Small Town Dreaming

by IRENE JONES

  My fears and weirdness came from situations in my life that I seem to think were okay, or normal. When things happened to me in a wrong or harmful way, I scared myself into believing it was supposed to happen. As a child, I dealt with things that I didn’t like, but was affected by them. Now that I am up in years, I understand my triggers and fear.

  So, stepping into a situation that causes me to give in readily is not good. My phone rang during my deep thinking, and I missed a call from none other than Natalia. Facing my fears head-on was what I learned to do, despite my don’t-do-it thoughts. I returned her call with hesitation, of course, but to my surprise she didn’t answer.

  I talked with Ms. A before I left. She laughed at me and said maybe this was the opportunity to put the cards on the table, but don’t expect it to be a response in your favor. That was a long and educational talk. Ms. A always told it like it is.

  I had a long week ahead of me, and I knew I needed to talk with Natalia before this trip. I called her again with no answer. I left a message, but this time soon as I hung up, she called back.

  “We genuinely need to get together before the trip,” I told her. There was silence on the other end. Jokingly I asked, “Why the silence, Ms. Lady?”

  “Your talks are always so profound,” she said, “that I’m afraid to know.”

  We planned a day and time to meet up, and then I got back to my weekly routine. Tuesday came around, and I got up a little early to take a walk. I left through the front of the building. Some of the staff was coming in. I saw the young lady I had asked Ms. A about. She waved and said hello, then gestured for me to come over.

  Oh boy, what could this be? I wondered.

  She started talking to me about the club and all, and then she asked if I would play at her party next month. Smiling, I said, “Sure. Where and what day?”

  She laughed and said, “At the club?”

  I said, “Okay, I didn’t think— I thought you might have wanted it at a hall or something.” We laughed it off, and we set a date for it. She asked my age and was I dating anyone, and the answer I gave surprised her. The week went by so fast. Sunday was the trip, and today was the day that Natalia and were supposed to I have our talk. I decided to have her come over to my place and put some lunch together. She came a little early, which didn’t matter as long as she came.

  We started reminiscing about fun times and the crazy things we used to do. Then the subject came up, and we talked and talked until the sun was going down. We both concluded that at one point in her life, she was wildly infatuated with me and maybe even was in love with me at one point, but she knew it couldn’t happen. She called me the secret lover that she didn’t like sharing. We both laughed, and I said the same here. As time went on with us back then, it turned into a bond I will cherish for the rest of my life.

  “Now you understand why I hesitate to be in your presence and hang around you,” I said.

  Natalia understood and told me one never knows what our tomorrows will bring. We laughed some more. Then the question of all questions came out of her mouth, and she asked if I remembered when I asked if I could kiss her.

  Laughing and blushing at the same time, I said, “Yes,” but before I could finish that sentence, she kissed me dead on the mouth, tongue and all.

  My reaction was, Did I feel tongue? And that was it. The passion in that kiss was long overdone, but so worth the wait.

  After that, Natalia smiled and said, “You’re still my secret,” then grabbed her purse and left.

  What the hell? Then I flopped down on my recliner. I sat there for more than an hour, until my phone rang, and it was Natalia. She asked if I was okay, and wanted to come back over if I didn’t mind.

  I told her I didn’t know if that was a good idea because I was vulnerable, but she laughed and saidit was fine. She got there an hour or so later. When I opened the door, she came in and kissed me again. This time I stopped her. I told her she didn’t have to rush her feelings.

  “Well,” she said, “I realized how much I had wanted to be able to do this so many times before. I wanted to be able to kiss you hold your hand, and sleep in the same bed.”

  I went to speak, but she said, “No, let me get all of this out. I daydreamed about us back then, lying around watching TV together, me grabbing your hand to hold mine. We were waking up together when vacationing out of the country, and being able to tell any and everyone we were in love and were destined to be together, regardless of what people thought.”

  “I wanted to be the person who kept you happy and to go through the ups and downs of our lives,” she said. “As you know, that was a decision I couldn’t make without affecting family and friends. You have no idea how I want to leave and come over and be with you at your place. Now things have changed over the years, my circumstances have changed, and after seeing you all those months back, the feelings are still in me.”

  “Now you can speak with truth.”

  I was in shock, and had to walk away from the room for a second. When I returned, I started to talk to Natalia as though I was seeing her for the first time. “Well, I can say you have asked me what was I thinking back then? I was fantasizing about many of the times we were around each other in the back of my mind.”

  “I’m my worst critic when it comes to how I look and act around people.” She started to say something, and I stopped her and said, “It’s my turn, remember?” She smiled, and I continued to talk about how my heart was doing flips when I saw her, heard her voice, or got a text. Everything was about Natalia and her loving, caring ways toward me back then.

  “Time went on, and life hit us in many different ways, both family-wise and relationship-wise. Some call it fate; I call it life, in some sad and mean ways. I knew what was forbidden and what was okay, and that’s where I don’t dare cross the line.”

