by IRENE JONES
The winters here can be very unpredictable, and with the constant revitalizing of the city, traffic sucks. Good thing my job is a straight shot; I could drive or hop on the rail or bus. Monday rolled around fast, and it was my routine to go with the flow of my getting up at 7 a.m., being out the door before 8 a.m. to make it to work by 8:45 a.m., then getting off at 1 p.m. sometimes. My part-time was sometimes full-time, but without medical benefits. I got home around 2:30 that afternoon, and had to get back to my focus on some techniques with this DJ thing. If Carol didn’t call, I still wanted to brush up on doing what I love, well, one of the things I love. By 6 p.m., I started to get sleepy, early morning hours for work causes that. My phone rang, and I saw that it was Carol from the club. She had kept her word.
Her hello was very bubbly. She asked how my day was and if I thought she wouldn’t call.
“Of course,” I said, “Yeah, I expect the unexpected.”
She said, “Well, I’ve come to a decision,” and then she was quiet.
“Hello?”
She laughed and said, “You got the gig, on a trial basis. Would it be okay to hang out at the club Saturday to get a feel for the crowd and get introduced?”
I said, “Of course. What time?”
“Come down as if you were coming to party on a regular Saturday night.”
“Can I bring a friend or two with me for support?” I asked.
She laughed again and said, “Of course. See you then.”
When I hung up, I yelled, “Oh, hell to the no!” very loud. Okay, what am I going to wear? My hair darn sure don’t have to worry, but what about the makeup thing?
It was a long way to Saturday, I thought. I called up my boy and cousin to tell them the news and that I truly needed them to come out with me. Of course, my cousin asked, like a girl, “what club and what clientele.” It was so her, but she was going to try and make it.
My boy of more than ten years said, “Heck yeah, I’m there, girl.”
The days dragged on. Saturday night came, and the fun began. I got to the club about 10 p.m. The lot was full, but the extended lot, which was on the other side of the street, had one space left. There was a short line to enter the club. The crowd was mixed, meaning black, white, Latina, and both male and female. Ages varied, from twenty-two to around forty, maybe.
The house DJ was bumping the music, from pop to r&b to house techno, my kind of mix. Carol greeted us at the bar with that smile of hers and a few VIP badges, which allowed us to enter the DJ’s sitting area. The DJ was a female and looked to be in her late twenties or early thirties. She motioned me to come up to the table.
I said, “Oh wow, now?” and she yells, “Yep.”
As I approached the table, I froze for a few seconds, thinking, Can I fade out this mix without a notice? At this rate, the crowd seemed so excited they probably wouldn’t notice unless I started a slow song.
I faded out into a bass beat and took it down to a voice. The crowd was enjoying the music. About fifteen minutes passed and Carol came back up to the booth. More time passed, and last call was announced at the bar. My boy and I hit the dance floor and danced to the previous song, or should I say beat. The house lights came up just enough for each person to see the next person in front of them.
Carol greeted me again before I could get out of the dance area, saying, “Now, I didn’t see a shy bone in your body on those digital mixers.”
We laughed and talked. She met my friend and said, “Hopefully, I will see you next weekend, maybe to spin or have a drink or two.”
Monday got there again too soon. During my working hours, I was on the phone doing technical support. I get some crazy callers and rude wanna-be tech support people. After work, I took a drive to where I grew up. It looked so different but was still memorable. The house we lived in was gone, there was nothing but a vacant lot with lots of grass. There were only around seven houses left on that block.
Chapter 6:
Let the Music Play On
Months had gone by since I started the DJ gig. It seems like it was all working out to where I could finally get my own place. I was going to miss my roommate’s cooking. Time and patience are so underrated, the patience I have has led me here. I must say it was a journey for sure, years of blinded thinking and trying to believe love was accepting bullshit. The word friend is used as much as love in the wrong ways. They are both just a way to make a person think that someone cares or understands you, which is bull crap.
Over the years, it was an experience of a lifetime. I made it through to the other side. Sitting outside on a rainy summer day was something I use to love to do. It’s funny how I don’t take the time to enjoy those days anymore, due to my thinking. Weekends came and went until, before you know it, it was close to spring. I had invested in some vacant land, the spot where the house I grew up in used to sit. The club gig was still going on. I had met so many new people, picked up some new equipment, and had job offers for wedding receptions and birthday parties.
I did an anniversary party for an elderly couple. I was the youngest person there, but it was so much fun. I was still also doing my part-time job. It was working out so well, that I had moved into a one-bedroom from my studio.
I was looking forward to spring. Driving to the club over the weekend sucked on icy roads, but I was used to it. Saturday night came around again, and I was a little nervous because it was Carol’s birthday.
Her relatives and a companion were going to be at the club that night, so I went in a little early to help with the tables and decorations. I arrived, and to my surprise there were several cars in the lot. Once I got inside, I saw the decorations were done, except for a few tables behind the DJ area.
