by Kelli Walker
I held up my hands before either one of my brothers could continue the contradictory lecture.
“I already did. I asked her if I could take her to lunch. She said no.”
“She said no? To lunch? Hell, I have lunch with Harley at least twice a month. Hey Andy, is it okay with you if I ask Harley out?”
“Hollis, that isn’t funny. I’m serious. She said it wasn’t a good idea. Then she kissed me and ran off before I could say anything.”
“Wait, when did this happen? I thought you two didn’t see each other until the viewing?”
“We didn’t.”
“So… What you’re saying is… You saw her this morning? Before you came over here from your hotel?”
I didn’t answer, knowing I was in for some kind of humiliation.
“Oh, brother. Don’t tell us you made a move on the day we said goodbye to Mom. You did?!”
“No wonder she said no. You’re obviously still emotionally a child. I’ve heard of people crashing weddings, crashing funerals… but I have never heard of someone crashing their own mother’s funeral. Dude, you have one hundred percent screwed yourself.”
“Ryan, please tell me it wasn’t during the actual funeral. You didn’t go after her at the viewing… I didn’t see her at the burial…”
“The wake. You did it here, at the house last night. Didn’t you?”
I fumed, unsure if I was more angry with them or with myself for beginning to believe them. “Yes, okay. I went outside to get some air, and she was in the yard, sitting on the swing. You’re right; it was stupid, but come on, it was just a bunch of people talking and eating food. On the scale of how weird you’re making it sound, it wasn’t that crazy.”
They remained silent, not even drinking their beers. Suddenly Andy and Hollis made eye contact, then, in unison, turned to me. In a unified voice, they issued a single declaration.
“You aren’t invited to our funeral.”
As they burst into uncontrolled laughter together, I slowly sunk lower in despair.
At that moment, Andy’s phone whistled briefly. Still laughing heartily, he looked at the screen, moved his fingers, but quickly became silent. He glanced at me, then at Hollis, without saying a word.
I didn’t notice. My mind was caught up in my own troubles.
“Come on, guys, help me out. There’s nothing I can do, right? I asked, and she said no. Like you said, she’s a grown woman now. She gets to make her own choices. I shouldn’t ask her again, right?”
Hollis was looking at his phone, too, now. Andy still clicked his thumbs atop his screen intermittently. When he stopped, Hollis would start, and vice versa. When neither of them was moving, a moment would pass before Andy’s device would again whistle, and Hollis’s would buzz with vibration.
“Guys? What’s going on?”
“Uh… Nothing, Ryan. It’s, um… work stuff. How long did you say you were staying in town?”
I sighed, wondering if there was really a point anymore. “Well, I don’t know. At first, I was thinking as long as it takes. But since Harley wants nothing to do with Dad and me and doesn’t seem interested in trying to fix things between us… I don’t know. I’m still not planning on going back anytime soon. Joe’s got things under control.”
Hollis nodded, typing furiously on his screen. A split second after he stopped, their phones once again mirrored a simultaneous notification. Both of my brothers looked up and made eye contact. Andy seemed defeated but eventually nodded. Hollis then turned to me and innocently proposed plans for the evening.
“Hey, Ryan, sorry man, we’ll help you figure everything out, I promise. But I think you’re right; we should add some heavier drinks into the mix before getting all stressed out about anything. After all, it’s been seven years; you can wait one more day, right? Like you said, Harley said no, so… there’s this country club over in Denton that everyone goes to. It’s fun, you’ll like it. It’s a members-only sort of thing, which allows them to stay open after two when all the other bars have to close. There’s music, dancing… just what you need. Sound good?”
I shrugged, not really even paying attention.
“Yeah, whatever, Hollis. Just as long as you guys help me figure this out tomorrow. I don’t think I can take much more of this and, you’re right. All I’ve done is make things worse.”
