by Noah Harris
Coming here had been a mistake. He felt more alone than ever.
“Headache,” he said, sipping his whiskey.
One shapely eyebrow rose as she looked pointedly at his glass. “And I’m sure liquor helps with that.”
He shrugged. “It can’t hurt.”
“Is it the meeting last night that’s bothering you?”
“Millie,” he said through gritted teeth. “I don’t want to talk about that.”
“It needs to be discussed, Adam. We need to figure out what to do about the New Moon—”
“Millie,” he snapped, turning his glare to her, Alpha aura flaring. She closed her mouth, but her glare was piercing. “I said, I’m not talking about it tonight.”
She looked him over, slow and calculating, eyes peeling him back layer by layer. He knew she couldn’t read minds, but it sure as hell felt like it while he was under that scrutinizing gaze. She made a show of sliding her gaze over him, top to bottom and back again. When her eyes locked on his, they were hard and old, intelligence sparking behind them, hiding her thoughts.
“Then what are you doing here, Adam?” she asked, voice low and even, giving nothing away, but hard like a challenge.
He didn’t have time to rise to her bait. He was too tired to play her games. He could smell her scent, strong and wild, fighting him at every turn as she tended to do, and he was simply not in the mood to deal with her.
“You know what, Millie?” he said, downing the rest of his drink and setting it on the bar top before stepping away. “I don’t actually know.”
“Adam!” she called after him as he walked away, weaving through the crowd on autopilot as he made his way to the door. “Where are you going?”
He pretended not to hear because he didn’t have an answer. He wasn’t sure where he was going. He only know he needed to go.
_________________________
He found himself at a human bar.
It was just as loud, a live band playing somewhere in the corner, conversation weaving loud around him. The whiskey was more expensive but tasted cheap without that special pleasant edge that fey gave their drinks. It burned more, but he didn’t mind. Not with the mindset he was in. Human scents were everywhere, hot and heady, smelling of salt and sweat and far too much cologne and perfume. If he didn’t already have a headache, he might have gotten one just by spending time here.
Still, there was one thing the human bar had over the underground club: no werewolves. His pack wasn’t there. Just humans. No overpowering alpha scents, hard and steely, leather and smoke, fueled and made strong by their rage. No alpha auras, pushing on him, nudging him, trying to bend his will, trying to get him to break.
He hadn’t realized how suffocating being around his pack had been until he was free of them and other wolves altogether.
It didn’t help his headache, but at least he was able to relax just a little more.
“So...” Rob said, idly swiveling back and forth on his barstool. The Alpha kept his eyes on the tabletop in front of him. They sat at a high table away from the main crowd. Neither of them had said much since settling down. “You gonna tell me why you called me out tonight, or we just gonna chill in silence?”
Adam shrugged, finger tapping on his glass. He avoided looking at the other man and let his gaze roam the room instead. “Do I need a reason to hand out with a friend?”
“We’ve never hung out outside of work before,” Rob said, gesturing at him with the neck of his beer bottle.
“First time for everything,” Adam said offhandedly.
“Adam.” Rob’s voice was kind but hard. It all but forced Adam to look at him. He had a smile on his lips, small and amused, but his eyes were worried and serious, leaving no room for argument. “We may not hang out outside of work, but I know you. I’ve known you for years, and I like to think we’re pretty close. You wouldn’t have called me out like this unless there was something seriously bothering you.”
Adam looked down, unable to hold his gaze, feeling the warmth of their friendship twisting in his chest. “I just...” He hated how small he sounded. “I just didn’t want to be alone.”
Rob sighed, setting his bottle down with a sense of finality. “Alright. What’s got you down?”
“It’s nothing—”
“Bullshit.” Adam snapped his gaze up and found Rob staring at him hard, smile gone in favor of a stern frown. He pointed at Adam. “I’ve never seen you like this. Even when you’re down, you’re not this far down. Something happened. Probably several somethings. Now tell me I’m wrong.”
