Amish Generations

by Kathleen Fuller

  Lord, why am I even thinking about this? After Henry died, she vowed she’d never be involved with another man. Yet here she was having romantic thoughts about a seventy-year-old lifetime bachelor. How foolish. Her prayers from last night hadn’t given her any more clarity, and she realized that she couldn’t keep taking advantage of Regina’s hospitality. She needed to go home and get her thoughts and feelings in order. Even though leaving was the last thing she wanted to do.

  Then another thought went through her mind. Enjoy the moments. She didn’t need to spend what little time she had left with Jerald, and with Regina and Nelson, mired in confusion. She wasn’t going to waste any more moments in her life. She’d wasted plenty enough.

  Chapter 7

  The next morning, Jerald took Elva’s pies to the fairground building where they were holding the auction. After making them a big lunch, she’d spent all afternoon baking, then stayed for a light supper. They played cards, too, and when he returned from taking her home, his house—and his heart—had felt emptier than ever.

  He met Elva at a long table at the back of the building, where the rest of the food was being sold. “Here’s one batch,” he said, three of her pies loaded into his hand wagon. They were carefully wrapped, lying in a large shallow box.

  Elva smiled, and his heart flipped. He couldn’t count how many times yesterday he’d been affected by her smile, the sparkle in her eyes, the sweetness of her voice. Or how many times he’d thought that if he had met her as a young man, he wouldn’t be single. And if that were the case, she wouldn’t have been married to a man like Henry.

  He pushed the thoughts out of his mind and unloaded the pies while Elva laid them out on the table. Just as he brought in the next three, Regina arrived.

  “Wow,” she said, looking at the half-dozen pies. “You really were busy.”

  Jerald waited for Regina to say something scathing, as she usually did, but she just smiled at him as well as at Elva. As he went for the last batch, he thought about how much had changed, including his sparring with Regina. Regina was being downright nice to him. He wasn’t sure what to make of that.

  “I’ll get the rest,” he said.

  Back at his buggy, Nelson approached him just as he set the last pie in the wagon. “Those are going to sell fast,” he said, looking at the desserts. “Each crust is perfectly golden.”

  “Elva has the magic touch, all right,” he said, then quickly added, “when it comes to baking and cooking.”

  “Just those two things, ya?”

  Jerald looked at Nelson, his guard up. “What else would I be referring to?”

  “You tell me. Something is different about you since you and Elva met.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Not this again. I’ll tell you like I told everyone else. There is nix between me and Elva.”

  “But you wish there were.”

  He stilled, taking in Nelson’s quiet words. One of the downfalls of having a lifetime best friend was that friend knew him inside and out. Still, Jerald shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. She’s leaving tomorrow.”

  “I know. Regina’s been upset about it. I didn’t realize how close those two were, and they’ve become practically schwesters now. I already have extra clean handkerchiefs on hand for Regina when Elva gets on the bus in the morning.”

  Jerald paused. “I thought she was leaving in the afternoon.”

  “Nope, bright and early. The taxi is already booked for six thirty.”

  He reeled from the news. He’d planned to stop by Nelson’s tomorrow and tell Elva good-bye. He could still do that in the morning. She’d be in a hurry to eat breakfast before she left, but he couldn’t let her go without a farewell.

  “We should get these pies inside,” Nelson said. “People are filing in, and the auction starts in an hour.”

  “I know,” Jerald snapped. “It’s not like I haven’t been here every single year.”

  Nelson held up his hands. “It was just a reminder. Do you need any help?”

  He shook his head. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to snap at you.”

  “It’s all right.” Nelson’s eyes filled with understanding. “I’m going to miss her too.”

  Not as much as I will. As his friend walked away, Jerald just stood there. It had hit him now—Elva was leaving. There would be no more pies, no more talks, and no more fishing with her. He would continue to live his single life, the one he had always been settled and comfortable with—until he met her.

  And now he realized he couldn’t just let her leave.

