McKinley was going to be the best kind of distraction. I could already tell.
Eleven
McKinley
Notebooks, check.
Binder, check.
Folders, check.
Pens, check.
Absurdly heavy chemistry books, check.
I think I gathered all the essentials that I needed for the first day of class. The only thing I didn’t check off my mental list of materials was my printed schedule. I hadn’t seen it since last week, and I was freaking out because I would be utterly lost without it. Every semester, as soon as I received my schedule, I would transfer it into my phone. I never wanted to be that girl from freshman year with her eyes glued to a piece of paper, roving through the hallways because she obviously didn’t know where she was going. Instead, I could refer to my phone to see what classes I had next and where they were, and people would just think that I was checking a text or something.
But, in this moment, I felt just as helpless and nervous as a first-year student. In fact, my debut into Las Positas began with my inability to track down classrooms and just being confused with my schedule in general. Deciphering the course abbreviations, sections, and numbers was akin to trigonometry, and the symbols indicating where they were located was like trying to read Greek.
I found it ironic, though, that here I was about to face a similar predicament in my seventh and second-to-last semester of school. I refused to kick off senior year with a glitch in the system. That stupid schedule had to be around here somewhere. How hard could it be to find a single sheet of paper?
I rummaged through the drawer in the nightstand beside my bed, which housed nothing but unused lip balm, pens, single earrings that had lost their mates, old receipts, and movie ticket stubs. I swiveled around, lunging towards a big plastic bin that I placed next to the wardrobe. I used it to store textbooks, science projects, and miscellaneous objects. I doubted my schedule was in there, but it was worth a look. I snatched the top off and flung it across the room, which landed near the door, and I dug anxiously through heaps of crap with no paper in sight.
I was getting tired already, and the day technically hadn’t even begun. The clock on the wall read 7:58, which meant I had thirty-two minutes to book it to my first class. I took a moment to pause and think about when I last had that schedule. My mind was racing in directions it shouldn’t have been that morning and it was all because of Knight.
Last night was incredible, and the rapture that he provided me still had me in a frenzy. Maybe that was why it was so hard for me to focus and recall where that schedule was. I couldn’t get my mind off him and it was making it impossible for me to think about the things I needed to.
I decided to go look in Addison’s room and see if maybe I had left it in there. She was already gone, so I couldn’t ask her directly. My gaze zipped from her disheveled bed, to the askew dresser with clothes hanging out of it, to the suede turquoise storage bin, recklessly toppled over with half its contents spilled out on the carpet. Looks like I wasn’t the only one in a rush. Her room was in worse condition than mine, so I didn’t even bother conducting a search through her belongings.
I dashed back into my room and glanced at the clock again. 8:01. Twenty-nine minutes to spare. For certain, I knew that my first class was General Chemistry. I knew because over the summer, when Professor Cates was trying to provide me with unauthorized tutoring services, she stated over and over how she looked forward to seeing me first thing in the morning come fall semester. And subconsciously, this influenced me to arrange my schedule so that she would be the very first professor I’d have to deal with.
And then Knight popped back into my head again for no earthly reason. Our antics from last night were on a continuous loop in my mind, and I couldn’t wait to turn off this marathon memory and just see Knight in person again. I realized, though, that this man now occupied a significant part of my thoughts, and I hoped that he wouldn’t be a distraction for me this year. This was the end of my time at Las Positas, and I wanted to graduate on time, with honors if possible. I had iron-clad career plans, and I didn’t want to let this man, as gorgeous as he was, muddy them up when I was so close to the finish line.
But I brushed off the thought. I could handle this. It couldn’t be that hard to balance academia and romance. People did it all the time, so what made me any different? I didn’t want to get my hopes up, though, because I wasn’t sure what last night meant. I wasn’t sure if that was a one-night stand, or if it actually had the potential to develop into something more. There was a genuine connection between us, but could it turn into something real?
I jammed my computer into my plaid messenger bag, slung it over my shoulder, and headed out of my apartment. I hugged my school books to my chest, as I walked down the hallway trying to push Knight out of my mind, but he insisted on pushing back. If things kept up like this, it was going to be a long last year of college.
As I clacked down the corridor of the sciences building, I replayed the conversation that Knight and I had over and over in my head. Everything we talked about at dinner felt deeper than just a one-time thing, but was he just working me to get me into bed? I mean, it had worked. But that doesn’t mean I would put up with it if he was just a player trying to add me to his list of conquests.
I turned a corner and found the room for my first class: General Chemistry. Since this was my second go-round at this course, I was determined to pass it no matter what, and I wouldn’t let anyone, not even Knight, knock me off my game. I checked my phone for the tenth time and I made it to class just before class started, in spite of the nonsense of the morning.
The classroom looked moderately full with about thirty people in there already, and I instinctively shivered with first-day-of-school jitters. I didn’t care how old I was, or how many first days I’d had; those initial nerves would always be with me. Upon entering, I stood in the back, surveying the area for an open seat. There was one perched in the corner on the right-hand side, second row from the front and it seemed as good as any.