“Nah, don’t worry about it, Ryan. I promise, this time tomorrow, you’ll feel a whole lot better about the whole thing. Tonight, we’ll drink to the past until it’s too drunk to remember us. And tomorrow, when it’s still hungover, you’ll be able to more clearly see the present and future you want.”
I scoffed but didn’t argue. “Yeah, whatever you say, guys.”
Harley
“I can’t believe you talked me into coming out here, Elle.”
“Oh, Harley, quit your whining. Trust me, this is exactly what you need.”
I opened the car door and stepped out, precariously pulling myself to stand while balancing atop a pair of needle-like heels. I adjusted myself and joined Eleanor in front of her car’s bumper, cat-called by the chirp of her locking doors.
“Besides, you’re looking too fine in that skirt to be stuck inside where no one can see you. Great choice, by the way.”
“Thanks, girl. You’re looking sexy as ever. I’m sure Andy has gotten used to it by now.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that. I wouldn’t be surprised if he and I end up slipping away for a few moments at some point after he gets here.”
I giggled and touched her arm in mock restraint as we approached the white plaster columns of the club entrance.
“What are you going to do, Elle, come out here and throw down in the backseat of your car?”
“Actually, I had those bushes over there in mind. Or maybe the putting green around the eighteenth hole - nobody will be out on the golf course at night.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Ooh, that sounds so romantic. Have fun when the sprinklers turn on, or the squirrels decide to attack.”
We walked through the front doors to the sound of booming music and releasing a waft of cologne into the night. As Eleanor wrapped her arm around mine and together we negotiated the crowds of dancing, drinking patrons, it took a while before our ears adjusted to the deafening vibrations emanating from the many speakers around the mp3 disc jockey.
“What?!”
“I said… Who says sprinklers are a bad thing? Isn’t the whole point to get a little wet?”
My laugh was swallowed by the treble of electro-swing, but Elle and I shared a smile as we finally made it to the bar.
“Hi, can we get a pair of double Mermaid Mules and, also, two shooters of well vodka? Thanks.”
The place was packed, but I wasn’t at all surprised. I knew what I was getting into when Elle demanded I tag along. A country club wasn’t exactly what I envisioned for an evening out partying when I was younger, but there was a reason that everyone ended up there by the end of their night out on the town. A few years prior, the state had mandated that all bars close by 2 AM, which didn’t at all suit the less seasoned generations who still had yet to imagine enjoying jello unless it included a healthy shot of spirits. The only establishments that were excluded in the ruling were private clubs. Thanks to protests from the state’s military veterans who wanted and deserved to keep their VFWs open twenty-four/seven, enough political pressure instigated an exception to the ban for any bar with a members-only policy. As a result, the small golf resort a town and a half over - previously known only to retirees and those in need of a tee-time - soon overflowed with a much more diverse and lively range of ages just looking to keep social-sobriety an oxymoron a little bit longer. Word quickly spread about the prohibition-free oasis, and, from all over our little section of the county, young singles and couples alike swarmed to pick up their one-dollar paper membership card.
Elle and I received our drinks and saluted each other with our shot glasses, throwing the contents back with only mild grimaces
accompanying the night’s first taste of alcohol. Chasing the bite with a drink from my fruity cocktail, I turned my back to the bartender’s glimmering display of bottles and surveyed the room.
“Oh lord, there’s Constantine. She looks wasted already.”
Eleanor tilted her head toward me, and I leaned sideways so that we could hear each other better.
“Yeah, but you just wait. She’ll still be grooving right along hours from now when we decide to call it a night. I don’t know how she does it.”
“Is that Tommy and Sam? I haven’t seen them in ages. And look! There’s Carlito! No matter what happens, can we agree that we’ll both say no to tequila if he comes over at any point?”
