasper’s.
What impact would that have on him? If Mari utilized black magic when she used that dagger, how did it affect Jasper? Surely, he wasn’t removed from it. He couldn’t be. That was the point of the mating bond. Two souls interconnected, too close to ever come apart. It was a hell of a lot more binding than “for better or for worse.” The consequences of the worse worried her.
That was the root of all the other problems they were dealing with. Mari couldn’t even broach a conversation about completing their bond because it terrified her. If Jasper was struggling with his aggression this much now, how bad would it get if they were wholly and completely open to each other? Assuming their bond would change when they completed it.
The list of people that Mari would die to protect was short. Jasper was at the very top of that list. Earlier this year, she’d been prepared to die for him. In the brief time that they’d known each other, he’d become essential. He was her missing piece. How could she live with herself if she destroyed him? Destroyed him in her attempt to save him.
Mari felt her cheeks heat. “Seriously? You’re trying to tell me that he’s acting out because he’s not getting laid?” Cash started to laugh but his amused look faltered when Mari shot him a glare that could have melted steel. “Even if that were the case, it’s none of your business. And it’s not your job to work out the kinks in my relationship with Jasper.”
“Ha! I knew you were kinky.” Cash grunted when Clem slapped him upside the head. Werewolf mediation was very different from human mediation.
“I’m going to turn you into a poodle if you don’t shut up, Cash.” Mari so wasn’t in the mood for his banter today.
She picked up the nearest object—a bible—and chucked it at him when he said, “Looks like Jasper isn’t the only one that’s cantankerous without sex.”
“Why is he here?” Mari yelled to Charlie, her angry finger pointing at a grinning Cash. “Why do you let this overgrown child do anything important? Get to the point, Charlie. I’m not interested in having this conversation with you.”
“Watch your tone, witch.” Charlie’s glacial eyes snapped up to her. The room grew even colder. “I suspect Jasper feels instinctively territorially given the…unfinished nature of your mating. We are animals as much as we are men—”
“And women.” Clem interrupted.
“Yes, Clementine.” He sighed. Charlie
was full of sighs today. “What I’m trying to explain is that we are, to some extent, at the mercy of our nature. This is going to get worse. He’s going to get worse. As a Wolfseggner, your presence should prevent this kind of behavior in a pack. Instead, you’re causing it.”
Mari felt another pebble of insecurity drop into the well of her heart. It would send ripples through the water for days. Actually, if she kept up at this pace, there would be no water at all. Only a mountain made up of those tiny stones until she felt broken and useless.
“Why haven’t you been casting?” There it was. The question that everyone was wondering but no one was brave enough to ask her.
Clem suddenly found the painting above the fireplace very fascinating. Mari didn’t have to be a werewolf to read guilt on her. So, she was tattling to Charlie. And why wouldn’t she? They were devoting hours and hours to studying her craft only for her to neglect the actual practice of it. How was Mari supposed to explain to Charlie what her fears were? Especially given that she may be putting the whole pack at risk if what she suspected was true.
Again. She would be putting the pack at risk for a second time in less than three months. How many times did a new member have to do that before they got the boot? Mari couldn’t blame them if they decided she wasn’t worth the trouble. It wouldn’t be the first time.
Mari opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again. “I’ve been busy.”
“If you need to talk about what happened with the coven—”
“We’ll have a family meeting?” She glared at the others in the room. “I don’t need to talk about anything. I’m fine. Just dandy. Jasper too. We’re adjusting.”
“If you’re not going to be his mate and you’re not going to be useful, why not leave?” Deak got Clem’s next slap. “I’m only saying what we’re all thinking.”
Mari swallowed thickly. Were they all thinking that?
“This is getting out of hand.” Charlie pushed back from his desk, brushing invisible creases from his shirt. “I know you don’t want to hear this from me, but I have to keep a pulse on everyone in this house. This problem is encroaching on our household and as the alpha, it’s my responsibility to help you resolve it.”