Now and Again

by Natasha West

  ‘I can’t be telling you anything you don’t know. That you’ve got a bit of a wide-on for the proles. I’ve been known to swim in the shallow end myself. But you can’t take them anywhere, can you?’

  Riley’s jaw was sitting on India’s expensive shag rug. ‘Are you fucking serious?’

  India, who’d been on her backfoot before, decided to go on the offensive. ‘Riley, come on. If I didn’t have a point, you’d have stuck it out with someone, wouldn’t you? But it’s not what you’re looking for. Even if it does piss your dad off.’

  Riley had never wanted to slap India around the face quite so much. ‘How could you say something like that?’ she breathed quietly.

  ‘What, I’m wrong?’ India said smugly.

  ‘You are so fucking wrong,’ Riley told her. ‘I liked Noah because he was a good person, and we had a lot in common.’

  ‘And what about Juliet?’

  Riley was surprised into silence.

  ‘Didn’t think I knew about that, did you?’ India said smugly.

  ‘God, what does it matter now?’ Riley said, giving up. ‘Yeah, there was a moment, back in the day, I thought… But it didn’t get very far, you’ll be delighted to know.’

  ‘Yeah, and I’ve no doubt she’d have put the moves on you again if I hadn’t gotten you out.’

  ‘Gotten me out? It wasn’t a war-torn country. It was my dad’s house. And Juliet and I aren’t going to happen.’

  ‘You wanted it to, though,’ India sneered. ‘It’s written all over your face.’

  ‘That’s none of your… Oh, for fuck’s sake. Why do you care who I pick?’

  ‘I don’t,’ India said with more defensiveness than seemed fitting. ‘Not really. I just thought you needed a hand.’

  ‘You thought I needed a hand? You’re not a love guru, India. You dump men over almost nothing,’ Riley heard herself say, and she knew they were teetering on the edge of a real row. Maybe even headed to the point of no return.

  ‘I’ve never dumped anyone for a small reason,’ India screeched.

  ‘What about the guy you broke up with because he had a cat?’ Riley reminded her.

  ‘I’m allergic, Riley. What was I supposed to do? He wouldn’t even consider having it put down.’

  ‘Do you hear yourself?’ Riley asked.

  ‘Yes, unlike you,’ India said, looking rather red-faced now.

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘It means… Do you think I don’t see you rolling your eyes at me? Glazing over when I talk? I always have to chase you to get five minutes of your time, while some poor-o like Juliet fucking Sullivan has you practically drooling over her!’ India screeched.

  ‘India…’ Riley began feeling bad. India wasn’t wrong. Riley had done those things. She’d hurt her friend.

  India looked embarrassed. ‘Hey, look, before you start overreacting, I’m not fucking in love with you or anything!’

  Riley wasn’t sure how to tackle that one. ‘I never thought you were.’

  India laughed very loudly. ‘Don’t make me laugh. I mean, you and me? No way. I’m strictly dickly, you know that. Jesus, I’ve had more peen than you’ve had hot dinners.’

  Riley pushed that image away as she tried to tiptoe through this minefield. ‘I know you’ve had plenty of… But, I mean… You don’t think… There’s no chance that you’re, maybe, possibly overcompensating for anything, is there?’

  ‘I knew it. I knew you’d think this,’ India said, walking over to the bar and pouring a really large drink of vodka, neat. ‘Well, fuck you. Just because it’s in vogue now to be bisexual or whatever…’

  ‘Actually, that’s not really true,’ Riley corrected, but India wasn’t listening. ‘…Doesn’t mean we all have to jump on board,’ she finished, upset.

  Riley was truly down the rabbit hole. She wasn’t sure what to do. Was this something they could talk about if India didn’t want to be honest with herself? Probably not.

  Oh, and also, wait a fucking second… ‘Shit, India. You did shove Juliet in that pool, didn’t you?’

  India, mid glug on her enormous drink, paused. ‘Ha, what? No. What?’ Riley fixed her with a look. India, either from guilt or more likely from that hit of booze, cracked pretty quickly. ‘Jesus, fine. I’m not ashamed of it, anyway. It was fucking hilarious.’

  Riley looked at her friend, the girl she’d known her whole life- thought she knew- and walked away from her, going into her room, packing her stuff. What she could carry out today, anyway. She had to go, and she had to go now. She walked out of her room, bag in hand.

  ‘Off, are we?’ India asked bitterly, topping herself up.

  ‘I can’t stay here anymore,’ Riley was sad to say.

  ‘No. You can’t,’ India said quickly, trying to sound like it had been her idea. ‘You’re not welcome.’

  Riley, a hand on the doorknob, suddenly remembered something. ‘You did it to shut her up. She was trying to tell me something. What was it… Something about your fight?’

  India rolled her eyes. ‘You’re not getting me on that. She confessed in front of you.’

  ‘Yes, she did. But then she started to say…’ Riley was putting stuff together at speed. ‘She started to say why she’d done it. That’s when you shoved her. That’s it, isn’t it? You didn’t want her to say something. You didn’t want her to tell me something.’

