Now and Again

by Natasha West

  That made Riley feel like an entitled brat. She couldn’t bear for Amanda to see her that way. ‘It’s not really… It’s not about that.’

  ‘Is it me? Was I being a bit… Your dad says I can be a bit suffocating.’

  That prick.

  ‘God, no. You’re like the lottery win of stepmums, Amanda. I like you more than my dad, actually.’

  There was a pause. ‘Is that the problem? Your dad? Because I could talk to him. I mean, it’s not too late for you to come back.’

  ‘It is too late. But no, it’s not about him.’

  ‘Well, that only leaves Mia and Juliet…’ Amanda trailed off. ‘Hang on, is that it?’

  Is what it?’

  ‘I don’t know, I just… Juliet seemed a bit off when I got back. Did you two have a row? Is that what’s happened?’

  Riley was desperate to say yes, and for it to be the truth. It would be so much easier if Juliet just got on her nerves. ‘No. We…’ She stopped because she couldn’t think how her sentence was going to end.

  She didn’t need an end, however, because for once, Amanda was ahead of the curve. ‘Oh. Oh. I see.’

  Riley felt her pulse jump. ‘What do you see?’ Riley said, aflutter. She wasn’t sure why.

  ‘I’ve noticed a tension between you two,’ Amanda began. ‘I can’t believe it never occurred to me that it was because…’ She laughed at herself but contained it quickly, presumably out of sensitivity. ‘Why would you move out? Did something… Did it go wrong?’

  ‘There was nothing to go wrong,’ Riley said quickly. ‘I mean, we’re just friends.’

  ‘God, I’m dense,’ Amanda said. ‘Honestly, I should have seen it. It’s Sharon all over again.’

  ‘Who the hell is Sharon?’

  ‘A friend from work. Same thing. Suddenly quit her job out of the clear blue sky, wouldn’t say why. Turned out, she was in love with Steve in accounts. But he was married. She couldn’t shake it, so the only thing to do was leave. Hurt too much to be around him if it couldn’t happen.’

  ‘I’m not in love with anyone, Amanda,’ Riley snapped.

  ‘She’s sad, you know.’

  Riley paused. ‘Is she?’

  ‘Yes. Even Mia’s noticed.’ She said, “Joo-et isn’t smiling today.”

  Riley pinched her nose between her thumb and forefinger. ‘Amanda. I can’t keep doing this.’

  ‘Doing what?’

  ‘Going around in circles.’ Riley licked her lips, before adding, ‘She shouldn’t either.’

  ‘I don’t know what that means,’ Amanda said. ‘Oh, wait. Wait!’ Amanda sounded indecently excited. ‘You weren’t just friends back in the day either, were you? That’s right, isn’t it?’

  Riley let out a low, slow moan of pure frustration. Of all the times for Amanda to start being observant. ‘No, I guess we weren’t.’

  ‘All the pieces of the puzzle are fitting together now.’

  ‘I’m so pleased for you, Veronica Mars.’

  Amanda ignored the snippy tone. ‘So, what happened?’

  Riley sighed to herself, wondering if there was any dignified, polite way to slide her arse out of this conversation. After a few seconds of consideration, she had jack shit—except for the truth. ‘When we were eighteen, we had one sort of date. That was it. Didn’t work out.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I wasn’t her cup of tea.’

  ‘She ended it?’

  ‘I just told you, it was one date. There was nothing to end.’

  ‘So, it was nothing?’ Amanda clarified.

  ‘That’s right.’

  ‘Yet, you’re still hurting ten years later? I don’t buy it.’

  Riley groaned. ‘Yes, it was quite a big crush, and it seemed like it was going to turn into more. But it didn’t.’

  ‘I’m not leaving this alone until I get some proper details, Riley. So you might as well spill it, or we’ll be here all night.’

  Spilling through the door came the sound of inane TV, a snorting laugh from India tagged on. ‘I’ve got all night, Amanda,’ Riley said.

