What Are Friends For?: A Friends to Lovers Romance

by Sarah Sutton

  “Remi?” She spoke over my shoulder, voice kind of muffled. “When, exactly, did you go to a party?”

  Oh, crap. What had I just said about no more secrets?

  Chapter Eighteen

  Mom’s calm voice came through my cracked door early in the morning, and it barely stirred me. “It’s a snow day, sweetie,” she whispered, as if trying to speak more to my subconscious. “You can sleep in.”

  The second time I woke up was the final time, and after breakfast, I dove headfirst into getting the snowflakes done. Around noon, Eloise asked if she could come over. If anything, I had ten more fingers to help make snowflakes.

  But she sat on the end of the couch, flipping through a magazine, claiming that “glitter gives me hives.” Honestly, I couldn’t blame her. I sat at the kitchen table, gluing away. “Don’t you hate that they’ve limited the number of quizzes they include?” Eloise demanded, rustling her pages. “Seriously. These things used to be filled with them.” Eloise changed her seating position so that she sat on her ankles. “So no more Jeremy, huh?”

  “No more Jeremy,” I confirmed. “That ship has sailed.” Or crashed into a ditch.

  “What happened?”

  “I kissed him,” I said, trying to focus solely on my snowflakes so I wouldn’t see her expression, “and there was no…spark.”

  Eloise leaned her head against her hand. “I’m going to play devil’s advocate here, okay? Sparks only happen in books and movies, Remi. Corny books and movies. ‘His lips felt like a firework exploding against hers’ probably isn’t realistic. If anything, it sounds dangerous.”

  I couldn’t agree with her on that point. Okay, so maybe the fireworks analogy was a bit much, but when I kissed Elijah, something had happened. Some spark. And maybe it was the effects of the sensory game or whatever, but I’d felt a static charge between us then, and it gave me goosebumps. With Jeremy, there was…nothing.

  “The ship’s still left the port, Eloise.”

  Eloise pushed up from the couch and came over to the kitchen table, her high bun bouncing with each step. “It feels weird. After all this time you’ve thought about him, it’s just…over.”

  I patted her on the arm, trying to fight a smile at her dramatics. “You should go for Jeremy. Although I will say, he calls his car baby, so that’s a little weird. And he talks a lot. But I think you can handle that.”

  “Oh, no,” she said at once. “I wouldn’t dive into that shark tank. But, so,” she dragged the word out, shifting on the couch. “How’s Elijah?”

  I stiffened, all over. “Good. He’s good. Fine. I mean, I’m assuming he’s fine. He’s always been good at being…fine.” Cringe.

  “Have you two talked about—well, you know.”

  Well, you know. Heck yeah, I did. And heck no, we hadn’t. “You mean about Jeremy? Yeah, he knows that we broke things off. He came to pick me up Friday.”

  Obviously, I knew that hadn’t been what she was asking about, but I was too much of a chicken to delve into that conversation. Eloise was my best friend; she was the perfect person to talk about all of this with. I mean, we’d spent how many nights talking about boys before? But there was something strange about talking about Elijah with her. I couldn’t put my finger on it.

  Eloise, though, seemed to get the memo. She glanced at my art paraphernalia, lips twisting in disgust. “I can’t believe you’re helping out with the dance decorations.”

  “It’s not really helping,” I confessed to her, sifting through the half-cut snowflake designs. “I’m doing it so I can pass my senior year.”

  She looked at me for a moment. “Do I want to know?”

  “Probably not.”

  “Are you going to tell me anyway?”

  Aww, she knew me so well. I relayed to her the predicament I’d found myself in, my failing art grade, Mrs. Keller’s last-ditch effort to extend a life raft. Now I just had to grab it.

  “So that means we’re going to be seniors together next year?”

  “You don’t have faith in me?”

  Smiling, she raised an eyebrow. “Come on, Remi. We both know you’re the queen of procrastination. You’ll probably put this off and it’ll be too late.”

