Miles Apart

by A. L. Brooks

  “I-I had sex with someone.” Blurting it out hadn’t been her intention at all. But there it was, out there.

  Danielle inhaled sharply. “You…what?” Danielle’s voice was barely above a whisper.

  Alex closed her eyes and fought against yet more tears. She had to swallow a couple of times before she could continue.

  “Shit, Danielle. I’m in a mess.”

  “Please tell me what the hell is going on.”

  Haltingly, and with numerous pauses, Alex did. Danielle, to her credit, said nothing at all while Alex related her sorry tale.

  “I’ve never had anyone look at me the way she did, Danielle. Like I was…scum. The worst of the worst. And I knew how she felt because that’s exactly what I was feeling about myself. I am such a hypocrite. I’ve cheated on Terri. Oh, God.” She broke off as a sob threatened to break free.

  Danielle waited a moment before speaking. “While I do not condone what you have done, I have to say I totally sympathise with how events unfolded and how you found yourself in that situation. It sounds like Justine was very charismatic. And with everything you have been going through these past few months, I can actually understand how her attentions would have made you feel.” She paused for a moment, before saying, “And I know I am your best friend and you might expect me to side with you in this, but I am completely averse to cheating, as you well know. So you have presented me with somewhat of a moral dilemma here. I will always support you, because I love you. But Alex, this is just so not like you, and goes against everything you have stood for. What the hell is going on with you?”

  Alex expelled a short burst of laughter, but it was an empty sound. “God, if I knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t be in the mess I am now.” She sat up and clutched at her hair with her free hand. “The only thing I can say in my defence, and I realise how weak it is, is that it was like I was another person. Remnants of the person I was when we were younger, when we danced and partied and didn’t give a shit about the next day. Mixed in with the responsible person I am now, who seems to be going through some kind of midlife crisis. It was a nightmare combination.”

  “Between them, Jade and Terri have managed to make you forget that fun-loving woman I went to university with, haven’t they?”

  “Hm, kind of. I mean, it’s easy to blame them, especially Jade. But partly it’s just because I’ve aged.”

  Danielle snorted. “You are only forty-six, Alex. You make it sound like you are in your nineties already.”

  “You know what I mean. I’m in a responsible position at work, my clubbing days are behind me—”

  “Well, that does not sound true, from what you have told me about how much you enjoyed that club on Monday night. Never mind what happened with Justine, it sounds to me like you were more alive that night than you have been in a long time. Perhaps it is more that the woman you thought you had lost is not so lost after all?”

  Alex sighed as the truth in her friend’s words hit home. “Yes,” she whispered. “I had such a good time on Monday night. And Tuesday too. Dancing like that again, not caring about the next day. It was like the biggest rush I’ve felt in years.”

  “So, I repeat, it is easy to see why you got caught up in that, and did what you did with Justine. Even though I am still struggling to see how you let go of your…principles…quite that much.”

  “I couldn’t resist her,” Alex said, her voice hoarse. “I literally couldn’t. Danielle, she was…amazing to be with. We just…connected.”

  “Wait a moment, are you saying you had feelings for her? That it was not just about the sex?”

  Alex groaned. “Oh God, I don’t know. Yes. Maybe. Shit…”

  Danielle huffed out a breath. “And now you know she works for RCS too.”

  “Oh fuck, don’t remind me. I swear I needed a defibrillator in that training session. I’ve never been so shocked in my life.” Alex tried to laugh at the craziness of the situation, but it came out strangled as the awfulness of how she and Justine had left things the night before swamped her.

  “And where does this leave Terri?” Danielle spoke the question quietly, but the power of it thumped Alex square in the middle of her chest.

  Alex hesitated, her mind churning along with her stomach.

  “Alex? Gut answer. Do not think about it. Just tell me what your heart says.”

  Alex sobbed as the words left her mouth. “Leave her. Leave her and start over.”

  Justine left her office and made her way up to the ninth floor. The meeting she was supposed to be in had started five minutes ago. She braced herself for the disgruntled looks she would get from the team that had called the meeting, but she was past caring. If they’d had the week she’d had, they’d cut her some slack.

  Today had been torturously slow. Waking up hungover from the wine, and tired from lack of sleep despite the wine, she had lurched from one meeting to the next all morning in a depressed daze. After drinking that third glass she’d spent the rest of the evening lying on the couch, staring into space while she tried to figure out what the hell she was going to do. She’d been tempted to pour another glass at about eleven but dismissed the idea almost instantly. Alcohol was not the answer. Still, when finally she’d dragged herself to bed, long past midnight, and slept so badly, she’d wondered if more wine would have helped after all.

  She shuffled her laptop under her arm as she swiped her pass over the panel to gain admittance to the ninth floor. She pushed through the door and turned left towards the suite of meeting rooms.

  She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw who was bent over the water fountain a little further along the corridor.

  Alex spotted Justine as she stood. They stared at each other for a few moments.

  Justine hated herself as she gazed at Alex. Despite everything she’d learnt last night, she still felt the pull. The connection. It was palpable between them, and the confusion it engendered was giving Justine a headache.

