Onyx: Truth

by J. S. Lee

  Things were that bad we had to stay in our rooms?

  I set my phone up and then sent a quick text to JongB: Can the four of us meet?

  Instead of a reply, I got a knock on the door. I hurried over to open it. JongB was there, phone in his hand. After a surreptitious glance both ways down the corridor, he stepped in. “Jiwon is sharing with MinMin, and Xiao is with Youngbin and CX. I text them both, but they’ve got to get away from the others.”

  My stomach churned at that.

  “You want to occupy ourselves while we wait?” JongB suggested, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

  “No,” I said, simply. With a sigh, I went to the minibar and crouched down in front of it before pulling out a bottle of Budweiser – not my first choice, but the only option available to me. “Want one?” I asked.

  “Not really,” JongB said, slowly. He watched me with narrowed eyes as I used the corner of the counter to pop the lid off and started drinking. “Kate, is everything OK?”

  “Just peachy,” I muttered. I kicked my shoes off then climbed onto the bed, crossing my legs beneath me. “Everything is just fucking sunshine and roses.”

  “What’s-?” A knock at the door cut him off and JongB looked at me. “If that’s anyone but Xiao or Jiwon, I probably shouldn’t open it.”

  I sucked in a deep breath, exhaling as I got off the bed. JongB disappeared into the room somewhere and I opened the door. It was Xiao. I stepped back to let him past. As soon as his hands settled on my hips, I shook my head. “JongB is already here.”

  Xiao gave me a puzzled look but let go and continued into the room. “What’s wrong?” he asked me.

  “That’s exactly what I was asking her when you arrived,” JongB said. He was on the other side of the bed.

  Xiao looked between the two of us, and then his eyes fell on my bottle. “OK then.” It was his turn to investigate the contents of my minibar, pulling out the small bottle of rum and a can of Coke, before mixing them together in one of the glass tumblers which had been provided.

  I was grateful for the distraction as I watched him. He didn’t strike me as a rum drinker. There were several options in there. Personally, I pegged him as a Jack Daniels man.

  There was another knock at the door before I could turn my thoughts to working out what would have been JongB’s choice. Strangely, I hadn’t seen any of them drink until today. That was the way this day was going.

  The knocker was Jiwon. He had kissed me before I could stop him, but I made the kiss short. “The others are here.” I didn’t wait for his acknowledgement, instead allowing him to follow as I returned down the short hallway to the main part of my room. Now that everyone was here, I got back onto my bed and crossed my legs under me once more.

  “You’re worrying us,” JongB said, sharing a look with the others. They nodded their agreement.

  “Then I will make this to the point,” I told them. “Whatever this is,” I gestured to the three of us. “It ends. Today. Right now.”

  제 19 장

  Let’s Talk About Love

  Jiwon stared at me with a blank expression, but before I could repeat myself, JongB was folding his arms. “Why?” he demanded. “What happened?”

  “We did,” I replied. “I did.”

  “Kate, that makes no sense,” JongB said.

  “I saw the articles. The reason those people were there at the airport was because of me.” At the look Xiao was giving me, I shook my head at him. “The whole conversation was taken out of context. I was trying to reassure CX. But I did say those words.”

  Xiao moved over to the bed and then climbed on, shuffling down until he was opposite me. “Even if you did say that, we don’t hold you responsible. We have been misquoted before too. It’s nothing new. It’s certainly not anything to warrant ending this.”

  “No,” I agreed. “Maybe not that alone, but I spoke to Youngbin. He told me the reason you couldn’t share the real reason Bohyun left was because he was in a relationship. Guys, if you can’t admit to that because you’re scared of how everyone will react, how do you really see this going?”

  “Kate,” Jiwon started, moving to the bed.