  The scary part was that she was right. Or would’ve been right. Because that was what I’d done for so long. Whenever I had a project in art, I’d spend the entire period doing something else—other homework, painting my nails, texting—and not working on the assignment. I’d put it off to the last minute, rush to get it done, and get a crappy grade. If I even finished it at all.

  “This is going to be different,” I told her, gripping my scissors tighter. “Too much is riding on this.” If I got held back, no way I could show my face at Greenville High again. Mortification would kill me first.

  “I’m here for moral support.” Eloise patted my arm. “You’re still studying for your midterm exams, right?”

  “Here and there.” Definitely not as much as I should’ve been. I was doing fine in my other classes, though. It was just art threatening to ruin my life.

  We lapsed into a peaceful silence as she watched me work, lightly tapping her nails on the table. Having her here was good company—even talking about magazine quizzes and my possible failure. It felt good to have her to talk to, someone to confide a little in.

  I wondered what she was thinking about: my grades, the fact that I’d said no to Jeremy, or the whole ordeal with Elijah.

  “Elijah,” Eloise said.

  I jolted in my seat, freaked out. “What?”

  She gestured to my cell, which sat face-up on the table. “He’s calling you.”

  My heart fluttered as I picked up my phone, and miraculously, I managed to answer with a clear voice. “Hey.”

  “How are you doing?” he asked at once, his lilting voice nearly making me break into a grin. “Your head feeling okay?”

  “I’m in perfect health,” I told him matter-of-factly, setting my paper down. “No headaches, no nausea, no throwing up.”

  “And no falling asleep and slipping into a coma,” he added.

  I nodded, though he couldn’t see me. “Right. None of that. Though the doctor did suggest that I get a helmet.”

  “Probably a good idea, knowing you.” Elijah hesitated on the end of the phone for a second. “I want to see you.”

  He hadn’t said it strangely, no turn in his tone of voice, no change in volume, but my heart jumped anyway. “Eloise is here.”

  “Yeah, hi,” Eloise said, loud enough for Elijah to hear her. “Is he coming over?”

  “I don’t have to if you don’t want me to,” Elijah said, and I wasn’t sure if he was speaking to me or answering Eloise’s question. “I can wait until she leaves if you want. I just…really need to talk to you.”

  Eloise must’ve heard him because she just gave me a knowing smile. “I’ve got to head out anyway. I’ll give you two some space.” She said the last word quietly, nearly a whisper, pushing up from the table. I didn’t want to chase her off, but I was sure she knew how I felt, knowing that Elijah wanted to talk. She knew the truth. Her next words were so low that I knew Elijah couldn’t hear. “You need to talk to him.”

  “I can’t,” I mouthed back. “Just drop it.” And then, speaking at my normal volume, “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Love you,” she said as she headed out the back door, blowing me a kiss.

  I pretended to catch it and press it to my heart. “She’s heading home. You can come whenever you want. But come in through the back door. The front door still isn’t opening right.”

  “Okay. I’ll be right over,” he said, and the call disconnected.

  I immediately threw myself into overdrive. I ran to my room and tore a hairbrush through the rat’s nest on my head, wincing as it caught in the tangles. My bangs were getting to the point where they were hanging way too far into my eyes, really needing a trim, but I couldn’t worry about it now. The oversized hoodie I wore had a hole near
the collar from years of wear, but it still looked kind of cute. I mean, probably cute enough. Not that Elijah would notice, anyway.

  I got back to the kitchen just as Elijah passed the back window, and a second later he stepped over the threshold, pushing the door open. It caught on the collection of welcome mats Mom had; of course, she owned way more than we needed.

  His eyes immediately found where I stood, and he drew in a breath. “Do I just leave my shoes on the porch?”

  “Yeah, that’s fine,” I said with a wave of my hand, trying to hide how my fingers were shaking. With all the shoe racks Mom had in the front entryway, she had none for the back. “Didn’t have anything better to do on the day off, huh?”

  “I could say the same to you.” Elijah tipped his chin at my arts and crafts project, slipping his jacket off and shaking his hair free of the collar. “A bummer they couldn’t cancel last night so you could’ve stayed one more day at your dad’s.”

