Miles Apart

by A. L. Brooks

  She felt…numb.

  Surreal.

  As if she were standing on a precipice, precariously balanced, looking down on a blurred landscape where nothing was as defined as it should be, and no clear way through was obvious. The feeling was terrifying, and her heart rate increased at the decisions that faced her.

  Step off the ledge, into God knew what, in the hope that she would find some way to be happy again?

  Or stay on the ledge, continuing to work with Terri to see what, if anything could be retrieved from their current situation, and hope that eventually she’d be pulled back from the edge somehow?

  She was forty-six years old, and the idea of starting out again, on her own, was frightening. And yet, as she’d acknowledged to herself only yesterday, what she and Terri had was pretty much beyond repair, wasn’t it? So didn’t that really only leave her one choice?

  Chapter 5

  Yawning, Alex slipped out of the bed and walked across the room to the bathing area of her ridiculously large room at the W Hotel. She flipped the shower on and a few moments later she was sighing in contentment as the hot water streamed over her body.

  Once dry, moisturised, and dressed, she reached for her phone. She was feeling refreshed enough that brunch with Sonia sounded appealing.

  Hi Sonia, brunch in the Village sounds great. I am jet-lagged and in need of food! See you there at ten

  Sonia’s response was quick and to the point: Excellent!

  Glancing at her watch, Alex reluctantly pulled her laptop out of its bag. She’d done a lot of work on the plane but had two or three more e-mails she’d rather get done today. Her eyes still felt tired from the journey, but she forced them to look at her screen, and within minutes she was immersed in her work.

  At nine forty-five she took the lift down to reception and strolled towards the front doors.

  The doorman greeted her. “Bonjour, Madame.”

  “Bonjour. Could you get me a cab, please?”

  “But of course. One moment, please.” He shot out of the front door, and she watched, smiling, as he marched out onto the pavement, looking to his left down the one-way street that wrapped around Square Victoria in front of the hotel. The staff here always impressed her with their eagerness to serve. After a couple of minutes, he waved his hand vigorously at something, and moments later, a yellow cab pulled up to the kerb. She left the warmth of the lobby, pulling her jacket tight around her as she stepped outside into the frigid air. Hopping into the back of the cab, she smiled her thanks at the doorman, then gave the driver her destination. If he was surprised to be taking someone from one of Montreal’s classiest hotels deep into the heart of the Gay Village, he said nothing. Even Alex had been surprised at Sonia’s choice of meeting place, but Sonia had insisted it was the perfect place for them to catch up.

  Twenty minutes later Alex walked into a lovely, lazy Sunday morning buzz. The place Sonia had selected was lovely, with couples and groups all meeting to share what looked like a long meal out of the cold. Sonia arrived only moments after Alex, and they swapped kisses on each cheek in greeting.

  Alex was taken aback at Sonia’s appearance but hoped she hid it well. The last time they’d met, six years ago at Danielle’s fortieth birthday party, Sonia had been slightly overweight and going through a deeply femme phase with long hair, lashings of makeup, and tight-fitting dresses. She’d looked fabulous then, but the woman in front of Alex now was much slimmer and stunningly androgynous. Her blonde hair had been cropped short, but she wore beautifully applied eye makeup that made her blue eyes leap out. She must have lost at least twenty pounds, and her newly svelte body shape looked fantastic in pleated trousers and a silk shirt with a loosely tied silk tie hanging halfway down its front. An enticing amount of cleavage was on display in that shirt opening, and Alex had to wrench her gaze away before Sonia caught her ogling. Yes, the new look certainly suited Sonia, and Alex was surprised at her own response to it. Looking at other women that way wasn’t something she made a habit of. It was unsettling.

  “Alex, it is so lovely to see you again!” Sonia was as exuberant as Alex remembered her, and her French accent just as delicious. Sonia was French Canadian, having been raised in Montreal. Danielle had told Alex she now split her time between her home city and her two favourite cities in the world, Paris and New York.