  ‘God, you really are your dad’s kid, aren’t you?’

  Riley prickled. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘He never says what’s bothering him either.’

  ‘I did tell you. I am telling you.’

  ‘That she broke your heart?’

  ‘Amanda! I’m begging you. Please stop it.’

  But Amanda had no mercy. ‘So it didn’t work out ten years ago? Things change.’

  Riley took a deep breath. She’d had enough. ‘No, they don’t. Because if you’re chasing someone you liked ten years ago while you’re back living with your dad, then nothing has changed, has it? And maybe she’s forgotten why she rejected me, but I’m not giving her the chance to remember. I’m not letting her do it again. I have to grow up!’

  Riley hung up the phone, upset. Straight away, she knew that hanging up the phone on her stepmother while claiming she needed to grow up was not a great start to the process. She quickly tapped out a text.

  I’m sorry about that.

  That’s alright. I shouldn’t push. It’s just, you two, I have this feeling. But I’ll back off.

  That would be appreciated.

  Anyway. It’s Mia’s birthday in two weeks. The big three. Will you come to the party?

  Riley groaned loudly. There was no relief, was there? You couldn’t just be allowed to crawl into a little hole in the ground and die quietly of your issues. Someone always came along to exhume your damn corpse.

  Of course I’ll come. For Mia.

  Twenty-Three

  Juliet was getting her hair styled by Mia in the back garden, sat next to a table that was being gradually filled with plates of food by a catering crew, as well as Amanda, who was outpacing everyone else. It was always so obvious to Juliet that Amanda wasn’t fully comfortable with the wealth she now lived in. Juliet would have been just the same in her position. Unable to leave things to ‘Staff.’

  She felt another clump of her hair being yanked into a hairband in addition to the other four bunches sticking out of her head. Mia wasn’t being gentle about it either. But Juliet didn’t like to stifle Mia’s creative instincts, so she bit down the screams and let her have at it.

  ‘There,’ Mia said, satisfied with her work, handing Juliet a small hand mirror with a picture of a panda on the back. Juliet looked at her reflection. ‘Beautiful,’ she lied. Mia took the mirror and put it away. ‘Now you can come to my party.’

  Juliet laughed. ‘Oh, thank you.’ Hairstyle or no, she’d be in attendance. Though Amanda had made it clear, she wasn’t working. She said she just wanted Juliet there for her birthday because Amanda wanted all the people who were important to Mia present. Juliet was happy to be counted amongst their number. Even if it meant socialising with a few people who displayed a range of feelings toward her that swept from lukewarm to ice-cold.

  Amanda ran out again, holding a really big jelly in the shape of a rabbit. She plonked it down, moving it around to find its best position. ‘Wobbly jelly,’ Mia observed as the jelly was shuffled.

  ‘Hey, is Riley coming today?’ Juliet asked Amanda, trying to sound blasé.

  ‘Yes, she’s coming,’ Amanda said. ‘Don’t worry.’

  Juliet didn’t know quite what to say to that. She wasn’t worried. Not worried at all. It didn’t make any difference if Riley came today. If she came, she likely wouldn’t speak to Juliet anyhow. Their last conversation had been weeks ago, as Riley blew the popcorn stand. That brief exchange, plus the silence since, added up to one simple, painful truth. Juliet had fucked up. She’d shown her hand one too many times, and Riley wasn’t comfortable with knowing how Juliet felt. She wanted no more to do with Juliet than she had when they were eighteen. She was moving on. Juliet could only accept it or go mad; she hadn’t definitely decided.

  ‘Ouch!’ Juliet screamed, unable to contain the yell this time. Mia had apparently decided there were finishin
g touches she needed to apply and was trying to pull about five single hairs into another bobble. She’d ripped them all out. ‘Mia, perhaps my hair is done now?’ she asked, trying to sound chill as she rubbed her scalp, checking for a hole. Mia had already lost interest, going over to examine the jelly on the snack table, poking it to watch it jiggle. Juliet tried not to worry about the sanitary implications of her grubby little fingers touching the food.