  “No,” I said again as he perched on the edge of it. “I don’t mean that I want this to go public. It’s not that I have an issue where I need us to be out in public with this, because what we get up to is up to us. We’re consenting adults… But, if this is how you all are reacting because one member had a girlfriend, what reaction are you expecting if the world ever finds out about us unintentionally? Me and one of you is going to be… but me and all of you?”

  “Where’s our say in this?” Jiwon demanded.

  JongB moved behind him, resting his hand on his shoulder. “I’m not sure this is one of those things we get a say in,” he told him, although he sounded thoroughly miserable.

  “Well, why not?” he pressed.

  Xiao gave him a sympathetic look and reached over to pat his knee. “You can’t force her to date us.”

  “Who said we have to force her?” Jiwon asked before looking at me.

  He started to ask me something, but whatever it was, his dialect was throwing me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t follow that.”

  “You’ve not given us a fair chance to find out if this works,” he told me. I could see him taking the time to say each word clearly and I appreciated that. “This decision isn’t because you don’t think we work, this is a decision you’ve made based on that dick, Bohyun. Who is a liar, for the record. Also, if this decision is about public perception, then surely that’s our decision?”

  JongB and Xiao shared a look. “You know, he has a point,” Xiao told me.

  I pulled a face. “The fact that you’re so calm about this is why I am making the decision for you. Guys, you could set the story straight yet you’re choosing not to because the guy had a girlfriend. How do you not see the problem?”

  “For fuck’s sake,” Jiwon exclaimed, in English. “It’s not that he has a girlfriend. It’s the fact he is fucking his damn step-sister.”

  My mouth dropped open. “Huh?”

  “Jiwon!” JongB exclaimed in horror.

  “What?” Jiwon demanded, glowering over his shoulder at the younger member. “I don’t understand why you two want to hide this from Kate? She’s with all three of us. If we trust her with that, why are we not trusting her with this?” Jiwon turned back to me. “He was with her since before he moved to Seoul.”

  “Wait, what?” JongB tilted his head. “How do you know that?”

  “His stepfather is rich. He paid for her to move to Seoul too.”

  “Her dad knew?” I blurted out. I was sure I was going to throw up.

  “I don’t think so,” Jiwon disagreed.

  “How do you know this?” JongB asked again.

  Jiwon rolled his eyes. “Will you let me explain?” When JongB mimed zipping his lips closed, Jiwon nodded. “Back before we debuted I caught him talking to her with FaceTime. I remembered her because she was hot, and when I asked who she was, he said it was his sister. About a year later, Bohyun had gone out to get something to eat. I found him eating his sister’s face by the river when I went out for a run.”

  “Is that why you two never got on?” I asked him.

  “How do you know that?” Jiwon asked as he narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

  “Youngbin mentioned it,” I admitted.

  “Bohyun got careless,” Xiao said. He’d been listening to the conversation, but his eyes had never left me. “Atlantis found out about it and terminated his contract.”

  “If they terminated his contract, why the hell is he reappearing in the Shanghai offices?” I asked, amazed.

  “We’ve been asking ourselves that since the story broke,” JongB shrugged. He moved slowly to the other side of the bed and climbed on, moving over so we were sitting in a weird kind of powwow.

  “That’s not the important thing here,” Jiwon said, his attention also fixed on me.

  I took a swig o
f the beer, and then another. I knew exactly what he was saying. The problem was that I didn’t know anymore. If I took a step back from this, barely any time had passed since the tour had started, but if there was one thing I’d learned, time and space seemed to have melted and it felt more like an eternity had passed. I was certainly tired enough.

  I stared at the three of them, chewing at the inside of my cheek. I knew it was more than just a physical attraction, and that was saying something because they were beautiful. And don’t get me wrong, the sex was amazing, but it was more than sex too. I was wise enough to recognize that the reason I was having such a hard time with this was because I cared about them.

  I cared about all of them.

  That thought had me blinking in surprise. All of them? Now that was just being greedy.

