It Was That Night

by Rikke Barfod

  Most of the girls are sniffing when I finish. Some of the boys snuffle a bit too. Jens’s face is completely white. Kirsten is openly crying.

  Lissy stands up: “You are a freak, Claire. And your family is even weirder. But I promise I won’t ever make fun of your German grandfather.”

  The others join in with a ‘Hear, hear.’ Ellen hugs me when I sit down, then she gets up and says: “Maybe I’m not scared of climbing tall trees or riding my bike without holding on to the handlebars, but I think what you just did, telling your story, is the bravest thing anybody could do.”

  The class cheers.

  “Thank you,” Kirsten says. “And thank you Ellen and Lissy for your comments. I understand that it probably is not easy to admit having a sixth sense and acting on it. Well done, Claire!”

  I stand up again. “I have just thought about something: If persecution of Jews begins again, I too will be persecuted. I never knew it, but I am Jewish too and I can’t really understand how it must have been back then. I just really hope it never happens again.”

  Ellen jumps up: “I’ll hide you, if it happens.”

  The others laugh and shout: “Me too.”

  Kirsten pulls her hair back, the clip coming loose for the umpteenth time. “Claire, I sincerely hope that it will never happen again. But wars of predudice and misunderstanding are happening right at this moment. Just think of apartheid in South Africa, where black people are not allowed to sit at the same places at white people, they have to buy their food in shops only for black people, African people are not allowed to inter-marry, black people can not attend the same schools as white children and so on.

  But it is important that we all realize that everybody is equal and nobody should be persecuted because of colour, religion or whatever. Another thing to understand is that bravery can be expressed in various ways. The men who rowed the Jews to Sweden showed a different kind of bravery. They risked prison – maybe even death – and what would have happened to their families then?”

  She looks around. “Many of you will find that there are people, maybe in your own family, people who experienced horrible things during the war, but who may never have said a word about it. Probably because it hurts too much even thinking of it. Some people – many years later – commit suicide because they can’t live with the memories of what happened to them, or what they themselves did. I suggest that in the summer holidays you read some of the books I have recommended. Even though they are tough reading.”

  Kirsten turns to her desk, and shuffles some papers. “On a completely different note, your writing is excellent, Claire. I propose that you submit your essay for the junior essay competition. The same goes for Grethe, Jens and Thor. Here are the forms.”

  How many surprises can a day hold? I nod, too happy to speak.

  After school, Ellen walks back with me. She asks: “What do you think of our new physics teacher?”

  “You could peel potatoes with that voice, couldn’t you?”

  “Claire, stop using all those sym …syny ... synonyms.”

  I grin. “Well, if I’m going to be a writer, I have to practice.”

  “You’re a proper heroine.” Ellen laughs. “That I should live to see Prissy-Lissy eating humble pie!”

  Ursula is not in the kitchen, so we go up to my room. She’s not there either. Ellen flops down on a chair and precariously leans back on the two back legs.

  “Ellen, please stop rocking on my chair; it will break.”

  A movement by the door catches my eye. Ursula is there. “Hi Ursula, meet my friend Ellen.”

  Ursula grasps Ellen’s hand. But it is obvious that Ellen doesn’t feel anything. She keeps turning around, trying to see Ursula.

  Ursula bursts out laughing. “She can’t see me, can she?”

  “No, but she would like to.”

  Ellen looks at me. “I am not deaf. I can hear you talking to her, and it is obvious that you can see her. Maybe I should go to an evening class or something to learn how to see ghosts. I am very sorry that I can’t see or hear you,” she says to the place where she thinks Ursula is. She turns to me with a grin:

  “Claire, it’s a pity you left class yesterday. You should both have been there and seen them. Their eyes were popping out of their heads. Some really thought you had gone bonkers. I mean, it did look weird, you holding somebody’s hand we couldn’t see.”

  Ursula laughs. “Tell her I understand.”

  I convey the message. “But what did Kirsten say after we’d gone?” I ask.