  “Eh, he would’ve been at work anyway,” I said. “How’s your entry for the contest?”

  He nodded slightly, making his way into the kitchen and draping his jacket over the back of a chair. “Putting on the finishing touches, actually. I’m hoping to be done by tomorrow. How are your snowflakes coming?”

  “I’m not nearly as close as you. I still have eighty to do. So I need to make sixteen a day to finish on Saturday.” The looming deadline made my head spin.

  Elijah gave me an expression I couldn’t quite read. “Well, wouldn’t you have to finish by Friday so Mrs. Keller has time to hang them all?”

  Ha, crap. Of course he was right. “You in the gluing mood?"

  “Always.” Elijah sat down at the table, swiped up the glue stick, and immediately got to work on covering a bare snowflake.

  I sat down across from him, pulling my legs underneath me. I waited for him to start speaking again, but he practically threw himself into the work, lips unmoving. “So what did you need to talk to me about?” The strings of my heart tugged in expectation, my breath stalling while I waited for his response.

  Elijah didn’t lift his head, but let his hair fall into his eyes, shielding them from view. “I wanted to tell you that you were right.”

  “I often am. But about what?”

  A gust of wind knocked into the side of the house, strong enough to make the structure creak, giving Elijah a buffer before he answered. He drew in a slow breath. “Terry. You were right about Terry.”

  I didn’t really know what I had been expecting him to say, but it wasn’t that. Not about his brother. “How do you mean?”

  “I never told you about that night,” he said quietly, not looking at me. The lines of his shoulders were stiff and straight, discomfort a second skin. “The night he was arrested. I know I called you over, but I…I never really told you about it, did I?”

  He was busy at work, but I was busy watching him and his movements. His opening up like this was similar to how I’d spoke with Mom yesterday. Monumental, significant, something that you had to put everything down and be in the moment for. “No, you never did.”

  Elijah still watched his fingers move, his attention completely captured by their calloused edges and bitten-down nails. I would’ve gladly taken both, his attention and his touch. “I always looked up to Terry, you know. He was my big brother. I just wanted to be like him.” He tipped his head so I could see his mouth pull into an ironic sort of smile. “Even my parents wanted me to be like him. Responsible. Trustworthy.”

  “You’re both those things,” I said quickly, trying to mimic him and continue working through this serious topic. My brain, though, was hardly able to multitask. “And so much more. You don’t need to be like him.”

  “I always wonder what would’ve happened if Terry told me what they’d planned to do.”

  I immediately thought back to the day Mr. Greybeck had driven me to school, about how he said things would’ve been different if Terry had confided in Elijah.

  “If he’d told me they were going to rob those places that night. I would’ve tried to stop him, but would he have listened? Would he have done it anyway? Would I have called the police? Told my parents? Kept silent? The wondering killed me. Jeremy talking about it the day we went out just made me feel so…helpless. I couldn’t stop Terry. I’ve always blamed myself for that.” He drew a breath. “Other people, they didn’t know him. Didn’t know him, didn’t know our home life. I guess that’s why I didn’t mind them talking about it, because they really had no clue. But you knew. You knew him, and you knew me. And that made me feel so…embarrassed.”

  When I tried to think of the last time I saw Terry, I remembered the week before everything happened. A black car had been parked on the curb by his house, and Terry ducked his head to lean into the driver’s side window. I’d been outside mowing the lawn, trying to mind my own business, but I couldn’t help glancing over.

  The guy in the passenger’s seat was cute, I remembered thinking that, what portion of his face that I could see from over Terry’s shoulder. He had tattoos winding around his neck, his freckly face open and boyish. But when the driver looked over, I felt my insides run cold. Something in his gaze was…off. The mere way his eyes rested on me made me feel unsettled. Terry must’ve noticed the guy’s divided attention because he’d turned and looked at me.

  Terry hadn’t waved, and I didn’t either. He said something to the driver and backed away from the car. The driver pulled away from the curb and continued down the street, eyes lingering on me as the car inched away. By the time I turned my attention back to Terry, he had already disappeared into the house.