  “What are you thinking?” JongB asked, eyeing me suspiciously. He leaned forward into my personal space, peering up at my face. Jiwon reached out and with one finger, pushed his head back.

  “I…” I trailed off.

  “I know we agreed that if this was too weird or didn’t work, we would call it quits,” Xiao said, softly. “And we will, but is it really too weird?”

  “Ignoring everything outside of this room?” JongB added, hastily.

  “But that’s the problem. We can’t ignore it. This is something that could affect more than just the three of you.” I finished off the bottle of beer and set it down on the side.

  “But if you did?” JongB pressed.

  Xiao stretched his arms out to grab my hands, holding them in his. “Is this really what you want?”

  I couldn’t take my eyes off him as I slowly shook my head. “I want more,” I admitted. “I just know that’s not a realistic thing to think.”

  I did. I wanted to spend more time with them. I wanted to know more about them, about their families. I wanted to stay up all night arguing about food with JongB. I wanted to spend some time alone with Jiwon and work out what made him tick. I wanted to watch Xiao work out because I knew it was one thing that made him happy and relaxed. I wanted to discover more about them, their thoughts, and their bodies. I also really wanted the sex.

  What I wanted was a real relationship – or at least a shot at it. I had feelings for them, and if I let this continue, that was going to end up becoming love.

  Which was why I didn’t want this to be tainted by outside influences: I didn’t want me to be the reason behind anything happening to their careers. They might like me, but they loved being an idol.

  “I appreciate, with our good looks, charm, and intelligence, that we could be mistaken for being gods, but we’re not psychic.”

  “No one mistakes you for a god,” Jiwon told JongB, dryly. “I can promise you that.”

  JongB clutched his fist at his heart. “You wound me, right here, hyung.” Jiwon leaned over and punched his arm. “Ow! What was that for?”

  Jiwon shrugged. “Helping you get over that heartbreak by giving you a different pain.”

  I snorted; it turned into a giggle. I couldn’t help it.

  JongB turned to me, pouting. “I’m glad my pain amuses you.” He folded his arms, the action and his expression making him look like a petulant child. It just made me laugh more. “You’re supposed to offer to kiss it better.”

  “Thank god I didn’t punch you in the dick,” Jiwon muttered.

  That was it. That was all I needed to start cackling with laughter. It was Xiao, still holding my hands, who brought me back. “Before we went off topic, JongB made an unusually reasonable point.”

  “I did?”

  “We’re not psychic. You have to tell us what you’re thinking.” Xiao laced his fingers through mine.

  I sucked in a deep breath, all traces of laughter dying in that breath. “I don’t want to be the reason for any regret. If something happened, and we slipped up, and the world found out, and your fans hated you, and it all ended…” I took another breath before I added another ‘and’ to that sentence. “I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to be the cause of it.” I shook my head. “I couldn’t handle it if the way you all look at me now changes to resentment.”

  “You like us?” Jiwon asked, tilting his head.

  “Of course I do,” I sighed.

  He shrugged. “Then that’s not your decision: it’s ours.” He looked at Xiao then JongB. “Right?”

  “Yep,” JongB agreed as Xiao nodded, firmly.

  I closed my eyes. This was insane. But Jiwon was right. I was making decisions for them. Being in a relationship with one person was hard enough. Being with three seemed impossible. Yet, so far, it was working. It was working because we were trusting each other. “OK,” I consented, opening my eyes.

  “Great!” JongB exclaimed. “Now can we do something fun?”

  “If that something fun involves the four of us, I can assure you, clothes will be staying on,” Jiwon declared, glowering at JongB.

  JongB held his hands up. “I had no intention of keeping my clothes on, but I also had every intention of kicking you two out.”

  Xiao finally let go of my hands, just so he could lean over and shove JongB. I wasn’t sure if it was intentional, or if he didn’t know his own strength, but JongB went flying.

  It had ended up being an early night. We’d attempted to watch a movie but at some point, Sungmin had texted and the guys decided it would be safer to head back to their rooms. I’d abandoned the movie. I hadn’t really been watching it anyway.