  “Justine,” Alex said quietly, taking one step forwards.

  Justine held up her hand. “No.” She tempered her tone, keeping the anger out of it in respect of where they were. “I can’t.” No matter that she was still brimming with questions, she had to get to that meeting.

  Alex halted her movement, and her head dropped. “I understand,” she murmured, and abruptly turned and walked away.

  Justine watched her go, admiring the swing of her hips and the slight bounce of her auburn hair across the tops of her shoulders. She remembered pushing her hands through that hair on the dance floor, pulling Alex’s mouth closer to her own, deepening the kiss—

  She shook her head, trying to still the throbbing between her legs.

  Stop.

  Meeting.

  She strode off down the corridor.

  Alex picked half-heartedly at the salad bowl in front of her, then shoved it away. She slumped back in her chair and swivelled round to look out the window.

  Seeing Justine that morning had thrown her. Of course they were bound to bump into each other at some point today; the odds were too great for that not to happen. Even so, the shock of it still resonated. Shock at how her body, and mind, had reacted to seeing her. Shock at seeing all of those same reactions reflected back at her in Justine’s face.

  She sighed. Justine was stunning, she couldn’t deny that. She was drawn to her like she’d never been drawn to anyone before.

  And Justine clearly felt the same way, despite what she knew of Alex and the pain that knowledge had caused her.

  Alex had needed every ounce of professionalism she could muster to stop herself from marching down the corridor and pulling Justine into an empty meeting room so she could explain. She wanted Justine to understand. Desperately. The thought that Justine had her labelled as someone not worth knowing based on one evening o
f madness was eating away at her.

  The irony in understanding that was how Terri must think about her own…indiscretion was not lost on her.

  She gazed up at the wintry sky, shivering even though she was in the temperature-controlled environment of the office. The bleak weather mirrored her mood perfectly. This week was rapidly becoming one of the worst of her life. So much for taking some time to think about what she wanted to do, using the space to get some clarity.

  Although I guess that is what I’ve done, in a way. Not how I would have imagined, but still…

  She managed to get through the rest of her day on autopilot, hopping from one meeting to another before delivering her final training presentation late in the afternoon. For once she had a receptive group, and that minor element of positivity helped lift her mood more than she would have realised.

  She left the office just after six and wrapped her coat tightly around her for the short walk across the square to the hotel. She waited at a crossing for the lights to change and gasped as a hand took hold of her elbow. Justine stood beside her.

  “Sorry,” Justine said, holding up her free hand. “I thought you heard me calling your name.”

  As her heart gradually slowed its panic-induced thumping, Alex shook her head. “No. I…I must have been miles away.”

  “Can we talk?” Justine asked. “Maybe get a drink somewhere?” Her tone was flat, her eyes darting to Alex’s and away again.

  The lights changed and people pushed past them as they remained rooted to the sidewalk.

  Alex took a deep breath. “Sure. I’m in the W. How about there?”

  Justine nodded and without another word they waited for the lights to change once more.

  Chapter 12

  The bar was busy but they found seats on a small sofa in the far corner. They didn’t speak until after the waiter had taken their order for a glass of wine each.

  “Thank you for agreeing to do this,” Justine began. Her jaw was tight and her hands kept clenching and unclenching where they lay on her thighs.

  Alex braced herself, not sure at all that she was ready for this, now that it was here.

  “I’m actually glad you suggested it,” she said carefully. “I really do want to explain—”

  “My partner was cheating on me for six months before I knew anything about it. I don’t actually know how long it would have gone on if I hadn’t stumbled across them.”

  Justine’s words were icy, sharp like needles, and every one of them stabbed at Alex’s conscience. Justine wasn’t looking at her, and Alex was grateful, as she wasn’t sure she could handle seeing the pain Justine clearly still felt.

  “Oh my God,” she whispered. No wonder Justine had been so furious when Alex had told her that she was in a relationship.

  Justine reached for her wine, her fingers trembling. Alex’s heart thudded.

  “So it’s a very sore point for me. I can’t tell you how to live your life, but I’m…disgusted that you used me in that way.”

  Alex tried to jump in, but Justine was on a roll.

  “But the thing I don’t get is that you just didn’t seem like that kind of person. At all.” Justine was virtually spitting her words out now. “So I’m wondering if you are just a great actress, good at faking God knows what. Or if you really are as callous as Tuesday night makes you look.”

  Alex reeled as if she’d been struck. The words hurt, enormously, and nausea grabbed hold of her insides.

  Finally, Justine looked at her, and Alex wavered under the angry stare.

  “I’m actually neither of those things,” she said, overwhelmed with sadness. She shook her head. “Not at all.”

  “Then why—”

  Justine’s tone was angry and unforgiving, and Alex’s temper rose. “Because my life is a fucking mess! Because my partner cheated on me, three months ago, and I’ve felt completely and utterly worthless ever since. Because this week you’ve made me feel, just for a few hours, that I was still someone that another woman would want.” Her voice broke and she fumbled for the tissues in her handbag.