  “You have nothing to feel embarrassed for,” I said now, shaking off the memory.

  “There was an anonymous tip to the police,” Elijah said, drawing my attention back to the moment, pulling me from the memory. “It was Terry. After the first robbery, he made the call. He told my parents that, I guess, the first day they visited him a couple weeks ago, but…they never told me. I never knew.” For the first time since he’d sat down, Elijah glanced at me, dark eyes partially hidden behind his hair. I surrendered to stillness. “I hated him for willingly going along with those bad decisions. But he knew. He knew what he was doing was wrong, and he tried to stop it.”

  Knowing that Terry tried to make things right made me feel a little relieved. “He made a mistake, Eli.”

  “And so did I. Yelling at you the other day—it wasn’t you. It was a collection of everything—all the constant gossip, Jeremy asking about it—and I just took it all out on you.”

  I could still remember his anger, an emotion so unlike him. “You said it was because I’m a bad influence.”

  “You’re not a bad influence, Remi. If it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t ever leave my house. I don’t know who I’d be without you.” Elijah squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “I’m sorry. I’m making such a mess of things. And then seeing you with Jeremy, I just—”

  I blinked. “What? What does Jeremy have to do with Terry?”

  “Nothing with Terry,” he said, shaking his head as if to clear it. He was quiet for so long that I thought he had finished speaking, and I almost opened my mouth, but he went on. “Mom’s been asking me to go visit him. Terry. When she first asked, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to see him. But knowing everything now, I think I need to, you know? I think I need to.”

  I squeezed his arm, his skin warm underneath mine. “I’ll be here for moral support.”

  Elijah laid his free hand over mine, sandwiching my fingers. A charged emotion built between the two of us. “You’re my rock, you know. Without you, I don’t know what I’d do.”

  “What about Savannah?”

  Ugh, it was stupid, stupid, stupid, mentioning his girlfriend while he was touching my hand, but the simple question needed an answer. I needed to hear it. I needed him to say her name or say “yeah, of course, she’s my rock, too” to stop these thoughts from raging inside of me. Even though I’d accepted the ide
a of living my life loving him in silence, it still wasn’t fair if I couldn’t keep my thoughts reined in. So he just needed to say it, to assure that she’d be there, to assure me.

  But Elijah, with his fingers still covering my own, said nothing.

  “Oh, Elijah, I didn’t know you were here.”

  That broke whatever our moment could’ve been in an instant, Mom sauntering into the kitchen to refill her water bottle.

  Elijah expertly slid back into his seat, his fingers moving from mine. “I just got here not that long ago.”

  Mom glanced between him and me with an expression that was all too obvious, and I put my nose to my project. My face, though, was flaming, as if she’d just caught us making out.

  “We’re just working on some snowflakes,” I said.

  “And talking about Terry,” Elijah added, causing my head to jerk up.

  Talking about it with me was one thing, but confessing it to my mom felt like another.

  Even she seemed surprised, eyes widening as she gazed at him. I knew where her mind was going. This is progress—good progress, she was probably thinking. Maybe he’ll ditch some of that baggage and be with Remi. “How is he doing?”

  “Good, I think. I…haven’t talked to him in a while, but Mom was over at the facility on Friday and said he looked good.”

  “I’ve been meaning to stop over myself. I thought maybe a familiar face would be nice once in a while.”

  Huh? Mom had never confessed such a thing to me, but from the expression on her face, it was clear she was telling the truth.

  The ironic trace of a smile Elijah wore earlier morphed into something warmer. “I think he’d like that. Seeing a familiar face.”

  Mom capped her water bottle and headed back toward the hallway. “Well, I’ve got a dining room to plan. My client wants to find a way to mix orange and hot pink into their color scheme. Can you imagine the nightmare?” She shuddered before lifting a hand in farewell. “If you need anything, just holler.”

  We watched her leave the room, both of us waiting to hear the click of her office door as it slid shut.