by Noah Harris
And speaking of headaches, he’d had one that was driving him up a wall all day.
He sighed, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table, rubbing his fingers into his temples in a poor attempt to soothe it away. It didn’t work. It hadn’t worked all day. He’d tried getting more coffee, and he’d tried painkillers, but nothing seemed to help. Not even sleep could make it go away, as he had slept through it last night only to find it had grown stronger.
There was a nudge at his shoulder. He opened his eyes and glanced over to see a shy smile on Josh’s lips as he slid a couple more painkillers across the table, as well as a bottle of water. Adam gave him a weak smile and took them, popping them into his mouth before taking the water to swallow them down. He didn’t think it would help much, but it was better than nothing.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, setting the bottle aside.
“No problem.” The smile faded as Josh looked him over, a worried tilt to his lips. “You’ve had that headache all day.”
Adam shrugged, looking back down at the papers in front of them. He idly tried straightening them, trying to remember what he’d been working on. He couldn’t remember. He’d been zoning out since their co-workers had left an hour ago. The two of them were alone in the conference room, as they tended to be at the end of the days they shared together.
“Nothing I can do about it.”
“Do you know what’s causing it?”
Another shrug. “No doubt it’s stress.”
He risked a glance at Josh, saw the way his frown deepened. He turned a little more in his chair to face him. “Pack stress?” Josh asked warily.
Adam gave him a wry smile, one that paired bitterly with his tired eyes and dry amusement. “Is there any other kind these days?”
Josh reached out, running his fingers hesitantly over Adam’s arm. It was a subtle touch, but there was so much warmth in the gesture. Adam could smell an increase in his scent, the sweetness that oozed from him in a subconscious attempt to ease Adam’s pain and worry. What a sweet omega.
The worry on his face, however, only deepened. “I thought you said the meeting last night went fine?”
Adam sighed, straightening papers in an attempt to keep his hands busy. His eyes were unfocused, unable to read anything on the pages. He’d felt same throughout the day and hadn’t finished much of his work.
“The meeting was fine,” he said after a moment. “It’s what happened after that’s the problem...”
The meeting itself had been a huge affair and extremely stressful. He had organized a meeting with the Alpha of the New Moon Pack. They had met on neutral territory, with only a handful of close friends each, and under the watchful gaze of the fey. They had met on diplomatic terms, but the air had been tense from the moment they’d set eyes on each other. He had warned his pack mates to leave the talking to him, but that hadn’t stopped a few enraged comments from slipping out. Adam had silenced them quickly and stiffly, Alpha aura pouring out of him until the others backed down.
The meeting had been about Eddie’s death and the accusations surrounding the New Moon Pack. It was a heated subject, one that could turn his pack deadly at any insult or offense. The last thing he wanted was a pack war.
The other Alpha was accommodating but cold. They’d sat across from each other at a table in an underground club unfamiliar to them both. Their pack mates stood behind them, and the fey who owned the establishment prowled the shadows of the room, ready to intervene and punish anyone who broke the peace.
The werewolves had sized each other up from across the table, Alpha auras pulsing and nearly tangible, scents thick and choking. They had sat immovable, staring unblinking at each other, while their pack mates shifted restlessly behind them, anxious and angry.
Adam had questioned him about Eddie’s death, careful to keep his tone and questions from being accusatory. The glares from his pack mates did enough of that already.
The Alpha had answered matter-of-factly and openly. There was a sort of brutal honesty to his words, blunt and cold, uncaring. His gaze never flickered, nor did his posture ever change. He was a man who feared nothing, and a man who had nothing to hide.
He told them that Eddie had come to him that night. Their packs had been at a tentative stalemate for several years, a fragile truce that kept fights to minimal brawls along the edges of their territories. Eddie had asked for safe passage through their territory to meet with the New Moon Alpha, and it had been granted. He had been allowed two men to accompany him, but Eddie had gone alone. When asked, he’d said that it was a gesture of trust.
A foolish one, in Adam’s opinion. One that had no doubt gotten him killed.
The Alpha told them that Eddie had come preaching peace, offering a true truce instead of the weak one they had by happenstance. He’d wanted to put their feud aside for good. The offer had been received with mixed results, as to be expected. The Alpha had just said that he would think about it and talk it over with his pack.
Then Eddie had been dismissed and granted passage back to his own territory. The other Alpha claimed that was the last they had seen of him, and that he had given orders for Eddie to be left alone.
He’d calmly and coolly explained that he’d had no part in Eddie’s death. He’d offered his condolences with the air of someone who didn’t actually care.
Adam was very good at reading people. He prided himself on it. He was used to hanging in the background, observing others. And while his pack mates had different opinions, he knew in his gut that the Alpha was telling the truth.
It was what he was leaving out that concerned Adam.
