Now and Again

by Natasha West

  ‘I borrowed it from next door,’ her mother told her, pleased with herself. The woman never believed anyone was ill, at least not with anything they couldn’t battle through. Her work ethic was terrifying. ‘Right, pull your hair back.’

  Juliet did as she was told. Her mother stuck the device ungently into her ear and pressed a button. It beeped, and her mother checked the readout. ‘Completely normal. I knew you were fibbing.’

  ‘I’m not fibbing,’ Juliet said weakly.

  Her mother tutted. ‘Get dressed. You’re going in. I’ll ring the school now and tell them about your miraculous recovery.’

  ‘Mum, no!’ Juliet cried.

  ‘If you can give me one good reason why you can’t go in, I’ll consider letting you off.’

  Juliet sighed. ‘Fine.’ There was no chance she was going to tell her mother about the party. Not one part of it was parent-suitable. Mary Sullivan believed feelings were things people couldn’t afford to indulge in, anyway. Not embarrassment, nor heartbreak. Because that was the other thing. That horrible text she’d gotten Sunday morning.

  Hey Juliet. It was nice to see you at the party. I hope to see more of you soon.

  It was obvious what she meant. What she’d seen. What everyone had seen. She obviously thought it was funny. Well, Juliet wasn’t amused by her total humiliation.

  She got dressed and prepared herself for social horror.

  ***

  She was at school for eleven, just in time for geography. She walked in, took her usual seat, and waited. For what, she wasn’t sure. Laughter? Whispers? Being pelted with rotten fruit?

  In the end, nothing happened. Maybe it hadn’t gotten around the entire school yet. But it would, Juliet knew it. There were at least three people in this class who’d been at the party. They could have it around the room in no time. By the end of this lesson, she’d get an indication that people were talking about her.

  ***

  Lunchtime, Juliet sat with her usual people, Haley and Meera. For once, they had a real use. They always picked up every tiny bit of gossip and dissected it to the nth degree. They’d know what had happened and could tell her how it was being framed. ‘Hey, guys, did you hear… I mean, what’s going on, what’s the, er… goss?’ Juliet asked, trying to sound laid-back.

  Meera, mid sarnie, stopped chewing. ‘What do you mean?’ she asked, little bits of tuna in her teeth.

  ‘You know, like… Anything interesting going around?’ Juliet asked, trying not to look directly at Meera’s mouth.

  Meera looked at Haley, swallowing. ‘J wants the goss.’

  Haley sipped from her Ribena carton. ‘This is a first.’

  Meera took another bite. ‘You’re talking about the party, aren’t you?’

  And there it was—confirmation. It was a relief to hear someone say it. ‘Yes. The party,’ Juliet said sadly.

  ‘Pretty hilarious. I wish I’d seen it,’ Haley giggled.

  Juliet pulled her cardigan tighter. ‘Do you?’

  ‘Yeah. I mean, it’s not every day you see a sight like that, is it?’

  Juliet shook her head as she tried not to slide to the floor in a foetal ball. ‘I suppose not.’

  ‘I wish someone had taken snaps,’ Meera added.

  Juliet frowned. ‘That’s a bit much. It was bad enough without seeing it passed around school today as well.’

  Meera looked surprised. ‘Well, he didn’t mind if everyone saw, so I don’t know why you’re judging me for wanting to see his arse.’

  Juliet heard every word of Meera’s sentence very clearly, but her brain couldn’t unravel its meaning. ‘What?’

  ‘I know he’s not brains of Britain or anything, but I think he’s cute,’ Meera said defensively.

  ‘Yeah, and a photo’s the closest you’d ever get. Jenny Yang has him locked down,’ Haley told Meera with a nudge in the ribs.

  ‘Who are we talking about?’ Juliet had to ask.

  ‘Paul Prentiss, ding-dong. Who’d ya think?’ Haley said.

  Juliet felt like she was losing her mind. ‘Can you just… Can we start this story again?’

  ‘I thought you knew,’ Haley said, confused. ‘There was some party on Friday, and apparently, Paul Prentiss jumped in the pool, took his bottoms off, and did a handstand. The whole school saw his bum.’

  ‘I’d have liked to seen the other angle,’ Meera said with all the worldliness she could summon. Haley screamed with laughter, delightfully scandalised. ‘You’re such a perv!’ she shrieked. Meera looked thrilled to gain that title.

  Juliet barely heard any of that; she was spinning. This was what people were talking about? How could it be? Poor, unpopular girl thinks she can party with the cool kids and her boobs pay the price? That was the headline. Wasn’t it?

  Juliet needed more information. She had to go to the source.

  ***

  Juliet coughed into her hand. Paul Prentiss, asleep on the front lawn of the school with a comic book over his face, didn’t move. Juliet coughed louder and something penetrated this time. Paul sat bolt upright, the book falling away. ‘I’m awake! Jenny, don’t leave!’ His eyes focused, and he saw Juliet. ‘Oh, hi.’ He squinted and rubbed his eyes. ‘I know you from somewhere, don’t I?’

  Juliet nodded. ‘Friday’s party. You knocked me into the pool.’

