by Amanda Tru
She felt Carter’s presence behind her and ignored him. They’d each gotten some food for dinner and had just started walking around the carnival again when this game had caught her eye and Carter’s obvious disapproval.
Geneva tossed the first dart, and it missed, striking above the balloon she aimed at. She tried again. The dart brushed past a purple balloon, but it didn’t pop. Geneva’s third try came close, too. It was on target, but dropped too quickly, nicking a balloon, but not hitting with enough force in the center to pop it.
Geneva paid Carnie for another round and accepted three more darts.
“What is the deal with these darts?” Geneva said, holding one of them up to the light for inspection.
“Come on, Gen. I thought you were too smart for this. It’s rigged. The darts are flimsy and dull. If they hit one of those balloons, the darts always come out on the losing end.”
Carter’s comment earned glares from both Geneva and the carnival worker.
“And the balloons are underinflated,” Geneva added. “And the big prizes are strategically placed along the edges in the most difficult positions. I know. I get it.”
“Then why are you doing this?”
“Because I want to,” Geneva insisted, grunting as she threw the dart with force. To her satisfaction, a balloon popped. “Hey! I did it! Did it ever occur to you that playing games may be fun?”
Geneva’s next two throws weren’t successful. Carnie held up the ticket from her single popped balloon. Indicating the buckets around the front of the booth, he told her. “You can choose a small prize.”
“No, I want one of those big ones, she said, pointing to a large, white plush cat with blue eyes. “How do I get one of those?”
“You can trade-in your prize for another turn and try again,” Carnie explained. “You have to pop a balloon with a jumbo prize ticket to get one of those.”
“Ok, let’s do that.”
Carter groaned in frustration.
“You don’t have to watch, Carter. I can catch up to you after I win a big kitty.”
If the balloons are under-inflated and the darts dull, then I should throw it with enough force to counteract those two issues.
Over the next twenty minutes, Geneva managed to pop several more balloons, but none of them with a jumbo ticket. After every round, she either traded her prize to get more darts or forked over another wad of cash. Hoping to end the misery sooner, Carter also a couple of turns throwing the darts, not proving any more successful than Geneva.
Finally, Carter took his wallet out again and asked Carnie, “How much to buy one of those cats?”
Carnie’s eyes sparkled wickedly. “Can’t do that. It’s against the rules. The prizes aren’t for sale. You have to win ‘em.”
“Oh, come on!” Carter grumbled. Turning once again to Geneva, he pleaded. “It’s time to call it quits, Gen. I’ll buy you a stuffed animal on the way back to the hotel.”
“No, I’m going to win that one!” she insisted.
“No, you aren’t! You’ll flush all of your money away and not get a single thing to show for it. Just give up!”
Geneva refused. Somehow this act had come to represent more than just winning a carnival game. If she gave up, it felt like she’d be giving up on Allie, too.
However, she couldn’t explain that to Carter. She knew it sounded crazy and made no sense. Instead, she drew back and slung the dart as hard as she could at the colorful, mocking balloons.
The sound of a pop caused her to squeal. “I got one off the edge!”
She waited as Carnie bent down to get the ticket that had fallen from the popped balloon. He held it up and grinned his toothless smile, waving the ticket around. “You did it! You get a jumbo prize!
Thrilled, Geneva chose the monstrous white cat with blue eyes and carted him off in her arms. The Carnie congratulated her, acting like he’d been rooting for her the whole time, but he saved one parting glare for Carter.
“Done now?” Carter asked wearily. “I can’t take any more of your stress-relieving fun.”
“Not quite,” Geneva said cheerily. “Let’s go ride the Ferris wheel one more time now that it’s dark.”
“What will you do with that thing?” Carter asked, nodding at the cat with obvious resentment.
“Oh, she’ll come with us,” Geneva assured, stroking the white fur affectionately.
