‘Anything goes in that world, Jason. Lee wanted to get onto the next rung of the ladder – he didn’t worry about moral rights and wrongs when it came to his career. That didn’t sit well with me.’ Claudia sighed. ‘And talk about arrogant! Lee thought he was the one sealing the deals, with me as an intelligent accessory, but he was too forceful. They could smell his ambition, and I’m not sure they trusted him. Mine was a quieter, perhaps more effective kind of persuasion. I certainly doubt it was all down to toned calf muscles or sleek hair.’
Jason took a sip of wine to quell the notion that he’d quite like to punch her ex-husband, but the alcohol only emboldened him to ask more.
‘Was that why you broke up?’ He made an apologetic face. ‘Or shouldn’t I ask?’
Claudia looked at him for the longest time, her cat’s eyes penetrating, then said, ‘It’s okay. I want to tell you.’ She sipped her wine. ‘I wanted children. Lee knew that. We’d discussed it before we married, but we were busy with our careers, so it was put on hold. And that’s where it stayed. He kept saying he wasn’t ready. As time went by, I tried to pin him down. His excuses became thinner. And then…’ Another sip of wine. ‘Lee had friends over for poker once a month. They drank and behaved in a laddish manner which I hated, so I usually made sure I was out. That last time, I’d felt under the weather all day, so I cancelled my night out and stayed upstairs, out of their way. Later on, I went downstairs to boil the kettle, and as I passed the doorway…’ She shook her head. ‘They say you should never listen in, don’t they? In case you hear something you don’t like.’
‘What did you hear?’ Jason prompted softly.
‘I heard one of his mates say, “No sprogs for you yet, Lee?” And Lee said, “Not bloody likely. She keeps nagging, but it won’t get her anywhere.” His pal said, “Can’t avoid it forever, mate. She’ll get her way in the end. Women always do.”’ Claudia’s voice hitched. ‘And Lee said, “No way. I’ll keep her dangling. Keep her busy at work. She’ll give up asking. Time’ll run out.”’
Jason couldn’t believe the man’s cold-heartedness. He could see the betrayal in Claudia’s eyes, even now.
‘You didn’t ever consider…?’ He stopped. Unfair, Jason.
‘Did I consider getting pregnant deliberately? Yes, I considered it. And I dismissed it. Why would I choose to bring a child into the world knowing it wasn’t wanted by its own father? Besides, Lee had that covered. Literally. He was always very careful. Anyway, three days later, I handed in my notice at work, packed my bags and left.’
‘How did that go down with Lee?’
‘He didn’t care enough to make a fuss. And I had my freedom.’
Jason was beginning to see why Claudia prized her freedom so much. Stifled in her marriage, denied the family she wanted, persuaded to follow someone else’s whims… No wonder she did her own thing now. Unable to picture her any other way, he found himself fiercely pleased that she’d escaped a man who didn’t appreciate her and could be so dishonest, so selfish.
‘How do you feel about him now?’
Claudia smiled sadly. ‘He wasn’t an abusive man, but I allowed him to have his own way; allowed his ambition to take over. I’ve forgiven him for not valuing who or what I was. But I am still struggling to forgive him for lying to me, for allowing me to stay with him for too long under false pretences – if he’d had his way, until I’d have little or no chance of a family. It was so calculated.’
‘Did you move to Cornwall soon after?’
‘No. I took a temporary job in London for a few months until the flat was sold. I used that time to think about what I wanted; tried a few different therapies.’ She chuckled. ‘A lot of different therapies. Some were helpful, some weren’t. I spent so much time looking into everything, I figured I could help others with what I’d learned. And the sea was calling me. I didn’t have to pick Cornwall, but I did want to be as far away from Lee and London as I could get. A stone’s throw from Land’s End seemed apt.’
Jason smiled. ‘You’ve been through the wringer.’
‘Not as badly as you. I can’t imagine losing a spouse, but to have been on the verge of divorce…’ Her eyes caught and held his, compelling. ‘Tell me.’