  “Thank you so much for arranging this. I’m sorry if I was a little slow in responding, but it’s been a busy week.”

  Sonia waved a hand and smiled. “Not at all. I understand. So how long are you here for?”

  They chatted amiably while they were served fresh filter coffee in large mugs, and huge platters of omelettes, fried potatoes, grilled mushrooms and tomatoes, and heaps of sourdough toast. Sonia shared details of the event she was in Montreal to organise, and Alex told her a little of what had brought her over to Canada this time.

  “So you will actually do the training yourself? I would have thought you would have some minion take care of that.” Sonia flashed a grin as she spoke.

  Alex laughed. “In the UK, yes, I would normally have, as you say, a minion to do that. But while I am here to meet with other execs, it makes sense to double up rather than pay for someone else to make the trip just to do three training sessions. The actual training will only take about six hours of my week. The rest, unfortunately, is all meetings.”

  “You don’t like meetings?”

  Alex grimaced. “I hate them! I’d actually much rather be doing something than talking about it, you know? That’s why I don’t mind getting my hands dirty, so to speak, when it’s my turn to deliver training. It’s a great break from the tedium of sitting around in meeting rooms all day.”

  Sonia nodded. “I can see that. I suppose my days are so varied, I never have to worry about that. Especially with an event like this—one day I will be researching venues, caterers, entertainment; the next I will be at a photo shoot and meeting with the marketing team. I love it.”

  “It sounds it. Good for you.”

  “So will you be expected to meet these other executives for dinner every night?”

  Alex couldn’t quite read the gleam in Sonia’s eyes. She shook her head. “No, actually. Not this time anyway. I think because my trip was organised so last-minute. The only commitment I have is a lunch on Wednesday. Other than that, I have my evenings to myself, which is good.”

  Sonia smiled, wickedly, and waggled her eyebrows. “Ah, so that means I can steal you away for an evening, yes?”

  Alex’s first reaction was to refuse. She would be tired. She had work commitments to meet. Although, as she’d just told Sonia, they weren’t that demanding this week. And she had thought the idea of letting off some steam was tempting…

  “I guess it would depend on what you had in mind.”

  Sonia’s smile transformed into a lascivious grin, and Alex blushed at the tease. She really shouldn’t be responding this way to another woman, but her body wasn’t listening.

  Sonia laughed and reached across the table to pat Alex’s hand.

  “Don’t worry, Alex. I promise I am only playing. You are a married woman, and so am I.” She smiled and sat back in her chair. “I mean only to show you a fun evening out in this lovely city of mine. There is a women-only bar that has a great atmosphere on a Monday night, if you can believe. I have no idea why it is so successful, given that everyone has to work the next day, but it is.” She shrugged. “So I know you will be tired, and we don’t have to make it a long night, but would you like to meet me there for some drinks, maybe some dancing?”

  Alex smiled, totally charmed by this lovely woman. And pleased that, judging from how Sonia had spoken about Alex’s relationship, Danielle had apparently not told her cousin anything about Alex’s recent problems with Terri. She wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about it with someone she barely knew.
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br />   “I can’t make any promises, because it really does depend on my energy tomorrow, but a drink at least sounds good. The dancing, maybe not. It’s been a long time since I went dancing.” She smiled as old memories attempted to resurface. She had used to love dancing. “But tell me where and when, and I will meet you there, okay?”

  “Parfait,” Sonia said, beaming.

  Alex flopped onto the bed and kicked off her boots. Although she’d showered that morning, the huge bath looked rather inviting right now. She’d walked back from her brunch with Sonia—the weather had been nose-nippingly cold, but she’d needed the exercise. They’d had a good time catching up, but she’d eaten way too much, and the long walk back had been perfect to work that off.