  ‘Hey, what time are people getting here?’ Juliet asked Amanda.

  Amanda checked her watch. ‘Err, nowish?’

  ‘What?!’ Juliet said, jumping to her feet. ‘I thought it was at three!’

  ‘No, it’s two thirty. Don’t worry, you’ll have time to sort your hair out before I let anyone in. Unless…’

  The rest of that sentence was said as a set of feet pounded toward them through the kitchen. ‘She still has her keys,’ Amanda said as Riley was suddenly among them. Juliet was horror-struck.

  ‘Hi. Like your hair,’ Riley said, looking at Juliet’s ridiculous do.

  ‘Err, thanks, yeah. It’s a Mia original. I might just go and run a brush through it, though,’ she said, dashing past Riley and into the house. She took the stairs two at a time. But she couldn’t outrun her embarrassment, and as Juliet sat in front of a mirror and looked at her bananas hair and her pink cheeks, she wondered if she’d ever recover. Then again, she’d come back from worse. She brushed her hair out hastily and waited for her colour to return to something less tomatoey.

  ***

  By the time Juliet got back down, the garden was filling with guests. There were toddlers and parents everywhere, wait staff milling among them. Amanda and Mike were talking to another couple, standing side by side, doing a pretty good impression of a functional marriage. But Juliet didn’t watch them for long. Her eyes went straight to Riley. She was ladling a drink from a bowl that was strictly for the adults. Juliet didn’t know what she should do now. Though maybe there was no actual reason she had to feel weird around Riley? Because wasn’t it true that most of this had only occurred in Juliet’s head, very little of it making it out into the physical world? It probably wasn’t that obvious that she’d fallen in love with Riley.

  Wait. What was that word she’d just thought? Love? No, delete. That wasn’t right. It was a crush—an intense, brain-melting, heart-splitting crush. They’d known each other for about a week when they were eighteen and, more recently, a few months of ups and downs. You couldn’t fall in proper love with someone in that patchy time frame. Though it was entirely possible to think so, to fool yourself. She’d done it twice now. She had to kick this habit—today. She had to shake it the hell off and talk to Riley like she was just anyone. Like she was Mia. Maybe not Mia. Mike? No, she needed someone she liked. Amanda? That worked. She was her very nice boss, and the way Juliet talked to her was just right. Warm, with a slight layer of professional distance. Not a buddy, not family, a really good employer. She could use that voice for Riley.

  Well, no time like the present, Juliet thought, helping herself to the adult cocktail bowl. Drink in hand, she began to walk in Riley’s direction, winding around toddlers and a few fatigued mums and dads, headed for her target. She was standing at the edge of the pool beyond the locked security gate, looking into its depths. Juliet let herself through the gate, shutting it behind her.

  ‘Hi,’ she said.

  Riley turned to her. ‘You’ve changed your hair.’

  ‘Yeah. I felt that it might be too eye-catching of a look to debut at a three-year-old’s birthday bash. I wouldn’t want to make the day about me.’

  Riley chuckled, and Juliet felt good about the opener. Even tone, light joke. Spot on.

  ‘Well, you rocked it,’ Riley said, smiling. Juliet felt slightly less capable for a moment, but gathered her strength and plundered on. ‘So, err, how’s it going at India’s?’

  Riley took an infinitesimal pause and said, ‘It’s a nice place.’

  Juliet thought she detected subtext. ‘And India? She a good housemate?’

  ‘Well, she’s hardly ever home,’ Riley said. ‘She’s very social.’

  ‘Mmm, I remember,’ Juliet said, trying not to add a tone to that.

  Riley laughed. ‘Yeah. Same old India. A boy in every port.’

  Juliet laughed, slightly surprised. She’d always had a theory about India. ‘I didn’t know that about her. I always thought… Well…’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Nothing. I mean, I didn’t know her. We weren’t exactly friends.’