Elle shuddered, remembering our last drunken adventure at the club several weeks back. “Absolutely, but I don’t think he’ll make a move on us tonight. Carlito is looking for a wife, remember? That’s how he introduced himself last time: ‘Buenas Noches… I’m looking for the future, Mrs. Carlito Sanchez… Are either of you chicas wanting a man with great experience taking a siesta south of the border, so to speak? They say that drinking the sweet agave of tequila is the only true elixir of sexual immortality… that the salt you lick feeds the soul while the tartness of the lime tests one’s willingness to lie in service to the satisfaction of another. May I buy either of you ladies a drink so that maybe we can see if it’s true?’”
We giggled, remembering the fun we had before the misery of waking up the next morning. Eleanor continued her explanation as we drank from our glasses and relaxed. “I think it’ll be pretty obvious in a little while that we’re spoken for and aren’t candidates for Carlito’s courtship.”
“What do you mean?”
Elle glanced at me and kept her drink propped against her lips for a long moment before only half-answering over the club’s noise. “You know… when Andy gets here and all.”
She shrugged and abstained from saying any more, turning to scan the room again before distracting me with another branch in our casual conversation.
We kept on like that for close to an hour. By the time Hollis appeared at our sides from within the swaying crowd, Elle and I were both feeling good, bolstered bubbly by our beginning buzz.
She saw him first and erupted with a wave of warm enthusiasm. “Hey there, handsome, you come here often? I saw you at the gym earlier but didn’t say hello since I could see from your headphones that it was a focus day. Your legs are looking thick! If you weren’t wearing pants, I’d make you flex and jiggle them for us.”
I blushed and glanced at Elle, begging her to stop with my eyes, but she didn’t notice and wouldn’t have cared. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand how or why she continued to talk that way with Hollis. He was her ex, and, more importantly, she was dating his brother. I couldn’t accept that it wouldn’t someday lead to someone in that triangle getting hurt, but then again, everybody just seemed to accept that Eleanor was just flirty with everyone.
“Hey, Elle. Thanks. I’ve had to double up the days again, but my quads are still stuck on a plateau. I’m utterly convinced now that every single competitive cyclist you see on TV is juicing. I want goddamn thunder-thighs, but I’m beginning to think there’s no way to do it just with natural gains and repetition. Hey there, Harley. How’s it hanging?”
I smiled, otherwise lost by their exchange in an apparent other language. “Hi, Hollis. Where’s Andy?”
“Oh, he’s… uh…” Hollis glanced at Eleanor beside me before answering fully. “He’s just outside… giving a pep talk of sorts. He’ll be here in no time.”
Eleanor pursed her lips and grinned, sipping her drink and starting to sway back and forth, bumping her hips into me playfully as, in my eyes, she was just showing her anticipation of seeing her boyfriend by briefly joining the dancing rhythm around the room.
“Ah, there he is. I told you he’d be right behind me.”
Elle made a show of continuing her movement as Andy approached. She danced over to him, seductively, smiling, and kissing him in an embrace.
I barely noticed. As I turned to where Hollis was indicating, my heart sputtered and seemed to stop before riding my initial inebriation staging into a full-throttle acceleration. The thumping in my chest, coupled with the pounding of blood through my vessels, circulating up to within my ears and almost instantly muffling the melody of sounds from the boisterous room.
The eyes of the two brothers and my best friend were all focused on my reaction as, tall and smooth-shaven, Ryan appeared amid the crowd behind Andy, slowly taking confident strides straight for me.
He reached me and leaned forward against the bar top at my side. For a very long time, I didn’t notice anything about my surroundings, including my former companions, apart from Ryan.
“Hi, Harley. I’m really happy to see you again.”
His warm grin brought forth memories that I’d been forced into forgetting. As much as I loved that smile, the lasting recollection of our final moments together - him frowning - seemed to overshadow in importance, despite being far outnumbered.
“… Hi, Ryan… What are you doing here?”
He leaned in toward me, and I lost my breath. The chaos swimming beneath my chest felt exposed, uncovered by the low-cut top Elle had talked me into wearing. Ryan was only getting closer in an effort to facilitate our ability to hear each other over the noise, but my surprise from seeing him sent my mind racing beyond conclusions, lagging logically. My hastened heart sent quivers of heat through my torso, bringing a longing gasp across my chest and eliciting a salacious flutter that buoyantly bounced my brilliant, bulging breasts.
