Captured in Ink: A Montgomery Ink: Boulder Novella

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  I didn’t answer and put that thought aside for the moment. “After Kincaid told us everything that happened with his sister and him getting hurt, we all hugged, and then he left. He gave us his number, but we didn’t promise we’d see him again or anything. I need to know what’s going to happen.”

  My voice broke again, and I hated that I was crying over this. My husband looked so sad, broken once again over a man that he had loved. And I didn’t know how to fix it. I remembered Kincaid, recalled the way he looked as if he had glimpsed happiness once again, only for it to be taken away from him. The man had lost so much. From the stories Ronin had shared, the other man had been boisterous and happy, and was a good guy.

  He might’ve made mistakes, but we all did. I liked the Kincaid I had seen, and I didn’t want him to be in pain. Just like I didn’t want Ronin in pain. But I didn’t have the answers.

  “What’s going on in that mind of yours?” Ronin asked, trailing his finger across my chin again.

  “Do you miss him?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

  Ronin let out a breath. “Yes.” He sighed. “I always have. I missed what we had, more than I missed what we had as a triad with Alexis. Or maybe because Alexis broke both of us, and then Kincaid left, and I felt like I did everything wrong. That I wasn’t good enough. He ghosted me.”

  Ronin leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. This was my husband, the man I trusted more than anything. And he was honest with me—not something everybody had. There was no jealousy, not for the way Ronin loved and cared for those around him.

  He was so open and willing to help anyone in his circle. I couldn’t be jealous of how my man had loved another in his past. But I could ache for the fact that he didn’t have what he once had.

  “Now that you know, though, do you know what you feel?” I asked, cringing. “That’s not a very helpful thing to ask.”

  Ronin sighed and rested his hand on my thigh. His thumb slid along my jeans, and I rested my head on his shoulder, needing to touch him. “I loved him, Julia. You know that. But you’re my wife.”

  I let out a little growl. “That is not a very good thing to say.”

  Ronin sat up and frowned at me. “What?”

  “You can’t say, ‘Of course, I miss him, but you’re my wife,’ as if I’m a barrier holding you back from your one great love.” I rolled my eyes, and Ronin narrowed his. He reached out, cupped my cheek, his fingers curling around the back of my head, and pulled me closer. My breath caught, and I met his gaze.

  “Don’t you ever tell me—don’t you ever think that I would want another more than I want you. You are mine. I’m very possessive. I might have misspoken, but don’t you dare take offense at the fact that you are my wife. That means I love you. I am never giving you up. I’m never letting anything stand in our way.”

  I let out a shaky breath and closed my eyes. He pulled me closer, kissed me softly. And I smiled against his lips. “I love when you get all alpha and growly.”

  “I can’t help it. You melt into a puddle of goo when I do. And I love being able to pick you up and hold you.”

  “That was very romantic. A little gooey, but I’ll let it slide,” I said on a laugh.

  He kissed me hard, bit my lip, and didn’t bother licking away the sting. Instead, I leaned against him and closed my eyes. “What are we going to do about Kincaid?” I asked, knowing something was bubbling beneath the surface that I needed to figure out for myself, not get from Ronin.

  Ronin paused as if he were measuring his words carefully. “I think you’d like him.” Another pause. “He’d be good to have in our circle.”

  “He needs a friend,” I agreed.

  Ronin let out a soft groan. I wasn’t even sure he was aware that he’d done it. “You’re right. He does need…friends.”

  I didn’t break at that little pause before the word friends. Because I understood it. My husband might still love Kincaid, and without the barrier of lies and betrayal, he might feel free to allow himself to do so. That meant I had to broach a subject that we might’ve talked about before in passing, but it wasn’t easy when it was reality.

  “Ronin?” I asked, my voice soft.

  He leaned away from me and looked at my face. “I don’t know if I like the tone of your voice. Whenever you get this way, I always feel like something’s about to explode.”