  Justine stared at her.

  “So it was all about revenge?” Justine’s tone was still sharp, but her eyes had softened just slightly.

  “No, of course not,” Alex snapped. “God, I am not a bad person! I’m just…I’m just in a very bad place and you got dragged into that.” She took a deep breath and dared to meet Justine’s eyes again. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about that. Very, very sorry.”

  Justine sat back and exhaled loudly.

  Alex reached for her wine and downed a large mouthful. She stood. There was nothing more to say. She had hoped they could have a civil conversation tonight; it was the only reason she had agreed to the drink. It hadn’t gone that way at all, but in essence she’d said what she needed to say. Either Justine would accept it or not. There was no point elaborating or daring to tell Justine how she made Alex feel, how their connection over the two evenings had been one of the best things to ever happen to her.

  “I’ll charge the wine to my room,” she said, passing a hand over her face as her shoulders slumped. “I probably won’t see you before I leave tomorrow, so I…I wish you well, Justine. And again, I’m sorry.”

  Justine gaped at her as she grabbed her bag and coat.

  “Wait,” Justine said, half rising from her seat.

  “Goodbye, Justine.”

  Minutes later she was in her room, undressed, and wrapped up in the oversized robe the hotel provided. She flopped on the bed and lay back, her eyes gazing unseeing at the ceiling.

  What a mess the week had been. She took in a deep, shuddering breath. Well, she couldn’t do anything else about what had happened with Justine, and she was leaving tomorrow anyway. But at least she could do something about Terri when she got home. Her stomach clenched at the thought, but she knew it was time.

  Yeah, definitely time.

  Justine ate the last mouthful of noodles from the takeout container on her lap and washed it down with a gulp of water. She was wedged into her window seat, her eyes unseeing as her brain repeated, on a loop, the words Alex had spoken.

  Because my partner cheated on me, three months ago, and I’ve felt completely and utterly worthless ever since.

  Because this week you’ve made me feel, just for a few hours, that I was still someone that another woman would want.

  When she’d seen Alex leaving the office ahead of her, she’d acted on instinct. Her need for answers had temporarily overridden her anger, and catching up with Alex at the crossing had seemed like a great idea.

  But then, when they’d got to the bar and her body and soul had betrayed her yet again with their desire and…need for Alex, she’d got angry all over again.

  She closed her eyes. God, she regretted snapping so coldly at Alex, but she hadn’t been able to help it. Just remembering Nadia’s deceit had stirred it all up again. The pain, the embarrassment, the rage. It had rushed through her, directing her tone, her questions—until Alex had blurted out what she’d been going through, and Justine’s anger had deflated almost instantly.

  Alex had been cheated on too. She’d been through the same pain and agony Justine had. But unlike Justine, she hadn’t left her partner when it happened. Was she crazy? How could Alex stay with her after she’d done that to her? How could she forgive her? Clearly she hadn’t, if she said her life was a mess.

  Unbidden, images of Alex pressed up against the front door on Tuesday night rampaged through her brain. The desperate way she’d clung to Justine, and the haunted look in her eyes, all made perfect sense now. The hunger in her kisses too.

  She groaned. Shit, life just wasn’t fair sometimes. Why did it all have to be so complicated? How could she meet someone, finally, who triggered far more in her than simple physical des
ire, only to discover she not only lived on the other side of the ocean, but she was caught up in a messy relationship?

  Universe, you suck sometimes.

  “Thanks again for coming over at such short notice.” The VP of operations was a sweet man, and Alex smiled and shook his hand.

  “No problem. I think it went well in the end.”

  He nodded vigorously. “Definitely. I’ve had some great feedback already. I think we’ll manage to get this month’s billing out on time after all, thanks to you.”

  Alex basked in the praise. She had been a director for a year, but having her work lauded so highly still felt good. “Remember, call me anytime if you have any questions or concerns. I’ve got a good team working for me, and we’ll be able to sort out any issues you have.”

  “Great,” he said, enthusiastically pumping her hand again.

  She smiled as she extracted her complaining hand from his tight grip.

  “You okay to get a cab outside?” he asked.

  “Sure, no problem. I need to pop back over to the W to get my suitcase first anyway.”

  He waved her off at the lift, and within minutes she was out on the street marching across the square to the hotel. She retrieved her case and had the doorman flag her a cab. As she waited for it on the snowy sidewalk, something—she wasn’t sure what—made her glance up.

  Standing on the opposite sidewalk, with a large takeout coffee in her gloved hand, was Justine.

  They stared at each other across the cold street. Alex didn’t know what Justine was thinking or feeling, but if it was anything like the myriad of emotions coursing through her own mind and body, Justine would be as confused as she was. Desire, sadness, pain, and a deep yearning for something she couldn’t have, no matter how much she craved it.

  The connection between them was broken moments later by the yellow cab that swept alongside the kerb in front of her. As she stepped forwards to pass her case to the driver, she glanced down to be sure of her footing.