The Ne'er-Do-Well

by Rex Beach

  XVIII

  THE SIEGE OF MARIA TORRES

  The faithful Allan was not long in fulfilling his mission. Suchdevotion as his, it seemed, could hardly fail, and, if there had been ahundred Chiquitas, doubtless he would have corralled them all. Heconveyed the impression that, if it had been necessary to journeybeyond the grave and bring back the ghost of some dead-and-goneChiquita, he would have gloriously succeeded. One morning, a few dayslater, he appeared to Kirk, bursting with importance and news.

  "Well, sar! I have discovered your female," he announced, pompously.

  "No? What's her name? Who is she?"

  "Her is named Maria Torres, sar, and resides in the small 'ouse youh'observed upon the 'ill."

  "Did you SEE her?" Anthony could hardly believe his ears.

  "Oh yes, very h'extensively."

  "What does she look like? Is she dark?"

  "Very dark, sar."

  "And small?"

  "Not too small," opined Allan.

  "Of course, just right. And her eyes, like--like--"

  "H'ink! Spots of h'ink. Oh, it is she, Master h'Auntony."

  "Jove! I believe it is! You're an ace, Allan. You're my ace of spades."Out of pure joy he began to pummel him playfully. "Why don't yourejoice? Lift up your voice and sing. Maria Torres! It's a heavenlyname--Why don't you make a joyful noise?"

  Allan voiced a feeble hurrah.

  "It was only by chawnce that I h'encountered her, boss, for she isresiding in the city. I h'ascertained all those facts--"

  "Good! Find the street and number, quick! I'm going a-wooing! Say! Whenthese Spaniards court a girl they hang around her window and roll theireyes, don't they? Me for that! I'll haunt the Torres neighborhood untilshe shows herself, or die in the attempt. I'll play their game. I'llget a guitar, I'll--Oh, from this moment I'm a Spaniard of theSpaniards. I'm the incarnation of ten thousand fiery cavaliers. I'llstand in front of her house until she sends me a chair. Maria Tor--Whatthe deuce are you loafing for? Get a move on; hustle those kidney feetof yours. Don't come back until you have located her; for to-night--ah,blessed night! My life's romance begins in earnest. GET OUT!"

  Allan fled while Kirk proceeded to dream over his breakfast of baconand cold-storage eggs.

  He was beaming when he appeared at the office. He sang, he whistled, heperformed his duties with a joyous uproar that interfered seriouslywith all around him and set the whole place in confusion. Nor did hisspirits lessen when, later in the day, Allan informed him that theresidence of Senor Luis Torres, whom the gods had selected as father tothe delectable Maria, was at number 89 Avenida Norte.

  Anthony did not taste his dinner that evening. As darkness settled heplanted himself conspicuously on the corner opposite No. 89 and beganto study the premises.

  It was a trifle disappointing to note that Chiquita lived in such poorstyle; the place was not at all impressive. The first floor of thebuilding was given over to a Chinese bazaar, and the upper story seemedneither extremely clean nor at all modern. But, although this clashed abit with his preconceived ideas, he knew that many of the nicestPanamanian families lived in modest quarters.

  His natural impulse was to apply boldly at the door, but he had learnedsomething of local customs, and he determined to give no possibleground for offence. After she had recognized him and seen hiswillingness to follow the habit of her Spanish suitors, it would befeasible, perhaps, to adopt a more Americanized method. Meanwhile, hemust run no risk of antagonizing her people.

  In the Central American scheme of courtship patience plays a largepart. It is the young man's practice to martyr himself until the sightof him becomes such a reproach that the family must perforce expressits sympathy. Although this procedure struck Anthony as ludicrous inthe extreme, its novelty was not without charm, and he had livedthrough such a period of torturing uncertainty that the mere fact ofthe girl's presence was compensation enough for his pains.