With the carnival nearing closing time and the temperature dropping, they didn’t need to wait in line to get on the ride. Geneva put the cat in between them and enjoyed the feeling of the air whooshing past as they headed to the top. The lights of the city flanked with the blackness of the ocean looked breathtaking from the top, and yet Geneva’s enjoyment was muted because of Carter’s obvious displeasure with her.
That was fast, she thought irritably, even as she acknowledged that she’d been right. How quickly Carter had gone from kissing her passionately and declaring how much he liked everything about her, to frowning in disapproval and being quite upset by her actions.
As she debated with herself what she should say to break the ice, the Ferris wheel came to a stop with them at the very top to let others off down below. Carter turned to her.
“Geneva, do you know how much money you wasted trying to win that stupid cat?” he asked.
“About a hundred bucks,” Geneva answered with a nonchalant shrug.
“And you’re okay with that?” Carter shot back, his frustration evident. “You consider that a good use of your time and money?”
“Yes, I do,” Geneva said firmly, her own irritation now showing. “Like I said, the price tag on that big kitty is around a hundred bucks. But the price tag on Allie’s smile is priceless.”
Carter gawked at her. “The cat is for Allie?”
“Of course!” Geneva said, surprised he hadn’t realized her purpose. “What on earth would I do with a monstrous cat? Allie, however, told me how she once went to a fair with her dad and rode a roller coaster. She saw a big kitty at one of the games and really wanted it. Her dad wanted to try to win it for her, but her mom wouldn’t let him, saying it was a waste of money. I’m sure Kara was right then, just like you were right tonight. But in Allie’s mind, she was convinced that her daddy would have won her that big kitty. When I saw the big, plush cats in that booth, I thought that if I could win one, then I could let Jimmy give it to Allie when he went home. I had the money to spend, so I did it, even though I knew that I would spend much more money than the thing was worth.”
Carter reached out, grabbed her hand, hauled it across Big Kitty, and planted a kiss on the top. “Geneva Hutchins, if Big Kitty weren’t in my way, I’d kiss you very thoroughly right now. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you were doing it for Allie. But why didn’t you tell me?”
“I couldn’t really spout out the whole story there in front of the carnival worker. Besides, I thought you realized it was for Allie. Why on earth would you think I wanted Big Kitty for myself?”
Carter laughed and shook his head. “That’s why I was confused! I didn’t understand why you were recklessly wasting money, and why you were too bull-headed to give up. Next time, spout the whole story out in front of any audience. I’m not a mind-reader. If you thoroughly explain it, talking very slowly possibly providing detailed illustrations, then I’m sure to understand.”
Geneva smiled at his words, but guilt settled in anyway. She should have explained. She was coming to realize just how bad she was at communication. She didn’t like to share anything personal. Sharing somehow made her feel vulnerable. If she told a touching, personal story, then it might make the pain fresh. Carter would recognize her feelings, and that made her feel weak. It had been easier to assume that Carter would simply put two and two together to realize her efforts were for Allie. Even now, she only shared because she’d been forced to.
Come on, Geneva. Put on your big girl pants and apologize to the man!
The Ferris wheel had started and stopped numerous times, and
Geneva now realized that they were approaching their turn to get off.
“Carter, I should have told you what I was thinking about Big Kitty. I’m s—”
Carter’s phone rang, interrupting Geneva. He scrambled for it as their Ferris wheel bucket came in for a landing. Geneva grabbed Big Kitty and headed for the exit while Carter walked beside her. After they exited the park, he put the phone on speaker and mouthed the name, “Gary Normand.”
She’d heard Carter talking about Allie, but she’d thought he was speaking to someone else, assuming the day was too late to get a call from Mr. Normand. Now she listened eagerly to the long-awaited call.
“You say Jimmy Drew is the fellow you’re looking for?” Normand’s rough, twangy voice asked. “He’s the little lady’s daddy?”
“Yes, that’s correct,” Carter confirmed.
“Well, that’s too bad. A gal like that deserves a better man for her daddy. Jimmy was a nice guy, but he was a terrible worker. Wouldn’t even show up some days. The man had skills and plenty of electrical know-how. But, all that isn’t worth much if he won’t work. I let him go long before we closed up shop. He never mentioned a sick little girl. I would have given him another shot.”