  Riley paused and looked down at her drink, and Juliet thought the conversation had come to an end. But then Riley said, ‘Funny you should mention that… India told me something. About the old days.’

  That grabbed Juliet’s ear. ‘Yes?’

  Riley bit her lip. ‘Yeah, she said… It’s silly to talk about it, really.’

  Juliet felt nervous. Was this going to be about something uncomfortable? ‘What did she say?’

  Riley frowned. ‘She said—’

  ‘Whoo!’ said a voice, and they both turned in surprise to see India herself suddenly appear between them. ‘That traffic was shitty!’ she said too loud in a garden full of kids. A few adults threw her a look she didn’t see. ‘But I made it.’ She let herself through the pool gate.

  ‘Oh,’ Riley said, looking thoroughly thrown. ‘I didn’t think… I didn’t realise you were free?’

  ‘For little Mina? I made the time,’ India smiled.

  ‘Mia,’ Juliet corrected.

  India turned to her. ‘Oh. You’re here?’

  Juliet flashed her teeth in what she hoped was a decent imitation of a smile. ‘I live and work here. I’m not sure why it would be a surprise.’

  ‘I guess I thought you might have the day off.’

  ‘I do. But it’s Mia’s birthday.’

  Juliet’s teeth were practically grinding with antipathy. Why on earth was India here? She couldn’t give a damn about Mia, that was clear. So why would she take time from her little social whirl to come and slum it at a kid’s party? And her timing was as good as ever. What had Riley been about to say? India had said something to her about… what? ‘Hey, Riley and I were just talking about the old days,’ Juliet said boldly.

  ‘Oh?’ India said, her eyebrow arching slowly up.

  ‘Yes. She was just about to tell me something?’ She turned to Riley on that question. Riley’s lips parted. ‘Oh, err… Yeah. I was just…’ She gave a light laugh. ‘Well, we could all talk about it, right? It was so long ago,’ she said, catching India’s eye. ‘We could just air it out now?’

  India’s face didn’t move. ‘Oh, that? I’d rather not.’

  Riley looked surprised. ‘Oh. Sorry. I thought it might be OK. But I guess you’re not ready to…’

  It didn’t matter if Riley had decided to respect India’s feelings: there was no reason Juliet had to. She decided to cut out the middleman, and she turned her body away from Riley, focusing entirely on India. ‘Come on, what is it?’

  India snorted through her nose. ‘Look, forget it, alright?’

  ‘No. It sounded like maybe this involved something about me. I think I’ve got a right to know what’s being said about me.’ Juliet tossed a glance to Riley to see how she was handling this. But she looked neutral. She was allowing it. ‘Go on, let’s hear it,’ Juliet demanded.

  India paused, and Juliet thought she’d simply refuse again. But then she said, ‘I told her about that time at the end of the year. When you hit me round the face with that book. That’s all.’

  ‘Oh,’ Juliet said. ‘That.’

  ‘Right,’ India said. ‘So, anyway, we can forget it, can’t we? Forgive and forget, right?’

  Juliet shrugged. ‘You don’t have to forgive me. I don’t regret it.’

  India bit the inside of her cheek, looking sourly unsurprised. But Riley was appalled. ‘Juliet. Jesus.’

  Juliet didn’t want Riley to think she was just being a bitch, so she prepared herself t
o get into it. All of it. ‘Well, it felt justified. After what she said about what you two—’

  The end of that sentence never came. Because India turned suddenly, saying, ‘My earring fell out!’ and as she bent over, her entire body concertinaed over, creating twice as much India in the area. That excess amount of India happened to overlap with where Juliet was stood. And physics has taught us that an unstoppable force cannot exist in the same place as an immovable object. One must stop being immovable or the other unstoppable. Juliet lost the battle, becoming a movable object. And as she rapidly moved (or was pushed, depending on your take), she found herself flying in the direction of another immovable object.