  “She said that even if we couldn’t see Ursula, it was obvious that you could – and however strange we thought it was, it just goes to show there is more between heaven and earth than we know. And then she got people to talk about extraordinary happenings. Mostly, it was something they’d heard from somebody else – or had read. But we all realized that you are not the only one with different abilities.”

  “I wish she could see me. I like her,” Ursula says.

  I tell Ellen what Ursula said.

  Ellen gets up. “This is getting too weird for me, being translated or something to a ghost – or whatever you are, Ursula. I wish you all the luck or whatever it is you need. I’m leaving, so you can talk. See you, Claire.”

  We hear her jumping down the stairs, two at a time. Then a loud bang when the front door slams. We don’t say much. Ursula sighs a bit.

  “I’m going on my last journey soon.”

  “Are you looking forward to it?”

  “Perhaps. But I’m so happy I’m going to be with Mutti.”

  “But maybe you won’t recognize her.”

  “Stupid. You don’t know people from how they look.”

  I stare at her. “Umm. Are you scared?”

  “No.”

  “But do you believe in God and all that?”

  She giggles, “Yes. Not in Jahve, though.”

  “Who is that?”

  “The God, Jews believe in. I think people have made him up. But I also don’t believe in this Santa Claus person with a long white beard and all that. I believe God is an energy that’s in everything in the whole universe, in the flowers and stars and people, in everybody’s heart. In everything.”

  That I do understand. We talk about other things, about Jacov, and Isaac, and Hannah and Ruben.

  “You should go and visit him in Israel.”

  I lean forward on my chair and shake my head. “Whatever for?”

  She looks earnestly at me: “Then you can learn about being a Jew.”

  “Why? You are not very Jewish yourself. Why should I be? I’m me. Honestly, Ursula I think there are many other places I would rather visit,” I say and flop down on my bed.

  Ursula laughs, “Fine, but there’s no harm in seeing what it’s all about.”

  “Well, I don’t like what I read about Israel in the papers.”

  “I just think you should go and take Jacov with you.”

  “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

  We sit silently for a while. Then something that has been building inside of me wants to come out:

  “Ursula, I am so happy to know you.”

  “I am also happy to know that you exist. And Sarah. My big little sister.”

  We sit for a long time in companionable silence. Then it hits me. What did she mean: Her last journey. I feel that familiar knot in my stomach when I understand that I might never see her again or hear her laughter.

  I realize that I really like her and will miss her a great deal. Should I tell her? I glance at her. She sits so still. No, better leave her in peace. After a while she asks:

  “Can I try that music thing again?”

  I want to listen to the music too, so I put the speakers on. For a long time, Ursula sits listening to music. I write in my notebook. I have started writing a sort of diary. I’m always writing things down anyway. I’ve even begun to write poems.

  I wrote one the other day:

  The wind hurried along with a sunbeam
<
br />   The light moved nearer and nearer

  sharply pursued by a twinkling heap of leaves

  It stopped

  The trees creaked

  One tree threw off a small twig.

  Chapter 42

  Claire

  Sunday, 4th June 1983

  I slept over at Ellen’s and now I’m on my way home, Sunday morning. I get a shock when I see a girl looking at me longingly. It’s a long time since I’ve seen another ghost. I don’t feel like stopping, I run home. Ursula is sitting very still in my room. I burst in, throw myself on the bed and gasp:

  “How heavenly that you’re here. I am so tired of seeing ghosts and ...” I stop aghast. What am I thinking? “Sorry, Ursula.”

  Ursula looks confused. Then she laughs: “It’s quite alright. Did you have fun at Ellen’s?” I nod. We sit in silence for a long time, when Mum suddenly knocks at the door and asks us to come down. We go down into the kitchen. I thought surprises were all done with, but here are Granny and Granddad with Jacov and Dad, as well as an old couple, I don’t know. Isaac walks in at the same time as I throw myself into Dad’s arms.

  “Have you moved back home, Dad?”

  “Not quite. I – and all the other people here – have actually come to persuade you to read your essay aloud.”

  My jaw drops. Ursula smirks, “You look so intelligent.” She looks around, “Auntie Hannah!” she shouts, and throws herself into the arms of the old woman.

