by Cara E Holt
I straighten myself out. Owen has stood up and come over and is picking what is left of my salad and the tray up.
“I think you might need another salad. Want me to grab you one?”
I shake my head as I pull a piece of lettuce off my school shirt. “No ta, I’ll sort it myself.”
Grayson goes to pull a piece of chicken out of my hair, but I block his hand. “I don’t remember saying you could touch me posh.”
He leans closer and whispers under his breath. “I’m really sorry baby.” My eyes soften slightly, baby is something he calls me when we are having sex and it’s usually whispered breathlessly in my ear. I pick my water up off the floor and twist the cap and take a drink. I’m debating whether to pour it over his head when my vision darkens, and I feel the floor move.
“Is she okay?” I hear a concerned voice.
“I think she passed out. Maybe she hit her head when she fell before?”
I squint and open one eye. Grayson and Izzy are stood over me, and behind them I can see several of the lads from Grayson’s table including Dom.
Grayson bends to help me up. “I’ll take her to the nurses’ office.”
Dom pushes forward. “I’ll take her.” Grayson looks like he will challenge him, but Dom’s face is firm. “I’ll take her G, she’s my step-sister.”
Dom places an arm under my shoulder and supports me to walk out of there. As we move into the hallway, I come to a still. “I need a minute.” I tell him and lean myself back against the wall.
Dom runs a hand through his hair and his hands come to rest on his hips. “I know Everly. Mums told me.”
I look up at him wide-eyed. “You know what?”
“That you’re not eating. That my mum and your Dad are worried sick about you.”
I sigh and close my eyes. “Sophie had no right to tell you.”
He scoffs at me. “They are worried sick, they wanted me to keep my eye on you at school.”
He folds his arms, his green eyes searching mine. “I know you were in hospital before. I haven’t told Grayson, but I will if I think I need to.”
“I’m fine.” I lie.
He laughs and leans in. “You are not fine. You have lost a ton of weight, your really pale and fuck Everly, you just passed out.”
“I have it under control.” He sighs at me and then gestures with his hand for me to lean into him.
“You are not fucking fine. Nothing about this is fine.” He guides me down the hallway. “Look I know you’re grieving. You lost your mum and your best friend, I can’t begin to imagine. But you have a family that love you.”
I look at him then. “I have nothing.”
He surprises me then. He stops and pulls me in for a hug. “You have everything. You have a family. A dad that adores you, a little brother that hangs off your every word. My mum thinks you are lovely.”
I sigh in response and we start walking again.
“What about Grayson huh?”
“What about him?”
“He needs you.”
I laugh. “Grayson doesn’t need anyone.”
Dom tuts, I can tell he is angry with me, by the way his jaw tightens. “He let you in Ev. He doesn’t let anyone in. He shows you affection, he doesn’t do that with anyone. You know why he doesn’t let anyone in, because he is scared that he’ll love them and lose them, like he did his mum.”
“I think I’m going to go again.” I tell him, as my vision darkens.
I’m kept in the nurses’ office of a good hour. They call my Dad and tell him what has happened. The nurse makes me eat and drink. My Dad must have said something to her because she sits there and makes sure I eat the sandwich. I force one half down me and she backs down after that and takes the other half away. It makes me feel sick, it’s more than I have eaten in a while.
The nurse deems me fit enough to go back to class and I make my way to a-level history. I knock on the door and give the teacher my late slip and with my head down take my seat.
“You okay?” He whispers in my ear. I nod my head in response and pull out my I-pad. At the end of class Grayson lingers and messes with his phone until there are only me and him in there. As soon as everyone has left. He comes to me and holds my face in his hands.
“Are you okay? I’m so sorry about before. I never meant to actually trip you up.”
I smile. “I know. I did want to kill you, but I’ll find other ways to get you back for that public humiliation.”