An older lady with the prettiest eyes approached me. She was very noticeable with the house lights up bright. She spoke with a slight British accent, “Hello. You must be our entertainment this evening.”
She meant me, as the DJ. I laughed a little and said, “Well, yes, I guess that’s the right way of expressing it.”
She asked how I liked working at the club and how long I had been playing.
“Well,” I replied, “It’s been a few months, and the atmosphere is very relaxed.”
She said, “Oh, how rude. My name is Destiny, I’m Carol’s partner.”
“Oh, I’m Que. Like cue the music.”
She laughed and said, “Okay, Que, I look forward to hearing you play.”
This wan alternative club, with the sign at the door saying, “Leave your judgment outside these doors.” The funny thing was, I didn’t get that vibe from Carol, that she was in a gay relationship, but then nowadays one may never know. It was time to get the music started and get a drink, because this would be one of those nights. I could feel it.
I started with some pop tunes, slowly mixed in some house for about an hour, then switched it up with some Billboard Top 100. This crowd was not into the bass techno house thing. I was glad I had caught on to that via a quick visual examination of the dance floor. Another hour passed, and Carol’s partner came over and asked if she could make an announcement.
“Of course.” I lowered the music, and the mic was hers.
Ms. Destiny started with a Happy Birthday and spoke about how much she loved Carol, and on and on until Carol had to come and guide her off the floor. The crowd laughed and applauded at the same time. I sent my happy birthday out to Carol and started the music back up. Two in the morning came around fast, the house lights came up to dimness, and I was packing up some of the extra equipment I had brought in. As I turned around, a familiar face caught my eyes.
It was a friend from more than ten or fifteen years ago. We were buddies and hung around each other off and on, but we drifted apart as time went by, and I hadn’t seen her since then. My past is something I can laugh at and smile about as well as cry. It’s my past, and life has been good to me lately, so h
opefully this person would not even notice it was me. I had a few more things to pack up, when I heard someone call me by my real name. Damn it. As I turned around, it was someone else and I knew from long ago. I said, “Oh, my goodness, how are you?”
“You still look the same after all these years.” Natalia hugged me.
I said “I thought that was you, but I didn’t want to look foolish saying something to you and it wasn’t you after all.” She was like a serious girl crush I had, and she knew it. We never got involved in any way, but the feelings were mutual from a physical distance. I always respected that about her. Back then, she was married, and her family was awesome people. It was a surprise to see her in a place like this.
As I stared at her like I used to, she was chatting with a girl who also looked familiar, remember, I mentioned my past. The night was way too surprising, which in turn caused my anxiety to kick in, on high at 9:30 in the morning. Coffee and my laptop are what I go to when I get up after doing my morning prayer, which has become part of my daily life. Opening my emails, I came across a message from Carol, thanking me and inviting me to her home for a little gathering.
Well, I was not comfortable visiting with co-workers outside of work. But there I was, hanging out at what looked like an estate. It took me a minute to find it because of the lack of street lighting in the area. The parking lot was full. Thank goodness, someone was pulling out as I pulled up. The inside was just breathtaking, and so was the large crowd.
I said my hellos, as half the people there either worked at the club or frequented it. I was looking for Carol when my past tapped me on the shoulder. I say my past, because it was an experience I longed for that never happened. It took me quite some time to let those feelings go. We hugged, and my past asked if we could go somewhere and talk.
“Sure,” I said, and that’s when Carol popped up.
“Hey, girl. Glad you made it. Let me introduce you to my mom.”
By this time, my past said, “I will catch up with you before leaving.”
I told her, “Okay, for sure.”
***
Days passed, and I was still freaking tired from that gathering. It’s funny, because I had a good time. My biggest excitement was seeing someone who helped change my life. I can remember my first crush and my last one, but I will forever remember this person.
Wishing life was different, kindness and goodness make a big difference in so many ways. I woke up to text messages on a gloomy Saturday morning from Carol, asking me to call her right away. Trying to focus to dial her number without my specs on was a no-no. She answered on the first ring, sounding as excited as a kid on Xmas morning. She was telling me she had a private celebrity party at the club. It is not surprising, as we’d had some famous people come through some of our impersonation shows before. She said it was a big-name celebrity.
Well, little did she know that I’m not the kind of person who gets overly excited about the entertainment industry. As far as I’m concerned, if you’re famous and your achievements have made you popular, always show love to the people who admire you. It would be Ms. Claudine. Now, mind you, Ms. Claudine was taking the networks by storm, and she was still in popular demand somewhere. That was cool, that she got the opportunity to take this club to another level. With Ms. Claudine’s arrival in a few days, management was stressing more than usual. Me, well, I had other things on my mind.
Chapter 7:
Back Down Memory Lane
April 12 was a night to remember. The club was packed, and there was barely any room on the dance floor to move, let alone dance. The club is known for its dance floor. The night was going great, and the club was staying open an hour later, with the bar shutting down at 2 a.m., of course. Finally, I got home and had nothing planned for a warm Sunday.