Jason couldn’t break the eye contact. ‘Gemma and I met at the start of university. She found out she was pregnant just after graduation. I’ve no idea how that happened – end-of-exams drunken forgetfulness, probably. It wasn’t the end of the world – we’d already been together three years, and we figured we’d’ve got married and had kids anyway.’ He let out a breath. ‘The first few years weren’t easy. I had to continue studying to become a fully fledged architect, and Gemma had to establish her teaching career, both of us trying to bring in money while bringing up Millie. But we were happy enough.’
‘What went wrong?’
‘We were too young. People grow and mature, don’t they? We might not have even got together if we’d met when we were thirty.’ He sighed. ‘We changed; the life we lived was too demanding. We grew apart, but we ignored it for Millie’s sake.’
‘But you finally decided to get a divorce?’
‘Yes. We hadn’t even started proceedings yet. We’d only just told Millie, close family, a couple of best friends. Then Gemma was diagnosed.’ Jason stopped. The need to tell someone the truth of what had really happened between him and Gemma had been choked down for so long… and here was Claudia, so trusting in telling him her own painful details that he knew she’d only shared with Tanya.
What the hell, Jason. You need to do this.
‘Gemma was having an affair,’ he blurted out, watching surprise dawn on her face. ‘I don’t blame her. To all intents and purposes, we were finished, and she wanted something more. But nobody knew about that, not even her parents or Millie. Gemma had wanted to deliver the bad news in small doses – tell them we were planning a divorce, wait for them to absorb that, then explain about her new man. We only got as far as the first stage.’ He swallowed. ‘The pains Gemma had been having on and off became acute very quickly, and the doctor finally sent her for tests. It was late-stage bowel cancer.’
‘Oh, Jason.’ Tears pricked Claudia’s eyes, golden in the lamplight.
‘It was such a shock. And everything was already such a mess.’ He took a moment. ‘Gemma’s new bloke scarpered.’
Claudia held his gaze. ‘But you didn’t.’
‘How could I? I wouldn’t have let her down like that. Millie and I coped with Gemma at home for as long as possible, but for the last few weeks, she was in a hospice. I thought Millie might break and never mend.’ His voice hitched. ‘But Gemma and I became friends again before she died. That was important for us, to get from where we’d been to that, at least.’
His mind drifted back to Gemma’s room in the hospice. Holding hands with her for the first time in so long. The afternoon sun slanting through the window.
‘Do you remember when we first met?’ she’d asked him, her voice slurry from the drugs.
Jason had squeezed her hand. ‘How could I forget? You had the prettiest smile in the student union that night.’
‘You were pissed.’
‘Guilty as charged. But I hadn’t lost my eyesight.’
‘When you asked me out, you stammered.’
‘That was the beer. Or maybe nerves, because I was asking the hottest girl in the place out on a date.’
Gemma had smiled at that. ‘You thought I was pretty and hot?’
‘Oh yeah.’
She’d drifted back to sleep then, but the smile had stayed on her face.
Jason blinked away a tear as he brought Claudia back into focus. ‘Gemma didn’t deserve to die so young. Millie didn’t deserve to lose her mother.’
Claudia moved to sit beside him, placing a hand against his chest. ‘You never told anyone about Gemma’s affair?’
‘No. What good would it have served, other than putting Gemma in a bad light with her daughter, her parents, when she couldn’t defend
herself? I got enough sympathy as a grieving widower.’
‘I’m betting her parents blame you for the divorce? Millie, too?’
‘Yes. Her parents… Bound to happen. Isn’t that the way it always works? As for Millie, we’d told her we’d grown apart, but when Gemma became ill…? Millie couldn’t be angry with her mum. But she could be angry with me.’ Claudia opened her mouth, but he cut her off before she could speak. ‘And no, I won’t tell her just to stop her being mad with me. I wouldn’t do that to Gemma. Not ever.’
‘I understand.’
‘I’m not saying it isn’t hard. I am saying I won’t have it any other way.’ Jason sighed, his chest sinking under her hand, relieved at having finally shared his burden.
