Miss Shaw and the Doctor

by Fenella J Miller

  “I’m remaining here; the girls can play by the sea with Nancy and Jo. I cannot see the attraction, myself; the water is freezing and the sand gets everywhere. I shall admire the panorama from the safety of the terrace in future.”

  Both matrons chuckled. “I entirely agree with you, Sarah. Sand and sea shells are best left to children. I cannot tell you how pleased I am to be here; I had a wretched journey. The thought of having to endure it in order to return in the autumn quite fills me with trepidation.”

  Sarah’s mother smiled sympathetically. “I do so sympathise, Mrs. Moorcroft. Have you tried…”

  The two ladies chatted happily, leaving Sarah to her reverie. Their interlude in the sunshine of Dorset might be brought rudely to a halt if Sir John discovered their whereabouts. They ought to have at least a week to enjoy the tranquility before having to worry about his unwanted arrival.

  “Well, Sarah, what do you think?”

  “I beg your pardon, Mama, I was wool-gathering. Could I ask you to repeat your question?”

  “We thought a spring wedding would be ideal; that will give you and Dr. Moorcroft ample time to further your relationship. It will also allow the girls to recover from their loss and for Lady Fenwick to find a suitable replacement.”

  Sarah’s jaw dropped. Surely Adam should have explained to both of them this was a fabricated arrangement? No wedding would take place next spring, or maybe at all. “There’s been some mistake; we cannot be married next year. I gave my word to the girls I would stay with the family as long as I was needed. I have no intention of going back on this promise.”

  Instead of this news being greeted with consternation and dismay, the women exchanged smiling glances.

  Her mother spoke first. “By next spring the girls will no longer require you to be constantly at their side. Children are resilient creatures. They will have moved on.”

  Shocked that they didn’t understand how difficult this was for her to have chosen the girls over her own happiness, Sarah jumped to her feet. “Knowing I am with her sisters, taking care of them in her absence, will be essential for Isobel’s peace of mind. Adam is well aware I’m not free to marry him. We have agreed it will be an engagement of indefinite length.”

  “Fustian, my dear girl, if ever I heard it,” Mrs. Moorcroft exclaimed. “Whatever my son might have said to you, he’s already having the house redecorated and your personal apartment refurbished in the full expectation you will be man and wife next year.”

  Sarah’s concern turned to anger. He had no right to ride roughshod over her wishes in this way, to discuss their plans with anyone but herself, and certainly not with his mother first. Stiffly she nodded to both women.

  “If you will excuse me, ma’am, Mama, I no longer have an appetite. I have a deal of hard thinking to do, and it will be best if I do it in the solitude of my own chamber.”

  Not waiting for either of them to remonstrate, she marched towards the house with her back rigid, bristling with indignation.

  Adam scanned the message that had arrived from the man he had sent to follow Sir John’s progress around the countryside. Excellent. Sir John had succumbed to a severe case of gout and was unable to continue his journey.

  Mrs. Taylor coughed to draw his attention. Good grief, the poor woman had been waiting to speak to him for several minutes. “How can I help you?”

  “The Holland covers have been put over all the furniture in both your apartment and the apartments Miss Shaw will use when you are married. The wallpaper you selected has arrived from London, and the men are waiting to start redecorating.”

  “They are? That’s splendid. The post chaise will arrive to collect me in the next half an hour. Arrange for my trunk to be brought down, if you please. Then the men can begin the renovations.”

  He smiled at the thought of Sarah’s reaction when she returned to see her future chambers were freshly painted, the bed hangings and curtains replaced and a new-fangled bathing room installed for her personal use.

  She might not be so sanguine about the fact he’d not followed her instructions on the matter of their future nuptials. As far as his staff and his mother were aware, the engagement was genuine, a love match, and the wedding would take place sometime the following year. He was rather hoping she would feel obliged to marry him, whatever her reservations about leaving the children, when she saw how happy everyone was at the prospect of her becoming the mistress of The Rookery.

