I knew we’d probably have a few more talks like this, her questioning my commitment, me questioning hers, but as long as we ended up in a good place, I didn’t mind. “I’m crazy about you, girl.” I kissed her neck as I pushed the strap of her tank over her shoulder. “Can’t stop thinking about you.” I left a moist path in the wake of my lips as I whispered, “Would’ve given anything to have you here with me last night.”
“I’m here now.” She started to unbutton my shirt, kissing my chest as she revealed bare skin. “We may not be able to spend the night together just yet, but we can make the most of the time we have.”
That’s exactly what I intended to do. Make the most of every second I had with her and pray those seconds lasted my lifetime.
Chapter 12
Cece
Knox had put my mind at ease and now he was doing the opposite to my body. He was getting me all fired up. One panty-melting kiss at a time. With every piece of clothing we shed, I was getting hotter, needier, and more desperate to have him right where I wanted him. Between my legs, groaning my name, telling me all the dirty things he wanted to do to me.
“We have to hit the road soon,” he murmured in my ear. “You could always ride with me.” His lips were searing my neck, his finger coaxing me to another O. “We could stay holed up in this room and make up for lost time. All the years we should have been doing this, Ce. God, why weren’t we?”
If we’d given into the fiery attraction we experienced when we first met we might… be married by now. Except Knox wasn’t interested in marriage and babies. And I wasn’t either until my mind starting torturing me with the ‘what if’ game.
“What’s wrong?” His hand stilled and he pulled back to look me in the eye. “You tensed up. Is it because I suggested you travel with me? We can just tell people we’re working on a song or whatever. My driver’s discreet, believe me.”
His driver would have to be discreet, given all Knox had done over the years. The booze, drugs, endless parade of women. Knox and his band partied like rock stars and everyone around them looked the other way.
I pushed his hand away and pulled the covers up, trying to slow my racing thoughts. I was getting caught up in the past, worrying about the future, when I should be enjoying the present with this gorgeous, generous, talented man. But I couldn’t help myself. Warning lights were flashing in my head, making it tough to concentrate on anything else.
“Sorry,” I muttered. “It’s not the travel thing. It’s…” I sighed. “God, Knox. It’s everything.”
“What are you talking about?” He shifted so he was lying beside me, his head propped in his hand. “You’re not having second thoughts about us, are you?”
He sounded so uncertain, almost insecure, and that wasn’t like Knox. I would have sworn the man didn’t even know the meaning of the word vulnerable, but the way his crystal blue eyes were filling with wariness made me wonder if there was some fear lurking under all that bravado. Maybe Knox was just like the rest of us after all, afraid of being hurt, rejected, and left alone.
“I think we need to talk.”
“Okay.” He tugged on one of my springy curls, smiling when it bounced back. “You can talk to me about anything, sweetness. You know that.”
But could I? The kind of conversation I wanted to have was normally reserved for couples who’d been dating for months, not minutes.
I rolled on my side to face him, swiping my fingertip over his lower lip. God, that mouth.
“Um, remember how I said the other day that I’d been having some crazy thoughts after I was, uh…” Ugh. I couldn’t mention Auden’s name when I was in bed with him. He’d go ballistic.
“After you were what?” He frowned, cupping my bare shoulder. “Cec, come on. You know you can say anything to me.”
“With Auden,” I blurted, closing my eyes to avoid the look in his. When I peered them open, his reaction was as I expected: tense jaw, clenched fist, stone-cold glare.
“Really? You’re thinkin’ about him right now?”
“No!” I inched closer, hoping to talk him down. “This has nothing to do with him. This is about me. Us.”
His fisted hand relaxed and his eyes softened. “Go on.”
“I told you that I’d thought about…” I had no idea how hard this would be, but holding back wouldn’t serve either of us. “Babies.” I peeked up at him through my lashes, expecting a look of shock or disgust. Instead he smiled.
“Yeah. And?”