  A quick glance at her watch as she flopped back on the bed told her it was two o’clock, which meant seven in the evening back home. She ought to call Terri. She’d not bothered when she’d arrived the day before—she’d simply fired off a text message saying she’d arrived, knowing it was late and Terri would more than likely be in bed already. Although, she now realised, Terri hadn’t even responded to that message on Sunday morning, when she was surely awake. Guilt snagged at Alex. Had Terri expected her to call and now was upset with her, hence not responding to her text?

  She sighed. She didn’t even know what they would talk about if she did call, but she ought to, shouldn’t she? It would be ridiculous to think she wouldn’t talk to her partner the entire week. If she got it over with now, she’d have more of an excuse as the week rolled on, when the five-hour time difference between their waking and working hours would genuinely make talking extremely difficult.

  She stood and walked to her handbag, then paused as she replayed her last thoughts. Got it over with? What kind of feeling was that to have about talking to your partner of five years?

  She took a few deep breaths before dialling Terri’s number.

  “Hi.” Terri’s voice was muffled, and Alex thought she could hear music in the background.

  “Hi. How are you? Did you get my text last night?”

  “Yeah. It was pretty late and I knew you’d be jet-lagged, so I didn’t call.” Terri sounded distant, as if her attention were elsewhere.

  “You okay? Have I caught you at a bad time?”

  “No. Sorry.” There was the sound of a door opening and closing. “I’m just out for a drink with some friends. Just finding a quieter place to talk.”

  “Oh.” What friends? “How’s your Sunday been?”

  Terri chuckled. “Lazy. I only got off the sofa about half an hour ago.”

  “Sounds good.” Alex knew her answers were sounding flat and stood to pace the room to try to inject some energy into the call.

  “You sound tired. Jet lag bad?”

  “Yeah, must be. Brunch with Sonia was good, but I am tired now. Although I need to catch up on some work, so I need to wake up a bit.”

  Terri tutted. “You’re allowed Sunday off, aren’t you?”

  Alex closed her eyes for a moment, willing away the spike of irritation at Terri’s snippy tone. “It’s my choice.” She breathed in and struggled to soften her tone. “Afterwards I’ll run myself a hot bath and soak myself to prune status with a book and a glass of wine.”

  “That sounds good.” Terri’s tone had softened a tad. “I’m glad you’re going to relax too. You worry me, all this working out of hours you do.”

  “Like your job is much better for that? Weren’t you the one who went into the office yesterday? A Saturday?” Alex snapped the retort out before she could think to tamp it down.

  Terri hesitated just slightly before responding. “Oh, yeah.” She cleared her throat. “Okay, fair point.”

  Alex took a deep breath. “I didn’t mean to snap.”

  “And I didn’t mean to sound like I was having a go.” Terri exhaled sharply. “I think we need to talk when you get back. Talk properly, I mean.”

  Alex’s pulse quickened further. She wasn’t sure she was ready for this. But then, why not? Surely it would be easier if both of them were finally prepared to face the situation. Instead of forcing it into being something it wasn’t. Or hiding from what it really was.

  “Yes, I think we do.” Simple words, yet they felt monumental in that moment.

  Terri let out a long, slow breath. “I think this week it would be best if we have no contact. Let’s both do some thinking while we’re apart. I’ll text you if anything important comes up, but otherwise, I’ll see you at home Saturday morning, yes?”

  “Yes,” Alex said quietly. Her throat was tightening. “Terri?”

  “Yes?”

  She wanted to thank her, for being the brave one to finally put it out there. But in the moment she went to blurt out the words, they sounded crass. Insensitive. And also a little bit hypocritical, given that she herself had not found that bravery. But then, she never did.

  “I-I’ll see you on Saturday. Have a good week.” She cringed at how bland her alternative words were, but she just couldn’t bring herself to give more.

  “You too.” The hum of the slight background noise on the line disappeared as Terri ended the call.