  Paul gaped in horror. ‘Oh, fuck! Yeah. Bro, I’m so sorry!’

  Juliet shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter. Really. I just wanted to ask… What do you remember about that?’

  Paul shrugged. ‘Nothing. It’s all a bit of a blank after nine o’clock. That’s when I found that bottle of tequila.’

  ‘Oh,’ Juliet sighed, disappointed. ‘Well, thanks for…’

  ‘But Jenny filled me in the next day,’ Paul went on. ‘She said I… She told me I showed my arse. Apparently, I thought…’ Paul paused, rubbing the back of his neck. ‘She told me I thought everyone was getting naked. So I got naked. But like, it was just me.’ He laughed, shaking his embarrassment off. ‘Oh, and she said I saw your… ladies. She’s a bit mad at me about that, actually.’

  Juliet pushed through her mortification. ‘Everyone did, didn’t they?’

  Paul laughed. ‘Actually… I think Jenny said...’ He thought hard. ‘Shit, what did she say?’ he frowned, and Juliet felt like she could smell burning as Paul tried to dredge up the memory. She was certain this was the end of the conversation, but then Paul got excited. ‘Hold up, I’ve got it in a text! Let me check.’ He got his phone out. ‘Right, she says… Paul, you absolute…’ Paul looked up from his phone. ‘You don’t need to hear that bit.’ He looked back down at the phone. ‘Are you telling me you don’t remember that the poor girl’s top came down after you shoved her in the pool? Lucky for her, I was blocking everyone’s view. But I know YOU got an eyeful! You were pointing your dirty little eyeballs right at her, and then you started talking about naked parties!’ Paul looked up, re-embarrassed. ‘I swear, I don’t remember that bit. But does that help?’

  ‘It really does,’ she assured him and walked back into the school, floating on air. The sanctity of her chest was intact. No one was laughing at her. Jenny didn’t sound like she’d be spreading around Juliet’s exposure, either. Which also meant… Oh god. She took out her phone and reread that text from Riley.

  Hey Juliet. It was nice to see you at the party. I hope to see more of you soon.

  It was just a nice message.

  Fourteen

  Riley was sitting down to family dinner, despite deep reservations. She’d been living in the house for a few months now, but she’d done a pretty good job ducking her dad thus far. She had his schedule well memorised, which helped. It also helped that she knew the sound of his footsteps in the house, clomping and urgent, as though he were always dashing to somewhere that needed him right this second.

  But tonight, there was no avoiding her destiny. Amanda had begged her to come down because it was Juliet’s first night and she wanted to make a thing of
it. Riley couldn’t wriggle out of it.

  ‘Riley, could you give Juliet a shout?’ Amanda said, putting a large pot of something on the table. ‘Tell her it’s chicken.’

  Riley got up and went to the stairs. ‘Juliet?’ she yelled up. No answer. She went up and knocked on the door. ‘Juliet, you are cordially invited to eat downstairs right now,’ she called through the door.

  The door swung open. ‘What? I’m invited to family dinner?’ Juliet exclaimed.

  Riley raised an eyebrow. ‘Did you not realise you’d been adopted by Amanda when you moved in? You’re part of the pack, as much as I am. Maybe more, since you actually help, and I just suck up oxygen. Which means you get the dinner invite.’

  ‘But you never go to dinner,’ Juliet observed.

  ‘How do you know that?’ Riley asked.

  ‘Amanda might have mentioned it,’ Juliet admitted.

  ‘Yeah, well, she went to pains to get me down tonight. I guess she wants everyone to make an effort for your first night.’

  ‘Oh god,’ Juliet moaned. ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah. She pretty much lives in some sort of TV show from the fifties,’ Riley said with a snort. She dropped her smile quickly. ‘I didn’t mean that to sound cruel,’ she added.

  ‘I know you didn’t,’ Juliet said with a warm smile. ‘You don’t have to explain every joke.’

  Riley felt a feeling that she didn’t recognise right away. It wasn’t very familiar. It was the feeling of being understood. ‘So, er, you coming?’ Riley asked quickly.

  ‘How can I not?’ Juliet said. ‘Just give me a second to get myself together.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. You look great,’ Riley said. Juliet very obviously blushed. ‘Oh. Well. If you think so…’ she said quietly and walked out of her room, closing the door behind her.

  They walked downstairs together. Riley’s dad was now in situ, at the head of the table, like a macho twat. Riley wondered if she was being meanspirited, and perhaps he’d just happened to sit there by accident, that it had nothing to do with status. But then Amanda put a cooked bird down on the table, and he immediately went for the carving knife. This house existed in a different time—one Riley didn’t have any nostalgia for. Thank god Juliet was here. She might go mad otherwise.

  Juliet sat down, and despite several seating options, Riley sat beside her. The second her cheeks hit the seat, she thought, What the hell am I doing? But it was too late, places were taken, and Amanda was serving up. Mia was parked up on the other side, raised on a booster chair. The seating arrangement was set.

  ‘Have you settled yourself in?’ Amanda asked Juliet, taking off the apron and sitting down.

  It took Juliet a second to register that the question was meant for her. ‘Oh? Me?’