  * * *

  “Where is Jerald with those pies?” Elva glanced at Regina, then at the open door at the back of the building where people were bringing in items for the auction. He should have been back by now with the last load. Not that they were going to run out in the next few minutes, but it was strange that he hadn’t come back. “I wonder what’s keeping him.”

  Then she saw him coming in, dragging his wagon. She smiled, only to have it fade when she saw his face. Was he upset? As he neared, she could see he was. Without hesitation, she went to him. “What’s wrong, Jerald?”

  He met her gaze, and what she saw in his eyes made a shiver go down her spine. Attraction. She’d felt it before, in smaller waves, but right now it nearly knocked her off her feet.

  Without saying anything, he took her hand and led her back to the pie table. “Do something with these,” he barked at Regina as he halted the wagon behind the table. Then he led Elva to the bleachers that had been pulled out for the auction. She followed as he stepped behind them, the only place where they’d have any privacy.

  “Don’t geh,” he said, still holding her hand. “Stay here a while longer.”

  The desperation in his eyes touched her. “I already made mei reservation,” she said. “I’ll be back to visit—”

  “That’s not enough.” He moved closer to her. “I don’t want you to visit, Elva. And I don’t want to visit you. I want you here, with me. Will you marry me?”

  Chapter 8

  “Marry you?” Elva couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “I . . . I don’t understand.”

  “I want you to be mei wife. And if you’re worried I’ll treat you like Henry—”

  She shook her head. “I know you wouldn’t.” But marriage? “Where is this coming from?”

  He let go of her hand and ran his palm over his balding head. “I don’t know. I mean, I do know.” He put his hand over his heart. “It’s coming from here. I love you, Elva. I’ve never thought I would fall in love, but I have. And I don’t want to let you geh.”

  She could barely process what he was telling her. She heard the crowd on the other side of the bleachers, and people were already sitting in the stands.

  “We can’t stay here,” Jerald said, his gaze still locked with hers. “Just think about it. I’ll meet you at mei buggy after the auction.” He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, then took off.

  Elva touched her face where he’d kissed her. Her mind raced, and her heart hammered. What was she going to do? Did he expect an answer from her today?

  For the rest of the auction, she was barely present as she sold pies with Regina’s help. When she counted someone’s change wrong for the third time, Regina told her to take a break. She stepped outside and breathed in the cool, crisp air. Lord, what do I do? She cared for Jerald, but love? That happened over time. It had taken her years to fall in love with Henry, only to have that love destroyed in much less time.

  Jerald isn’t Henry. But that didn’t mean she loved him. She put her face in her hands, perilously close to tears.

  “Are you all right?”

  She looked up to see Nelson standing there. She nodded, wiping her damp eyes. “Ya. I’m fine.”

  He peered at her through his glasses, then frowned. “I don’t believe you. Do I need to get Regina?”

  “Nee. I really am okay.” She couldn’t imagine telling Regina about Jerald’s proposal. Her friend would undoubtedly point out how nonsensical
the idea was, as well as that Jerald was out of his mind. Elva wasn’t in the mood for that.

  “You’re thinking about Jerald,” Nelson said.

  “How did you know?”

  “Because he had the same bewildered look on his face you do. And when I asked him what was wrong, he said the exact same thing you just did. But it’s clear neither one of you is fine.”

  Nelson paused. “I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, and it’s none of mei business. But as someone who knows Jerald better than anyone, I can tell you he’s never acted this way about another woman. He thinks you’re special, there’s nee doubt about that. And I’ll tell you what I told him—it’s never too late.” He turned and walked away.

  Never too late. For what? Love? Marriage? Neither of those had crossed her mind until she met Jerald. But those thoughts and the feelings that accompanied them didn’t mean she and Jerald were meant to marry.