Mr. Normand sounded unexpectedly nice, not at all the scheming outlaw Yosemite Sam had made him out to be. His deep voice spoke slowly, the words enunciating themselves in a manner reminiscent of John Wayne in the old classics her grandpa and her dad used to watch. Geneva could just picture Mr. Normand sitting in an Old West bar somewhere in North Dakota, waiting for the vigilantes to try to find and take him down for crimes he may or may not have committed.
“Did Jimmy mention where he was headed after you fired him?” Carter asked, his voice eager.
“Well, he really didn’t seem all that upset about being let go. Now, let me think.” Mr. Normand paused, and they could hear crackles on the line as if the connection wavered. “Seems like he said that he was headed to New Mexico to do some kind of contract work for a light show. Don’t know what kind of light show he meant, but that’s what he said.”
“When was this?” Carter asked. “When did he leave your employment?”
“A little over a year ago. Jimmy worked for me for six months or so, maybe longer. I tried to give him a shot, but you can’t pay a fella who won’t work.”
“Did he say where in New Mexico?” Carter persisted.
“Nope. Seems like it was a city. Maybe Santa Fe. Maybe Abilene. No, that one’s in Texas.” The line crackled again, sounding like Styrofoam being slowly and painfully crushed. Mr. Normand managed to get a few more names in—the Alamo, Arizona, and what sounded an awful lot like Amsterdam—before the line finally gave up the ghost and went dead.
They walked the rest of the way to the car, and Carter mused, “I don’t know what to think of that call. Did we gain anything from talking to Mr. Normand or not?”
Geneva slid into the passenger seat. “I think John Wayne gave us some good intel. At least, we know Jimmy headed for New Mexico.” She threw the comment out in an offhand manner, curious if Carter would even notice.
Carter turned on the car and flipped on his lights. He even put the car into reverse. Then he suddenly stopped, his foot on the brake. “John Wayne?” he mused.
Then his eyes closed, and his head tipped back against the seat as great peals of laughter coursed through him. “That’s the perfect nickname for him! I love the way your mind works, Geneva. Please make a habit of telling me all your wacky thoughts and ideas. I’ll take all your nicknames and all your secrets!”
All the way back to the hotel, Geneva pondered Carter’s words, John Wayne’s potential lead, and the vague idea that maybe it all would work out after all.
“When will you be home?” Kara asked. “Allie has been asking for you.”
Geneva’s heart twisted painfully. She gripped the phone in her hand tightly and replied, “We have a lead on finding Jimmy, but if you need me, then I’ll drop everything and leave right now.”
Kara spoke slowly. “No, I don’t think we’re quite there yet, but we’ll need you soon. Very soon.”
Geneva shut her eyes as the wave of pain, guilt, and exhaustion flooded over her. Kara wasn’t telling her anything she didn’t already know. They spoke to Allie’s doctors and nurses daily. They knew the little girl was losing her battle, and the numbers clearly indicated she would not belong to the earth much longer. But, hearing Kara voice the reality of the situation was different.
“We’re in New Mexico right now,” Geneva explained. “We have one more place to search for Jimmy this evening. Whether or not we find him, we’ll get a flight tomorrow and come home.”
“Okay,” Kara accepted wearily. “Haven’t you been in New Mexico for a couple days now? Geneva, I feel bad for letting you go on this stupid search. I knew Jimmy would be difficult to find, but you’ve gone all over the country. If he could be found, you would have done it by now.”
“We arrived in Santa Fe the day before yesterday,” Geneva explained, choosing to omit the part about the trip taking all day with the flight delays. “Jimmy’s former employer remembered that he said he got a job working at a light show in New Mexico. We didn’t know what exactly defined a light show, so we spent the rest of that day and all the next day visiting churches, the botanical gardens, and anywhere else that might host anything that could qualify as a light show. We didn’t find any leads, so today we drove to Albuquerque. We’ve checked a few places, but the big event here is the River of Lights. We’re going there tonight, but this is our last stop. For better or worse, we’ll leave tomorrow. I want to be home Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to spend with Allie.”