  Mike made a gruff noise that Riley recognised as his laugh. ‘No one else moved in today, did they? I mean, we’re not taking in any more strays?’

  ‘She’s hardly a stray, Dad,’ Riley said, instantly sending him a warning look. They weren’t even eating yet, and he was already off.

  Amanda put a hand on her husband’s arm and said, ‘He’s just kidding. She’s very welcome.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Juliet jumped in, sounding unbothered by the rudeness. Or at least, able to ignore it with great skill. ‘Yes, I’m settling in. It’s a lovely room. It’s bigger than my old one, actually.’

  ‘Oh? Great,’ Amanda said. Dishes were passed, and people began to serve themselves.

  ‘Yeah. I didn’t have an en suite either. That shower, is that a rainfall?’ Juliet asked.

  ‘I think so, yes,’ Amanda said, pleased. ‘Though I wasn’t around when they were fitted.’ She turned to her husband. ‘Are they all rainfall showers, Mike?’

  Mike, tucking into his meal, looked up, distracted. ‘I wouldn’t know, the designer did all that.’

  ‘I guess I’ll find out tomorrow morning,’ Juliet said cheerily.

  A thick silence fell over the table. People were eating, which might have accounted for some of the quiet. But Riley could feel that some of it was just awkwardness. This wasn’t a family, no matter what Amanda wanted to think or see. They were just a collection of people connected by degrees of emotional and financial need.

  That made Riley so fucking sad. Was there no such thing as family? Was it always like this? Could you never really find a connection?

  THEN

  Riley was waiting for her text to go through. She had read receipts on. Eventually, up it came. The message had been read. Now it was time to wait for a response, if there was to be one. Christ, the idea that her message would just be met with complete radio silence, that would be the worst.

  And for over twenty-four hours, she believed that was as bad as it could get. All through Sunday and into Monday morning, all through the first lesson of the day, the silence killed her. Throughout business studies, she tried not to look at her phone. But her mind couldn’t be ripped from her wait, and occasionally, her hands followed suit, tapping in and checking she hadn’t missed a message.

  India saw her. ‘What’s up with you?’ she asked. ‘Jack isn’t bothering you, is he?’

  ‘Mmm? Oh, Christ no. That’s extremely over,’ Riley told her. She’d almost forgotten about the whole Jack melodrama. It seemed like a thousand years ago now. Someone else was making her miserable now. It was so much worse than the social embarrassment Jack had heaped on her.

  ‘Is there someone new?’ India asked slyly.

  Riley sighed through her nose. ‘No,’ she said. It didn’t feel like a lie. ‘Look, I’m not coming to lit, OK? I just can’t be arsed with it today,’ she told India.

  India was astounded. ‘But you never miss a lesson!’

  ‘If Griffin asks, tell her I’m sick or something.’

  ‘If you wanna go into town or something, have a look round the shops, I’d be up for that,’ India grinned, not reading the vibe at all.

  ‘No, I’m just… I’m just going home. I didn’t sleep well last night.’

  India stopped grinning. ‘Oh, alright.’

  The bell went, and Riley sped off, barely saying bye to India. She walked home at a pace and went straight to her room, got into bed fully clothed, and pulled the covers over her head.

  She hadn’t been there five minutes when there was a knock at her door.

  ‘Come in,’ Riley called from beneath the sheet, not meaning it.

  Someone who could only be her mother came in and sat down on the edge of the bed without a word. After a few seconds, Riley pulled the sheet from over her head. Her mother was staring at the carpet anxiously. Riley watched her, her stomach starting to hurt. She knew what it was going to be just before her mother said it. ‘Your dad and I… We’re getting a, a divorce,’ her mother told her, barely able to meet her eyes.

  ‘Where is he? Why isn’t he here to tell me this?’ Riley asked.

  ‘He’s got a meeting. He’ll be back later,’ her mother told her.

  Riley wasn’t especially surprised her dad couldn’t make it to the announcement that the family was being dissolved. Seemed on par.

  ‘Who’s moving out?’

  ‘He is,’ her mother said.

  Riley pulled the sheet down a bit further and said, ‘Good.’

  ‘That’s… that’s your reaction?’ her mother asked nervously.

  ‘Yes.’ Riley pulled the sheet back over her head. Her mother walked out. And that was that.

  So Riley wasn’t going to live with her dad anymore, but it didn’t matter. She’d be gone in a few months anyway, off to uni. And then she’d make her own way—a brand-new life away from everything and everyone she knew. They could all screw themselves.

  Riley’s mood was not improved by a text she got a few minutes later.

  I thought you were different. Guess I was wrong. You’re the same as all of them.

  Riley hadn’t been shocked by her mother’s announcement. But this? It stunned her. What the hell did it mean? Was Juliet mad because it was kind o
f Riley’s fault she’d gotten shoved in the pool? Because Riley had moved quickly, but she hadn’t pulled Juliet out of the way. Was that it? Did she blame her for it?

  As Riley thought about it, she began to realise that maybe it wasn’t that. Maybe it was something much more terrible. Maybe this was Juliet’s way of letting her know that Riley simply wasn’t good enough. She thought Riley was average.