Now and Again

by Natasha West

  They smiled at each other for a moment, and then Juliet felt like it had gone on slightly too long, and she said, ‘Well, bye, normal person!’ She backed up from the door as Riley said, ‘Yeah, b-bye normal person!’

  Juliet walked briskly down the hall as Riley’s door closed.

  As she got on the bus to go home, she was awash with relief. It would have been too much to keep scuttling around Riley all the time. But it was all sorted out now; they’d drawn a line under the past. Riley was right; they had been kids with a lot of growing up to do, mistakes to make. It was just a shame they’d had to make so many of those mistakes on each other.

  THEN

  The following Monday after the Friday cafeteria hoo-ha, it was all people could talk about. Almost everyone claimed to have either thrown a punch or received one. Juliet didn’t comment either way, even though there could have been some social currency in being the one who’d started the whole thing. She was happy to have it forgotten, though. It was all a bit embarrassing.

  What was truly embarrassing was talking to Riley while they were cleaning. God, she’d said some stupid stuff. Really, really dumb. That thing about The Breakfast Club? She must have sounded like she had such a crush on Riley; it was pathetic. Whereas she just admired her. She wasn’t so stupid as to start crushing on people that far out of her league. It would be like suddenly deciding she wanted to be an astronaut. She wasn’t gonna have any kind of connection with Riley any more than she was going to the moon. Even though Riley had made that comment about her being hot. At best, it was a kind lie.

  Juliet had liked getting an excuse to spend some private time with Riley, but that opportunity had ended when she’d finished picking spud off the wall. She thought they might probably be on nodding terms now, which would be kind of nice. But that would be the end of it.

  For instance, here Riley came now, into the English lit classroom she’d shared with Juliet for almost two years, and she was sitting down at her usual table with her usual people. And oh look, a nod hello that Juliet returned before Riley turned back to her best buddy, that horrible witch, India. That was the end of the affair, so to speak.

  It was quite funny that out of the twenty or so A level options their school offered, Juliet and Riley had one together. Somehow, it still felt like they were in two different classes. Riley always said remarkably interesting and clever things during class. Meanwhile, Juliet read the book and kept her face shut. She loved reading, but she wasn’t up for voicing her opinions on books. She felt strongly that no good could come of it. Anyway, it wasn’t like anyone ever asked. But it was proof - if proof were needed - that Juliet and Riley lived in different countries, even if they did occasionally wander near the borders that separated them.

  ‘So!’ the teacher said, clapping her hands together and making everyone jump. ‘Gatsby! Did we all read chapter six? That’s a rhetorical question; obviously we did since we were required to. What did we think?’

  Hands shot up. Juliet’s stayed on her lap. India was first out of the gate. ‘I thought it was a load of crap, actually.’

  The teacher raised an interested eyebrow. ‘Oh?’

  ‘Yeah, I mean, we’re supposed to think that it was alright for him to be a bootlegger because he grew up poor and he loved someone rich? I mean, what a crock. It wasn’t even about her.’

  ‘What was it about?’ the teacher asked, intrigued.

  ‘He just wanted to be super rich!’ India exclaimed angrily.

  ‘Say that’s true. What’s wrong with him making himself rich?’ Riley asked her, turning.

  ‘Well, I mean, nothing. If you go about it the right way,’ India sputtered.

  ‘Maybe he couldn’t go about it the right way?’ Riley shrugged. ‘I mean, making a lot of money sounds quite complicated to me.’

  ‘That’s what they all say,’ India said. ‘But if you work hard, you can be rich legally.’

  ‘Easy for you to say,’ Juliet muttered to herself. She was shocked when every set of eyes in the room turned to her. She’d been louder than she thought. Juliet had once read a quote from Dorothy Parker that said, “a girl’s best friend is her mutter”, and Juliet believed it sincerely. But that only worked when you kept it down. Which she hadn’t managed to do. And now the focus was unhappily on her.

  India’s gaze was the scariest. She looked almost happy to have been contradicted. ‘And why is it easy for me to say?’ she asked with quiet intensity.

  Juliet was quick to back down. ‘Erm, no, sorry. I didn’t mean that.’

  India smiled at her like a hungry wolf. ‘What did you mean?’

  ‘Err…’ Juliet tried to think, but fear was freezing her brain. There was no exit plan.

  ‘Look, we all know your mum has that Jag dealership, India,’ Riley suddenly said. ‘So maybe what she means is that if you’re born into money, you don’t know how hard it is to actually, you know… make it?’

  Juliet gaped, as did India. ‘Yeah, and your dad is like, president of the Bank of England or something. You’re one to talk.’

  Riley shrugged and smiled. ‘Yeah, true. And if my dad were a ballerina (the room tittered), I might think being a ballerina sounded within reach.’

  India looked bamboozled. ‘Do you want to be a ballerina?’

  Riley shrugged. ‘I did when I was six. But I gave up on it. Which proves my point,’ she finished with a chuckle.

  India looked like she didn’t know what had just happened. Had she been insulted? Should she kick off? In the end, she settled for a light, tinkling, fake as hell laugh. ‘Probably for the best. You’ve got two left feet.’