  For an hour he stood motionless, staring at the upper windows of No.89. Then his feet began to hurt, and he paraded slowly back and forth"playing the bear," as he had heard it termed. Another hour passed, andhe discovered that, if his presence had not been marked by the membersof the Torres household, it was at least exciting comment elsewhere inthe neighborhood. Faces appeared at near-by windows; he heard sounds ofmuffled merriment which made him uncomfortable; passers-by smiled athim and dropped encouraging remarks which he could not translate. Thelittle policeman, lounging at the next corner, watched him complacentlyand agreed with his neighbors that the Americano was undoubtedly afine-appearing lover.

  Kirk took his stand at last beneath a street light and gazedlanguorously upon the windows opposite until his eyes ached as well ashis feet. At last a curtain parted, and he saw the flash of a whitedress back of it. His heart leaped; he raised his hat; there was atitter from beyond the iron grating. Presently another figure was dimlyrevealed. The watcher held his position stubbornly until the last lightin the Torres house winked out, then limped homeward, warmed by theglad conviction that at least he had been recognized.

  Promptly at seven o'clock on the following evening he returned to hispost, and before he had been there five minutes knew that his presencewas noticed. This was encouraging, so he focused his mental powers inan effort to communicate telepathically with the object of his desires.But she seemed unattuned, and coyly refrained from showing her face. Heundertook to loiter gracefully, knowing himself to be the target ofmany eyes, but found it extremely hard to refrain from sitting on thecurb, a manifestly unromantic attitude for a love-lorn swain. He sworegrimly that, if usage required a suitor to make an exhibition ofhimself before the entire neighborhood, he would do the job thoroughly.It did not cheer him to reflect that the girl had a keen sense of humorand must be laughing at him, yet he determined to put in a week at thisidiotic love-making before he attempted anything else. Later in theevening he was rewarded by the glimpse of a handkerchief cautiouslywaved, and he was delirious with joy as he hobbled homeward.

  Night after night he spent assiduously studying the cracks andblemishes in the stucco walls of No. 89 Avenida Norte, encouraged bythe occasional flutter of a hand or a soulful sigh from behind the lacescreen at the third window from the corner. But when Sunday came he wasin no mood to continue this roundabout and embarrassing mode ofcourtship longer. He made an early start from his quarters, takingAllan with him.

  "I'll catch her going to mass," he explained, hopefully. "I've just gotto put an end to this performance."

  "Will you h'accost her h'openly?" inquired Allan.

  "You bet! If she runs away you trip her up. Oh, it's great to be inlove!"

  "Without doubt, sar."

  "She's a corker, isn't she?"

  "I do not know as to that," Allan demurred. "What may be a carker?"

  "I mean she's beautiful."

  "Oh, h'indeed so! And her h'eyes--like h'ink spots, as you say."

  "Was she wearing a denim dress when you saw her?"

  "Yes, yes," eagerly agreed the negro. "Oh, there is no mistake. It wasa red dress."

  "No, it wasn't. It was blue."

  "H'exactly, sar--a sort of reddish blue."

  "And she was--petite?"

  "Rather more dark, I should say."

  "I mean she was small."

  "Oh, it is the same female. It is h'exciting, is it not?"

  Kirk acknowledged that it was exciting, for, now that he had a full dayin which to besiege No. 89, he felt certain of gaining a word at leastwith his inamorata. He was in good time, it seemed, for hardly had hetaken his customary station before the Cathedral bells awoke theslumberous echoes of the city.

  "Praise God, she will be coming soon!" Allan exclaimed. "I shallh'expire from fright. Look! There! THERE!"

  Down the wide stairs leading from the living-rooms of Senor Torres cametwo women, and the negro danced in excitement. As they emerged upon thesidewalk the younger one flashed a glance at the men opposite, and Kirksaw that she was a mulatto--evidently a housemaid. His eage
r eyes flewback to the entrance. Allan hissed at him:

  "Yonder goes! Quick, or you will be losing she."

  "Where?"

  "There! The young female in w'ite. It is h'indeed the Senorita Torres."

  "THAT!" Anthony stared at the girl amazedly as she cast him a secondand more coquettish flash of her black eyes. "Why, damn it, that--why,she's a--NIGGER!"

  "No, no!" shrilly expostulated the Jamaican. "It is she. H'alas! Theyhave turned the corner."