He grins then. He sneaks a quick look at the door and pulls me in to kiss me. I wrap my arms around him and deepen the kiss. The sound of approaching voices pulls us apart. He runs a hand through his hair and picks up his stuff off the desk. “I’ll see you later, yeah.”
The rest of the day passes uneventfully. I am dreading getting home because Dad will no doubt chew my ear off about me fainting today. When we get home, I am surprised to see he is already home. Sophie smiles nervously at us all when we come in.
“Dom, Abi can you take your brother down to the den for a bit. Andy and I need to have a chat with Everly.”
Dom looks over at me before nodding and scooping Ollie up and throwing him over his shoulder. Dom knows as well as I do, what this conversation will be about.
“Take a seat.” My Dad tells me gesturing to the sofa.
I sit down and hold my hands on my knee. “You told Dom.”
Sophie sighs. “I’m sorry but yes we did. You’re not eating Everly. I have seen the uneaten sandwiches in the bin.”
“Oh.” I reply. I look down at my hands and pick nervously at a nail.
“We are really worried.” My Dad says. “We think maybe it’s best if we get you back in hospital.”
My head shoots up. “Please, no. I can’t go back in there.”
My Dad takes my hand. “You need help Everly.”
My eyes tear up. “I’ll eat, I promise. I’ll go to counselling and group therapy, anything. I can’t go back in there, not without Shaun with me. I can’t do it.” Tears fall down my face. “I’m sorry, I really am.”
Dad pulls me into his arms. “Sweet heart you don’t need to apologise. You have lost the two people you loved and this is your way of coping, but honey your going to kill yourself if you don’t stop this soon.” He lifts my face, so he can look in my eyes. “I just found my little girl, I don’t want to lose you.
“I know Dad. I don’t want to let it destroy me, but it’s hard, it helps me cope, it gives me control.”
He takes my hands in his. “We have made an appointment at a private clinic tomorrow. We’ll go and see what they think. If they think we can do this from home, then that is what we will do.”
I throw my arms around his neck. “Thank you, Dad.”
The doorbell rings interrupting us. Sophie goes to answer it and my Dad gives me hand a squeeze in his. I hear his voice and panic. I frantically wipe my eyes and then turn my face towards my Dad.
“Hi Grayson, son.”
“Hi Andy.” I feel his gaze move from my Dad to me, but I don’t look up.
Then I hear him walk around and the he is kneeling down in front of me. “You’re crying, what’s wrong?” His face is full of concern.
My Dad looks at Grayson in puzzlement.
“Hey Andy, let’s go down and find the others.”
He looks at her and then back to me, and then to Grayson, and some kind of realisation crosses his face.
“Oh, Okay.” He squeezes my hand and then leaves us, and he heads downstairs with Sophie.
Grayson pulls me off the sofa and on to his knee on the floor.
“What’s wrong Ev? Talk to me.” His beautiful blue eyes search mine.
I realise this moment is a pivotal one. I can choose now, to let him in, like he did me or shut him out.
I raise my eyes and look straight at him. “I’m sick Grayson.” I take a deep breath. “I’m anorexic.”
He looks at me his eyes full of concern. “But baby why? you’re beautiful, you have an am
azing body.”
I laugh through my tears. “It’s not about that for me. Not eating, starving my body, it gives me control.”
He nods. “Is that why you passed out today? Because you haven’t been eating?”
I chew on my bottom lip and nod. “When Shaun died, I felt lost. I met Shaun in hospital, on an eating disorder unit. He was my rock.” He wipes a tear from my face. “When he died I felt so lost, so out of control of what was happening around me, and it was just easy to slip back into it. I had control, you see, I controlled my hunger.”
“I won’t pretend to understand, but Ev I’m here for you.” He leans in and kisses me. “I’m still trying to get my head around what we are, but I’m here.”
I nod and rest my head against his. “I’m scared.” I confess to him. He leans in and kisses me.
“Urgh, Everly is kissing Grayson, Yuck.” I laugh against Grayson’s mouth and look up to find Sophie and my Dad stood with Ollie. I stand up and pull Grayson up with me.