Claudia squeezed him lightly, and it was only then that he truly registered her closeness. There was no danger of him taking it any other way than it was meant – the caring of an unexpected confidante. He was too emotionally exhausted. He placed his hand over hers, and they sat in understanding silence.
And for the first time in a very long while, Jason felt just a little at peace with himself.
By the time Jason had walked Claudia home, it was almost midnight. As they hovered at the base of her steps, he offered to come by in the morning and drive her back to her car at his house, but she said she’d walk. If she woke with a hangover, the fresh air would do her good.
As she got ready for bed, her emotions were in turmoil. A simple meal with Millie in attendance had ended up as an unchaperoned tête-à-tête with a man she had very mixed feelings about, one that gradually became an evening of revelations neither of them had seemed able to contain.
Claudia understood Jason more now. The way he was always so protective of Millie was understandable, if occasionally misguided – but knowing what he’d been through made a difference. She could only admire his self-sacrifice for the sake of Gemma’s memory, and she wished Millie could see him in a kinder light. Even without the knowledge that her mother had had an affair, it was unreasonable for Millie to blame her father. But without Gemma there to take equal blame, it was understandable.
That Jason was willing to wear the villain’s mantle for Millie’s sake was remarkable. It made his relationship with his daughter so much harder, and he must have a will of iron not to lash out whenever Millie behaved badly towards him.
Jason had seemed better for telling Claudia, though. It had been too much for him to have carried alone, and he’d held onto it for too long.
As Claudia climbed between cool sheets, Pudding curling sleepily at her feet, she smiled at the progress she had made with Jason. With Millie moving forward, too, perhaps it wouldn’t be long before father and daughter could finally understand each other. There was nothing Claudia would like to see more.
Chapter Sixteen
Jason woke with an ominous feeling of dread. At first, he couldn’t put his finger on it. He’d had a successful evening with Claudia – a nice meal, a few glasses of wine. They hadn’t fought once. In fact, they’d got on the whole time…
And there was the problem. As their conversation came back to him, he remembered how much he’d shared. Too much. He couldn’t blame the wine. He’d wanted to tell her; to unburden himself. It was such a release to be with Claudia, willing to listen and empathise without suffocating him with pity.
But in the cold light of day, he seriously regretted that impulse to offload details that nobody could ever know. What if Claudia let something slip with Millie? What if she forgot what she was supposed to know or not know? Had he made it clear? He couldn’t remember his exact words. He shouldn’t have let his guard down.
By the time he’d choked down toast that tasted like cardboard, dressed and climbed into his car – noting that Claudia’s was no longer parked outside – Jason had subtly managed to shift the blame onto her. She encouraged confidences, whether deliberately or not. She certainly had Millie doing the same.
Driving along the beach road, he braked sharply at Healing Waves. He needed to be sure she knew how important this was to him. How confidential.
Claudia was suppressing a yawn when there was a knock at the locked shop door.
‘Just a minute!’ Not even opening time yet. Some people…
She opened it to find Jason standing there, an agitated air about him, all trace of the relaxed state she’d left him in the night before gone. Claudia suppressed a sigh along with another yawn as she let him in.
‘Claudia. About last night…’ he began.
She couldn’t help but smile.
Jason frowned. ‘What’s funny?’
‘Think about it and be glad I don’t have customers in here to spread the word.’
Claudia watched, delighted, as his cheeks reddened.
‘Ah. I see. Sorry. Yes, well…’
‘What about last night?’
He fidgeted, picking up a pale blue-green tumblestone from the tray nearby and rubbing it between his fingers. Claudia smiled to herself. If only he knew that amazonite could help with communication.
Jason took a deep breath and launched right in. ‘Claudia, last night I shared things with you that I haven’t spoken about to anybody. I want to reiterate that. I need to ask you to keep what I told you to yourself.’
Claudia felt like all the wind had been knocked out of her. She’d thought they’d made progress; that they’d built up a level of trust between them. Knowing he liked to keep his cards close to his chest, she’d felt safe telling him details of her own past. Didn’t he feel as comfortable with her? Surely he knew that what he’d told her was safe?