“You’re not...”
“Family?” he guessed.
Adam gave a stiff nod. “That’s part of it, I suppose. Just family drama that has me on edge. But that’s not...” He sighed, uncertain how to tell him anything without giving away secrets. He ran a hand through his hair in his frustration.
Rob put his elbows on the table, lacing his fingers together as he looked Adam over, eyes critical and observant. “Alright,” he said after a moment. “I’m gonna guess, and you’re gonna tell me if I’m close, okay?”
Adam nodded. Sure. Why not?
“I’m guessing you’ve been stressed. By work or family, I’m not sure. But you haven’t been yourself at work lately, either. You’ve seemed... distant? Anxious? Restless. I’m guessing that built up, and you ended up getting into an argument with Josh, and that’s what’s got you lookin’ like a mess.”
Adam gaped at him, eyes wide and mouth open. “How—how the hell—?”
Rob cocked an amused smirk, taking a long sip of his beer. “Well, it’s pretty easy, really. You’re an item with Josh—”
Adam choked, coughing and pounding a fist to his chest as he bent over the table.
Rob reached over, patting his shoulder and smiling comfortingly. “Am I wrong?”
Adam cleared his throat, looking away. “No...”
“Yeah, it’s pretty obvious with how you two look at each other—no, don’t worry. I don’t think most people pay attention. Like I said before, I know you, Adam. I can tell when you’re head over heels. Now as I was saying, you’re with Josh. My guess is that he’s your first confidant for when you’re feeling like shit. So the fact that you called me out and not him tells me that you’re probably not on good terms right now. And from the looks of you, you’re moping about it.”
“I’m not moping...” he grumbled.
“And I’m guessing that your family would be the next line of comfort, but you’re not with them either. Plus, you just said you’ve been stressed around them lately, so I’m guessing they’re not really the best comfort right now. And the members you are close with, I’m guessing your moping ass doesn’t want to bother them. That, or they don’t know that you and Josh are together...” He made a hum of confirmation when he noticed Adam’s wince. “Yeah, thought so.”
Adam sighed, collapsing onto the table top, idly pushing his glass around and wiping the condensation across the polished wood. “Sorry for dragging you out like this, Rob. I know none of this concerns you, and you don’t need to deal with my problems.”
Rob shrugged. “It’s what friends are for. So what happened between you and Josh?” Adam gave him a look, and Rob shrugged. “It’s obvious you wanna talk about it.”
Adam sighed. “Nothing. Just a stupid argument. It doesn’t... It doesn’t even mean anything. I just was frustrated and snapped at him, and I couldn’t back down. My pride wouldn’t let me.” His fists clenched, teeth grinding. His Alpha wouldn’t let him. His wolf refused to back down, and now he might have ruined things.
“Were you in the wrong?”
“I...” Was he? He was certain he was to some degree, but... “I think we both were. We both said things I’m pretty sure we didn’t mean. I know I didn’t mean them. Not in the way they came out.”
“Do you regret it?”
His face twisted. What kind of question was that? “Of course I do.”
“Then what are you doing he
re?”
“What—?”
He reached out and clinked his bottle against Adam’s glass. His smile was kind. “I said, what’re you still doing here?”
“Rob, I don’t—“
“If you regret it, and it’s clear you’ve cooled down, and you’re obviously moping about this, you should go apologize before it gets worse.”
He opened his mouth, then closed it, brows furrowing. He did want to apologize. He really did. His pride hurt to consider it, but he knew he had to. Josh deserved an apology. Just because Josh had hurt him didn’t mean Adam had to hurt Josh. The image of the omega’s unshed tears, the sheer hurt in his expression as he’d turned away, they both weighed on him. His chest tightened, heart aching. He didn’t want Josh to feel like that. Ever. Especially not because of him.
“But I...” He glanced up at Rob, feeling foolish and for all the world like a kicked puppy. “I just dragged you out here.”
Rob chuckled. “And it’s clear you’d rather be with him. Right?”