  Kirk wheeled upon his detective in overwhelming disgust. "You idiot!"he breathed. "That girl is a 'dinge.' So, SHE'S the one I've been--Oh,it's unspeakable! Let's get away from here."

  "You h'informed me in particular that she is dark," protested Allan.

  "Come on!" Kirk dragged his companion away as fast as he could. Histhoughts were too deep for tears. As soon as his emotion permittedcoherent speech, he launched into a tirade so eloquent and picturesquethat Allan was reduced to a state of wondering awe. Pausing at lengthin his harangue, he turned smouldering eyes upon the black boy.

  "I ought to punch you right in the nose," he said, with mournfulcalmness. "Let me feel your head." Allan obediently doffed his cap, andKirk rapped the woolly cranium with his knuckle. "Do you feel that? Isthere any sensation?"

  "Yes, sar! Shortly I shall suffer a swelling." Allan stroked the spottenderly.

  "It's all imagination; there's no feeling to solid bone. You've got anivory 'nut,' my friend, just like a cane."

  "Ivory-nuts grow upon trees, sar, in the Darien region."

  Anthony regarded him sourly. "The Brunswick-Balke people never turnedout anything half so round and half so hard. That burr of yours is acurio. I told you Chiquita was small and beautiful and dainty and--Oh,what's the use! This dame is a truck-horse. She's the color of asaddle."

  "Oh, she is not too dark, sar." Allan came loyally to the defence ofMiss Torres. "Some of the finest people in Panama is blacker than that.There is but few who are h'all w'ite."

  "Well, SHE'S all white, and I want you to find her to-day--TO-DAY,understand? You gallop out to the Savannas and make some inquiries." Heshook his fist in Allan's face. "If you don't learn something thistrip, I'll have your lignum-vitae cranium in a bowling-alley by dark.Lord! If I only spoke Spanish!"

  Allan reluctantly departed, and Kirk went back to his quarters in highdispleasure. It seemed as if the affair had actually left a bad tastein his mouth. He could not compose his features into anything like adecently amiable expression, but went about with a bitter smile uponhis lips. Every time some new aspect of his grotesque and humiliatingmistake occurred to him he suffered a nervous twinge. That afternoon acard was brought to him bearing the ornate inscription in a beautifulSpencerian hand:

  PROFESSOR JESUS HERARA THE HERARA COLLEGE OF BUSINESS

  Reconciling himself as best he could to the prospect of an interviewwith some importunate stranger, he grudgingly consented to have thevisitor brought in. Professor Herara was not alone. He was accompaniedby a very short, very fat man, whose smooth skin had the rich, darkcoloring of a nice, oily Cuban cigar.

  "Senor Anthony, it is?" inquired the Professor, bowing ceremoniously.

  "That's my name."

  "It is my privilege to consult you upon a business of importance."

  "I'm afraid you have the wrong party. I don't care to learn shorthand."

  "Ah, no, it is not concerning my academy. Allow me to present SenorLuis Torres."

  Kirk felt the room begin to revolve slowly.

  "My friend does not possess a card at the moment, eh?" continued theProfessor.

  The little, rotund man bowed, his hand-polished, mahogany featureswidening in a smile.

  "'Sveree hot wedder!" he exclaimed.

  "He begs one thousand pardons for not speaking of your language themore perfectly, and so he is request of me to be his interpreter."

  Something urged Kirk to flee while there was yet time, but the fatherof Maria Torres was between him and the door, and he could not bringhimself to push the little man out of the way. So he bade them both beseated in the only two chairs which the room contained, while he restedgingerly upon the edge of the bed. The new-comers let their eyes rollcuriously about the chamber, and an embarrassing silence descended.Senor Torres maintained a set smile designed to be agreeable; ProfessorHerara, serene in the possession of his linguistic acquirements,displayed the insouciance of an undertaker. Together they beamedbenignantly, almost patronizingly, upon the young man. Plainly theymeant to put him at his ease--but they failed. At length, afterclearing his throat impressively, the interpreter began again:

  "Of course, you have been expecting this visit, senor?"

  "N--not exactly."

  "My friend is deeply disappointed that he has not the honor of beforemeeting you."