“Well…” I traced the ink on his bare chest with my fingertip. “What if I do want that someday, a baby?”
He pulled me closer, burying his face in my neck. “What if you do?”
“I’m not saying I do, for sure,” I said, bracing my hand on his shoulder. “But maybe. It’s a possibility. And I don’t think I want to close the door on that… option.”
“Hmmm mmm.”
His lips were skimming my shoulder, making it difficult to focus, but I forced the words out. “Um, well, how would you feel about that?”
He kissed the swell of my breast. “About what?”
Damn it, he wasn’t going to make this easy for me. “A baby.”
He chuckled before his hand gripped my ass, hauling me closer. “I think that’s a little premature, hon. We’ve only been seein’ each other a minute.”
My cheeks flamed with embarrassment. He was right, of course. But this was Knox. I thought we could talk about anything, and could jump right past the awkward phase most couples who didn’t know each other had to endure.
Trying to salvage my pride, I said, “I didn’t say I’d want to have your baby, dumbass.”
His head snapped up and those glacial blue eyes narrowed. “Oh yeah? Whose baby do you want? Auden’s? Is that what this is about? You’re still thinkin’ about him?” He leaned back, putting some distance between us. “Have you talked to him about us yet?”
I rolled my eyes. “When would I have had the chance? I stumbled out of bed and saw you playing tonsil hockey with that blogger so—”
“Ohmigod, there was no tongue involved. What the hell?”
He sounded pissed, but I was too. He always circled back to Auden, like he was the problem.
“Whatever.” I threw the blankets off and tried to swing my legs over the side of the bed, but he grabbed me and hauled me back against his chest.
“You’re not leavin’ this bed until we deal with this.” He kissed my shoulder. “Cec, there are gonna be fights. Misunderstandings. Hurt feelings. We’re navigating a whole new kind of relationship here, and it’s complicated as hell. But that doesn’t mean we get to run away when things get hard.” He laced his hand through mine. “I’m not gonna let us do that.”
I melted into him. He was right. What we had, or could have, was worth fighting for. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make a big deal of this. I thought it was only fair to let you know I’ve been having these feelings lately, about marriage and babies. We’ve always been on the same page about not wanting those things.” I shrugged. “I don’t know, it just seems like the kind of thing I might talk to a guy about, in the early stages of a relationship, just to make sure there are no misunderstandings later on.” I bit my lip, waiting for him to interrupt. “So, um, that’s all I’m doing, talking to you about it. Letting you know where my head’s at.”
“Fair enough.”
That’s all he was gonna give me? Really? “Ok, so I guess that’s it then.”
He wrapped his hand around my hip, letting me feel that our talk hadn’t diminished his arousal at all. “Cec,” he whispered in my ear. “I don’t know how the hell I feel about marriage and babies right now. Part of me thinks it’s crazy to even consider it, given our lifestyle, but…”
He was getting harder and I was getting wetter, especially when his hand shifted to my stomach. “But what?”
His whisper was husky, his lips pressed against my ear, “But when I think about gettin’ you pregnant…” He shifted closer, leaving
no room for doubt. “This happens. I get really turned on. And I start thinkin’ all kinds of crazy thoughts.”
His finger slid between my folds, making my breath hitch when he spread my arousal.
“Like?” I never imagined a conversation like this, with Knox, of all people, would get me hot, but I was like a simmering inferno when I spread my legs for him.
“Like spilling inside you.” His voice was more of a growl as he pressed his shaft into my spine while drawing sinfully slow circles on my hot button. “Hearing you say those two little words. Seeing your tears of joy when you told me…” He picked up the pace as he spewed more words, making me lose my sanity as I gripped his wrist and thrust into his hand.
“Jesus, Knox.” This fantasy was getting way out of hand. Thrashing every boundary two sane people who’d just started dating should have in a relationship, but I couldn’t reel him in and didn’t want to. I’d never been this turned on and I wanted to hear more.
“You were gonna have my baby.”
