Just Breathe

by Heather Allen

  Amber giggles, “We’ll have to work on that one.”

  She says, “Okay last one, moving something without touching it.This one is going to really drain you.”

  She swims to the edge of the field of grasses and I follow. She guides us to a place where there are rocks and a coral bed. I stop and spot a rock about the size of my hand in the sand. I close my eyes and focus on lifting it. I open my eyes quickly to see if I am making anything happen. It seems to be wiggling but hasn’t lifted yet. I focus on just the rock and feel the water around me. It seems to give me more energy. The rock is really wiggling and I can see it’s a whole lot bigger than I originally thought. I thrust my hands out in front of me as if trying to lift an imaginary object. Suddenly the rock is free and is actually the size of a small boulder. Amber looks at me with a surprised look and uses her hand to lower my arms. As she does this, the rock lowers back into the sand.

  She gasps, “Amazing, I am beginning to think there is more to you than we think.”

  I frown, “What does that mean?”

  She tells me, “Most of us can move small objects with our minds but you used your arms, and that rock was giant.” I suddenly feel exhausted.

  She nods at me, “Let’s get you some rest.”

  I feel like all I’ve done is sleep since I’ve been here, how can I be this tired. I wonder if mermaids sleep a lot. Maybe that’s why Gam-aw left; I chuckle to myself at my own dumb joke. Maybe I’m delirious too. We swim back to the dwelling for my third shut eye since I’ve been here.

  20

  The City

  I find myself back in the cave but Jack isn’t sleeping this time. He is waiting for me, or so it seems. I turn around and the blue in his eyes makes me stand frozen. He smiles and I feel warmth. He wraps his arms around me causing electricity to flow and our lips touch lightly. I can’t let go of him. A loud noise echoes through the space. My heart skips a beat and we’re running. Blood is racing through my veins. Jack grabs my hand and we jump. I brace myself for the cold water that I know is coming but I feel nothing.

  I wake up slowly this time and glance around. I’m in the room I slept in before, with the blue blanket but I’m not surrounded by air as before. I am still surrounded by water. I look down and I’m shocked to see that I still have my mermaid fin. I don’t think I will ever get used to this. It isn’t hard and rough as you would think like a fish. It is smooth and soft, the exact opposite of what it looks like. And strong, I am amazed at the strength I have. My legs could never have carried me as fast as this fin can.

  I get out of bed and swim out into the hall. I peek into the room beside mine and see that Amber is still sleeping. I glide into the kitchen and find an apple. I finish my meager snack and head to the largest room. Once there though, I decide to keep going and swim out the door. I remember Amber told me a low profile is necessary so I decide to keep to myself. I’ve been here a full day and still don’t know anything about the city. I want to explore. Once out the door I turn right. Sprawling out in front of me are the most incredible structures I have ever seen. Just imagine the buildings of New York City and double their size. Add amazing colors and rounded edges. The unreal part of it all as I swim around wandering, is that we must be hundreds of miles down under the surface of the water. These buildings stretch so far up into the sea. They look like they could touch the sky beyond the air.

  As I swim, I notice all the structures are situated parallel to each other but all the roads, if they call them that, point in the same direction. I swim through them. It almost seems as if the roads mimic the spokes of a bicycle. I decide to turn down one and swim in the direction they all seem to point. After swimming for about twenty minutes, I notice a different structure coming into view. It has columns and points jetting out in all directions on top. I swim closer and notice it is very large, but nothing in comparison to some of the other structures. It almost resembles a sort of castle on land. It glimmers in different hues of blue and white as the water sways around it. Then I see something white surrounding it, almost resembling a gate just very thin almost transparent. From far away, it wouldn’t even have been noticeable. When I am about twenty feet away, I see two mermen gliding through the water on the other side of the gate, pacing back and forth. I suddenly realize, this must be where Seamus and Metea live. My heart speeds up as I realize, I shouldn’t be here because Amber said he couldn’t know I am here.