I took a drive through the city, since I had nothing planned. So much has changed and been restored. It’s good to see the change. I wish some family and friends were still living to see it. I went through the park, a place where so many I knew hung out on hot summer days, playing music, barbequing, reminiscing with each other, and making plans on where to go and hang out on Saturday night. Those were the days.
There were a lot of cars driving through, but there was a place to park, which was cool because I needed some time to think outside my apartment. The music was still playing, and the crowd was older than it was when I hung out there before. Well, some were older. I could see these young heads were still into their drama. I backed my car into a spot like I used to do, so I could watch the people coming and going.
I also remember asking my mom If I could take her car to hang out, saying, “Mom, I’ll put gas in it, just for a few hours.” Wow, those were some crazy, fun summer days. Looking through my rearview mirror, I saw some ladies sitting in lounge chairs laughing and talking and an older gentleman sitting off to himself under a small tree with his book and his lounge chair.
Peaceful moments can be rare, but like that moment, they do exist. My phone rang, and it was a friend from my past. I say my past because the name isn’t as important, as this person made a huge difference in my life.
Some of my funniest moments were with them. I mean laughing until I would cry and could not stand up straight. We had talks that lasted hours, just telling stories about our lives, both past and present. Some days they didn’t show up for work, and I was miserable. I couldn’t wait for the next day to go in and get to see them so the laughter could start.
Those were memories that I regret and never want to come to mind. I prayed for strength and courage. At times, I let myself think that those things only happen to me, then I focus on life and reality and know I’m never alone on my dreary days. There are a lot of people walking this same road.
Summer was finally here and hot as ever, but of course every summer is hot. I was on vacation for two whole weeks. The plan was to go to Fort Lauderdale, get a hotel by the beach, and chill. Well, I did go. Not for the whole two weeks but a week. I did a lot of beach walking and had cocktails at one of the outside restaurants each day. On the second day I was there, I got a call from Carol; she sounded upset and angry. It was odd hearing that from her, as she usually seemed happy all the darn time.
“Where are you?” I asked. “What’s going on?”
“I’m in Florida,” she replied.
“Oh, where in Florida?” I asked
“In Fort Lauderdale,” she replied.
“Oh geeze, where are you staying? Because I’m here, too,” I finally repled.
She named a hotel. It wasn’t mine, but it was still off Fort Lauderdale beach, where I was also staying.
I told her to come and meet up with me at the restaurant. Before I could ask if her companion was with her, she said ok and hung up. Around 4:30 or so, I saw her coming my way, and she was alone. When she got to my table, I could see she was crying. This was not good. She told me she was leaving Destiny, her mate of five years, because she just wasn’t happy anymore.
“So, what brought this on? You guys always looked happy with each other.”
“She said she has had feelings for someone else for a while now,” Carol explained. “No cheating or anything, but I’m not where I used to be with her.”
Listening to Carol talk about what she was going through made me feel a little sorry for her partner. I had been where she was going to end up. There’s nothing like having someone in your life, and their feelings are with someone else. We talked awhile and decided to walk around and sightsee. I don’t know what was more fun, people watching or the fact that I enjoyed Carol’s company.
I told her no one could predict the future, and that we can only hope for more good days than bad. We talked about how she met her friend and that she has always been interested in women. She laughed, then said, “Well, yes, but I was married before to a man I thought was everything I needed. Then I found out he was cheating on me with an old friend th
at I assumed was gay.”
I said, “Wow, you have been through some shit.”
“What about you? she asked.
“Hmmm, let’s see. Do you want the beginning of the end, when I stopped wanting to get involved with anyone, or just the past ten years of my life?”
She laughed and said both.
“Carol, let’s say that I let life’s lessons teach me to live for me and not those I feel I wanted to save. To this day, I’m still trying to accept that life is a challenge. It seems like I was trying to save people who were always in need of some stability in their lives, and I wasn’t the one.”
Carol wondered what I meant by trying to keep the person
“It’s like I wanted to be the one to make them happy and do what made them happy, even if it cost me my self-respect” I replied. “I never really loved myself enough to let go when I got involved, so I just kept myself in a dysfunctional relationship. Hell, it even got to where it was just a live-in roommate type situation. It was me not learning to let go of what was not making me feel loved or happy.”
“It happened twice. The second relationship was a bit different. I felt the love was there, but some things are just not meant to be.”
She laughed and said, “What is your meant to be?”
“Well, like you, this person was not the happy-go-lucky gay female. So, I knew deep within that it wasn’t meant to last forever. Things just weren’t in the cards for us, but the love and curiosity and attraction was for a short while.”
Carol asked if I loved them really, or was it the I-want-to-save-them type of love.
“It was crazy. It started out as the I-miss-you kind of love, then the lusting kind, and then her life took a turn back to her true-life reality. It was a life lesson and a reality check. They both made me feel loved, until things changed.”
Carol was so intrigued. She wanted to come and just chill with me in my room, which was not something I would recommend.