I erupted on a cry, curling my hand around his neck as I rode out my release.
“That,” he said, shifting so he was on top of me. “Just might have been the sexiest thing I’ve ever witnessed.”
“Might have been the hottest thing I’ve ever heard,” I whispered against his lips before diving into a frenzied kiss that merged the perfect amount of tongue and teeth to bring me close to the edge even before he filled me.
He reached into his nightstand for a condom and hesitated a fraction of a second before tearing the package open with his teeth. “You don’t know what I’d give to toss this away right now, especially after that.”
I was tempted to do just that, but I wasn’t that reckless. I knew Knox was always careful about wrapping it. We’d had that conversation countless times. He wouldn’t take any chances with unplanned pregnancies or STDs, but we were still feeling our way in this new norm, and my birth control pills weren’t a complete safeguard. There was still room for the kind of mistakes and surprises that would upend our world.
“Me too,” I whispered, touching my forehead to his. “But you know we can’t.”
He closed his eyes a second before tossing the wrapper on the ground and rolling the latex on. “Someday, beautiful, I’ll have you with nothing between us.”
I nodded, acknowledging we might get there some day.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, my eyes locking with his. It had already been a rough morning, with so much anger and hurt and confusion crowding my mind. It felt good to just relax into his arms and escape in this moment.
“Never felt better, Cec.” His voice was harsh as he closed his arms around my head, supporting his weight on his forearms. “I mean it. It’s like you were made for me.”
He was right. He filled me, stretching me, forcing me to accommodate him until the sting of pain gave way to pleasure, flooding my senses and my body with heat. He was fully seated, barely moving, his eyes roaming my face, and I was dying to know what he was thinking, how deep he was willing to go to uncover this unbelievable connection we seemed to be forging.
“Doesn’t make sense,” he hissed, allowing his body to drive him. “How you could have been so close all that time and I never… Jesus…” He was clearly struggling to keep it together, biting his lip and clenching his muscles, like he was at war with himself. “Never needed you like this before.”
I needed him too. This was spiraling into a craving, like that first taste of alcohol when I was fifteen and I knew one sip wouldn’t be enough to quench my thirst.
His hands curled around the back of my head, bringing my face up to meet his while his body took us on the most heart-stopping ride of my life. It was raw and passionate, almost animalistic as I sunk my nails and teeth into him while he pounded me, a raw cry on my lips when I finally gave up what he demanded.
The minutes stretched on while he continued his relentless quest, tearing me apart with vicious thrusts before piecing me back together with soft strokes. It was the perfect chain of firm and smooth, gentle and ruthless, taking me to the dirty depths of hell before delivering me to the Promised Land.
I was falling in love with my best friend. As I got lost in his kiss, I realized I didn’t just love him. I was in love with him. He had my heart. My only fear… what the hell would he do with it?
Chapter 13
Knox
My girl was deep in conversation with my opening act and I was slowly losing my mind. We’d just rolled into Raleigh and the venue’s caterers were laying out a food spread when my drummer slapped me on the back and grinned.
“Cece’s lookin’ hotter than hell tonight, huh boss? Still can’t believe you still haven’t tapped that.”
I gripped my phone a little tighter, wanting to spill the truth to a man that had been one of my closest friends since our teen years, but bit my tongue instead. So hard I could practically taste the blood mixed with frustration. I wanted the world to know about me and Cece, but I had to let her set the pace. If she wasn’t comfortable letting our crew in on our secret yet, I had to respect that.
“Why risk a solid friendship, right?”
I rolled my neck, trying to work out the kinks when Cece laughed at something Auden said. It ate me up, knowing she’d been intimate with him, that he’d topped her list of lovers, before I claimed that honour. She hadn’t told me in as many words, but I knew no one could make her feel the way I had. And no one could love her the way I did.
“I guess.” Catch grinned. “But she and I are friends and that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried.”
I could feel my pulse rate kick up a notch as I stared him down. “You made a play for Cece? When?”