  "I am flattered, but--"

  "Indeed, yes! Then you are perhaps acquainted with Senor Torres byreputation? You know who he is?" Professor Jesus Herara raised hisbrows and inclined his head like a polite school-teacher endeavoring toencourage a diffident pupil.

  "I regret that I do not."

  "He is one of our most estimable citizens. He is possess' not only ofthe magnificent residence at No. 89 Avenida Norte, but also of acomfortable abode at Las Savannas, and he has a large trade in spongesand hides. His place of business you will have noticed upon thewater-front, perhaps?"

  Kirk wiped his brow nervously and cursed Allan.

  "And now, as for you, senor?" The principal of the Herara College ofBusiness awaited an answer with unctuous deference. Evidentlyattributing the young man's silence to modesty, he went on, helpfully:"Senor Torres has instituted inquiries, and ascertained your excellentposition with the P. R. R., but he would know more, if soch is notdisagreeable to you."

  "Well--I--there isn't much to tell. It is my first job."

  This was quickly put into Spanish, whereupon Mr. Torres nodded withvigor, as if this information were indeed gratifying--nay, splendid.

  "It is agreeable to my friend to ascertain your industry, and I may sayyou are most highly spoke of at the railroad office. Therefore, SenorTorres affords you an invitation to call at his residence on Thursdayevening."

  "That's awfully--nice," gasped Anthony; "but--er--what's the idea?"

  "Ah!" The interpreter beamed; Mr. Torres beamed. They combined toradiate a gentle effulgence which was most disquieting. "It is indeedpleasing to encounter a gentleman so truly modest, so possessed ofdelicacy; but I may say that Senor Torres is look with favor upon yoursuit. Of course"--he checked Kirk's hasty words--"it is not completelysettle, by no means; the young lady is but partly won. However"--hewinked one black eye reassuringly--"as friend of the family I bid younot to permit discouragement and despair."

  Anthony broke out in desperation: "Hold on! Let me explain! There'sbeen an awful mistake."

  "Mistake?" The tone was blandly incredulous.

  "Yes. I'm not in love with Miss Torres."

  Professor Jesus Herara stared at the speaker as if his mastery of theEnglish language was, after all, incomplete. Torres, seeing that he wasmissing something, interpolated a smiling inquiry; then, as hisinterpreter made the situation clear, his honeyed smile froze, hissparkling eyes opened in bewilderment. He stared about the room again,as if doubting that he had come to the right place.

  "There's really a mistake," Kirk persisted. "I don't even know MissTorres."

  "Ah! Now I understand." The Professor was intensely relieved. "It isprecisely for that purpose we arrived. Bueno! You admire from adistance, is it not so? You are struck with the lady's beauty; yourheart is awakened. You are miserable. You pine away. You cannot findcourage to speak. It is admirable, senor. We understand fully, and I,who know, assure you of her many virtues."

  "No, it's nothing like that, either. I have no doubt Miss Torres isaltogether charming, but--I--there's just a mistake, that's all. I'mnot the least bit in love with her."

  "But, senor! Is it not you who have stood beneath her window nightly?Is it not you who
have laid siege to her these many days?" Thespeaker's eyes were glowing with anger as he turned to make his inquiryclear to the young lady's father.

  Mr. Torres began to swell ominously.

  "If you'll just let me explain. I'm in love with a young woman, trueenough, but it doesn't happen to be Miss Torres. I thought it was, butit isn't."

  There was another vibrant exchange of words between the Spaniards.

  "You were making sport, then, of my friend--"

  "No, no! It's another person altogether."

  "Who?"

  "I don't know her name."

  "WHAT?" Herara was about to burst forth when his friend nudged him andhe was obliged to put this amazing declaration into Spanish. SenorTorres breathed heavily and exploded an oath.

  "I met her in the country and made a mistake in the town houses," Kirkfloundered on. "I never knew till this morning that I was on the wrongtrail. It is all my fault. I thought the lady's name was Torres."

  "Eh? So you love one whom you do not know? Incredible!"

  "It does sound a little fishy."