  “I’m expecting Burton to arrive at any moment. See that he joins me in my study directly when he arrives.”

  His housekeeper curtsied and vanished back to her duties. He had a particular errand for Burton, one that he hoped would delay the inevitable, and give them all a summer without upset.

  His estate manager arrived, and Adam gestured that he sit in the chair on the other side of the vast desk. “Burton, I have a letter here explaining to Sir John that I have taken his daughters to Dorset in order for them to make a complete recovery from their illness. I wish you to send a reliable minion to chase after him.”

  “You don’t want the letter to reach him for several weeks?”

  “Exactly. It must arrive at each of the places he has visited and then follow him. No doubt he will have returned to Bentley Manor long before my missive catches up with him. No one here, apart from you, has the location of our summer residence. All the staff here know is that we have moved to the seaside.”

  His man nodded. “By the time he fathoms out where you are you’ll be on your way back. I’ll make myself scarce if he comes calling, make sure I don’t have to lie.”

  “Good man, I knew I could rely on your discretion. I wish you to oversee the renewals and renovations that are being done in my absence. Mrs. Taylor is to spring clean the entire house. That will occupy the staff for the remainder of the summer.”

  “I understand everyone is to have time off to visit relatives. I doubt any other master in the county would treat his people so well.”

  “You know where you can contact me if necessary. I am relying on you, Burton, to ensure the changes are done without mishap.”

  Twenty minutes later, Adam was comfortably ensconced in the chaise that would convey him to the next post house. There would be a fresh team waiting on his arrival; his intention was to complete the journey in half the time it had taken the ladies. It had been a long week without sight of the woman he loved. He would have his own horses available to him when he arrived and Burton had rented a gig for his use.

  Sarah spent all her time with the children during the next few days; braving the nasty sand and cold seawater was preferable to being taken to task by her mother and Mrs. Moorcroft. Her meals were eaten in the nursery, and she remained upstairs until after they went inside. Only then could she be certain she would not be accosted when venturing into the gardens. Anyway, she thought it far better to walk in the dusk on her own. She had not realised how much her mother liked to chatter until she had watched the two matrons sitting, heads all but touching, for hours on end. Mama must have been starved of conversation these past few years and was making up for lost time.

  The sound of seagulls settling to roost on the cliff face made her evening stroll quite different from one taken in Hertfordshire. Here there were no nightingales, at least not within earshot, but there were huge moths that flickered and fluttered outside the windows, attracted by the many candles and oil lamps burning inside. There were bats also. These did not bother her as they might other ladies who erroneously believed the creatures would end up entangled in their hair.

  Tonight she walked a little further along the cliff top path. The white sails of a grand yacht caught her attention and made her recall what Adam had said about buying such a vessel and taking her on board. The way she felt about him at the moment, she was highly unlikely to ever marry him.

  She kicked a pebble, listening to it bounce down the cliff face before splashing into the water below. It must be high tide, and the golden sand covered. Lorna had overheard
one of the maids talking about smugglers using the beach no more than half a mile from here. Tonight there could be no nefarious activities for there would be nowhere dry to land the contraband.

  Time to turn back; she had no wish to be stranded on this narrow path, so high above the waves, when it became fully dark. She had walked no more than a few yards when a shape loomed ahead of her. Her mind was full of smugglers, and she reacted without thought. With a stifled scream she turned and fled in the opposite direction.

  Feet pounded behind her, and she redoubled her efforts. Then her pursuer called out. “Sarah, for pity’s sake, it is I, Adam!”

  She stumbled to a halt, her breath rasping in her chest, not sure if she was more relieved she was not about to be face to face with a smuggler, or angry Adam had not had the sense to call out before scaring her half to death. A familiar arm encircled her waist and drew her close. How could she be cross with him when he was holding her so tenderly? His strong hands smoothed her back. He murmured reassurances, and she relaxed against him.