He tipped his water back before a sly smile surfaced through his dark beard. “After she dumped the loser. We were alone in the dressing room after a show one night and I…” He shrugged. “I figured, why not, right? Worst she could do was shoot me down.”
“And did she… shoot you down?” If she didn’t my buddy and I might have a problem. It was bad enough, knowing she’d hooked up with my opening act. If I learned she’d been with one of my friends, I’d have to mess him up, and I’d hate like hell to do that.
“I was moving in for a kiss and she shut me the hell down.” He chuckled. “Gave me the whole friends’ speech.” He rolled his eyes. “Just what every guy wants to hear, huh?”
“Yeah, right.” I released the breath I’d been holding when I realized my baby cut bait. If Catch had been the one lucky enough to nail her down before I admitted my feelings for her that would have haunted me for the rest of my life.
“Looks like she’s into that dude though,” he said, gesturing towards Auden. “I guess he’s more her type.” He smirked as he looked down at the ink decorating almost every surface of his skin, including his neck.
“I don’t think she’s into him.” Anymore.
He drained his bottle before tossing it in an empty bin. “I don’t know about that. I overheard him talkin’ to one of the guys in his band. Said they hooked up back in Austin. According to him, Cec rocked his world and he can’t wait to go another round.”
I was done. Done listening to my friend spew off about the dudes who wanted my girl. Done watching her chat up guys she’d slept with. Done pretending we were nothing.
I crossed the room, eyeing Auden over her shoulder. He could tell I wanted a piece of him because he took a step back, trying to distance himself from Cece.
She turned just before I reached them and smiled, making her dimples pop, when she spotted me. “Hey you.” She reached for my hand, clasping it between both of hers.
Damn. This woman knew exactly how to read me. I brushed my lips over her temple, but never took my eyes off my competition. “Hey.”
“We were just talking about how crazy the next ten days are going to be.” She leaned her head on my shoulder. “I’m tired just thinking about it.”
Us being touchy-feely wasn’t gonna raise any eyebrows with our crew, we were
always hugging each other, but when I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my chest, I was sending a message to the man next to me. Mine. Back the hell off.
“Do you, uh, ever get tired, Knox?” he asked, obviously trying to avoid a confrontation. Smart man. It was a battle he couldn’t win. “I mean, you’ve been hittin’ it hard the last five years. Barely takin’ enough time off to write material for a new album, right?”
“I write while I’m on the road,” I said, trying to keep it civil. We weren’t gonna have a problem as long as he kept his mouth shut about what happened with Cece in Austin and didn’t expect a repeat. “Besides, this is all I ever wanted to do. I’m sure as hell not gonna start complaining now.”
“No, of course not.” He raised a hand, his eyes meeting Cece’s when she turned to face him, my arm still around her neck. “What’s to complain about, right? You’ve got it all.”
I knew he was talking about Cece now. Good. He’d gotten the message. “I’m a lucky man,” I said, drawing his attention back to me. “And I don’t ever intend to forget that.” I released her, letting my hands drift to her hips. “And I’m starting to realize there are things a hell of a lot more important than money and fame, and I sure as hell didn’t think I’d ever hear myself say that.”
Cece tipped her head back to look at me, a smile teasing her lips.
“So you guys are a thing now?” Auden asked.
Cece drew a deep breath before she said, “Yeah, but we want to keep it under wraps.” She touched his forearm, making me tense up. “Look, I’m sorry if I sent you mixed signals. Truth is, Knox and I were just friends back in Austin, or I never would have—”
“I get it,” he said, raising his hand. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”
Their one night together happened for one reason: because I’d been too damn slow pulling my head out of my ass to recognize a goddess when she was standing right in front of me. I was the idiot. Auden was the one smart enough to see Cece for who and what she was. A beautiful woman with a heart of gold, talent, intelligence, and just the right amount of sass to make her irresistible.
Bad Habits (Nashville Outlaws #1) Page 12