  Dad looks astonished to see the lady embracing the air. He can’t see Ursula, of course, but it is obvious that the lady can see a person whom she kisses and talks to. He doesn’t say anything, and Mum introduces him and me to Hannah and Ruben. Mum says:

  “Let’s all go to the living room. There’s coffee and tea. And if Claire agrees we would love to hear her essay. Kirsten, Claire’s teacher, rang and told me how good it was. My cheeks burn like mad when I leave the room to fetch the essay. They must be mad. What’s Mum up to?

  “I don’t know whether I think this is a good idea,” I say when I return. “But I’ll read it for you, Dad. Maybe it will help you to understand everything that’s been going on.”

  When I finish it’s the same scenario as in school. They all cry and sniffle. Jacov squeezes Isaac’s hand. Dad looks rather astounded. He gives me a hug. “That was brave”, is all he says.

  Ruben says: “Ursula, I can neither see nor hear you. I wish I could. I am so sorry it turned out like this, but it seems there’s light in the darkness. You and Jacov have found each other. Sarah has found her father, Claire her other grandfather, Isaac has almost lost all of the guilt he has carried around for so many years – which indeed we – Hannah and I – have shared. Can you forgive us, Ursula.”

  Ursula nods. Hannah whispers to Ruben, “She is nodding.”

  “ ‘Thank you’ are two very small words, Ursula. But what can I say? I am also happy to have found some of our family. Ursula, is there anything we can do for you now?”

  “I think I should be buried beside Mutti in Copenhagen and have a proper funeral.”

  Jacov is close to tears, “What are you saying?”

  “My bones, of course.”

  A leaf falls off one of the plants. It is so still that we all hear it. I look around. Everybody’s’ face looks naked, like they don’t know which muscles to use. We all look uncomfortable. Isaac and Mum both say, “I’ll arrange it.” They smile at each other.

  Dad looks glum and disorientated. I hurriedly whisper to him what Ursula said. Out of the corner of my eyes I see Hannah whispering to Ruben and to Granny and Granddad.

  Granddad comes over to me. His eyes are wet.

  “Claire, I am so happy and honoured that I was allowed to hear your essay. For me, it has put everything in perspective. You just keep on seeing ‘things’ darling. Imagine that so much good could happen because of your gift.”

  Gift! He had said gift.

  Granddad turns to Mum, “Please accept my whole-hearted apology, Ing … Sarah. I wish I had understood all this before.”

  Mum says, “And I wish I could have made an effort to make you understand.”

  Granny says, “It is a bit strange to be in the same room as someone you can’t see. But Ursula I can feel your presence, and I am happy to know that you’ll soon be at peace.”

  I stare at Ursula. What the heck does Granny mean? Ursula shakes her head at me. Okay, I won’t ask.

  Now Hannah and Ruben are in front of me. Ruben looks nice. He is old, of course, but he looks much younger than Jacov. He still holds himself erect and he has beautiful twinkling eyes. Ruben says, “So brave of you to read your essay.”

  I blush. Ursula laughs at me. “The little heroine,” she smirks.

  Hannah hugs me. “You and Ursula look so alike. I am very, very glad that I have finally met you. Maybe you’ll come and visit me in Sweden?”

  “Yes, please,” I murmur. But I don’t really know if I want to.

  I look at Ursula. She looks so happy.

  “Ursula, was it okay to hear the essay?” I ask. “I hope you didn’t feel – I don’t know, hurt or something.”

  “Claire, I didn’t mind at all. Of course, it was a little strange. But also very good.”

  “Thanks.”

  It’s getting too much now. So many feelings criss-crossing the room. I have to get out. Fortunately, Ellen is home.

  “What’s wrong? You look like something the cat’s dragged in.”

  “The whole family gathered to hear my essay,” I wail. “My Dad, my grandparents, the people from Sweden and Israel. It was NOT fun.”

  “The people from Sweden and Israel. Who are they?” She dances around firing questions.

  “My aunt and uncle and Isaac. I want to be left in PEACE and I want to be NORMAL. I’m so tired of being a freak.” I stamp my foot.