Adam cracked a smile. “Right.”
“So go be with him.”
“You don’t mind?”
He waved him off. “Nah, I’ll just enjoy the music and head home. Thanks for getting me out of the house. We should do this for real sometime. You can bring Josh along.”
His smile widened into something more genuine. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
“And hey, if you feel bad enough about it, you can pick me up coffee for the rest of the week.”
Adam chuckled, pushing himself off the stool and standing. “You got it.”
“Sweet.”
Adam downed the rest of his drink and stepped around the table to put a hand on Rob’s shoulder. “And Rob,” he said, voice low and soft and vulnerable in his honesty. “Thanks.”
Rob smiled, patting his hand. “No problem, dude. Now, go get ‘im.”
Adam smiled, wry and amused. “He’s going to beat the shit out of me.”
“You’d probably deserve it.”
“Probably. As long as he forgives me afterward, I’ll be fine.”
“That’s so gay.”
Adam punched his arm, and Rob laughed.
_________________________
It was raining again. It was raining a lot lately. Spring showers and all that. It wasn’t a heavy rain, but it was nothing to scoff at. He walked from the bar to Josh’s place, feet dragging along the concrete sidewalks and trudging through puddles. He hadn’t been to Josh’s place a lot. In fact, he’d only been here once or twice. They usually hung out at Adam’s place. Still, he knew the way by heart and let his feet walk there while his mind drifted.
It was nearly an hour later when he found himself outside the building. He was soaked to the bone, clothes heavy and clinging as they weighed him down. His hair was plastered to the sides of his face and his neck, slicked back from his forehead.
Josh’s apartment complex was near the New Moon Pack’s territory. Far too close for comfort, actually, and far too close to be safe for Adam, especially after Eddie’s death. He didn’t care. He didn’t think about it. He didn’t even scan the area. All he cared about was getting to Josh.
He was tired and weary. Everything ached. His mind was both a flurry of thoughts and at the same time eerily still. His head still pounded. His body shook from the wet and cold and fear. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, immovable in the rain, simply staring up at Josh’s building, at the lit windows in his apartment.
He was scared, and he realized it now. He was scared that Josh wouldn’t forgive him. Maybe Josh had come to the conclusion that he didn’t want to be with Adam if it meant joining his pack. Adam wasn’t under the illusion that their relationship was perfect, and he knew that it was natural to disagree and argue, but that didn’t stop him from fearing the worst. Their relationship was based on powerful attraction but veiled in secrets and circumstances that were well out of their control.
He saw a shadow move across Josh’s window, saw the omega walk through his living room. A low whine sounded in Adam’s throat, and a powerful need to be close to Josh shook through his core.
Then his feet were moving, carrying him to the door. He felt numb and vulnerable, and it was an odd sensation to no longer feel rain sliding off his skin. With a hand that shook far too much for comfort, he raised a fist and knocked. Once. Twice. Three times. Then he stepped back, and he waited, steeling his heart and holding his breath.
When the door opened, he was pretty sure his heart stopped, his breath audibly hitching in his throat. Josh stood there in sweatpants and an old sweater that hung off his shoulder. It was nothing fancy and nothing special, but he looked beautiful. Small and fragile, but with a strength and kindness that Adam admired. He gazed up at Adam with wide, green eyes, framed by long, light lashes. His lips, so soft and plump and tempting, were parted slightly as he gaped.
“A-Adam?” he breathed, and Adam was certain he wouldn’t have heard his voice if he’d been human. Josh’s eyes looked red rimmed and puffy, just a little too glassy.
His smile was barely a tremble at the corner of his lips. “Hey,” he said, proud when his voice didn’t waver, though his chest still felt tight and his throat felt like he was being strangled.
“What... What are you doing here?” Josh asked, hesitant. He glanced around, as if expecting others to be there. He sounded confused, but confused was better than angry, right?