“Andy and Hollis told me about this place and told me to follow them out here. Now I know why. I mentioned to them that I wanted to see you, but that you turned me down and, well, it seems that your friend and my brothers have taken matters into their own hands.”
My neck turned away as if to enable a questioning glance at Eleanor for confirmation, but my head didn’t cooperate with the motion, and my eyes never left Ryan’s. I didn’t have any words to offer him, and, even if I did, they would’ve fallen as whimpers to remain unheard under the trample of louder decibels. I wished that Elle had prepared me, but I already knew why she didn’t - I would’ve just repeated my compulsive display of humiliating apprehension. Ryan maintained his smile, maybe even extending its glow from some promising sign he perceived to be showing on my face. Without a response forthcoming from me, he went back to offering his proposition.
“I’m glad that they did. I see that you still have a cocktail you’re working on… For now, can I get us a pair of shots to share? After that, maybe I’ll get you another drink, and we’ll see where things go from there?”
Ryan’s calm confidence was magnetic and, before I could even entertain a rational thought, I was nodding in response, drawn in by his handsome smile and haunting eyes, wanting any reason to move my body closer to his.
Ryan
“Hey! Can we get another round? Yeah, doubles again. Thanks!”
I turned back to Harley, feeling that I needed to keep the mood as light as possible. The last thing that I wanted was for us to slip into reminiscing over our breakup.
“I can’t believe that you’re a bank manager! That seems so strange to me. You always wanted to be outside, and, for god sakes, I’ve never seen you keep a pair of shoes on for more than three hours at a time, let alone a full workday. Wait - don’t tell me - you take them off as soon as you sit behind your desk.”
She smiled, letting out that wonderful laugh I loved so much. “You know me so well! To be honest, that’s probably the main reason why I worked so hard to move up the ladder so fast. I would’ve gotten fired if I tried to go barefoot when I was just a teller!”
I smiled broadly, easily picturing the whole scenario from its beginning to where she was now. Flashes of memory intermixed with my imaginings, and I remembered moments in the past when Harley was more likely to have a pair of flip-flops dangling from a finger
than stuck between her toes.
“So, what happened to the girl that would intentionally wait to go for a walk until the rain clouds moved in? While everyone else was running indoors, you were heading out to stroll barefoot through the puddles and wet grass.”
The visual of Harley, wet in the warm summer rain, slipped into my mind with a clarity I rarely had for even the most vital of memories. It wasn’t hard to understand why the picture of her was so vivid compared to everything else. I watched the clothes around her body slowly soak up the pouring rain, the fabric becoming heavier with each passing moment. The weight of the water pressed her shirt tighter against her skin, outlining her daunting figure with such proximity that nearly nothing was left to wonder. Her long brown hair clung together in strands as the water collected and streamed down her face, dropping the most sensual of tears from the flare of her eyelashes.
Harley’s voice next to me brought my attention back to the present, although I must admit that I was certainly more warm-blooded than before.
“She’s sitting right next to you, but… she did have to figure out a way to pay the bills. I always liked math best - you know that. I don’t know. At college, nothing else seemed to fit.” She shrugged before adding an adjacent thought. “The bank isn’t all I do, though. I have a floral shop where I can get my fix of nature on the weekends. I make arrangements for weddings, birthday parties… you name it.”
“Well, why don’t you do that during the week, too? I know you, Harley. There is no way you like math enough to enjoy being stuck in a bank all day.”
“Of course not… Who grows up wanting to work at a bank? Yuck. But like I said: bills. I’d love to do the flowers all the time, but there’s no way to justify it financially unless you’re growing them all yourself. That would be great, but, once again, setting up a year-round greenhouse with enough space… would take about a year’s salary.”
I looked over at her and squinted charismatically.