  She plodded back inside, forcing herself as best she could to focus on the rest of the auction. After all her pies were sold, she watched as several items were auctioned off, including Jerald’s breadboxes and Nelson’s lazy Susans, which all fetched good prices. But while she’d seen Nelson hovering near the auction stage, she hadn’t seen Jerald since he’d proposed. Had he changed his mind? She wouldn’t be surprised if he’d realized how impulsive his proposal was and wanted to take it back—even though the thought of that caused a twinge of pain in her heart.

  She couldn’t do anything about it now, and she forced her dilemma out of her mind while she helped clean up when the auction ended. It helped to have the distraction, but not much. When everything in the building had been put back in order, Regina asked, “Are you ready to geh?”

  She looked at the doorway that led to the now nearly empty parking lot. Was Jerald waiting for her there? Or had he changed his mind and left?

  * * *

  Jerald paced in front of his buggy as people left the auction building under a dusky sky. He nodded to a few men and women he knew, but he barely noticed them. His heart was pounding so hard he thought it might explode. Would Elva meet him? He doubted she would, but still he held on to a thin thread of hope that he hadn’t scared her off.

  What had he been thinking, proposing to her? Declaring his love after they’d known each other such a short time. But now that the words were out, he would never take them back. He’d spoken the truth, every word of it. He did love her, and he wanted her to be his wife. But how could she accept that when he’d never so much as hinted that he cared about her other than telling her he liked her? Even with his lack of experience with women, he realized he’d taken a giant leap of faith, and it wouldn’t be long before he knew if he had landed smack on his face.

  He pressed his lips together as he spotted Regina and Nelson’s buggy leaving. Although surely Elva was with them, he waited until the parking lot was empty, still grasping hope. But then he saw the lights in the building turning off one by one. She’s not coming. His chest ached with a pain he’d never experienced. This was what a broken heart felt like, then. Still, he didn’t wish to take back what he’d said, despite the rejection. He turned and started to climb into his buggy.

  “Jerald.”

  He closed his eyes at the sound of her sweet voice, his aching heart speeding up again. He stepped down and turned. The parking lot had lights, and he could see her beautiful face. But he couldn’t read her expression.

  “Elva,” he said softly as she approached. When she was standing in front of him, he said, “I didn’t think you’d come.”

  “I almost didn’t. But I want you to hear what I have to say.”

  * * *

  Elva gripped her hands until her knuckles ached. She had almost gone home with Regina and Nelson. It would have been the easy choice, running away from Jerald. But she couldn’t run away from her feelings. “You surprised me when you proposed,” she said.

  “I know.” He looked down at the ground. “It was stupid of me to say that without giving you some kind of warning.” Then he met her eyes. “But I meant every word.”

  “I believe you did. But I need to be honest with you too. I’m not ready for marriage, Jerald.”

  His head hung, and she wished she’d been a little less blunt. “I understand,” he said. She started to speak again, but he interrupted her. “I just hope I haven’t ruined our friendship.”

  “You haven’t.” She took a step toward him. “I might not be ready for marriage, but I am ready to explore the future. Nelson told me it’s never too late, and I’d like to believe him. I care about you, Jerald. More than I ever thought I could care for a mann. I’ve decided to stay in Millersburg and see what the future holds for me here.”

  Jerald smiled. “That’s probably more than I deserve, considering how I sprung a proposal on you.” He paused. “Is it all right if I drive you to Nelson’s?”

  Elva chuckled. “I should hope so. I don’t want to walk there this late at night.”

  As he drove her to Regina and Nelson’s, neither one of them said much, but it was a companionable silence. When he pulled into the driveway, he turned to her. “I’m new to this relationship stuff,” he said. “What do we do next?”

  “I think another fishing trip would be nice.”

  “Me too.”

  They made plans to meet the next afternoon, and she went inside the house. The light was on in the living room, and Regina was sitting in her chair, reading a cooking magazine. She set the magazine aside. “Out late with Jerald again, I see. Is this going to be a regular thing?”

