A Shenanigans Tale: War, Tape and Tinsel

by K.J. Broadhurst



  A Shenanigans Tale

  Episode II

  War, Tape and Tinsel

  K.J. Broadhurst

  War, Tape and Tinsel

  By K.J. Broadhurst

  Published by K.J. Broadhurst

  Copyright 2013 K.J. Broadhrust

  For Maureen

  Who was always wonderfully exasperating!

  Chapter One

  The residents of Buttons Court are at war. It is Christmas and that means only one thing: The annual decorate your door competition. The corridors were alive and cluttered with ornamental Santas, angels, robins, reindeer, gold beads and crosses being frantically lined up, pinned and stuck to and around the front doors. The bigger and more elaborate the better. Flat 7 had purchased a bird house, painted it red in acrylic paint and covered it in gold tinsel. Flat 9 had red and green flashing lights stuck to her door with tape, the wires running through her letterbox. Others just threw everything they could at it including cats, owls, dogs and tigers just with added so-called Christmas ‘extras’ wrapped and tied to them. The rivalry had got so bad that the activities coordinator was forced, by demand, to organise a shopping trip for the residents so they could buy more stuff to increase their chances of winning. Every one of them wanted to win. All, that is, except for the completely oblivious Agatha Wardon, better known as Aggie.

  Sitting in her armchair, Aggie was watching children’s television programmes. Not because she wanted to but because that was what her morning carers had left her with, her remote control sitting abandoned on her dresser on the opposite side of the room. A recent spell in hospital had left her with painfully stiff knees as she had not been offered the opportunity to walk or stretch her legs. This had profoundly slowed her down and her carers hated slowness. It was becoming common practice to wheel her everywhere in her wheelchair and she was fearful that it wouldn’t be long before she was hoisted instead of being allowed to move herself.

  Staring at her television screen at the childrens’ characters dancing and jumping about, Aggie was finding herself getting more and more frustrated. The more time that passed, the more she needed to stand up, retrieve her remote and change that damn channel.

  Eventually she cracked.

  Taking the famous trolley which always stood beside her she grasped its arms, applied all her weight onto it and stood herself up, her legs creaking like old floorboards. While dumping her large sagging breasts onto the surface of the trolley she noticed the tea-stained magazine that sat on the top. She walked across the room, retrieved the television remote and, rather than switch the channel, she turned it off. Back in her chair, remote on the arm, she took up the magazine and started to read.

  Chapter Two

  James White was on a high; his relationship with Cheryl was flourishing. Although she was living in Devon with her mother, James had arranged to work four nights a week so that he could drive down and have two days off with her.

  James had arranged two weeks annual leave before Christmas to spend more quality time with Cheryl but, before he left for Devon, he decided to pop into work to see how Aggie was, having organised her return from hospital. He made his way up the stairs into the staffroom and found the activities coordinator looking stressed and staring blankly at his computer screen. ‘You Ok?’ he asked, as means of a greeting.

  Paul sighed, ‘It’s this shopping trip. They all want to go, well some don’t but most of the tenants want to go and the bus can only take fifteen people. We have four with wheelchairs and it can only take two. I told the residents and they’re up in arms. Now we’re getting accused of having favourites… I mean, seriously, favourites?! I’ve had two complaints from families, shouting at me just to remind me that ‘I’ am the activities coordinator and should be able to cater for all of the residents, telling me if there wasn’t enough room on one bus we should take two but what they seem to be forgetting is who’s going to drive them… them?! I don’t see them coming in and volunteering their help. The staff are under enough pressure as it is and are spending most of their lives here so who can blame them for not wanting to come in, unpaid, to help take the tenants on just a shopping trip.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Otherwise I’m fine, thanks. What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were on holiday?’

  ‘Just sorting the last of Aggie’s papers,’ James said, desperately trying not to laugh, ‘This competition has really got them going this year, hasn’t it?’

  ‘Which is great… that’s what we wanted but I hadn’t guessed this would happen. They’ve all gone competition crazy, seriously they’re at war with each other. God knows what will happen when the winner is announced.’

  James, still trying to suppress his laughter, thought for a moment. He had planned to leave for Devon tomorrow but with Paul in this state and all the residents seemingly showing an interest he wondered whether he should stay on and help with the shopping. Paul was more relieved than anything when James offered his help, organising two buses for the shopping trip. James was happy that he was being useful but he also hoped Cheryl wouldn’t mind waiting for him an extra day.

  Leaving Paul to it, James retrieved the remaining paperwork and made his way down to see Aggie. He rang the bell and let himself in. The formidable woman was where she always was these days - in her armchair. On this particular morning she was reading the magazine that James had written and distributed to all of the residents.

  ‘Enjoying the magazine?’ he enquired.

  Taking her eyes from the page she smiled up at him and replied, ‘Yes dear but I wasn’t aware of the ‘Decorate Your Door’ competition?’

  ‘Sorry, didn’t I tell you?’ he said apologetically. ‘Well, basically everyone’s decorating their door; if the tenants can’t then their keyworkers help them.’

  ‘Yes I know that now, not that I would want to decorate my bloody door anyway, waste of my time if you ask me. No one comes to see me so what’s the point?’ She looked thoughtful for a moment, ‘Who is my keyworker, anyway?’

  James heart sank