They had left the meeting and gone their separate ways without a hitch. Not a drop of blood was spilled, and their tentative truce wasn’t broken. The tempers of his pack mates, however, were enraged. He‘d spent most of the night at the pack house, in a meeting with his pack’s council, arguing over what their next step should be. Through sheer force of will, he’d convinced them that the Alpha had been telling the truth. He had to concede the point, however, that the other pack might have still been hiding something.It had taken him all night to calm the tempers of his pack mates, and it had taken every ounce of his influence as Alpha to keep them from running over to the New Moon territory in a rage. He couldn’t, however, quench their taste for blood. They called for it, and he was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to leash them for long. He wasn’t as strong as Eddie, and his position as Alpha was tenuous at best.
In the heat of mourning, they had turned to anger, and in that anger, they had the power to defy his orders and start a war.
If he stood against them, he risked his own reign being toppled. But with him out of the way, there was no one to stop them from restarting the blood feud that had ended only recently and could rage for years or generations to come.
Eddie had wanted peace, yet his death had engendered the very thing he had tried to protect. And now Adam was left to pick up the pieces and find a way to put them back together.
Kites rise against the wind, not with it.
But not all kites were able to soar, and Adam was starting to doubt his ability to do so.
Josh turned to face him completely, face an odd mask of wary hesitance. “What happened after?”
Adam sighed, leaning back in his chair and running his fingers through his hair before letting his arms fall to the sides, hanging off the arm of his chair. He tilted his head back, eyes on the ceiling without quite seeing it. “We had a pack meeting after. My pack... They want blood. And I understand why they want blood. They’re grieving, and they’re certain that the New Moon Pack is to blame.”
“Didn’t the Alpha say he didn’t have anything to do with it?” Josh asked, tone carefully neutral. It was odd, coming from him, when he was usually so open.
“He said that, yes. But just because he didn’t give the order doesn’t mean he’s not hiding those who acted on their own. And that makes him just as guilty.”
“Do you really
believe that’s the case?”
“It doesn’t matter what I believe. It’s what my pack believes. They think the New Moon Pack is to blame, whether the order came from the Alpha or not, and they’re demanding blood. I’m... I’m afraid they won’t let it go and won’t calm down until they get it.”
“Adam, you can’t—”
“I’m not saying start a war,” he said quickly, snapping more than he meant to. “I want peace just as much as Eddie did. I don’t want my pack to deal with that. I don’t want the kids to have to deal with that. But if I don’t appease them somehow, they’ll fight me at every turn. And one day, they’ll overthrow me. If that happens, no one will be there to hold them back. At least while I’m in charge, I can moderate what happens. I can keep it minimal.” He paused, feeling a shudder run through him, feeling it heavy in his limbs and tighten in his chest. He added softly, “I hope.”
He wanted nothing more than to move past this, but he knew his pack wouldn’t let it go. The hurt and grief ran too deep. Eddie’s closest friends were at the heart of it, along with Millie, pushing and prodding him to take action. Millie hadn’t let up. If anything, she had gotten worse.
“Adam, you can’t—“
He blinked, the tension in Josh’s voice surprising him. He turned to look at the omega, finding him sitting with his fists clenched tight, jaw working soundlessly. There was a tightness in his features, even as his green eyes glistened with unshed, frustrated tears.
“Josh—”
“Adam, no!” Josh snapped, and Adam’s mouth shut tight in surprise. He’d never heard such a venomous tone from the omega before. “You can’t! You can’t let them—push you into starting a war!”
Adam was bristling with the insinuation that he was being weak. He straightened a little, turning his chair to face him. “I’m not letting them push me, Josh,” he said, voice slow and careful. There was a warning there, a subtle one, but Josh chose to ignore it.
“You are! You’re letting them push you into making bad decisions.” His voice was getting higher in pitch, wavering slightly.
“I’m not letting them make decisions for me, but at this point I have no choice! We have to reach a compromise. Otherwise, I’ll lose my position as Alpha.” He tried to remain calm and reasonable, but his inner Alpha was growling, offended, rising to the conflict.
“Use your position as Alpha to force them to bend to your will!”
“It’s not that easy!” he snapped. He shifted in his chair, rising a little taller, lifting his chin, eyes narrowing down his nose as he glared. “My position is still new. People don’t bend to me that easily yet.”
“Then make them!”
“Josh—“
“You promised you would make the pack safe for me.”
That was like a slap to the face. He felt the physical sting of it and recoiled in his chair as his eyes widened, incredulous. He gaped at Josh, watched as Josh let his own words sink in. He watched the hurt roll over him, watched as his anger started to crack, then watched as he tightened his resolve. He met Adam’s gaze steadily, eyes narrowed into a glare and lips pursed into a pout. He wasn’t backing down, and it made heat flare in Adam’s gut, but it wasn’t the familiar content warmth he was used to feeling around Josh.
“I am making it safe for you,” he said, voice cold and words sharp. “I’m making it safe for everyone. A pack with an internal war is unstable. I’m just trying to make everyone happy.”
“A war with another pack isn’t any safer.”
“I’m not letting them start a war!” His voice was rising, nearing on a shout, and he was suddenly extremely thankful that these rooms were mostly soundproof and that it was late enough that most people had left the office.
“You say that, but all I see is you bending over for your pack to do what they want.”
“What? You mean like you do?”