“I... I wanted to apologize,” he said, voice cracking. He paused to clear his throat, standing up a little straighter and meeting Josh’s gaze. His pride as an Alpha was a hard pill to swallow, but he found it dissolving under the gaze of this omega, his omega, and his resolve strengthening. “I owe you an apology. I didn’t mean... I didn’t mean the things I said. I do value your advice, and I understand what you were trying to tell me. I was just... I was frustrated, and I took it out on you, and I’m—”
His words choked off as his throat closed. Josh’s eyes were wet, gleaming with unshed tears, his bottom lip quivering where he bit it. “Oh, Adam...” he whispered, voice shaking.
Then he was rushing forward, practically falling across the distance between them to stumble into Adam’s chest. Adam wrapped his arms around him automatically, holding him tight and burying his face in the omega’s hair as Josh buried his face in Adam’s soaked shirt front. He could feel the other man’s shuddering breaths.
“I’m sorry, too.” he said, voice small and shaking but coming out with a strength and determination that shone through his vulnerability. “I didn’t mean it. I think you’re a great Alpha, Adam, and I know you’re doing all you can. I’m just worried, and I—I—”
Hearing the tears in his voice, Adam cut him off, running his fingers through Josh’s hair to soothe him. “Shh, shh, it’s alright. I understand. It’s okay.”
“Adam, there’s more—I—” His voice choked off, body shuddering. Adam waited, caressing his hair and indulging in the softness of it. He felt Josh swallow, felt him stiffen against Adam’s. Josh breathed in deep and let his words out in a rush. “I’m a member of the New Moon Pack.”
Adam froze. Seconds ticked by. He leaned back, looking down as his eyes roamed Josh’s face. Josh met Adam’s gaze, expression set firmly, lips pursed. He silently dared Adam to say something. He looked like he was bracing himself for it. Adam couldn’t think of anything to say. He was too busy trying to fit this new information into the picture of Josh he had already built.
“I’m—I don’t plan on staying—What I mean to say is…” he was stammering now, confidence wavering and waning with Adam’s silence. “I’m not loyal to them. I’ve been with them for a couple years, but I’m not attached. Adam, I don’t like the feud. I don’t agree with what they’ve done—Adam, please, I choose you.” There were tears in his eyes now, slipping down over his long lashes to run down his cheeks. “I don’t care about them. I just want you.”
It was then that Adam realized that it didn’t matter how he fit this new piece of i
nformation into the picture that was Josh. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. It was shocking and surprising, but it didn’t change how he felt about Josh. It didn’t change how much he wanted him. He still wanted Josh to join his pack. He still trusted him because he knew him. He knew Josh.
New Moon Pack or not, Josh was still Josh.
His Josh.
His boyfriend.
His lover.
His mate.
It didn’t matter because soon Josh would leave them, anyway, and join Adam. None of it mattered as long as they were happy.
He didn’t have the words to say anything, and he didn’t think he could find his voice. Instead, he wrapped Josh up in his arms again and pulled him in close. Leaning down, he buried his face in Josh’s hair. He let him know with gestures and physical comfort that it was okay. Everything would be okay.
He didn’t know how long they stood like that in Josh’s doorway, clinging to each other. He closed his eyes, content to narrow his existence down to where their bodies touched, the heat of the other man, and his intoxicating omega scent. He felt a burn in his eyes, a prickling at the corners. They held each other tight, and they didn’t pull away until Adam sniffed loud enough for Josh to hear it.
He stepped back, chin lifting and red rimmed, wet eyes searching Adam’s face. When Adam opened his eyes to meet the gaze he could feel on his skin, the first tears fell.
“I’m sorry,” Adam repeated, unable to stop himself. “I’m sorry, I’m—”
“Shh,” Josh said, voice calm and soothing. He lifted a hand to Adam’s face, pressing fingers gently to his lips. His own curved into a small, watery smile. He dropped his arm to grasp Adam’s hand, moving back into the apartment so Adam was forced to follow or risk losing contact. “You’re soaked and freezing. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”