I walked down the aisle, and once again, my mind flashed to Knight and me alone in the park, then to us in his bed, him holding me close to him and me feeling so comfortable. I tried to shake the thoughts away, as if everyone in this room had telepathic abilities and would see the lewd images that were being broadcast in my brain.
I sat down, sliding my bag off my shoulder onto the floor, and turned off the late-night TV in my head, choosing to listen to the radio instead. The current station was Gossipy Sophomore Girls FM and the hot topics were who screwed who over the summer, who dropped out and didn’t make it to sophomore year, and who would be taking over this class. I was taken aback at that last one, because I was sure that Professor Cates was returning this year, despite the fact I had heard some rumors she might be retiring soon.
I did find it odd, though, that she wasn’t here yet, since she was normally the first person to arrive to the classroom, half-an-hour ahead of time. Yet now, she was nowhere to be found.
I zeroed in on the sophomores’ conversation to try and hear why Professor Cates wasn’t coming back.
“I hope we get a hot male professor,” a beach blond girl said with a Valley Girl accent, coiling a strand of her hair around her finger. I instantly refuted what she just said, because out of all the classes I had taken in the science department, not one teacher was ever worth a second glance.
“I heard we are supposed to be getting a male professor, but an old one,” said a tall, scrawny girl with mahogany hair and freckles. She was wearing Coke-bottle spectacles with a pen tucked behind her ear.
My heart quivered momentarily, though, when I heard her say ‘old male professor,’ because I had hoped it wasn’t Professor Richmond. If he was taking over General Chemistry, I’d probably drop again, or worse yet, fail. For my sake, I prayed that he stuck to teaching geology. His drab instructing style was not going to be conducive to a successful year, that I was sure of.
&
nbsp; I checked the time on my phone and it was 8:40. Whoever was filling the slot, I wished they’d get here soon so we could get this show on the road. Obviously, they didn’t value punctuality.
The buzz of student chatter in the room suddenly quieted when the door opened and in walked the tall, muscled figure of a man. I only glanced up from my desk quickly, and then looked back down, trying to pretend I wasn’t interested in whoever the new teacher is. Just wait until the teacher gets to the front of the room and then acknowledge them, I thought miserably.
I heard a few light gasps and a couple of smitten hums from the Gossipy Sophomore girls. I took that as an indicator that whoever this mystery person was, he was attractive.
When he finally got to the front, and I gave myself permission to look up, my chest nearly exploded.
It was Knight. My new chemistry professor was Knight.
Dear god, don’t let me throw up all over my desk.
Twelve
Knight
I nervously looked at my watch, afraid that I was going to be late for my first day of classes. A few blocks north of my house there was a small transit bus that took students and teachers to campus, but it seemed to be running late. In retrospect, I should have just taken my own car, or even walked for that matter. It probably would have taken less time, but it was my first day, so I was trying my hardest to not lose my temper.
After a less-than-safe ride at top speed toward the university, the shuttle doors hissed open slowly. I checked my watch and it was 8:38. I was only running a little bit behind, but still, I was inwardly fuming because even being a little late was going to give a bad first impression. Especially as a brand-new teacher.
I darted off the shuttle without a thank you to the driver and burst through the front doors of the Polk building. The labyrinthine hallways completely threw me off kilter, in spite of the fact that I had done repeat tours of this place during orientation. I didn’t think I could ever get used to this place and its cryptic design. I paused in the middle of the atrium to gather my bearings before I tried to follow my instincts in the right direction, though my instincts tended to fail me more often than not. After a few false starts, I remembered that my class was in room W217 and proceeded straight back to the staircase.
My feet double- and triple-skipped steps, practically gliding over them more so than making actual contact. I landed on the second level, pulled myself together and walked coolly down the corridor to the room I was assigned.
Deep breaths, you got this, I thought before opening the door. I walked in and immediately the din of college kid prattle dimmed to a stillness. I headed straight to the front of the classroom, not looking at any of my students because I was too nervous to make eye contact, and I knew if I did, I would get rattled. I was already running late, and only had an hour and some change left to instruct, so I wanted to begin as soon as possible. Coughs, sniffs, and the clearing of throats echoed throughout the room made me more nervous than I already was, and I wondered if maybe I should have said something to break the awkward silence.
Instead, I set my briefcase down on the floor beside the desk and grabbed a black dry erase marker to start writing out the beginning of my lesson plan.
As I wrote, the unnerved noise-making turned into bags unzipping, notebooks shuffling, and pages turning. That was a good sign. At least I knew from that that my students were attentive and ready to learn. I was about to write the third bullet point and throw some examples on the board, but I kept getting this nagging feeling that someone was staring at me. I shook it off and went back to writing.
Yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone’s eyes were affixed to my back, in a way that was a little too intent. I turned around and, in a flash, I saw a familiar face in the second row. A deeply familiar face.