There was a lot of emotion in Josh’s voice, a lot of hurt and worry and panic and other things that Adam wasn’t in the right mindset to name. On some level, he could tell that the omega was lashing out from a place of worry, of caring. But it came across in a way that was hurting Adam, and that was making his wolf rise up in defence, to strike out against the attacker. That last barb had stung, hitting right where Adam was weakest, where his own worries hid. His eyes narrowed, and he had scoffed, reacting without thinking.
Josh lifted his chin, green eyes fiery. “And what’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, voice quiet and cold, calm and still with a warning laced through it.
A warning that Adam didn’t heed because Josh was the one who had started it, and Adam’s Alpha instincts weren’t letting him back down. He huffed, gesturing to the laptop and pile of papers in front of Josh. “I mean that. All of that. You bend over the second anyone asks anything of you! Have you ever stood up for yourself?”
The fire in Josh’s eyes turned cold, green irises like ice, reflective and unseeing. He blinked, entire body still. Adam felt the trickle of dread down his spine, but he didn’t back down, didn’t take the words back despite the voice in his mind that screamed that he needed to. Josh had started it. Josh had insulted him and his pride first.
“I’m just trying to help.” Josh said, voice calm and oddly flat. Adam had never heard that tone from him before, never seen his face in such an emotionless mask. But as he stared at him, he didn’t see any sign of his kind, warm omega. He only saw a statue.
“I don’t need your advice,” he bit out. He didn’t mean for it to sound so snappy, but he’d been under a lot of stress, he’d barely gotten any sleep, and his head was still pounding. “You’re not an Alpha, Josh. You wouldn’t understand.”
“You’re right,” he said, though Adam felt no satisfaction in hearing those words. “I’m not.” He stood, a sudden motion that had Adam jarring.
He blinked as Josh gathered up his papers and shoved them into folders before putting them away in his bag. “What are you—”
“You’ve made it clear that you don’t need me.” He didn’t sound upset, he didn’t shout, his voice didn’t waver. He just sounded empty and cold, and it shook Adam to his core, cracking through his own walls and dousing the self-righteous fire burning within him.
“Josh, I—”
“Adam,” Josh snapped, closing his laptop roughly and putting his hands on the table. He bowed his head, and Adam could hear the angry breaths whistling through his nose. When he lifted his gaze, his eyes were hard. “You’ve made it clear that you don’t want or need my advice.” He shoved his laptop into his bag and tossed the strap over his shoulder, pushing away from the chair. “I hope you figure it out on your own.”
Without so much as a goodbye, he swept out the door, strides quick and heavy. He turned his face away from Adam as he left but not before Adam saw the glistening tears in those dark green eyes.
Adam sat there, collapsed and limp in his chair, staring blankly at the open door to the conference room. He didn’t call out to him. He didn’t try to stop him. His mind was reeling, and his head was pounding. Deep in his chest, his heart ached.
_________________________
His headache was still there, pounding beneath his temples and crawling beneath his skin. He could feel the tension in his neck and shoulders, and he knew it wasn’t helping, but he couldn’t get himself to relax. Josh’s words echoed in his mind, the look on his face haunting him whenever he bothered to close his eyes. He tapped on the glass in his hand, irritated and frustrated, before he threw it back and downed the rest. He slammed the glass on the counter and signaled for another.
“Going a little hard tonight, are we?” a familiar voice said, high and light, teasing but with an edge that he doubted she was ever without. Millie sidled up next to him, close enough that he could feel her body heat but not enough to touch.
“I’m not in the mood, Millie,” he growled.
She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I can see that, but you came out in public with your pack, so you don’t have much of a ch
oice but to socialize.”
He grunted his response, lifting the glass that was set in front of him and sipping his whiskey. It burned, but not even that could distract from the pulsing in his head.
Why was he even here? He wasn’t sure anymore. It had seemed like a simple decision to make. Josh had left him reeling, angry, and lonely. He had gone home only to find that most of his friends were gone or busy, and more importantly, that he didn’t want to bother those who were free. So he went to the club with his pack, thinking that perhaps the company of his people could fill the hole in his chest.
Turned out, it didn’t help. If anything, it had made things worse. Now he not only had to pretend like nothing was wrong in front of his pack, but he had to socialize and pretend to be strong when it felt like everything was crumbling beneath him.
Not to mention certain members of his pack were still angry, riding their energy from the previous night. They didn’t ask him about his decision regarding the New Moon Pack, but he could feel it heavily weighing on their minds. He could see it in the way they looked at him and in the tension in their shoulders. He could see it in the way their gazes tracked him around the room, and in the way their scents were bitter.
He ignored them all and put on a cheerful face, never once letting his guard down and keeping his aura strong and resolute. None of it made him relax and nothing about the experience was in the least comforting.
Then there was the loud music and the drinking. Neither of those were doing his headache and heartache any favors.
“What’s got your hackles rising?” She asked, words clipped and losing their teasing edge.
He turned, leaning back against the bar and surveying the room. None of his friends were present, and as he was quickly realizing, he couldn’t talk to anyone. He didn’t trust anyone here to be his confidant about his Alpha problems, and he definitely didn’t trust anyone here about his problems with Josh.