My Dad points a finger at Grayson. “That’s my daughter there Grayson. You break her heart and you will be in trouble.”
Grayson chuckles, “Yes sir.”
Sophie gives me wink from behind my Dad. “Go on, you guys go and relax in the den. I’ll start dinner.”
Grayson tugs me down stairs to where Dom and Abi are playing on the x-box. He sits down on the sofa and pulls me down on to his lap. I see Abi stop playing and stare at us with her mouth open.
“You’re gawping Abs.” Dom says smiling but not taking his eyes off the screen.
“You two, are like together?”
I look at Grayson and grin. “We are still kind of figuring it out, so not a word to anyone please.”
She nods, still looking shocked. She hits her brother on the arm. “Did you know?”
Dom shrugs but then smiles. “I knew before they did.”
Abi shakes her head in disbelief but then returns her eyes to the television screen. I rest my head against his chest and watch them playing.
Sophie shouts us for dinner a little while later and we all head upstairs. I take my seat next to Ollie and Grayson sits opposite me.
Sophie plates out the food and when she stops at me, I feel everybody’s eyes on me.
“I’ll try one potato and some broccoli.”
I wait for her to tell me it isn’t enough, but she doesn’t, she smiles and squeezes my shoulder and gives me what I asked her for.
Dom’s phone rings towards the end of dinner and he answers it and looks over at Grayson.
“It’s Owen, wants to know if we all want to go hang out at his.”
Grayson looks at me and shakes his head. “Not tonight.”
Dom nods and relays to Owen that him and Grayson have plans tonight. Sophie takes Ollie for a bath and Dad and Abi, clear the dishes away.
I stand from the table and follow the boys back down to the den. I reach for the back of Grayson’s hand as I walk down behind him.
“You should go out. I’m fine here.”
He smiles and entwines his fingers with mine. “We’ll hang out here. The four of us.”
I can’t help but smile at his response. “Okay.”
Grayson sits down on the sofa and pulls me down on his lap. He sits me, so I’m sat between his legs. I hear Dom call Izzy and tell her to come over. The boys put on sky sports while we wait for her.
Izzy breezes into the room some twenty minutes later and grins at me and Grayson when she see’s us sat together. She throws herself down beside Dom and drops a kiss on his lips.
“Okay, so what are we watching?”
A couple of hours later the film credit roll and I yawn.
“I better head home.” Izzy announces and Grayson taps my waist. “I should go too.”
Dom pulls Izzy up. “Come on, I’ll walk you out.” Izzy gives us a wink as he pulls her past us.
I sit up and turn around so that I am straddling him.
“You going to be okay tomorrow?”
I nod, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Yeah. They could decide I need to stay in you know?”
He nods. “Text me, as soon as you know.”
“Course.” I lean and kiss him then. “I wish you could stay.”
He groans against my lips. “So, do I.”
Chapter Eighteen.
The following morning once the others have all gone to school, we head off for my appointment.
We leave a couple of hours later and I whip out my phone as we walk back to the car.
I’m coming home.
Made my day. Are you coming to college?
I smile as I write my reply.
I’ll be there at lunch.
When I walk in the cafeteria at lunch time I make to head to my friends table, but I backtrack, and do as I promised and queue for food and get a sandwich. I would try to eat half.
“It all go okay?” I look to my side to find Grayson, he’s come over on the pre-tense of getting more food.
“Yeah. I have to keep a food diary, Up my counselling sessions to twice a week. Regular weigh ins and see my new doctor fortnightly. I will have Sophie and Dad watching me like hawks too.”
He nods. “You got this Ev. You can beat this.”
I give him a smile. “I will. I realise I have to do this for Shaun. He would kick my ass into next week if I let this thing beat me.”
He laughs. “I reckon he would.”
I look out behind me and realise people have clocked us talking as we queue for food. He follows my eye and shrugs. “Who gives a fuck.”