  “What possessed you to run off like that? Good grief, you could have gone headlong over the cliff. Who did you think I was, for heaven’s sake?”

  “I thought you were a smuggler—”

  Instead of sympathy, his bark of laughter startled a flock of pigeons that had settled nearby. Shrugging off his arm, she turned to face him, chin up and eyes brilliant. “You have no cause for merriment, sir. I’ll have you know this coast is riddled with such villains. The excise men ride along this beach most days.”

  Spluttering and hiccupping he mopped his streaming eyes with a handkerchief that glowed white in the gloom. “I’m sorry, my love. I should not have laughed at your anxiety. But think about it. Why should such men venture into the garden where they would be immediately seen? It’s possible, but doubtful. They might occasionally creep along the beach below us, but I give you my word, sweetheart, they will not be seen on this particular path.”

  This was too much. How could he possibly know what went on? He had only just arrived; his behaviour was another example of his highhanded, arrogant assumption that he always knew best. “You know nothing of the matter. You are not in a position to give any such assurances, and well you know it.” Her voice snapped like a whip and he visibly recoiled. She opened her mouth to apologise for her sharpness, but something quite different emerged.

  “And another thing, Dr. Moorcroft. How dare you ignore my express wishes and tell your mother that we are intending to be married next year? I’ll have you know that when I return to Bentley it will not be to your home, but that of my employer. Our association will then be at an end.”

  Aghast, her hands flew to her mouth as if she could push her intemperate words back. Far too late, the damage had been done. Before her eyes Adam metamorphosed from a laughing friend to an icy stranger. The love in his eyes replaced by something else entirely.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Adam viewed Sarah through narrowed eyes. “As you wish; I would not dream of holding you to an agreement you find distasteful. I hope when, in years to come, you’re an embittered spinster, languishing in the home of strangers, with no children of your own, you do not regret your decision.”

  Sarah was at the breaking point. This was all her fault; why was it that she behaved like the veriest shrew with Adam, but never with anyone else? She was an even-tempered young lady, renowned for her good sense, yet she had been behaving quite out of character these past few weeks. Perhaps the death of Lottie that was making her so abrasive.

  From somewhere she found her voice and managed to reply. “I believe that making a promise is a sacred thing. I would have thought someone in your profession would understand that.”

  “You made me a promise; you have broken that without a second thought. It is beyond me that you’re putting the children of your employer before the welfare of your family.”

  He was not family…what did he mean by this? He could only be referring to her mother.

  “I intend to continue my walk, Miss Shaw. I bid you goodnight.” Adam’s expression was hidden as he had moved away from her. To her surprise, he paused and spoke again. “Do you wish me to accompany you to the house?”

  She wished she had the courage to insist he did so, but she was too bruised by his harsh comments and did not wish to break down in front of him. She did not want his pity. Shaking her head, she turned and charged back the way she’d come. Surely if they truly loved each other, this rift would be soon mended? She had made a tangle of matters; now her beloved parent would be obliged to go cap in hand to the elderly aunt and ask to be taken back. Mama did not deserve such treatment.

  There must be a way out of this disaster that would not involve her breaking her promise to the children, and would still allow her mother to live at The Rookery. At the moment she could not think of one, but she would pray tonight for guidance and forgiveness for her heartless treatment of the man who loved her.

  The next few days passed without matters improving between Sarah and Adam. He was scrupulously polite when in company, but ignored her completely if they happened to meet elsewhere. However he was a delightful companion to the children and to both his mother and hers.

  Eventually, she plucked up the courage to waylay him as he was heading for the stable. “Dr. Moorcroft…Adam, I must speak with you. We cannot continue to avoid each other in this way. It is giving rise to speculation and gossip.”

  He looked particularly handsome today, his riding boots polished to a high shine, his buff breeches immaculate and his bottle green topcoat fitting his broad shoulders as if poured on to him. She loved the way his hair flopped across his forehead, refusing to stay in place.

