During class, I couldn’t even focus on Knight’s lecture because my thoughts were inundated with how this could impact my future. It was completely irrational, but I imagined the dean of students hauling me into his office and berating me for sleeping with a faculty member, telling me that I was bringing reproach on the school, and that because of my indecent behavior, I’d have to be expelled. Then, I imagined professors who thought highly of me and had promised to write me letters of recommendation, now turning up their noses in my direction. I knew deep down that it made no sense, but my mind was reeling out of control.
And it wasn’t just me who seemed to be on edge. While Knight stood before the class, spouting off information about chemical formulas, I thought about the damaging repercussions to his teaching career. The Chancellor of Las Positas University would fire him even faster than he’d been hired. And, any time he tried to get a job in the future, our relationship would come up. What had we gotten ourselves into?
The only conceivable way to avoid this fiasco was to simply deny what happened entirely and stop seeing each other. When I saw him, I’d tell him that we’d just pretend like it never happened. I waited outside the door to see if he would come out. The gossipy sophomores were the last of my classmates to leave, and then five minutes later, Knight walked out, his body leaned to the side as if the briefcase he was carrying was filled with bricks.
“Hey,” I said to him, my nerves alight with panic. All the resolve that I had to tell him my plan instantly melted away when I saw him up close, all handsome in his professor uniform of a slim-fit button down, corduroy jacket, and khakis.
“Hey,” he said hesitantly. He wore a strange expression, looking at me as if I was unfamiliar, but I think he was just shocked to see me. “How are you . . . McKinley?”
That pause made me think that maybe he really did forget who I was.
“Th-that was a good lecture today,” I choked out, twisting my upper torso back and forth like an oscillating fan. I didn’t know what to say after that, and I couldn’t even try to scrape for something.
“Thank you . . . thank you,” he replied. I could sense he had something else on his mind. There was an awkward silence between us. He stared at me, while I tried to avoid eye contact.
“We need to talk, McKinley,” he said in a low tone, biting his bottom lip and backing away. “I don’t have another class until later this afternoon. Can we go to my office?”
I wasn’t sure what was about to happen, but I knew one way or the other, Knight was right; we definitely needed to talk.
“S-sure, okay,” I agreed, nervous at what the next few moments were going to bring.
When we got to his office, I was surprised to see he had been given one of the nicer offices in the science building. It was the kind of room you usually only saw the more senior professors in.
“Who had to die so you could get in here?” I joked. His eyes went wide with panic, and I was suddenly afraid I said something really terrible. “I’m sorry. I was just teasing.”
“No, it’s fine. I just… honestly, people keep saying things like that and I’m starting to wonder. Anyway, McKinley… I need you to know that I had absolutely no idea you were in my class when we, I mean, when I…”
I sat down in the chair across from Knight’s desk and took a deep breath. “I believe you. But I don’t think we can keep doing this. If we get caught, you could lose your job. And I can’t afford to get in any kind of trouble. I want to go to grad school and if my grades…”
Knight held his hand up to stop me. “I get it. I know what a terrible idea this is. But, McKinley, you can’t tell me that you don’t feel what I feel.”
Even from across the desk, I knew exactly what he was talking about. The electricity in the room was making my entire body tingle and the only thing I wanted was for him to throw me on his desk and take me right there, no matter what the consequences. Knight must have felt it too, because suddenly, he got up and crossed over behind me to lock the door. Then, he pulled down the blinds that covered the window into his office. Once we were protected from prying eyes, he crossed back over to me and kissed me passionately, as if we hadn’t seen each other in months. The taste of him was already familiar and comforting, and every bit of common sense I had went out the window. Knight gently bit at my lips and ran his strong hands up and down my back, sending a shiver of desire deep into my core.
The energy stirring between us evolved into a lust-filled current that surged through my entire body. Knight shoved all the stuff on his desk onto the floor and hoisted me up in its place. As he kissed me, I could smell the cologne on his neck, a spicy and masculine scent, and it made my head spin. I slid my hands down to his ass in a haze of lust and suddenly, I felt his butt vibrate. Knight’s phone was still in his pocket and someone was calling him. He looked at me, his expression disappointed, and he gave me a quick apologetic kiss.
“Hello?” he answered the phone, stepping away from me.
I jumped down from the desk and tried to adjust my disheveled clothing, so I wouldn’t look obvious when I left Knight’s office.
“Could we do it another time, you think?” he said to the person on the other end of the line, tucking his shirt back in. “For sure, sometime later this afternoon would be excellent.” When he hung up, he smiled at me and sighed.
“Hey, I’m sorry about that, McKinley. That was the department chair. He wanted to meet me for coffee today and talk about how my first class went,” he explained. I nodded my understanding, although I was upset that we couldn’t finish what we had started.
“It’s okay. I guess it must be really important to leave me here, on an empty desk, ready and waiting for you…”
He inched closer to me, looking at me like I was far more desirable than his coffee meeting. His strong hands cradled both sides of my waist.
“I hope you believe that only the most important meeting could tear me away from you, McKinley.”