He rubs the back of his neck. I’ve started to realise he does this when he is nervous about something.
“So, my sister is home again this weekend. I thought maybe you two could meet.”
I look up at him surprised.
“I mean it’s fine, if you don’t want to..”
“I’d like that.” I tell him, not letting him finish what he was about to say. This earns me a dimple inducing smile from him. The kind that makes my girl parts swoon.
I chew on my lip. “Meeting the family huh? Next you’ll be calling me your girl.”
He grins again and then his eyes meet mine, a serious look in them. “I think you’ve already been that for a while now.”
I gulp. Although he didn’t exactly say it out loud, did he just admit that he saw me as his girl. Was I Grayson St. Clair’s girl?
“I should go eat.” I tell him gesturing at my tray, feeling my face blush red.
He grins, knowing full well I am running away. He winks and taking his salad walks back over to his friends. Shit me!
Saturday morning after my counselling session dad drops me off at Grayson’s house. I ring the bell and stand there nervously. The door swings open and he stands there in a white tee and grey joggers. He looks relaxed and effortlessly edible. His sky-blue eyes meet mine and he gives me that smile that I swear could set my undies on fire.
“Hey you.”
“Hi.” I do a silly little wave and then blush at my cheesiness. He holds the door open and gestures for me to enter.
He holds a hand out to take my coat and I attempt to take it off, getting my arm stuck. He chuckles and helps me pull my arm out. He hangs my coat over the bottom of the stair bannister and then reaches out for my hand and takes it in his.
“You look pretty today Manchester.” He winks at me when I blush and then proceeds to lead me down the hallway, until we reach the large kitchen towards the back of the house. Sat at the grand kitchen island is a girl with mid-brown hair and the same piercing blue eyes as the boy holding my hand.
She grins at her brother and then her eyes fall on me and then on to my hand in Grayson’s.
“You must be Everly?” She smiles again, she seems pleased to meet me.
I smile back. “That would be me.” Grayson drops my hand to go to the fridge. He pulls out a can of Fanta and looks at me in question and I nod. I sit down at the island opposite Emily. Emily is still smiling at me.
I smile and bite at my lip. “Nothing special about me, I’m just a normal girl.”
She smiles and nods. “Grayson here talks about you all the time.” She looks at her brother and winks.
“Fuck off trying to embarrass me Ems.” He places a glass of Fanta in front of me, his hand touching the middle of my back as he does so.
“You’re not what I imagined.” She confesses to me, still studying me.
I laugh. “What did you expect?”
She shrugs, “Someone a little more fake looking, But you’re not, you’re like naturally and effortlessly pretty.”
I blush. “Thanks, I think.”
“Ems you are freaking her out.” Grayson warns as he sits on the stool beside me.
Emily laughs then and flicks her long hair over her shoulder. “I’m sorry it’s just you’re the first girl he’s introduced me to. You are something of a novelty.”
I laugh, and my eyes find Grayson’s and he winks at me.
Emily claps her hands together. “So dear brother, what are we and your pretty girlfriend doing today?”
Grayson shrugs and looks from Emily to me. “Whatever you ladies wish to do.”
Emily grins and looks at me. “You really shouldn’t have said that.”
Just under an hour later we are stood in a boutique and Emily has one arm stacked with clothes. Grayson leans against the cash desk shaking his head and grinning at her.
“Come on Everly.” She insists, grabbing my hand. “We have to get you something gorgeous to wear.”
“Ah I’m fine.”
She shakes her head. “Girly shopping is no fun unless we are both trying on.”
I throw a helpless look over to Grayson and he holds his hands up and grins.
“I bet you look gorgeous in baby pink with that hair and those eyes.” She grabs a baby pink knit jumper and holds it up against me. “Perfect.” She looks around her and points to some white jeans. “These will go great.” She plucks the jeans out and places them, along with the jumper in my arms.