  Alex immersed herself in an hour or two of work, to force her brain to stop thinking about Terri and their disintegrating relationship. The bath she ran afterwards was hot and full of bubbles. She poured herself a large glass of red wine and took a big mouthful of it as she sank into the water. The wet heat felt fantastic on her skin, but her mind was already roiling again from their phone conversation, and the sensuality of the bubbles tickling her breasts and arms did nothing to alleviate that.

  She was so torn. A part of her didn’t want to walk away from Terri, from all they had shared. But the reasons she didn’t want to leave were blurry and getting more so as each day passed. Fear of being on her own again. The loss of what had once been so special between them. Her sense that no matter what Terri said or did, now and in the future, Alex would never fully trust her again.

  She closed her eyes and leaned back against the high end of the tub. Being with Terri had been so easy to begin with. Yes, they hadn’t exactly had constant fireworks, even from the beginning, but their relationship had been solid, and reliable, and Terri’s care for her had soothed her damaged soul. She supposed that was part of how they’d drifted the way they had before Terri slept with Liz. They’d become comfortable. Boring, maybe.

  Danielle’s words came back to her, about Terri being a safety net that caught her after the pain of extricating herself from Jade. That was true, she could acknowledge that.

  But that didn’t mean being with Terri had been wrong.

  It had never felt wrong, even if it had never felt overwhelmingly right.

  Monday passed slowly, meeting following meeting. Finally, at around three, she had a break and escaped to the cubicle they’d set aside for her in a quiet corner on the ninth floor. RCS Incorporated occupied five floors in one of the larger office buildings that edged Square Victoria, directly opposite her hotel. The two-minute commute was a luxury she revelled in whenever she was here. The window behind her cubicle looked out over the busy square, and she took a moment to watch the world go by as she sipped at the remarkably good coffee the machine in the reception area churned out.

  Her phone bleeped beside her and she swept it up to see a text message from Sonia.

  I know you are probably tired, but come out to play anyway?! Please?

  Alex smiled. Yes, she was tired, but her day was not yet over, with more potentially tedious meetings in her calendar, and suddenly the idea of even just one drink out and about, with someone who made her laugh, was immensely appealing.

  You’ve twisted my arm. Tell me where and when

  Sonia texted her an address followed by a series of smiley faces that left Alex chuckling. Slipping her phone back in
to her bag, she huffed out a breath as she sat.

  Time to prepare for more meetings.

  Ugh.

  Chapter 6

  Alex sighed as she looked at herself in the full-length mirror. She wasn’t sure the top with its abstract glitter motif was really how she was feeling the evening, but it was the dressiest thing she’d packed, so she didn’t really have an alternative. Still, it worked with the black jeans and boots, and the diamond stud earrings added another little element of sparkle to the ensemble. She ran her hands through her hair, pushing it first behind her ears, then not, then back again. She laughed. Really, what the hell did it matter what her hair looked like? Pulling it back from behind her ears one last time, she touched the corners of her eyes to make sure her eyeliner hadn’t smudged and stepped back to take in the full look one last time.

  Passable.

  The doorman summoned a cab for her again, and she gave the driver the address from Sonia’s message. When he pulled the car up in the Gay Village, she hopped out into the bitterly cold air and walked to the main door of the bar-slash-club Sonia had suggested for their meeting.

  Alex pushed through the doors and a pleasant warmth greeted her. The place wasn’t huge, but it had an inviting feel. The front area was taken up with loosely arranged sofas and armchairs, which then led into a proper bar area with high stools along the full length of the metal-topped bar itself. Beyond that was a cluster of small tables with bistro-style seating. She glanced around; no sign of Sonia. She smiled to herself—Sonia was fashionably late again.

  She walked up to the bar. The place had a total of perhaps thirty women in it. Finding a sizeable gap towards the far end of the bar, Alex inserted herself into the space and quickly caught the eye of the woman serving. Alex ordered a beer and perched on one of the stools while she waited for Sonia.