by Ali Parker
I drank it like water—like a punishment.
This was all predictable, of course. I should have seen this coming. Falling for Piper was easy. Bouncing back after she left was going to be damn near impossible. The proof was in the pudding. Just the idea of her leaving had been enough to send me spiraling last night.
“Fool,” I said aloud, my voice gravelly and rough from the stomach pumping.
Finding my vision settling and the dizziness fully passing, I took a moment to get my bearings and look around the room. As per usual, I was in a private room. Money meant I didn’t have to share. The curtains were pulled back on the windows, revealing a clear bright-blue sky peppered with a few birds flying by. We were up high. I couldn’t see any other buildings out the window.
Sitting in a lounge chair in front of the window was Piper.
I was shocked. And delighted.
And horrified.
What did this mean? Had she forgiven me? Was she so furious, she’d stuck around to give me a piece of her mind?
She was asleep, I realized. Her head had slumped to the side, and her hair fell like a curtain, hiding part of her face. She was basked in full sunlight and still wearing the same outfit as last night: jeans, a white T-shirt, and white sneakers. Her jacket was half draped over her like a blanket, and I wondered if she was getting warm, fully exposed to the sun like that.
I was about to call out to her when the door opened.
A doctor strode in. He wore a white coat and held a clipboard in his hands that he was reading silently. His glasses had silver frames and half-moon bifocals in them that made his eyes appear bigger than they were.
When he looked up, he seemed surprised to see me awake. “Mr. Morgan. Good morning. I’m Doctor Hennie. How are you feeling?”
Like a worthless sack of shit. “I’ve been better,” I said.
Doctor Hennie gave me a tight-lipped smile and a knowing nod. He was a friendly-looking man, and I had the impression he was a father. I bet somewhere in that doctor’s coat of his, there was a picture of one or all of his kids. If not in his jacket, I was sure one could be found in his wallet. “Yes, I imagine you have. But the good news is you’re clear of the storm now, and you’ll only feel better as time goes on.”
“Experience suggests you’re telling the truth,” I said.
Doctor Hennie chuckled and flipped the top page on his clipboard over to continue reading the next. Somehow, he maintained our conversation as he spoke. “Yes. You’ve been here several times over, haven’t you?”
“Is that what my file says?” I asked dryly.
“Sure does. Your charts also show some things you and I need to talk about. Is now a good time?” He let the top page fall back into place and peered at me over the top of his glasses. “I can come back toward the end of my shift if you would prefer to get some rest. You’ve only had four or five hours of uninterrupted sleep, and you could do with some more.”
“Now is fine.”
Doctor Hennie glanced in Piper’s direction. “I’m sorry, miss. But I’ll have to ask you to leave for this part.”
I swung my head to find Piper propped up in her chair, wide awake. She gathered her jacket, draped it over one arm, and then leaned over to grab her purse from the floor. “That’s okay. I’ll come back.”
“Stay,” I said.
Piper froze and looked up at me. “Sorry?”
“Doctor, she can stay. If she wants to.”
“Suits me,” Doctor Hennie said. Then he pulled up a chair and settled into it beside my bed. He gestured for Piper to come closer and take up the other free one on my other side.
She did. After she settled into it, she lifted her hand and put it over mine, where it rested at my side. She gave it a gentle squeeze and crossed one leg over the other.
Maybe she didn’t hate me after all.
“Go ahead, doctor,” I said.
Doctor Hennie took his glasses off and tucked them into the collar of his coat. His posture was exceptional as he set his clipboard down on his lap and clasped his hands over the top of it. “Well, to put it frankly, I don’t think you’ll be surprised by any of what I have to say.”
“Probably not,” I agreed.
“Then let’s talk about the condition of your liver.”
“Let’s,” I said.
He was right. None of this was going to be news to me. I’d been told countless times by doctors with good intentions just like him that I had to quit drinking and doing so many drugs. My body was starting to pay the price.
But I hadn’t listened.
Obviously.
Doctor Hennie spent the next half hour or so reading me my charts and explaining what each test result meant. In other words, he dumbed it down for me so I could comprehend what he was saying.
Which, in short, translated to this:
If you don’t change your lifestyle, you’re not going to live to see your forties.
By the time he wrapped up his info session, which he delivered tactfully, he gave me and Piper three brochures for the rehabilitation centers in the area of his choice. He gave us a little speech about all three of them and insisted this was the next necessary step for me to take if I had any interest in getting better. Then he left the room to let us to discuss things and have some time alone.
When the door closed behind Doctor Hennie, I turned toward Piper. She wasn’t looking at me, but she was running her thumb along the back of my hand in a figure-eight pattern. I turned my hand over, letting it rest palm up, and she placed her hand in mine.
“Did you know all this already?” she whispered, still not looking up at me.
“Most of it.”
She nodded.
I sighed and closed my eyes. I was so very tired. Doctor Hennie had probably been right to suggest I sleep a little longer before we cover such heavy subject material. However, with that conversation looming over my head, I wouldn’t have gotten much sleep anyway.