McKinley.
My blood instantly went cold, and my stomach started flipping over and over again. A lump formed in my throat, and if I couldn’t talk before, I surely wouldn’t be able to talk now. A full-on chemical reaction was occurring right there in front of everybody, to the point it could have counted as their first lesson.
I grappled with the thought of just running straight out of the room, but I couldn’t because then I would have to explain to the administration why I had abandoned my first class. The window to the right of me was looking very tempting, and I envisioned myself toppling right out of it. I wanted to hide under my desk and never come out again, but that was cowardly, plus that wouldn’t make sense to the students, although I could argue I had a sudden bout of sickness. My mind raced with all these possibilities, but then I realized I hadn’t even introduced myself yet, and McKinley wasn’t the only one awkwardly staring at me anymore.
“Good morning, students,” I started off shakily. I hoped my trembling voice wasn’t too detectable. “I know on your schedules it says that Professor Cates would be your instructor for this class. My name is… not Eliza Cates…” I laughed discordantly. “My name is Professor Knight Ramsay. And you may be wondering what happened to Professor Cates. Uh, unfortunately she suffered an illness over the summer and she will have to take an indefinite leave of absence. So… I mean… but you’re in good hands. I promise.”
If you listened carefully, you could almost hear the faint sound of crickets chirping in the background. No one uttered a word.
“Okay, well with that being said, let’s dive right in.” Wrong choice of words. My eyes shot to McKinley, and I thought for sure that I was going to puke all over my feet. “Just to let you guys know, one thing I don’t do in my classes is go over the syllabus, so hopefully you read over that on your own time. Nothing has changed with that, I’m pretty much sticking to the same curriculum that Professor Cates was going to adhere to. Of course, there’s a few minor adjustments, but everything will pretty much be the same for the most part. So.”
I clapped my hands together in hopes of sparking life into this dead crowd, but they didn’t react. “Chemical formulas . . . um . . . let’s begin with an example . . .” I swallowed nervously, an annoying invisible force trying to pull my gaze in McKinley’s direction. I took the marker and began scrawling a bunch of elemental symbols on the board. I paused and stared at the jumble of random letters and quickly erased it. “Okay, you know what... uhh… instead of… um…”
I was trying so hard not to look at McKinley, but the more I struggled with this lecture, the harder it became. I really wanted to see her facial expression and how she saw me in this moment, all fumbling and ungraceful and opposite of charming. But if I turned around and looked at her, I knew that would be the end of any focus I had. So, all I could do was buckle down and hope for the best.
Or, at the very least… that I wouldn’t make a complete ass of myself.
After nearly an hour of bumbling lecture, I decided that my students had suffered through quite enough of my drabble.
“Okay guys, I’m going to dismiss you all a little early. We’ve covered quite a bit this first day, and I don’t want to overwhelm you.”
The hubbub of post-class chattering started back up again, contending with my voice, which I had to raise the volume of so my students could hear the rest of my message. “Don’t forget to read pages 158-176 in your textbooks, and answer the review questions on page 177,” I said, as the class gathered their belongings and got up to leave. “If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to email me.”
I didn’t see McKinley anywhere within the exiting crowd, and I figured she’d gotten swallowed up in the mob. I hoped that I would see her again, though, so I could talk to her. I never in a million years imagined she could be one of my students, and I needed her to know that. In the meantime, I distracted myself by scrubbing the whiteboard clean of all the scientific formulas I littered it with and placed all my books and teaching materials into my briefcase. All the students were completely cleared out now, and I found it amazing how quickly college students could desert a room when class was over.
I headed out of th
e classroom, but then, to my left was McKinley, standing against the wall with her books pressed against her chest.
“Hey,” she said, her seafaring eyes filled with anxiety.
I knew how she felt…
Thirteen
McKinley
I watched everyone leave the classroom and disappear in different directions. Whatever it was they were about to do, at least they didn’t have to stress over being in a fifteen-week course taught by someone they had sex with.
How the hell did I end up in this situation?
I stood against the wall just outside the door, and so many thoughts were running through my mind. I began to resent fate and her twisted sense of humor, because out of all the men I could have met in the restaurant that night, it had to be the man who was teaching my science class, and the very class that I was having the most trouble in at that. My hands started to shake a little as adrenaline coursed through my body. I took small, sharp, deliberate breaths to keep myself afloat as I felt my chest constricting with the weight of a unique kind of stress.
How could I have slept with my professor? Why couldn’t Knight have been an English teacher or even in the Astronomy department? I had never been in such a compromising position and the gravity of the situation was so overwhelming that I was convinced I was having my first real panic attack. This whole thing could easily become misconstrued by people if anyone found out, and they could assume that I was being passed through Knight’s class on the merit of our relationship. And that would be totally contradictory to everything I had worked hard for during my whole career as a student.
Forbidden Lessons Page 5