His words made my heart flutter, and I really hoped it wasn’t just a line. I needed to change the subject immediately, or I was afraid I might get panicky.
“When’s your next class?” I asked him, trying to move the conversation along.
He checked his watch. “Ugh, I don’t even know, to be honest with you. I need to memorize my schedule,” he admitted.
“Well look, I better get going. I have two more classes today.”
“Really? Just two? Pretty light day, huh?”
“Yeah, I usually set it up that way when I make out my schedule. But I will see you . . . Thursday? I think that’s the next time the class meets.”
I threw my bag over my shoulder and started for the door, hoping against hope that Knight would stop me, or tell me he wanted to see me sooner…
Stop me, Knight. Come on…
Fourteen
Knight
“Hey, McKinley!” I called after her. She spun on her heel and walked back over to me. “Hold on a second.”
“What is it?” she asked with a smile.
I pulled her close to me, and pressed her lithe, curvy body against my own. With my hand on the small of her back, I held her as close as I was able, and then I kissed her with every ounce of the passion I felt for her. I hoped she finally believed that I truly felt more for her than just fleeting desire. When she pulled away, her cheeks were bright red, and I reveled in the notion that I had affected her so deeply.
“Don’t worry. We’re going figure this out, okay?” I gave her a reassuring smile and brushed a few stray strands of hair away from her forehead. “I’ll call you later tonight and we can talk?”
“If you say so,” she said with a sly grin as she walked backwards to the door.
“Don’t bump into anything,” I said with a wink. She laughed and finally turned around, exiting my office. My office. That was going to take some getting used to.
The stuff that I had thrown off the desk in my insatiable, lust-induced mania was still on the floor, and I had to pick i
t all up before I went to my next class. I opened my arms wide, shoveled up a bunch of stuff in one large scoop, then plopped it carelessly on the desk. I would sort it out later.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Huh, she must’ve forgotten something, I thought, hustling to go let McKinley in. However, when I opened the door, it wasn’t McKinley. It was my colleague, Casaundra Evanston.
“Oh,” I said, startled. “Casaundra… I wasn’t expecting you.” I was afraid I had sounded rude, but she probably already thought I was rude after that mess of a dinner the other night. Not that she had any room to talk.
“Well, I would assume you’re not doing anything in your office that prevents visitors, right?” she said with a raise of her eyebrow that conveyed suspicion. I knew I was doing a terrible job hiding the panic on my face, but her mere presence in my office so soon after McKinley left was putting me on edge.
“Of course not,” I mumbled nervously, returning to my desk and filtering through jumbled lesson plans to find the one for my next class. Casaundra didn’t give me an inch of space, though, and followed right behind, as if she were surveying me for a hint of a lie.
“If you say so, Knight,” she answered, as her voice transitioned from professionally friendly to slightly threatening. I could tell that she was trying to get a look at the papers on my desk, so I quickly scrambled to shove them into a folder.
“Look, Casaundra, I don’t want to be rude or anything, but I really need to get ready for my next class…”
“I’m surprised you know enough to make lesson plans, given the fact you’ve never taught a class before.”
“Alright, then. Thanks for checking in. I really appreciate it, but I need to get back to class prep…” What is this woman’s problem?
“Speaking of your first day of teaching,” she said, sitting down in the chair across from me even though I had made it perfectly clear I wanted her to leave. “How was your first class?”
“It went well for the most part. I struggled a little at first, but I found my footing eventually. Don’t you have a class coming up soon, yourself?” I asked, doing anything to get her out of my office.
“I do, though for some crazy reason, I have a few less than I was supposed to this semester,” she growled, an expression of frustration coloring her face. “Well, I guess I should get going. Good luck out there, Knight.” Then she stood and turned and headed back out the door as quickly as she had appeared.
Once I was sure Casaundra and her suspicious questions were definitely gone, I could get back to the business of doing actual work. I plopped down in my comfy grey chair and pulled my laptop out of my briefcase, setting it down in the middle of the clutter that still occupied my desk. The first thing I did was enter the attendance for my first class on the faculty website.
I scanned the roster of students, forty-five in total, and right toward the top of the list was McKinley’s name. McKinley Annette Clarke. It felt creepy to have access to so much of her personal information, so I tried to look away, not wanting to violate any boundaries given our unique situation. But the truth was, I had no idea what I was doing. I didn’t know the rules for what we’d gotten ourselves into.
How do I navigate a relationship with someone I’m supposed to be teaching? How do we make this work?
Fifteen
McKinley
It was seven in the evening and classes were finally done. My last class for the day had been marine ecology and somehow, I processed that complicated information a lot easier than basic chemistry. After a long day of studying and going to class with no time to eat, I decided to grab some food from the Student Center and chill out at my apartment. I had snagged a couple of chili dogs with the works, fries and a medium soda, since I hadn’t eaten anything else the rest of the day. Nothing wrong with rewarding yourself after a long day with some delicious junk food, right?