  "And it is a grave affront to my friend. How will the senoritaunderstand?--she in whose breast is awakened already an answeringthrills?"

  "I'm mighty sorry. If you wish, I'll apologize in person to MissTorres."

  At this Herara cried out in horror; then, after a brief colloquy withthe father, he rose stiffly, saying: "I offer no words from my friend.For the present he does not believe, nor do I. Inquiries will beinstitute, of that be assured. If you have deceived--if your intentionswere not of the most honorable"--the head of the Herara BusinessCollege glared in a horrible manner--"you will have occasion to regretthose foolish jokes."

  Kirk tried to explain that his present regrets were ample for all time,but, bowing formally, the visitors withdrew, leaving him to revile anewthe name of Allan Allan.

  When the black boy returned, foot-sore but cheerful, his appearance wasthe signal for an outburst that left him disconsolate and bewildered.He apologized over and over for his little error, and tried toreinstate himself by announcing, with a confidence he was far fromfeeling, that this time he had identified the elusive Chiquita beyondthe peradventure of a doubt. This welcome intelligence did much to makeKirk forget his wrath.

  "What's her name?" he inquired, eagerly.

  "Fermina, sar."

  "Are you sure?"

  "H'entirely. But it will not h'avail to be courting of those ladies,Master h'Auntony."

  "Is there more than one?"

  "Two of they--sisters--very rich. They h'occupy the 'ouse h'adjoiningSenor Torres."

  Allan spoke in a hushed voice, and shook his head as if to show thehopelessness of aspiring to such aristocracy. Surely Kirk knew of theFerminas? Arcadio Fermina was the owner of the pearl-fishery concessionand a person of the highest social distinction. He was white, allwhite, there was no doubt on that score. Undoubtedly Chiquita wouldprove to be his daughter and a joint heiress to his fabulous fortune.But she was not the sort to be courted from the street, even Allan knewthat much; for, after all, such a procedure was followed only by themiddle classes, and in this instance would result in nothing less thandisaster.

  It sounded reasonable, and Kirk allowed himself to be half convinced.It was no later than the following day, however, that Runnels pointedout two young ladies who were driving past and informed him that theywere the Misses Fermina.

  "Their old man has made a fortune out of the Pearl Islands," heremarked. "They say those girls have the finest collection of pearls inCentral America."

  Kirk gazed after them eagerly, but it took no more than a glance toshow him that they were not even distantly related to the object of hissearch. Once more he set Allan upon the trail with instructions to findout who lived in the large house upon the hill--the one with thedriveway of royal palms--and not to return without the information. Butby now the Jamaican was beginning to weary of this running back andforth and to consider the quest a vain imagining. So, being wishful todream another lottery number, he brought back with him a fanciful taledesigned to quiet his employer and to assure himself ample leisure inthe future.

  "Master h'Auntony, your female is gone," he informed him, sadly.

  "Gone! Where?"

  "Somewhere--on a ship."

  "Are you sure?"

  "There is no doubt, sar. Her name is Garavel, and she h'occupies thebig 'ouse on the 'ill. I discovered those h'impartant facts from theBajan 'ooman."

  "Stephanie! You saw her? By Jove! Then you are right this time. Quick!tell me all you learned."

  Allan lied fluently, elaborately, and, finding his hero plunged intodespair, resigned himself gratefully to another period of blissfulidleness. This was much the simplest way, he decided; for even shouldKirk meet a Garavel or a Fermina, there was no chance of his winningher, and love, after all, is but a passing impulse which may besummoned or banished at will by such simple mediums as charms. The boydid go out of his way to ease his benefactor's malady by taking a lockof his own fuzzy wool and placing it beneath Kirk's mattress, aftercertain exorcisms.

  There followed a period of blank dejection. Kirk's firstdisappointment, when the girl had failed to keep her tryst, was asnothing compared to this, for now he felt that she was unattainable. Hedid not quite give up hope; so many strange experiences had befallenhim since his involuntary departure from New York that it all seemedlike a dream in which anything is possible. But he was deep in thedoldrums when, with magic suddenness, the scene changed, and his longdiscouragement came to an end.