  “The first time I saw you, I knew you would be someone special in my life, Natalia. That statement is still 1,000 percent right. I always wish life wasn’t so judgmental and criticized.” I laughed and said, “We would have made an incredible couple. Now I’m done.”

  She looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “I love you so much.”

  Chapter 17:

  Embracing True Love

  Without Judgment

  Flying for eighteen hours is a flight I could not do often. Dubai is a country of beauty, I must say. I can’t believe I’m here, and doing DJ gigs on top of that. They roll out the red carpet for you, put you in a hotel for a princess, and are friendly as hell. The venue I was playing at held more than three thousand people, give or take. The dance floor is made of pure glass, with colored lights coming up from all angles.

  There were monitors in every corner of the club, and seating was on the other side of a glass wall, with plush chairs built for two. The DJ booth was top floor center, with crazy-big speakers. The other side of the club was a restaurant that stayed open during the times the club was open. It was unbelievable. The weather was so nice. There is no humidity during the day, but it’s steamy at night. I went back to my hotel to do some mental meditating, something I finally let myself embrace over the years.

  I got a visitor that I didn’t expect, well, at least not at that time of the morning. Natalia stopped by to see how I liked the venue. She asked if I was comfortable in my room and if I needed anything before that night.

  I wish I could hold you tight, for just one night, keep you near to ease away my fears, okay, I’m feeling Luther in my thoughts. I laughed and said that everything was just fine. She said she had to finish some last-minute paperwork, kissed me on the cheek, and left.

  Our friendship was still the most important thing, despite our desires. I wanted nothing to come between what we technically never lost years ago; we built a stronger bond. I achieved one of my many accomplishments, thousands of miles away across the ocean.

  But it was so good to be back
home, in my bed. There’s no place like home. Natalia had to stay over in Dubai to meet up with some distant relatives on her mom’s side. I would have loved to stay over, but time waits for no one when it comes to bills.

  I was thinking about moving into a loft that I saw on my way back from the airport, near the downtown exit. I needed more space since I kept investing in equipment. There was a faint knock at my door. I honestly was not expecting company, and Mrs. A was not home. I opened the door with surprise; it was the lady who worked in the front office.

  “Oh, no, don’t tell me something is going on with the complex, and you came to do your rounds.”

  She smiled, said hello, and asked to come in. Then she asked if everything was fine in my apartment and if I needed any work done.

  I said I could use a new latch on my patio door, then I laughed, and said, “No, everything is fine. I have no complaints.”

  She said, “Remember when I asked you about the party I was giving down at the club?”

  “Oh yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you about that. I will talk to the manager this week.”

  She had a little hesitation on her face as though she wanted to say something else. “Well,” she said, “Thanks and I’ll talk with you soon.”

  That was a bit awkward, because she has my number. Why didn’t she just call? There I go, assuming something.

  Early morning walks are my stress reliever. Today I decided to take a walk over to the place where I saw the loft for lease. It was about seventy-five degrees, but there was a nice breeze. I must say the downtown area has gotten busy these past few years. The loft wasn’t far from the activities in the area, which was awesome, since I was not particularly eager to drive around down there.

  When I got to the building, I noticed a rainbow flag at one of the third-floor windows. I thought, Alright for pride. I got close to the entrance, and saw a security guard entranceway. He asked me a series of questions, then someone from management met me. A slim, clean-cut gentleman approached the area and asked if I was seriously interested in investing in a loft. I said I was very interested.

  Before I could finish, someone tapped me on the back and said, “Are you following me?”

  To my surprise, it was Phyllis from my apartment, the management lady. She said, “Hey, what you are doing in my neck of the woods?”

  I laughed and said I was thinking of getting a place here. The building manager said, “Oh, so you can vouch for her,” and he laughed. As I walked into the corridor, there was a glass wall with the most beautiful fish inside.

  The décor was blue and black, meaning the sofas and tables were just beautiful. Now I could see why they have a guard and strict screening. As I was walking in behind the manager, Phyllis asked me to come up and see her place, which was on the top floor, twelve stories up. I finished up my paperwork and took Phyllis up on her offer, basically to be nosy.

  As I was escorted to the manager’s elevator, he said, “Hope to see you again soon,” with a smirk on his face.

  I got to Phyllis’s floor and, with the elevator door open, it was a massive space of hardwood floor. In the center was a dark plush sectional sofa with a dark-colored oak wood table in the center. The entertainment center that sat close to the window faced the downtown landscape. Plants covered the other windows, and the dining area had bar stools and tall glass tables, three to be exact, that faced another window showing the river side of downtown.

  I was thinking, Good grief. Phyliss must have another income. She came from the other side of the loft, and startled me because I was so into décor.Phyllis was a pleasant woman with the cutest smile and smelled like fresh linen. Crazy, I know, but she seemed to be a nice person so far.

  We sat down and talked for a while about how she loved the city and planned to invest in more property. That is why she has the top floor in this building. She laughed and said she doesn’t work at the apartment complex. She owns it, but she likes to check on things more often than the employees would like.