  I punched him softly on the shoulder, and he smiled at me. I’d fallen in love with that smile on our third date. Actually, if I didn’t lie to myself, I knew it was probably our first date.

  “You and I have talked about possibly finding a third for us.”

  Ronin went impossibly still, and I wasn’t even sure he was breathing.

  “We love each other, but we both know that we’ve been talking about looking to see who we might add to make our family even…more.”

  “Yes, but, Julia, it’s not as easy as that.”

  “No relationship is easy. And it isn’t as if we’re going to put an ad on Craigslist.”

  That made Ronin laugh. “I do believe there are other sites besides Craigslist.”

  “I don’t want to use a site. I want it to happen organically, that’s something we both decided. And I know that I might not have been in a triad before, but my friends have, and it’s something I’ve always felt that I could be a part of. A polyamorous relationship has always been in my mind as my possible happily ever after. And seeing our friends have that love has reaffirmed that maybe that’s something I could have. Or want. And I know it’s the same for you. Hell, you had one before.”

  “And it crashed and burned,” Ronin said lightly, even though the subject was anything but light.

  My heart broke for him, even as it twisted at what I was saying. “I know. And I know it’s complicated, but if we go in with open eyes and reaffirm who we are to each other first, maybe we can work this out.”

  “You’re saying all the things that we’ve talked to each other about before—finding a possible third if the subject ever came up. But this is Kincaid, Julia.” He paused. “You are talking about Kincaid, aren’t you?”

  I laughed. “Yes. You love him,” I whispered, saying the words I needed to. Ronin shook his head, then I frowned. “We don’t lie to each other, Ronin.”

  “I’m not lying to you. I loved the man that I was with before. I don’t know this Kincaid. He’s changed. So have I. It’s hard to imagine opening my heart to him while also sharing you. And you would be the center of it all.”

  “Is that how you imagine it working out?” I asked softly.

  “You are the center of my world. If I were to have anyone else as part of that world, you would still be the center.”

  My heart filled, and I blinked back tears. “I always forget that you’re a former soldier turned librarian. You are so beautiful with the words.”

  “I am a Marine, thank you very much. Do not call me a soldier.”

  I laughed. “I’m sorry. Totally did it on purpose, but I am sorry. It’s not like I called you an airman or something.”

  Ronin let out a little growl and kissed me softly. “Julia, if we try to start something with Kincaid, it could blow up in our faces and hurt everybody in the process.”

  “I know,” I whispered. “But there’s something there, Ronin. I know you felt it when we held each other.”

  I watched Ronin’s throat work as he swallowed hard. “There might’ve been something, but there’re so many threads that could untangle… or not… or I could ruin a horrible metaphor.” His eyes danced with laughter, even though I saw the panic there, too.

  “I’m not saying we get down on bended knee and ask him to marry us,” I said directly.

  That made my husband smile. “That might be moving a little fast, even for us.”

  “But maybe we can see if Kincaid wants to be our friend. And perhaps one day something more. Or, we ask him out on a date, just to see. I don’t know exactly how all this works, and it’s not like there’s a han
dbook. Or if there is, it’s not what we need because our lives aren’t cookie-cutter and don’t follow an easy checklist. But there’s something there, Ronin. I love you enough to know that Kincaid was part of your past, and he might be part of your future. And it would be a disservice to both of us if we let him walk away.”

  I knew this was right, even though it was the hardest thing I had ever done. It likely wouldn’t make sense to anyone outside of our relationship, and people might think we were crazy, but I knew this was right.

  I loved my husband. And if it was the two of us for the rest of our lives, I would be the happiest woman on the face of this Earth.

  But if there was a chance for us to have more?

  Then I would take it. Because I loved Ronin, I loved him more than anything.

  “God, I love you. You’re so open and wonderful. And maybe…maybe we can try…” he whispered, and my heart sped up.

  “Really?”

  “Don’t back out,” he said drily.