Kara spoke softly, “At this point, Gen, I don’t think it matters if Jimmy comes or not. Allie sleeps most of the time and may not be aware if he’s even here. She asks for you, though. Whatever happens, please come home tomorrow. She’s hanging on, but I think she’s hanging on for you.”
Geneva leaned her head against the doorframe of her hotel room and battled the tears. She couldn’t break down now, not with Kara on the line. She should be the strong one for her friend. Geneva fought for control, balling up her fist and pounding it against the wall helplessly. It was thirty seconds before she could recover enough to speak. “I understand, Kara. I’ll be there.”
“I know you will, Geneva. Thank you for everything. It means more than I can say.”
“I’ll call you when we get on the plane tomorrow,” Geneva assured before ending the call.
Geneva tossed her phone lightly to the bed and sank to the floor with her head in her hands.
I made the wrong decision!
She hadn’t shared everything with Kara about the last few days. If her friend already felt bad, then telling her all of their traveling woes wouldn’t help.
The morning after they spoke with Gary Normand, Geneva and Carter had sat in the lobby of their hotel and discussed whether to try to follow the lead to New Mexico or give up and head straight home. They’d spent several hours researching what a “light show in New Mexico” might mean. Taking the time of year into account, the obvious answer was that Jimmy was doing work for some kind of Christmas light display. With that in mind, they began researching places in New Mexico that hosted large-scale Christmas lights displays.
Carter eventually suggested that they target Sante Fe since Mr. Normand mentioned it specifically. However, Geneva liked the idea of going to Albuquerque.
“If you remember, the majority of the places John Wayne mentioned began with ‘A,’” she explained. “The Alamo, Abilene, Amsterdam. I really think he was trying to remember Albuquerque. I think that’s where Jimmy headed.”
Carter shook his head in frustration and slid the laptop across the table to better see Geneva seated across from him. “This is kind of pointless, Geneva. We know Jimmy headed to New Mexico a little over a year ago. The man doesn’t keep a job longer than a few months. Even if he made it to the ‘light show,’ he very likely isn’t th
ere anymore, especially if he was a seasonal employee as we suspect. Besides, Albuquerque has the largest light display in the state. Do you really think a drifter like Jimmy landed a job there? It's far more likely he's holed up in a smaller city stringing Christmas lights in some back alley.
Geneva set her jaw, stubbornly, ready to reject Carter's reasoning.
Before she could respond, Carter sighed heavily and spoke again. "To continue on this search, we have to make a bunch of assumptions, any one or all of which might be wrong. We have to assume John Wayne was correct in his memory, that Jimmy followed through on what he said and went to New Mexico, that we guess the correct city, even though we have several options, that the ‘light show’ is actually a Christmas light display, and that he is still working there over a year later. I’m not sure this is a good idea at all.”
“So, what are you saying?” Geneva asked impatiently.
“I don’t want to give up,” Carter clarified. “I just don’t know that it is wise to do anything else, especially since we also have a little girl waiting for us at home.”
“Shouldn’t we at least try?” Geneva asked quietly. “God has brought us this far. We weren’t supposed to be able to locate Mr. Normand, but we happened across the name and number of the realtor who sold his property. She wasn’t supposed to give us his contact information, but she found a way to give it to us anyway. Mr. Normand wasn’t supposed to be reached, but he returned our call anyway. He wasn’t supposed to know where we could locate Jimmy, but he remembered what Jimmy said anyway. If we quit now, then isn’t that just tossing away everything that has happened so far? Shouldn’t we follow where God seems to be leading?”
Carter spoke gently, “Just because we don’t do what we set out to doesn’t mean we fail. God can still use our time and experiences for something good. We need to seriously consider that maybe our purpose for this journey isn’t God’s purpose for it.”