And yet, here he stood.
‘You don’t need to ask, Jason.’ She kept her voice as even as she could, although it still shook slightly with disappointment. ‘I assumed the same over what I told you – things that nobody in Cornwall knows, apart from Tanya. I’m sure you’ll respect my confidences, too.’
He stared at her, perhaps recognising the strain in her voice. An awkward moment passed between them.
‘Of course. Thanks. Well. I should get to work.’
After he left, Claudia stared at the closed door for a long moment. She’d thought they’d taken great strides forward last night. But Jason was clearly full of regret.
‘Claudia Bennett?’
‘Yes?’ The incoming call on her business mobile wasn’t from a caller she recognised, but since she gave this number out on her website, that happened a lot.
‘This is Ollie Barton from your local, friendly radio station. I don’t know if you’ve heard of me?’
‘Oh, I’ve heard of you.’
If Claudia could have heard him smirk at the other end of the line, she knew she would have.
‘Did you hear the interview last week with Amber and Raven of Hester’s Cauldron?’
‘I heard it.’ And it feels like I’ve heard about nothing else since.
‘Then you may be interested in my proposition. I have a slot on our Wednesday local business news tomorrow morning. I’m offering you the right to reply. Will you take me up on it?’ There was undisguised challenge in his voice.
Claudia’s initial reaction was to tell him where to shove it. The thought of appearing on the radio made her feel sick with nerves. And she could make things a whole lot worse than they already were. But the logical part of her brain told her to hang fire. She needed to think it through.
‘When do you need to know by?’
‘First thing tomorrow morning. You’d have to be at the studio by eleven.’
‘We couldn’t do it by phone?’
‘Sorry, Ms Bennett. I prefer to conduct my interviews face-to-face.’ An unspoken ‘take it or leave it’ hung between them.
Claudia closed her eyes. ‘I’ll let you know by nine tomorrow.’
Clicking off, she dropped the phone onto the counter, glanced at her watch and flipped the ‘closed’ sign ten minutes early.
When she walked into the Page Turner, Evelyn looked at her in concern. ‘Claudia, you’re as pa
le as a ghost. What’s the matter?’
Sarah rushed over and sat her down. Evelyn made peppermint tea and flipped their closed sign as soon as their one remaining customer left.
When Claudia had told them her tale of woe, Sarah said, ‘I think you should do it.’
‘But Sarah! A radio interview!’
‘Claudia, you told us you used to work for some fancy firm in London. Didn’t you give presentations to clients?’
‘Yes.’
‘This is no different.’
‘But I left all that behind!’
‘I know, honey, but sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to, and at least you have the training and experience for it.’
Evelyn took Claudia’s hand. ‘If you don’t go on, it’ll look bad, and those girls will have won at whatever game they’re playing.’
‘Hmm. I’m still torn on that one,’ Sarah said. ‘We know they went on the radio to plug their new business. What we don’t know is that they planned the verbal attack on Claudia. It might be that Ollie Wotsit happened to ask the question and they took advantage. Spontaneous, you know?’
‘I’m not sure that matters any more,’ Claudia pointed out. ‘What matters is that all I can say on the radio is what I’ve been saying all week… which is at best lame and at worst barely true.’
Evelyn had been tapping at her phone. ‘Claudia, I don’t think you have any choice.’ She turned the screen so they could see Ollie Barton’s page on social media:
I invited Claudia Bennett of Healing Waves, Porthsteren to give her side of the story in the ongoing tale of rivalry between herself and Amber and Raven of newly opened Hester’s Cauldron. She’ll let me know. Running scared?
Claudia got up to pace around the tables of books. ‘I hate that man.’
Sarah caught her hand as she went past. ‘You don’t hate anyone, honey. You don’t have it in you.’
‘I think I could cultivate the skill.’ Claudia stopped and closed her eyes. ‘Ugh! It’s meditation tonight. People might have seen this. I’ll have Libby on my back. And Alice.’
The Little Shop in Cornwall: A heartwarming and feel good beach read Page 20