  “Well, I can spare you five minutes. What is it you wish to say?”

  This was not an auspicious start. His demeanour was frosty, and she almost decided to give up her quest for reconciliation and run away. “Do you love me?” This was not what she’d intended to say and his reaction at any other time would have seemed comical.

  His eyebrows vanished beneath his fringe. “I might ask you the same question.”

  “I love you with all my heart. I cannot bear this distance between us and wished to know if you have changed in your feelings towards me.”

  He rubbed his eyes, and his posture became less rigid. “This makes no sense. If you love me why did you reject me?”

  “You frightened me by appearing so suddenly, and my head was full of smugglers; I know that’s no excuse for what I said, but when you laughed I lost my temper. It’s not something I’ve ever done before. My words ran away with me. I have wished every second since that I had not said what I did.”

  Still he remained aloof, but he was listening. “Of course I love you. I shall do so for the rest of my life. But I’m not prepared to wait on your whim. Either you agree to marry me next year some time or, however painful it is for both of us, our engagement is permanently dissolved.”

  An ultimatum. How could he ask her to choose? “Don’t you see, Adam, I must put the needs of those girls before my own, before yours as well. They have lost so much and when Isobel is sent to school, they will lose even more.” She was finding it difficult to speak, but would continue until she had said her piece. “I love you, shall always do so, but I think it poor of you to ask me to make such a choice. I have given you my answer on that score.” She gulped and brushed the tears from her cheeks. “Can I ask you, please, not to send my mother back? It would break her heart, and I think that your mother would be upset to lose her friend as well.”

  His eyes glittered strangely. Was he as moved by this as she? His voice was gruff when he answered. “I never had any intention of sending her away. I’m not a harsh man. I respect your decision but think it’s the wrong one. Children are resilient. Where you and I will regret your decision the rest of our lives, they will have forgotten everything that’s happened this summer in a year or two.”

  “In which case, why are you not prepared to wait for that all-i
mportant year or two? If I recall correctly, scarcely two weeks ago you said you were prepared to wait indefinitely.”

  “Did I really say that? I must have been insane; the more I’ve thought about it these past days the more convinced I am that we should marry next year. I have set in motion extensive improvements—”

  Sarah barely restrained an urge to stamp her foot. “I know. Mrs. Moorcroft was kind enough to tell me. It is you that has reneged on the promise, not I.” She tossed her head. “As far as I’m concerned I wish to marry you, but cannot do so next year. Is it your intention to throw away everything we have between us if you can’t have your own way?”

  The matter hung in the balance. Then Isobel called from the garden.

  “Miss Shaw. Beth has cut her knee. There’s blood everywhere.”

  “I’m sorry, I must go. Please give me your decision this evening when we can have time alone together.”

  “I have made my decision. I want a wife who puts me first, loves me above all others. Either we marry next year or not at all; the matter is no longer open to debate.”

  Not deigning to answer, she hurried away to attend to her young charge. She had not thought of him as a selfish gentleman, but his intransigent attitude showed he could not be happy unless he was the centre of attention. In any marriage, as far as she was concerned, care for the children was paramount. A man who put his needs before those of any offspring would not make her a suitable husband.

  Her head told her she had done the right thing, but her heart was broken. The image he had predicted of her, being an embittered old spinster surrounded by other people’s children, might well be a true one. As a governess, she was unlikely to meet gentlemen of any description, and even if she did, she was in love with Adam; no one else could ever replace him.

  Adam watched her go, cursing himself for a callous, obstinate fool. His attitude, his unwillingness to compromise, had caused their love to be trampled beneath their feet. He was a rational man, not given to excitement or choler, yet he had behaved like a nincompoop. Small wonder she had stormed off in high dudgeon; she must believe him to be a person who changed his mind like a weathercock. He wanted her as his wife, loved her to distraction, and had let his feelings separate him from common sense. Of course he would wait. What he couldn’t do was bear to be estranged from her in this way.