It was a lose-lose situation.
She reached for one of the brochures Doctor Hennie had left on my tray table. I watched her as she flipped through the pages, and finally, she looked up at me. “What do you think?”
“I think I’m tired.”
She nodded with pursed lips. “You won’t regret going, Levi.”
“To sleep?” I tried to joke.
She didn’t laugh. She didn’t even smile. “To rehab.”
“I know what you meant.”
She slipped her hand back into mine. “Please think about it.”
CHAPTER 20
PIPER
A luxury car picked Levi and me up at the hospital about thirty-two hours after he was initially admitted. We slid into the back seat, closed the doors, and spent most of the drive in silence until we reached Malibu Point, at which point I mentioned that I was thinking about preparing something for lunch when we got back.
Levi continued to stare out the window. “The fridge should be fully stocked.”
“Can I make you something?”
He shook his head. “I’m all right. Thanks. Not much of an appetite yet.”
I ran my hands down my thighs. Conversation had been a bit difficult ever since Doctor Hennie came in yesterday and explained to Levi that he needed to go to rehab, and he needed to do it soon. Another stunt like the other night could push him past a threshold that could do irreversible damage to his kidneys and liver.
It had been one of the most frightening conversations I’d ever been privy to.
It had also been eye-opening.
Levi’s substance abuse wasn’t just a problem he needed to squash. It was killing him. Very slowly.
I swallowed back the tight lump in my throat.
Crying wouldn’t help anybody. Least of all Levi. He had enough on his plate at the moment, and I refused to be that girl who needed comforting from the man bearing the brunt of the suffering.
No. There would be no tears spilled here. At least not in front of him.
We arrive
d at the house and made our way to the door. Levi let us in, and I was struck by how quiet the house was.
I watched Levi shrug out of his jacket. He left it on a hook by the door and turned toward the stairs.
“Where are you going?” I asked. My voice sounded weak and frightened in my own ears.
“I just need some time alone. To process.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“I’ll be down later. Get comfortable. Make yourself something to eat. I’m all right.” He gave me a weary smile.
I didn’t believe him or the fake smile he wore like a mask. But I nodded anyway. “I’ll see you later.”
He took the stairs slowly, and I stayed in the foyer, gazing up at him until he disappeared around the corner to make his way down the hall to his bedroom. I heard his door close behind him, and then I fished my phone out of my purse and called Janie as I made my way to the kitchen.
I’d been too worried to eat while at the hospital. Now, I was famished.
Although given the current state of things, I didn’t know how much I’d actually be able to eat.
“Hey, Pipes,” Janie’s cheerful voice filled the phone as I cracked open the fridge and studied the ingredients lining the shelves. Levi was right. It was fully stocked.
Must be nice to be so rich that you can have personal shoppers tending to your fridge.
“Hey,” I said, taking note of the eggs, breakfast sausages, potatoes, onions, peppers, and cheese lined up on the bottom shelf. I grabbed them all and set them on the counter as I talked to Janie. “Do you have a minute?”
“Sure do. What’s up, Pipes?”
All my ingredients were on the counter. I set to dicing the vegetables and pouring oil in a pan to heat it up. “I have a problem.”
“Oh?”
“I had to take Levi to the hospital night before last.”
“What happened?” Janie asked.
I told her everything that led up to the conversation we had yesterday morning with Doctor Hennie. By the time I finished filling her in, my potatoes were sizzling away in a frying pan, and I was able to add the peppers and onions and sausage to the mix. I gave it a stir and covered it with a lid while Janie processed all this information.
“I’m sorry, Piper. That sounds rough.”
“It is. Especially since…” I trailed off and shook my head. “It just sucks. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.”
“Where is he?”
“His room.”
“Why?” Janie asked skeptically.
“He’s not drinking.”
“Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure.”
Janie took a breath. “You have to be careful, Piper. News like what he got at the hospital could make things worse. Him being alone right now might not be the best idea. You should go up there.”
“I don’t know how to be with him. He won’t talk to me. He’ll hardly look at me. It’s like he’s angry at me about something.”
“Maybe about bringing him to the hospital in the first place?”
“Maybe.” I made two holes on the pan, cracked an egg into each to complete the skillet, and then drizzled some maple syrup on top prior to adding some grated cheese.
“Piper, go up there and just sit with him. He shouldn’t be alone. He might think that’s what he wants, but it isn’t good for him. He needs you right now.”
I bit my bottom lip as the lump came to life in my throat again. “This is really hard, Janie.”
“I know, Pipes. But you’ll be home soon. Less than two weeks, right? And then all this will be nothing but a distant memory. Right?”
I wished that was true. I wished there was a way I could put this month behind me and leave Levi in the rearview mirror, but there was no way it would be that easy.
I cared for him.
A lot.