  India sniffed and took another vodka hit. ‘Wow. This is quite something to watch.’

  ‘What is?’

  ‘You, suddenly deciding you want to know things.’

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘It means you were always fine with not knowing things before. That was our arrangement. I kept you out of certain things, and you didn’t ask.’

  Was that true? Had she been in the dark? Or simple denial? It didn’t matter now. She couldn’t have gone back if she’d wanted to. ‘What did you do?’

  ‘I protected you. Not that you’d appreciated it.’

  Riley didn’t like the sound of that. ‘India. What did you do?’

  India sighed. ‘You remember that party?’

  THEN

  India was snogging that guy from downstairs, and she was bored. In general, but specifically bored with moving this guy’s hand away from her pants. She was willing to let him go to town in the bra region. Why could they never appreciate what they’d been given? She moved his hand away, and he tried again a few seconds later. After the third attempt, she pushed him off her entirely.

  ‘What?!’ he cried from the floor.

  ‘Take a hint!’ she said to him. She got up and began to walk out.

  ‘Are we still going out?’ he called after her. India didn’t bother replying. She wanted to find Riley. She’d left her downstairs; she hoped she hadn’t gotten fed up and left. It had been known.

  She found Paul Prentiss in the kitchen. He was pouring tequila into a beer can. ‘Paul, have you seen Ri?’ she asked him.

  ‘Eh? Who?’ Paul answered. He was pretty drunk, even for him.

  ‘Never mind.’

  She walked around the party for a while, saying hi to people, only caring if she found Riley. She found Jack instead, to her chagrin. ‘Hey, is Riley here tonight?’ he asked her, sounding tense.

  ‘Ummm… no. She left,’ India said, which, after all, might turn out to be true.

  ‘Oh. Fuck. Did she… Has she said anything about me?’

  India smirked. ‘Nope. You’re yesterday’s news, Jacky Boy.’

  Jack huffed. ‘Fuck’s your problem?’

  India shrugged. Boys didn’t like that she treated them like this. But there was something sort of two dimensional to her about the male of the species. She supposed she’d like one properly one day, maybe even fall in love. Until then, it was fun to knock them about like this, watch them wilt. There were never any true consequences to hurting them.

  Unlike Riley. God, that girl was so fucking sensitive sometimes. She would be upset if she saw India being mea
n, even to Jack. So India was careful about that sort of thing. She hated to think of Riley thinking badly of her.

  She didn’t have that policy for most people. People like that loser, Juliet, as a prime example. India had a general dislike for that weak little squirrel since day one of comp. But recently, she kept catching Riley talking to her. At the library, in the cafeteria, in the hall. What the hell was that about? Why would they suddenly strike up a friendship out of the blue? Unless… Hmm. It couldn’t be that? Could it?

  India knew Riley was bi. That was… Well, it wasn’t really… India just didn’t like to think about that. She also didn’t like thinking about why she didn’t like thinking about that. It wasn’t important. All that mattered was that Riley was her best friend in the world, and nothing would ever be allowed to come between them. Boyfriends came and went, but they were real. They were forever.

  She finally made her way to the back door. She put her hand on the door handle, looking through the glass—Riley, at last. She was talking to…

  For fuck’s sakes. What was she doing here?

  It didn’t matter why. It didn’t matter that she’d gotten all gussied up either. She could dress like a real person all she liked. India knew who Juliet was. Just another person trying to take Riley away.

  India walked through the house to the front, leaving the building. But she wasn’t really leaving. She tiptoed around the side of the house, through the back gate, entering the back garden, though she didn’t walk out into the open. She stayed just around the corner of the house, hidden. India didn’t know why she was doing this. She supposed she just wanted to hear what they were saying, so she could confirm what she thought. That Riley had gotten stuck with Juliet. Then India could go over and drag her off, and they’d laugh about it.

  Only that wasn’t what she heard. They were talking. Really talking. Riley was telling Juliet about her dad. She’d never told India any of that. Then Juliet told her some fucking cringy stuff in exchange, some story about her first kiss. India was disgusted. But it got worse. Juliet had some sort of clunky accident and then, for some godforsaken reason, Riley kissed her.

  India froze, horrified, sick to her stomach. She wanted to scream. She went back inside. That little bitch. She was taking her Riley. She’d only just gotten her back from Jack and now this? Who the fuck did Juliet think she was? Nobody. This would not stand.

  NOW

  ‘So I told her you told me a bunch of personal stuff about her and that we were laughing at her, and she was fucking devastated,’ India said, chuckling. ‘It was so good. Every time I think about it, I still laugh.’

  Riley looked at India, astonished. ‘I can’t believe I didn’t see this. This is what she meant. This is why she thinks I’m like you.’

  ‘Who, Juliet?’ India said, her voice dripping with disdain. ‘Yeah, she’s so deep, isn’t she? With her books and her shit clothes and her little job. It doesn’t take much to fool you, does it?’

  ‘I suppose it doesn’t,’ Riley told her oldest friend. ‘All the times I’ve defended you. Just because you were nice to me, in your own way. But you’re mean. I guess you always were.’