  Ellen grins and throws a pillow at me. “Ha. The pinnacle of fame. Careful a horde of ghosts don’t descend on you to get your autograph.”

  “You … you …” I retaliate with another pillow.

  After a strenuous pillow fight in which Charlie delightedly participates, we fall onto the bed, grinning. “I am so hungry,” I gasp.

  “The realities of life. Food-talk is much better than ghost-talk.”

  We roll on the floor, laughing, before going down to raid the fridge.

  The phone rings. It’s Mum. “Can you come home?” she asks.

  “Sure. I just have to finish eating this sumptuous piece of cake.”

  I turn to Ellen, “Won’t you come too? It’s not fun when they all stare at me.”

  “Will it be okay with your Mum?” She asks, her mouth full of cake and crumbs flying everywhere.

  “Sure.”

  I drink a glass of water while Ellen clears up the kitchen and wipes the counter. It’s only her own room she leaves in a big mess. “By the way,” she says, “..do you know that Lissy’s sister is well again?”

  “Good for her, then maybe Lissy won’t be so prissy.”

  “You never know. She is much better. Maybe it’s also got something to do with her having the leading role in the play.”

  Ellen throws the cloth in the sink. “Okay, lead the way. Onward Christian soldiers.” Which in a way is how I feel. Going into a battle.

  It’s incredible how much lighter the atmosphere is for me because Ellen is there.

  “Bloody Hell, can they all see her?” She whispers.

  “No, only the woman from Sweden. I think my Dad feels very weird,” I whisper back.

  After a couple of hours my Swedish family leaves. Ruben goes with Isaac and Hannah to Lund in Sweden. Granny and Granddad too go home. Ellen went home a long time ago.

  Dad prepares to leave as well.

  “Aren’t you going to stay?” I ask him.

  “Not this time, sweetheart. Ing … Sarah and I are waiting a bit, to find out what is best.”

  That stinks. “It’s not fair. It’s so weird when you’re not here.”

 
Dad holds me. “Sorry Mopsy.”

  “Stop calling me Mopsy. I have a name, you know.”

  Dad laughs. “Take it easy. How would you feel about coming to see me in Copenhagen?”

  I hesitate, “Why not. Have you got a flat?”

  “I have borrowed one – right by the lakes.”

  He hugs me. “I have to get going. What about you coming next weekend?”

  I jump for joy, like I was Ellen. “I’d love that.”

  Dad grins, “I’ll meet you at the Main train station. What about five o’clock?”

  Chapter 43

  Claire

  Monday, 15. August 1983

  Ursula has disappeared again and we are waiting. She has been gone for quite some time. We just wait. We also wait for the police or whoever to release her skeleton, so she can be buried. I really don’t understand why she has disappeared this time. It’s actually quite scary. I don’t like it.

  These have been the weirdest months of my life. The summer holiday was nice and quiet. I spent most of it hanging out with the others on the beach; swimming, reading, talking and eating lots of ice cream. Going to Elsinore to the cinema, having fun with Ellen. Ellen and I tried the thing about swimming with closed eyes. At first it felt nice, but then a wave came and I had to open my eyes and suddenly I realized how far away from the beach I had swum. It was scary. Ellen loved it. Of course, Ursula would have had Isaac to look out for her.

  Karin came over for part of the holiday and I told her everything that had happened. She thought the whole thing utterly awesome and incredible. It really is strange, even if Karin can see elves and fairies, I feel much more comfortable telling Ellen about Ursula. Of course, it was nice having Karin here. But in some strange way it seems as if we don’t have much to talk about anymore. Dad has not moved back, it’s only me and Mum now. And Jacov, of course. I keep asking Dad,

  “Aren’t you moving back home soon?”

  “Claire, I would like nothing better. But it is not so easy.”

  I guess it’s not. Living in a house with three people who can see ghosts – which he can’t and so doesn’t believe it. Anyway, there are no ghosts now that Ursula has disappeared. Although I can’t understand how Dad cannot know it’s true, after I read my essay to all of them.