I took a seat at my desk and practically ripped open the bag of food, so I could chow down. I was just about to take a bite when my phone suddenly vibrated on the desk. I rolled my eyes and begrudgingly put down my hot dog to pick up my phone. It was Knight. I really wanted to keep eating, but my curiosity over why he might be calling me so soon won out over my near-starvation.
“Hello,” I answered, trapping the phone between my ear and shoulder as I wiped my hands clean of my dinner.
“Hey McKinley, what are you up to?” he asked.
“Not much really. Just hanging out at my apartment,” I told him, as I looked longingly at my food, getting colder by the minute.
“How about you hang out at my place, instead?” he offered.
“That could be fun,” I agreed, trying to seem aloof. “You can tell me how your first day of teaching went.”
“Yeah, and vice versa. I want to know how your first day went. And maybe we can do some… other things,” he threw out there.
“Is that all I’m good for?” I said jokingly as I took a sip of my soda.
“I’m wounded,” he said with a laugh. “Just head over when you can. I’m working on lesson plans.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“You do that,” he teased.
“I’ll be there in half an hour. After I eat my dinner.”
My trusty cherry red sedan barreled onto Rotterdam Avenue and made a beeline for Knight’s house. The car boomed up the inclined pavement on the side of his house, coming to a clean stop with the bumper only centimeters away from the wooden fence gate that separated the back yard from the front.
Seconds later, Knight came out through the side door to greet me.
“Hey, McKinley,” he said, his eyes lighting up instantly. “I like your ride,” he complimented, running his hand along the hood.
“Are you patronizing me, mister?” I asked jokingly through my rolled down window. “This car is a thousand years old.”
“No! This really is a cute little car.”
“Sure,” I replied, yanking my keys out of the ignition and getting out of a car that had been passed down to me by grandparents.
He chuckled. “You are a tough nut to crack, McKinley Clarke,” he said as he beckoned me toward the house, allowing me to enter first.
I wandered into Knight’s living room, relishing the scent of cinnamon and sage that filled the place. I plopped down on a large, chocolate marshmallow of a sofa, which I sank down into the minute I hit it. I could have fallen asleep if I’d been alone in the room.
“Want anything to drink?” Knight asked me, as he turned up the lights in the room, waking me up entirely.
“Oh, no thanks, I’m good,” I told him. He sat down next to me on the couch and watched me carefully, as if he were surveying me for my comfort level.
“I hate to jump right in, but I feel like we really need to sort this out. How are you feeling about everything? What’s going on between us?” he asked.
“It’s been special,” I answered, holding back without really knowing why. His gaze intensified, signaling that there was no room for diplomacy here. He wasn’t looking for me to hold back.
“That’s it?”
“Well…”
“McKinley, I had no intention of sleeping with a student the second I got here, because I know how dangerous it could be for both of us. But at the same time, I can’t picture myself giving you up. We’ve backed ourselves into a corner and I don’t see a way out.”
I reached out and instinctively squeezed his hand. “Does there have to be an out? I know there are potential problems, but it’s only one semester. Maybe we could just… put it off until the end of chemistry and come back together when the semester was over?”
“Do you really think we can stay away from each for a whole semester?” Knight asked as he picked up my hand and kissed it gently. My entire body began to tingle, and I knew he was right. There was no way we could avoid what was happening between us for three months, no matter what was at stake.
“No. I can’t stop thinking about you even though I know we shouldn’
t be doing this. I don’t know if it can work. I would switch to another class, but whatever shake-up happened in the department means there is only one chemistry class this semester and I can’t put it off again with any hope of graduating. I don’t know what to do, Knight…” I felt like I was going to cry, and I didn’t want to cry in front of him. We hadn’t known each other long enough for that.
Knight seemed to anticipate my emotions even though I wasn’t expressing them, so he pulled me close, his strong muscular arm wrapping around my shoulder and making me feel safer and warmer than I had in years. “Let’s figure it out together, McKinley. There has to be a way to get through it without anyone getting hurt. But we can only figure it out together.”
Suddenly, he tilted my head up so I was looking into his beautiful eyes, and I could feel every bit of the passion that was simmering between us. Knight smiled at me as he brushed a strand of hair away from my forehead.
“But tonight, let’s not worry about it. Tonight… let’s not worry about talking. What do you say?”
I didn’t say anything; I just kissed him. And it was perfection.
Sixteen
Knight
I was determined not to let what happened on the first day of class happen again today. And, so far, I was off to a good start; I hadn’t stumbled over words, I hadn’t forced any of my goofy humor, and I’d actually been encouraging my students to participate. Everyone seemed to be attentive, and I didn’t have any issues with anybody. It had gone even better than I had hoped. As long as I didn’t make eye contact with McKinley, I was fine. Though it was getting harder and harder to ignore her… literally and figuratively.
“Can someone tell us what happens to the ionization energy of an element as it moves from left to right across the periodic table?” I posed the question to the class, motioning across the periodic table that I had temporarily plastered onto one side of the whiteboard.
Forbidden Lessons Page 6