  I quickly turn around and start swimming back down the road I came. After about ten minutes I stop because nothing looks familiar. I am not recognizing anything from swimming down this road before. I am completely lost. I must have gotten turned around. I head back toward the castle.

  Once there I realize, duh, I’m in the sea, I can just swim up and see where I am. I start to swim up glancing back down, occasionally. The structures are surrounding me with their immense size. I glance back toward the castle and stop. From this view I can see I was totally right about the bike spokes. The castle has about forty of those roads heading out in all directions. I realize also that even from this vantage point, there is still no way I will be able to find my way back to Amber’s. All the roads turn in different directions and connect in various angles after branching out from the castle. I’m stumped at this point. Amber is going to be so worried and angry.

  I swim a little higher to see if it will help. The blue sky beyond the water pulls me toward it. The sky is brighter the higher I ascend. Looking around I find that I’ve passed the highest point of the highest structure. About a half of a mile from the surface and suddenly I hit something. I try to swim higher and I’m thrown backward. It’s almost as if there is an invisible wall between me and the surface of the water. Shocked, I swim further and try to go up again. After swimming parallel to the surface for what seems like an hour, I try to swim for the surface again and I’m thrown back. This is starting to worry me, big time. Am I to never see the sun again? I look back down at the city, which from this view looks tiny, like one of my brother’s little model cities for his matchbox cars when he was little. This thought makes my heart ache. If I can never surface, then I will definitely never see my family again. I never realized how final it would all be. I’m feeling scared now and I realize, truly alone.

  As I swim around debating what to do, I glance down and see two figures swimming in my direction. Inconspicuous must not have worked. There is nothing near to use to defend myself. Then I remember the fish thing that I did earlier in the day. I close my eyes and imagine immense amounts of fish swimming all around me. The familiar pin pricks tingle down my arms. I open my eyes and thousands of silver fish are swimming all around me and the two figures coming closer. I turn around the other way and swim as fast as I can. When I glance back again, the two figures are still stuck in the middle of the fish. I start to swim back down. The only person who can help now, is Amber.

  Suddenly, someone else is swimming towards me. Panic settles, the fish thing will only work so many times. As the person gets closer, the color purple catches my eye and relief washes through me. She gets closer and green flashes over her eyes with a very large frown.

  Ten feet away she starts in on me, “Ever, I have been going crazy trying to find you. You can’t just go wandering around. You might get caught and believe it or not that will get me into a lot of trouble. Do you realize they could have seen you up here? Why are you up here anyway?”

  Then she spots the school of fish surrounding the two mermen far behind me and asks, “Did you do that?” I nod and wince, waiting for her to finish.

  She goes on, “Oh great, now someone knows you are here.”

  I ignore her anger and ask, “Why can’t I swim to the surface? It’s almost as if there is an invisible wall blocking me from getting to the surface.”

  Her eyes cloud over and she says simply, “You chose the sea.”

  I’m getting very angry now, “That doesn’t mean I never want to see the sun again.”

  She shakes her head sadly, “I told you
Seamus made laws forbidding land and sea from meeting. This is part of it.”

  All I can do is swim around angrily when what I really want to do is throw something. “That is so….not fair…are we prisoners or something…no one told me this part.”

  She reminds me, “You were supposed to stay on land, remember?”

  I start to swim back down into the depths. Amber places her hand on my shoulder but I shrug it off. She zips in front of me and I follow her all the way back to her dwelling. We don’t speak a word the whole way. I’m so beyond mad. I made this choice for someone, who I don’t even know if I will ever see again. I gave up my family, friends and ultimately pretty decent life for what? I’m not sure I know anymore. I’m beginning to think I made a terrible mistake and I can’t take it back.

  Back at Amber’s dwelling I ask, “Can I have air?”

  She looks sadly at me and wills the water away. I will legs and land on the floor with a thud.