  I had synced my phone and gotten everything back on it – just in time for a message from the manager to say we were leaving for the venue at ten. Then, I’d packed everything in my case again, making a mental note to myself that when we arrived at the hotel in Vancouver I would have to do some laundry. After that, I’d gone to bed.

  When we arrived at the venue the following day, it was clear that nothing had changed. Fans were still upset. I’d spent the morning scanning news sites and twitter, and when we’d arrived the line was the smallest I’d ever seen.

  I could tell it was affecting Onyx, despite how they’d told me they were OK when I asked. They were subdued. Youngbin looked thoroughly defeated. Sungmin even cancelled the press interviews.

  I took only a handful of backstage photographs, and that was only when I saw someone smile. Which wasn’t often at all. In the end, seeing it was futile, I left them and went for a walk to explore the venue. It was more of a complex than a single venue. It sat on top of a few stores, including a Starbucks.

  I went down and bought a Frappuccino to sip at as I walked around the building. There was a line now, but it was still one of the shortest I’d seen. Inside, it was the smallest venue we’d been in yet, but they had still sold over two thousand tickets. The line was closer to forty, and it was only a couple of hours until the doors opened.

  Fuck, it was going to be empty.

  I turned and left them, returning inside, taking a seat at the back of the venue. I wasn’t alone for long. CX took the seat next to me. “Shouldn’t you guys be warming up or something?” I asked him.

  “We’ve already done that.” He glanced at my half-full plastic cup. “Can I have some?”

  I handed it over. “Finish it.”

  “How does it look outside?” he asked.

  “You have fans eager to get in,” I responded, truthfully.

  “We don’t need all these seats, do we?”

  “It’s still early,” I told him, hoping I sounded as optimistic as I was trying to be.

  “Can I ask your advice?” he asked me.

  “You can,” I nodded. “But I’m not sure how good my Korean is to reply well.” I also wasn’t sure I was the best person to be asking for advice, but he looked so dejected.

  “Do you think I should say something tonight?”

  “About?”

  “Youngbin-hyung.”

  I could feel my nose wrinkling up as I pulled a face. “Didn’t Sungmin say to leave it to Atlantis to come back with a statement?” />
  “They haven’t,” CX replied. “And we’re all avoiding SNS so we don’t have to see some of the comments that are on there.”

  I wasn’t surprised about either of those reasons. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, and then rubbed at my temples. “Honestly, I have no idea what to advise,” I told him. “I think Atlantis should have said something by now, but I don’t want you to get in trouble by going against something Sungmin has told you.”

  There was a long silence. I turned to look at him, but he was staring at the stage. “This is all my fault.”

  “If we’re going to be assigning blame, this falls somewhere behind mine and Bohyun’s fault,” I pointed out.

  “No,” CX disagreed with a shake of his head. “I was the one that didn’t get on the plane.”

  “This is just going to go around in circles,” I sighed, sitting back. “I can’t tell you what to do. I have no experience of this,” I gestured to the empty concert hall. “I don’t know your contract, and I don’t know what conversation you had with Sungmin. The only one who can answer that, is you. Follow your heart.”

  CX sat in silence, continuing to stare at the stage as he sipped at the drink I’d given him. Eventually, his phone beeped. “I need to get backstage,” he said, reading the message. “They’re going to be opening the doors soon.”

  I gave him a reassuring smile. “You guys are going to get through this.”

  “I hope so.” The youngest member of Onyx rose to his feet, then he paused, looking at me. Before I could question him, he bent over and kissed my cheek. “Thank you,” he said. He held up the cup then walked away.

  I stared after him. He’d caught me off guard. That was just a friendly gesture, right?

  Glancing at the time, I realized I needed to move too. I went to collect my camera from the green room, and then returned to the main concert hall.

  제 20 장

  Truth