The intensity of how I felt about him surprised me because our month had started out so rocky. Had someone told me in my first week here that I would fall for this man, I would have told them they were delusional. There was no way I could fall for an irresponsible party boy like Levi.
But I was.
Falling.
Hard.
My heart was breaking for him and for myself. How could I leave him behind and move on to the next bachelor when he so clearly needed support right now?
“Piper?”
“Sorry. What?” I’d completely forgotten Janie asked me a question. Hell, I’d forgotten I was even on the phone with her.
“It’ll be over soon. That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”
I swallowed past the lump. “I don’t know if I can do it.”
“Do what?”
“Leave him.”
“Oh, Piper,” Janie said. Her voice was full of compassion and understanding. It made it even harder not to cry, and I desperately wished she was here with me in Levi’s kitchen so I could fall into one of her tight hugs and let her tell me over and over that this was all going to be okay. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were so invested.”
“Me neither.” I sniffled.
“Even more reason for you to get your ass into his bedroom then.”
“I don’t know what to say to him.”
“It doesn’t matter what you say. Just show him you’re there. The rest will come naturally. Okay?”
The skillet I’d prepared was finished. The yolks were bright orange and over medium. It was a colorful meal, and my mouth was watering. Maybe I could bring a plate up for Levi and get him to eat, too.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“I’m going to let you go before you get cold feet. Call me if you need anything. Anything, Piper. You got that?”
“Got it.”
“Good. Now go on. Good luck.”
She hung up the phone. I went through the motions of filling two bowls with the goodness in the frying pan, and then I crossed the foyer and made my way up the stairs. My stomach had tightened into a knot of worry and nerves.
The knot was almost tight to the point of being painful when I stopped outside of Levi’s bedroom door. Unable to knock because of the bowls in my hand, I cleared my throat and called his name.
“Can I come in?” I asked.
“Sure.”
I used my elbow to twist the door handle and then eased the door open with my hip. It swung slowly inward, revealing Levi sitting on the edge of his bed with his elbows resting on his knees and his fingertips pressed together. He was bent over, leaning forward, staring at the rug on the floor. His hair hung over his eyes, and I approached cautiously, like he might go off at any moment and come undone.
I sat down beside him and offered him a bowl. “I thought you might want to try to eat. It’s okay if you don’t. But it’s here if you want it.”
To my surprise, he took the bowl. Then he set it down behind him on the bed. “Thank you.”
Levi’s jaw flexed, and he stared at his hands. His shoulders were slumped, and the usual glint in his eyes was gone. My heart ached for the broken man on the bed beside me. I wished there was something I could say to make it all better, something I could offer that could heal him.
But there was nothing.
I put my bowl down and shifted closer so that my hip touched his. “You’re going to be okay, Levi.”
His brow creased, and he closed his eyes. He shook his head. “I fucked it all up.”
“All of what?”
“This.” He looked at me. His eyes were glassy, anguished. “Us. I’m so fucking sorry.”
I leaned in as close as I could get without crawling into his lap—something I very much wanted to do. I took his hands in mine, pulled them into my lap, and held his gaze as he stared at me. “No, you didn’t. I promise. You didn’t screw anything up. I’m still here. And I won’t leave until I absolutely have to. And even then, Levi, you need to know…” I trailed off, wondering what I was allowed to say in this moment and what I was not allowed to say. I swallowed past the lump that insisted on
staying in my throat. “You need to know that I don’t want to leave you.”
“You’re just saying that because I’m a shit show.”
I shook my head fiercely. “No, I’m not. I’m saying it because it’s the truth. If I hadn’t signed a contract, I wouldn’t leave. I’d stay.”
Maybe forever.
He searched my eyes as if he was looking for the truth. Then he hung his head again.
I moved in closer and wrapped my arms around him, running my hands over his back and shoulders. “Please. Let’s make the most of the time we have left. Please.”
CHAPTER 21
LEVI
“You what?” Ashton hissed.
I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back against the lid over the keys of my piano. “You heard me. I’m taking a break.”
“You can’t just cancel all your scheduled shows. Fans have purchased tickets. They’re expecting a show.”
“Refund them.”
“It’s not that simple,” Ashton said with a scowl.
“Make it simple. I don’t give a damn if the refunds come out of my own fucking bank account. I’m taking a break.”
I must have said those words fifteen times since he set foot in my office half an hour ago. When I first told him I needed some time to recover and get my life back on track, he’d laughed, said, “good joke, bro”, and waved me off before launching into discussing the details of my upcoming tour.
It took three more times for the words to sink in.
No shows.
Ashton pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “Let me get this straight. This girl shows up in your life—for nineteen days, I might add—and just like that, you’re a new fucking guy? Is that it? No more booze. No more coke. No more good times? No more shows? What the fuck, man?”
I shrugged. “I get that you’re angry, Ash. I do. And I know this isn’t convenient or easy for you to understand. And I know you’re going to get a lot of heat for this. But I need to step away. I can’t keep going at this rate.”