  She starts, “I’m sorry…”

  I don’t let her finish. I swim to the room with the blue blanket and close the door. I am so disgusted with myself. I just can’t talk to her right now. Curling up with the blanket, my mind drifts, thinking about Jack. We’ve only known each other; for maybe a month and I gave up everything for him. I must be crazy making that kind of sacrifice. My heart flutters when I remember how he makes me feel. The electricity and warmth we feel when we're together. He makes me feel so complete. That’s why this choice was so easy to make. Loving him is worth this I decide for the moment and I doze off.

  21

  Jack

  I wake feeling refreshed and charged for the decision I made before falling asleep. First things first though, my stomach is famished. While walking to the kitchen I realize that legs actually feel awkward now that I’ve been here a little while. Amber is making more fish.

  I ask her, “Is this all you eat?”

  She answers, “We usually don’t cook it, you know sushi, but I thought you would need to ease into that part.”

  Oh great more news, raw fish, yuck!

  When we finish eating I tell her, “Amber I made this choice for one reason and one reason only, Jack. I know you tell me he has a job and we aren’t supposed to be together and all of that but truly, I don’t care.”

  She shakes her head with cloudy eyes and starts to say something but I cut her off, “I was not born here. I have no obligation to anything concerning the laws of the sea. My only focus is Jack. I’ve been working out a plan.”

  She hesitates and grins at this, “You are so stubborn, aren’t you?”

  Nodding, “My family will attest to that. The first part of my plan is to find a way through that invisible barrier keeping us from the surface. I know Jack is on land.”

  She looks at me with a sly grin, “Well consider your first part done. That was easy. What’s next?”

  I’m confused, “What do you mean? Do you know how to get through?”

  She nods, “Of course I can get through. Remember I’m a guide.” Oh, that part slipped my mind.

  I ask, “You can get through but can I if I am with you?”

  She smiles and says, “As long as you are with me, yes.”

  Then she frowns and asks, “How do you know Jack is on land?”

  “Well, I have had this same recurring dream since I met him. Most recently a new part has been showing in the dream. Jack in a cave.”

  She looks down and shakes her head.

  I ask worried, “What does that mean?”

  She looks up at me curiously, “It’s really you, isn’t it?”

  I’m completely confused.

  “What do you mean? Does my dream mean something bad?"

  She shakes her head, “I have no idea what your dream means except that maybe you have seen where Jack is. I am amazed at this because it has been said in the sea that someday Seamus would be challenged by a very powerful mer-person from the land. I am beginning to think it might be you.”

  I shake my head, “No probably not me. I am only here for Jack.”

  She nods, “I know but the more ‘wills’ you exhibit, the more, I think you might be the person in the stories. I have never heard of someone having ‘wills’ within their dreams. That displays a lot of power.”

  I brush her off and decide I don’t want to talk about some old mer-people story. I might just lose my nerve to help Jack.

  We plan to leave the next morning. Apparently I will be able to ‘will’ legs to walk on land. Jack and my Gam-aw told me some tall tales to scare me away from the sea. Obviously it didn’t work.

  I am not familiar with the California landscape but I’m guessing Jack parked his car near the beach and hiked up into the mountains nearby that overlook the ocean. The cliff in my dream looks out over the ocean. The cave can’t be far. It’s just a matter of looking.

  I tell Amber we will have to go into the local town first to get supplies because there is no way to know how far we will have to hike and I want to be prepared. She is very uneasy about the whole plan especially taking me back out of the ocean. I assure her I will not implicate her in anything if we are caught.

  Who am I kidding? I have no idea what I am up against, if I do get caught by Seamus or Jaspen. The only thing I know for sure is that I need Jack and I won’t be happy until I find him. What comes later, I will at least have Jack with me to face whatever it is.