  India rolled her eyes. ‘Fuck off, good girl. Seriously, get the hell out of my place. I’ve got two hot guys coming around, and you know what? I’m totally gonna have a threesome with them.’

  Riley did want to leave. But what India had just said sounded too sad not to be commented on. ‘It won’t help anything,’ Riley warned her. She wasn’t sure why she was bothering. For old times’ sake, maybe.

  ‘Don’t tell me what to do. I’m not your problem anymore, right?’ she said. Riley heard the wobble in her voice. Part of her wanted to comfort India. Because she was a sad girl with dreadful deep-seated issues. But India had always been India’s biggest problem, and there had never been anything Riley could do about that. ‘Bye, India. Take care of yourself.’

  India didn’t respond to that, and Riley shut the door quietly behind her.

  She checked into a hotel that night. Though she didn’t sleep for even a minute. She was turning it all over. One piece of new information from a decade ago and she didn’t know anything anymore.

  Only maybe she did know something. She’d kept Juliet at arm’s length because of this one thing. When she thought over every discarded opportunity to be close to her, she shuddered. She’d wanted it. And she’d told herself she couldn’t have it.

  She’d made the most terrible mistake.

  Twenty-Seven

  Juliet looked at thirty screaming children running around the enclosure at Kute Kidz Daycare. She had forgotten the wall of sound that kids could generate en masse. It was something of a shock. ‘So, this is your usual number?’ she asked Deb, the woman who ran the place. ‘Yep. Legal limit. I’m careful not to go over. Not after they shut the last place. One little measles outbreak and everyone loses their marbles,’ Deb told her morosely. ‘You gonna take it then?’

  ‘Oh, I got the job?’ Juliet asked, not particularly excited.

  ‘Yeah,’ Deb shrugged. ‘If you want it?’

  ‘Can I think about it?’

  ‘You’ve got till tomorrow because there was another girl on the shortlist, and she’s also got an interview at Krazy Kids down the road, and I’d hate to lose her if you don’t want the job.’

  Juliet had also been to Krazy Kids this morning. The name wasn’t a joke. ‘I’ll give you an answer by the morning,’ she vowed to Deb.

  As she left, she thought it would probably be a yes. Kute Kidz was the lesser of two evils. On the bus home, she didn’t feel great about the decision, but it was time to get on with her life and stop delaying the inevitable.

  She arrived at Becca’s half an hour later and found someone on the doorstep she didn’t expect. ‘Hello,’ she said.

  ‘Hi,’ said the surprise visitor.

  ‘What are you doing here, Mike?’ she asked the man. He looked different from the last time she saw him. Shorter somehow. She realised it was an illusion cast by a stoop in his posture.

  ‘I need to talk to you,’ he said. He sounded different too. Quieter.

  ‘What about?’ Juliet asked, letting herself into the empty house, everyone out for the day. She turned in the door to finish the conversation. She didn’t want Mike in there, judging her sister’s house. But he said, ‘Can I come in?’

  Defeated as he was, Juliet didn’t know how to say no to him. ‘Fine. Tea?’

  Mike nodded. Juliet walked through to the kitchen, expecting Mike to sit down in the living room. But he followed her. He looked odd in the little kitchen, in his fancy suit. He watched her while she put the kettle on and got two mugs out. ‘How’s Mia?’ Juliet asked.

  ‘She’s… she’s not happy, actually. No one is. That’s what I’ve come about.’

  ‘Oh?’ Juliet said, suddenly knowing what this was. Mike had come to offer Juliet her job back. That was a twist. Mike had seemed to relish giving her her walking papers. But she could see something had changed in him.

  ‘Yes, you see…’ he began, but the kettle hit its peak, and Juliet couldn’t hear anything else over the boiling water. ‘I didn’t catch that,’ she said.

  ‘I said Amanda’s left me!’ Mike said far too loudly as the kettle clicked off.

  Juliet didn’t know what to say to that, so she just made the tea and handed him a cup. He stood there, blowing on it, glancing around the kitchen. ‘This looks like the place I grew up in.’

  Juliet nearly lost her grip on her tea. ‘You didn’t grow up rich?’

  ‘I was born two streets away. Jackson Road,’ he told her.

  ‘Right,’ Juliet said, acclimating.

  ‘It’s not easy getting out of somewhere like this, is it?’ he said.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with somewhere like this,’ Juliet told him sharply. She was surprised by her own tone.

  ‘Sorry,’ he said. It was the biggest shock of all, an apology from Mike Powell. ‘I didn’t mean to offend you.’


  ‘It’s a bit late for that.’

  Mike sighed and shook his head at himself. ‘It might be too late for a lot of things. But I can’t just… I let one family go. I can’t do it again,’ he sighed and rubbed his temples. ‘I love Amanda and Mia. In my way. Amanda, she let me… She did her best to love who I was. Who I am. But you were the final straw. She can’t forgive me for getting rid of you. So you have to come back. It’s the only way to fix things.’

  Juliet stiffened, despite the homily. He was still throwing out orders. ‘I don’t have to do anything, Mike.’