  Riley laughed along with the room. Juliet’s heart returned to a normal rhythm, knowing her comment was forgotten. As Riley leaned back in her chair, she caught Juliet’s eye—for the briefest moment, blink and you’d miss it, but Juliet didn’t miss a thing. Riley wasn’t just debating for poops and giggles; she was saving Juliet’s arse.

  ***

  Juliet lingered after class, letting the room get half-empty while she waited to ‘accidentally’ find herself walking out with Riley. She was a bit too successful. They tried to walk through the doorway at the same time and got wedged.

  ‘Oh! Hi,’ Riley said, shoulder to shoulder with Juliet.

  ‘Hi,’ Juliet said, waggling her shoulder to let Riley through. Eventually, they both popped through the doorway, out into the busy hall.

  ‘How’s it going? You finish that book?’ Riley asked easily, and Juliet was struck by Riley’s gift of making any situation less awkward.

  ‘Finished it last night,’ Juliet was pleased to say.

  ‘Sad ending, isn’t it?’ Riley said, dropping her bag on the floor and beginning to rifle through it, looking for something.

  ‘Very,’ Juliet agreed. And then couldn’t seem to say anything else. Riley had passed her a topic, and she had nothing. This was ridiculous. ‘So, err, you really helped me earlier.’

  ‘Did I?’ Riley said, still pawing through her bag, tampons and tissues flying. Juliet didn’t have her full attention, which made this all the more awkward. ‘Yeah. India, she… she doesn’t like me very much.’

  Riley pulled out her phone and slid it into her back pocket, standing up. ‘Doesn’t she?’

  Juliet shook her head. ‘No, she’s kind of… I mean, she can be a bit… Well, anyway, I’m not sure what she would have said if you hadn’t stepped in.’

  Riley nodded thoughtfully. ‘Yeah, I guess she can be a bit… I mean, I don’t wanna bitch because she’s a mate, but she’s not always… She can be a bit thoughtless,’ she admitted.

  Juliet thought that was putting it mildly, but she was kind of amazed Riley was saying anything critical of her at all, so she’d take it. She nodded. ‘Yeah, so, well, I just…’ Juliet was forced to take a deep breath. She was getting in a tangle. ‘Thanks, anyway. For helping me out.’

  Riley grinned. ‘I owed you one, didn’t I?’

  Juliet had to laugh. ‘Not really.’
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  ‘I feel like I did,’ she smiled, glancing down the hall. ‘Right, I have to get to my next lesson.’

  Juliet fully expected Riley to dash away with a quick bye. Which would have been fair. All debts were now settled. But before Riley legged it, she said, ‘Are you going to that thing tonight?’

  Juliet didn’t have the first clue about any ‘thing.’ Her face must have betrayed that because Riley clarified, ‘Leila Bridgestock, you know her, right? Her parents are away on holiday, so she’s gonna live the cliché and have a massive party.’

  ‘That sounds fun,’ Juliet said, in the same tone as she might have said, ‘That sounds fun,’ if she heard someone else won the lottery. It was never gonna happen to her, was it? It was the lifestyles of the rich and popular. She was broke and invisible.

  ‘Yeah, so, you going?’ Riley asked.

  Juliet was unable not to burst out laughing. ‘I think my invite probably got lost in the post,’ she finally managed to say.

  Riley chuckled. ‘OK, I know they’re not your crowd. But a party as big as Leila wants it to be? If you know someone who’s going, it’s practically the same as getting invited.’

  Juliet blinked several times while her brain processed what was happening. ‘Hang on. Are you asking me to come?’

  Riley smiled. ‘What, you think I just like to list social events to people for fun?’ She checked her watch. ‘Shit, I gotta go. Tell me your phone number, quick.’

  Juliet, as though in a dream, recited her number to Riley, who tapped it into her phone. ‘I’ll text you the address,’ Riley said and then ran off down the hall.

  Juliet watched her go, her head swirling with shock and happiness. But as she turned to go down the hall, she had a premonition. Riley wouldn’t text her. She’d forget they ever had this conversation.

  Ten minutes later, her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she thought, It’ll be my mum telling me to pick up milk on the way home.

  It wasn’t her mum.

  10 Crown Road, Easterbrook. I’m gonna get there about nine-ish. See you there?

  Juliet’s first thought was that there was no way in hell she was going to that party. She didn’t belong with people like them, and they’d know it the second she stepped through the door. Her clothes would be wrong, her hair would be wrong, her vibe would be wrong. She’d go there and stand around for ten minutes, watching people whisper behind her back. Then she’d go home and feel awful for weeks. It was an appointment with misery, and she didn’t see why she would consider attending.

  Actually, she did have a why. Riley had asked her to go. Freaking Riley Powell. She was like the queen of the school. Or at the very least, one of several major princesses. Juliet didn’t know how seriously to take it. Was she trying to be kind? Juliet felt utterly at a loss to read the situation. All she knew was, she didn’t know how she was supposed to say yes, and she didn’t know how she was supposed to say no, either. This was impossible. She half wished she’d never been in that library. She wouldn’t be in this position now. Trying to figure out Riley.