  “You’re like an investor in the city,” I said.

  She laughed again and said, “Something like that, but I’m only here six months out the year. My other time is in different parts of the world.”

  Well, I will be damned. She is Ms. Fortune 500 material. “I’m very impressed, and in awe of your accomplishments. When your parents invested in their life years and years ago, they left you with a big responsibility.

  “Well, it can be a blessing and a curse,” she replied.

  “What’s the curse part?”

  “You must be responsible for thousands of employees. You go through some stressful situations,” she replied.

  We talked a good hour or so, and she laid it all out on that table. I feel that she had wanted to speak with someone and release some tension. Well, I headed back out. She offered me a ride back to the apartment, but I told her I was on my daily walk. We said our goodbyes and hugged. What an enjoyable walk that was.

  Chapter 18:

  Worried about What They

  Would Say

  Sometimes your mind says no, but your gut says yes. In my case, the gut usually right, and my mind stays in a whole other place most of the time. A few weeks had passed since my visit with Ms. Phyliss. I had been on a mission to find a more prominent position, but I decided to put it off until the beginning of the year. The housing market was terrifying in the area I wanted to live, so I would wait and be patient.

  My phone beeped with a message from Natalia, who I hadn’t heard from in a couple of weeks. I wasn’t sure if she was still thinking about the visit I had had with Phyliss and then told Natalia about. The message was direct, “We need to meet up asap.” I hadn’t gotten dressed yet or even really thought about going out today.

  I responded, “What’s going on? If it’s something crucial, then just come by here.”

  It took her a few minutes to answer, then she said, I’m finishing up in a meeting and I will be right over.

  When she came in, she looked stressed and upset, “Hello, we need to talk.”

  I said, “Well, you’re here, so start talking.” I smiled when saying it so she wouldn’t be offended.

  She began by asking if I knew more about my living situation.

  “No, I don’t. What’s up?”

  “I wanted to see if I could stay with you for a few weeks.”

  My mouth opened, but nothing came out.

  Natalia started talking before I could say anything. “I put a bid in on a condo on the north side of town, and the deal fell through. I had all my things packed up, and put some in storage. It’s a mess.”

  “Of course you can stay, but to let you know, I am looking for a new place as well.”

  She looked a little puzzled, then laughed, saying, “Oh, that’s right, the chick you spoke with about the lofts.”

  We both laughed a little, “Yes, but I’m not sure that would be my choice, the loft part.”

  She gave me a look that could cut like a knife.

  Meanwhile, I was thinking, Oh my, what would Phyliss think about me having someone move in to the apartment, on a business level?

  A few days passed, and Natalia started bringing over a few things that she used every day. She was out more than in, she slept here and had breakfast, but I didn’t see her. Her not being here a lot was good for my temptation. I’m sure she felt the same way. We worked on being the best of friends and, honestly, neither of us wanted to mess that up.

  One morning she didn’t leave, but I thought she was gone. I got up to do my usual morning routine, and she was still sleeping on the futon.

  She said, “Hey, quiet. I’m sleeping,” and laughed. “You’re good. I’ve been on the phone with a friend of mine.”

  A light bulb went off in my mind. Friend? Damn she has a friend now. Usually she says the person’s name, now it’s a friend.

 
She said, “Stop thinking about the wrong thing. It’s just a guy who runs the management company where I was trying to get the condo. You’re the only lover I don’t want anybody else to have,” and laughed until she cried.

  I laughed with relief and said, “Well, you are allowed until someone I approve of comes along.”

  She looked at me with those big brown eyes, and I could have sworn she was about to cry.

  The days passed, and it was coming up on two weeks that she had been staying at my apartment. I took a weekend off from playing at the club to get a break from Dubai’s playing. We went out to dinner and the movies, and went to visit her family. We were having such a good time and getting used to being in each other’s company again. She said we should invest in a giant house together.

  I laughed and said, “Now, why would you want to mess up a good thing?”

  We talked more about it as the days went on, but I honestly didn’t want to ruin what we were building with our friendship. It didn’t seem right.

  One day, though, I got a knock at the door late in the afternoon. To my surprise, it was Phyliss, and Natalia happened to be home. She came by to see my progress on apartment hunting. I invited her in, of course, as Natalia was walking out of the bathroom.

  Phyliss said, “Oh, I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

  I said, “No, that’s my best friend.”

  I introduced them, and Phyllis looked puzzled and said that she would keep me up to date on the area for new leasing.

  Silence dwelled in that apartment for at least two hours after she left. Finally, I spoke up and asked, “Why so quiet?”

  “It happens sometimes.”

  Later that evening, Natalia had gotten dressed to leave. Of course, I was curious about where she was going, but she politely said that she going to her sister’s place for a while before I could ask. “I may or may not be back,” she said with a laugh. “Don’t wait up.”

  Believe it or not, I couldn’t sleep at all. Six o’clock finally came and I heard keys, so I quietly turned over and pretended to be asleep. Another night like that, and I am going to start smoking weed.