  We wake early the next morning and she ‘wills’ water again. I was just getting used to the legs again and here's the fin. We start out the door and turn left. Amber leads us out of the city toward the deep water as they call it instead of the beach. She says that we have to leave where there are less people, especially since they might know I’m here now, due to my brief encounter yesterday. As we swim, I begin to get the feeling as if someone is following us. I glance back and spot three mermen about a block behind us.

  I speed up and tell Amber, “I think we’re being followed.”

  She looks back, “Oh great, those are castle mermen. They must know you are here.”

  She takes my hand and we speed up turning around a corner down a path between two structures.

  She tells me, “We probably won’t be able to outswim them. You’re going to have to use a ‘will’.”

  I look at her dumbfounded.

  She takes my hands and tells me, “Focus Ever, think of something to slow them down.”

  I close my eyes and imagine a huge bubble. Nothing else comes to my mind. When I open my eyes Amber is glancing around the corner.

  She exclaims, “Ever, you are incredible.”

  I peek down the path and all three mermen are trapped in a bubble of air.

  I freeze and worriedly ask, “Will they be alright in the air like that?”

  She smiles and squeezes my shoulder, “They will be fine.”

  We take off towards the deep. I’m thinking that I might really get into trouble now.

  It takes half the day to get out of the city and circle back around. When we drag ourselves up onto the beach, we are completely exhausted. I notice that my clothes are still in the pile where I left them on the beach, what seems like weeks ago. I gather them up and find my keys exactly where I left them. Amber notices Jack’s car as we walk through the lot.

  She asks, “Did he leave it here?”

  I shrug my shoulders, “I guess. It was here when I came the other day. It doesn’t seem like it’s been touched since.” She climbs into the passenger side of the jeep. She seems very uncomfortable.

  I assure her, “Amber, everything will be fine.”

  She looks at me, “I’m just not used to being on land.”

  I laugh, “Funny, I guess things come full circle now that our roles are reversed.” She smiles. I think of Jack and I get butterflies in my stomach. Here we go.

  We pull up to a small sporting goods shop a small while later. I have clothes but Amber is still only wearing her bikini. We decide that she will stay in the jeep while I get the supplies
. I head in and pick up snacks, water, backpacks, clothes for Amber, a jacket and hiking shoes for both of us, rope, and a couple of items the clerk said I couldn’t go hiking without like a tent. Fortunately, I have my mom’s emergency credit card to pay for everything. Unfortunately, I feel terribly guilty without calling home. If I don’t call this will lead them on a wild goose chase trying to solve my disappearance.

  I slip around the back of the store and use the payphone. I dial while trying to come up with a good story.

  My mom picks up on the first ring, “Ever, is that you?”

  “Yeah mom it is. Sorry for not calling sooner.”

  She takes a deep breath. I can tell she’s been crying.

  “Where are you, honey? We’ve been so worried. Are you alright?”

  I nod, as if she can see me, ridiculous.

  “Yes, mom I’m fine. I just needed some time away… I’m…uh… eighteen now. I am perfectly fine and I love you both.”

  My cryptic answer doesn’t seem to help.

  She pleads, “Where are you? Please come home.”

  Maybe calling was a bad idea. At least they know I’m still alive.

  “Mom, I’ll be home in a couple of days. Please don’t worry, I am fine, I just need some time.”

  She assents, “Okay honey, please call again to let us know how you are.”

  As I am hanging up the phone, a shadow falls across the sidewalk causing me to jump, and Amber is standing there staring at me like I’ve committed the ultimate of crimes.

  She looks at me so worried, “You called your family? This is so bad. Once you go to the sea you are supposed to stay there and never have contact again.”

  “Well obviously I’m not still in the sea anymore. I’m breaking rule number one and two. I just needed to hear my mom’s voice.”

  She turns and walks back around the building toward the jeep looking totally defeated. Great, now I’m guilted from everyone.

  Climbing into the jeep I tell her carefully, “Amber, you said yourself that I might be the person your people have been waiting for, right?”