  She decided, for the sake of argument, that she would go. What would the next step be? She’d have to figure out what to wear from her wardrobe. That didn’t take very long—she didn’t have anything. Next would be hair, makeup, and she knew nothing about those topics. Girls like her didn’t wear makeup, didn’t do anything fancy with their hair. What was the point? No one was looking at them.

  Well, that decided it. She wasn’t an idiot. She’d both read the book and seen the movie, Carrie. She wasn’t going to the prom to have a bucket of pig’s blood dropped on her head. She would text Riley later with an excuse. It was a relief to make that decision. Her comfort zone was so, well, comfortable. She was going to slide quietly back into it and pretend this hadn’t happened.

  But then something happened as she walked to her next class, something dreadful. She thought of a solution to her problem. She hadn’t meant to; it had just happened. Once it had entered her mind, things were re-complicated. There was a way that she could make herself socially acceptable, at least to the naked eye. And it was rather easy—kind of. She could ask her sister for help.

  Her older sister Becca was aggressively normal. She was twenty and worked in a clothes shop. She wasn’t the sharpest pencil in the box, but damn, she knew how to coif. She’d begged Juliet on many, many occasions to let her loose on her person for the dreaded makeover. It was always a no because Juliet never needed to wear that costume of normality; she could just quietly be herself… until now.

  She texted her sister. She sort of hoped she’d be too busy to help. Again, it would decide for her.

  Hey, I might be going to a thing tonight. You wouldn’t have anything I could wear, would you? Maybe give me a few pointers on hair and makeup?

  The reply came back seconds later.

  I HAVE WAITED FOR THIS DAY

  Right. So this was happening. Her sister was going to use her as a human barbie. But Juliet swore to herself that if she looked in the mirror at the end product and she thought she looked even slightly ridiculous, she wasn’t going to that party.

  Ten

  NOW

  Riley watched Juliet scuttle off down the hallway, mind somewhat blown. They’d been moving around each other like sentient grenades that might go off at any moment, and all it had taken was one intervention with her dad and Juliet had come right up, knocked on her door, and now the whole thing was sorted. They were fine. On good terms, even. They were just two people who’d sort of known each other once and were back in each other’s orbits. Friendly, cordial, relaxed. It was a weight off Riley’s back. She didn’t know how big that weight was until it was gone. Thank god for Mia.

  Riley went back to her bed - guest bed, anyway - and lay back down, setting her laptop on her stomach and hitting play on this terrible Netflix dating show she’d been watching. The concept was that everyone kept masks on the whole time, so no one knew how genuinely good-looking anyone was. Everyone was trying to act like they didn’t care; that they were just there to ‘Fall in love with the person.’ Until they had to make a choice and the masks came off. Then they had to keep acting like nothing was different, even when they were obviously disappointed. The hilarity of it was the hubris. These people were as shallow as anyone else, and the effort it took to pretend otherwise was the pull of the show.

  Riley wondered if she had it in her to fall in love with a person behind a mask. But she knew she liked a pretty face as much as the next girl. Still, the show had reminded her that there had been a time when she’d seen through a few superficial facts and understood beauty was present even before it became extremely obvious.

  THEN

  Riley was watching India being chatted up. It was one of the footballers, not one Riley knew, but she vaguely remembered him picking pasta out of his lap in the cafeteria last week.

  ‘So, er…. You like football?’ he asked India anxiously.

  India shrugged. ‘I don’t know, it’s alright, I suppose. I prefer rugby though. The men are a bit beefier.’

  ‘Yeah?’ the guy said, trying to hide his disappointment. He thought he was getting the kiss-off. Riley knew better. India liked to play with her food before she ate it. Once she’d finished batting him around, she’d end up snogging him in the nearest vacant bedroom. Riley could have written the script for the evening. The same things that happened at every party would happen tonight. Christ, she was so bored.

  ‘Oh no,’ she muttered as she laid eyes on someone she’d been hoping wouldn’t be at this thing—Jack. ‘India, I’m just gonna get a drink,’ she said, ducking quickly out of his eyeline.

  India was in the middle of squeezing the footballer’s arm and saying, ‘I’ve felt bigger.’ Riley scooted out of the living room, into the kitchen. There’d be alcohol there. She wasn’t a big drinker, but that was what you did at these things. Get off your face.

  She picked up a lukewarm beer from a stack on the counter and popped the ring pull. It foamed all
over the place, and she had to hold it away from herself quickly. Practically half the can ended up on the lino. She put the can down and grabbed a kitchen towel and began to mop it up. She knew this was supposed to be a wild party, but manners costed nothing.

  Just as she was chucking away the wet kitchen towels, she heard the back door creak open. She looked over and saw it was only open a crack. Through that crack peeked a set of eyes she recognised. ‘Juliet?’

  Juliet pushed the door open completely, and Riley nearly fell over. Juliet looked… different. A little eyeliner, a fitted top, her light hair straightened, it wasn’t that much had even changed. Just enough to show Riley the truth. She’d strongly suspected that if Juliet could learn to stop hiding it, she’d be pretty. What even Riley didn’t realise was that the girl was gorgeous.