  Elva sat down on the couch and took a deep breath. Then she explained about Jerald’s proposal, and Regina’s jaw dropped.

  “He proposed?”

  “Ya. But I turned him down.” Before Regina could ask another question, she said, “I like Jerald a lot. He’s a special mann.”

  “You can say that again. Although I think yer definition of special and mine are quite different in this case.” Regina smiled. “It’s gut to see you happy, Elva. I’ve been worried about you. I know you’re still grieving Henry, but until you and Jerald became friends, you seemed sad.”

  “I was, but not for the reason you think.” She looked at her hands and clasped her fingers together. “Henry and I had a difficult relationship,” she said.

  For the second time, Regina looked stunned. “I had nee idea.”

  “Nee one did. We were gut at hiding it. But he blamed me for not being able to have kinner. Because of that, our relationship changed—and it got worse as the years went by.” She averted her gaze. “He . . . he wasn’t a nice mann.”

  “I see.” Regina’s expression turned cold. “I wish I would have known that. I would have given him a piece of mei mind.”

  “It wouldn’t have done any gut.” She met her friend’s eyes again. “But when Henry died, I was certain I didn’t want to get involved with anyone ever again.”

  “But you feel differently now.”

  Elva hesitated, then nodded. “I don’t want to impose on you again—”

  “Elva.” Regina moved to sit next to her on the couch. She took her hand and squeezed it. “You can stay here as long as you want to. I already told you that. We love yer company.” Her eyes took on a watery sheen. “As long as we’re being honest, I was missing you already. I’m glad you’re staying.”

  She hugged Regina, then pulled away. “Danki.”

  “Just don’t rush things with Jerald. From what you’ve said, this is new territory for you both. Make sure this is God’s will.”

  “I will.”

  “Oh, and one more thing.” Regina smirked. “Tell him that I won’t be making him supper on Tuesdays anymore.”

  “Oh?” Elva said, surprised. “Why not?”

  “Because I’m sure he will prefer you making him a meal instead. Then he can hover over yer shoulder instead of mine.”

  They both laughed, and a short time later, after she’d said her prayers for the night, Elva climbed into bed
. She lay there, staring into the darkness, wondering if she was doing the right thing. Then a still, quiet voice spoke to her heart. Yes, beloved. You are.

  Epilogue

  Three months later

  Elva stood in Regina’s kitchen with a stomach full of butterflies. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she said. Then she began pacing the length of the room filled with food for the reception after her wedding ceremony.

  “Marrying Jerald?” Regina lifted her chin. “I can. I knew you two would get married.”

  She stopped pacing and looked at her friend. “You did?”

  “I had mei reservations, obviously. But after you decided to stay here, I knew you’d tie the knot.” She grinned. “And I couldn’t be happier.”

  “Because we found love?”

  “That, and now I don’t have to worry about him coming over for supper!”

  They both laughed, and Regina gave her a hug. “You’ll both still come over every once in a while, ya?”

  “Ya.” Elva patted away the tears in her eyes, and Regina, who was always stalwart, had tears in hers too.

  “I’m glad you’re happy,” her friend said, dabbing Elva’s cheek with a white handkerchief. “But you can’t get married crying yer eyes out. What will Jerald think?”

  “He’s used to it.” Over the past three months, she’d been able to let down her guard with him, and more than once she’d cried in his arms, finally giving in to her grief over the children she didn’t have and for the marriage that had been so hard. Each time he had made her feel loved and cherished. She looked at the clock, and her heart skipped a beat. “It’s time.”

  Regina smiled. “Geh get married, mei friend.”

  As Elva walked into the living room of Nelson and Regina’s home, she looked at the small gathering of friends huddled there. Normally weddings were an all-community affair, but while Elva now felt a part of this community, she and Jerald had wanted something small. She took her place beside him, and he winked at her, looking handsome in his black pants, black vest, and crisp white shirt. But what meant the most to her was the love in his eyes, love she’d never thought she’d experience. Danki, God.