  “I’m not. I think Kincaid needs a friend. Or more. You know what I’m saying? I don’t know. It feels like all of this is happening at the right time. I don’t want to lose what we have, but I also know that we have the capability of being, of letting others into our lives. I want to take that chance. As long as you’re by my side.”

  He cupped my face again and smiled softly. “If things get hard, or if you are hurt in any way, we walk away. You and me, Julia. Could be it for me, but you’re right, I think we need to see what happens.”

  I smiled then and kissed my husband. I knew we were taking a step that no one else would likely take. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was making a mistake or possibly taking the greatest chance of my life.

  Chapter 4

  Ronin

  I bit my lip and stepped into the coffee shop. Ethan’s sister-in-law, Madison, owned the place, and since she was also our friend Lincoln’s cousin, it felt like a good, safe place to come and meet Kincaid. Julia had a business meeting and hadn’t been able to join us, but if everything worked out, she would be part of this in every way imaginable.

  I still felt like I was making one mistake after another as I tried to keep up with my feelings.

  And the main one? Guilt. Not even anticipation. Because I never wanted to hurt my wife. Julia was the center of my world, just like I had told her. The idea that I could hurt her because we were trying to see if someone else could be part of our shared life haunted me.

  I knew that as long as we were together, we could figure anything out. But saying the words wasn’t enough. We would have to put those words into action, and that wouldn’t be easy.

  Madison was behind the counter, her blond and pink hair wrapped up in a bun on the top of her head. She grinned at me as I made my way to the counter. “Hi,” I said, knowing I sounded a little off.

  She gave me a weird look before she smiled. “Hey there. I didn’t know you were off today.”

  “Marcus has things under control, and I took a long lunch. Something I needed to do.”

  She searched my face and then went to the espresso machine. “Do you want your usual or more sugar? I feel like you might need more sugar.”

  That made me grin, and I nodded quickly. “I think I could use all the sugar you could possibly give me.”

  “You want to tell me what you’re doing?” she asked, her voice casual. Too casual. She was worried about me, but I didn’t blame her. I was acting out of character, and it was because I was worried. Scared. Freaked out. All of the above.

  “Considering that anything I say to the Montgomerys gets passed around to the entire family pretty quickly since you’re all a tight unit, I should tell you.”

  Madison frowned. “I can keep a secret. If that’s what you want.”

  I shook my head. “No, you can tell Aaron. Keeping things from your husband probably isn’t the best idea.”

  She smiled and looked down at her ring, a quick gesture that I wasn’t even sure she knew she made. They were newlyweds, and I knew their courtship had been unusual, but she seemed happy.

  I hoped I could find my happiness too. No, that wasn’t right. I’d already found my happy. Now, I needed to keep it without changing it irrevocably.

  “Anything you say to your barista is like talking to your bartender. Or your therapist. Maybe. I’m not a hundred percent sure because most of the time, people want coffee and they leave. But I am here for you.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at that. “You really are.”

  “Of course, I am. Now, this is your usual with extra whipped cream and caramel sauce. You’re going to have to brush your teeth a little extra today once you’re done with it because the amount of sugar is probably not the best thing for you. But sometimes, we need that kick.”

  I reached into my wallet, and she shook her head. “No need to pay this time. All I need is for you to tell me what you’re thinking right now.”

  I grimaced. “That was one way to get it out of me.”

  She smiled. “Ronin.”

  I sighed. “My ex-boyfriend is meeting me here because Julia and I have decided to ask him out on a date.”

  The place was nearly empty since it was an off time, and there wasn’t a rush, but I still looked over my shoulder as I said that, afraid someone might hear.

  I never wanted to hide who I was, but it didn’t mean I needed to blast all my insecurities while still figuring out my path.

  Madison, to her credit, only widened her eyes a fraction before giving me a quick nod. “Well, then. That’s a lot. And it’s good, right? You’re happy?”

  I took a moment before I nodded. “Yes, I think so. It was Julia’s idea. The fact that she can’t be here right now when I do this tells me that while it might have been her idea, she still wants me to be the one to say it.”

  “Because you might be the one who needs to,” Madison whispered. “It’s not easy putting yourself out there, but you’re the one with the connection. And perhaps she knows that you need to be the one to speak to him first.”

  “You know, sometimes I think once you marry into the Montgomerys, you become wise in things. It’s a little weird.”

  Madison shrugged. “Believe me, I know. It gets weirder the longer you’re with them.”

  “Thankfully, we’re not looking to add a Montgomery to our relationship.”

  “I don’t know. If you’re ever looking for a fourth, I hear there’s a whole set of cousins that are all nice and single.”

  I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “Let me make sure I don’t ruin everything I already have and love by adding one person before I think about adding another.” I frowned. “No. I wouldn’t add a fourth. That doesn’t feel right.”

  Madison paused. “The idea of adding one, Kincaid in particular, sounds and feels right?”

  “Maybe. And that’s why I’m here. And all the while, I’m promising myself I’m not going to hurt my wife.”

  “You won’t. You’re a good person, Ronin.”

  “I sure as hell hope so.”

  The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and Madison’s smile widened. “So, is Kincaid the sexy redhead coming in with eyes only for you?”

  “Behave,” I whispered. Madison made a zipping motion with her fingers over her mouth, her eyes twinkling.

  I took my coffee, gave her a tight nod, and braced myself as I turned.

  Kincaid stood there, his jeans tight across his thighs, his T-shirt worn but not scraggly looking. His hair was out of control, curling at the ends, and he needed to trim his beard, but it still looked sexy as fuck. He had full sleeve tattoos, and from what I remembered, more tattoos down his back and sides. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen, rugged and sexy as hell.

  And he had only gotten better with age.

  My heart thumped in my chest, and I hoped to hell we weren’t making a mistake.

  But I had missed Kincaid.

  And I loved my wife.

  So, if this was what Julia wanted,
then maybe I should allow myself to want it, as well.

  Kincaid smiled at me, but the expression didn’t reach his eyes. Oh, yes, he was as confused as I was. That was good. Or weird.

  Probably weird.

  I tilted my head, indicating an empty table in the alcove where no one could overhear, and Kincaid gave me a tight nod. I went to the table, and Kincaid went to get himself a drink.

  Madison was sweet and unassuming, and I was happy that she didn’t grill him. Not that I thought she would. She was good people—all of the Montgomerys were. And I was grateful that I had them in my life. But I couldn’t think about them right now. No, this was all about Kincaid. And Julia.

  My touchstone and my center.

  Kincaid slid into the seat across the table from me, a black coffee in his hand. The man I had once loved with all of my heart looked down at the sugary concoction in front of me and raised a brow.

  “Madison and I figured I needed a little jolt.”

  Kincaid shook his head and sipped his coffee. “Damn, this is good.”

  “Madison is the best. She finds great beans and roasts them to perfection.”

  Kincaid looked around the place. “I like it. There’s another little bakery and café around the corner, too.”

  “A friend of a friend owns that one. They’re not in competition, though. They simply feed into each other. But yeah, good coffee all around.”

  “Good to know,” Kincaid said softly, tapping his fingers on his mug.

  “You’re probably wondering why I asked you here.”

  “Just a little,” he said tentatively.

  Thank God for the sugar, I needed it. “Julia and I were talking—”

  Kincaid cut in. “I like your wife. Looks like you did well. Not that, you know, it matters what I think. Just thought I should say something.”

  That made me smile. Maybe this would be easier than I thought. Or not. “Julia’s amazing. She was the best thing that ever happened to me at that time in my life. We fit as soon as we met each other.”

  Kincaid smiled, this one reaching his eyes. “Hell, I’m glad you found her. Sucks for me, but then again, I’m glad you’re at least talking to me and not throwing shit at me.”