The Briers

by V.J. Goll

Author's Note

  It took a cold, December day when I had to make a hard decision about a job that I was working. Sometimes, life had a way of telling me that I was on the wrong track, but I had difficulty with the job. I had a dream that I would quit it in October. I didn't want to quit, but then, whatever was in that spiritual force that compelled me to quit. I was brought there by my own choice, but by my conscious, I realized that there was "lightning" in my life compelling me to write this story. It took one more event in June for me to realize that God was talking to me. I saw the shadows of the Briers in each of these events, and I realized that voice was saying to me: "You know better." It was rightly so. I did. That wasn't the only event. The bulk of the Briers was written in the aftermath of the second reminder.

  The Briers is based on true events, but the book went through about three re-writes to prevent the true story from being in the book. Ally’s name was chosen because it is close to definition of an ally. It means “friend.” Those three times that I wrote the Briers was difficult. I actually had very long drafts and could have published those versions, but I deleted them. They were much darker than this version. It was difficult writing something that would be on a couple very dark topics and making it easier to read. A lot of the material for the Briers was based on dreams that I was having that were vivid. It seemed that when I started writing. The dreams would stop. They were pretty much nightmares.

  Yet, what caused me to write the Briers was numerous things. I admit anger helped spur me to put this book together. It is not idle that you see a 1st James reference with the mirrors. There was someone that I knew in life much like A who abused a sexual abuse victim by instead of helping them with getting out of their situation. They proceeded to "lord" over them and tell them that they were in that situation because they didn't follow God or read the Bible enough. This behavior enraged me extremely. I pretty much wrote the Briers as a rebuke. This did not just happen to one person, but many.

  We had a fight over our ideological differences. It was a brutal fight, but eventually, I got tired of the politics and wanted to break from that side of the world. I did take one for a couple years as I worked on my personal life. Yet, the story of the Briers kept returning to me. I kept seeing Mara and hearing Ally's voice. I kept having dreams about it. One day, I relented and started writing the story despite having great reluctance of opening the door to the toxicity that caused the Briers events in my life personally. I hope from this part. I want no involvement with the past or speculation. I am not going to identify people or the events.

  On Mara, I ask that you don't bother her or him. I ask that you don't bother anyone that can be Mara, male or female from my life. Let them have their peace and leave them be. I ask this. I originally wanted to make the Briers longer, but I realized that it was fine as is because it was better to honor my oath as an advocate to abide by confidentiality. Bear is based on a real individual who is incredibly sick right now. I do intend to try to help Bear with what I can from the book.

  S represents specific people in my life, but the S is rightly honored in her role how she came into my life. I didn't meet S on a park bench. I met her differently. Without S, I would not have gotten to where I was at. She never knew about my past till literally the last two months that I was working under her. Yet, she was the kind of person who never judged, but she was discerning enough to know who she was managing. She has been someone who has literally helped me put my life together. There are actually very many S type of people in my life, but she was the person who helped me break cycle and defeat many of the obstacles that I faced with having my special needs. I am an individual with special needs.

  Lastly, I wrote the Briers to help me research. It includes a ton of the dysfunction in raising a child with disabilities and no way reflects the people in my real life. Divorce is high in families with children with disabilities. I tried to capture the bitterness and struggles as much as I could. It was not meant to be a light book because there are ongoing and unresolved issues. I wanted to bring them into life.

  As for me, I was an Ally, but I am not anymore. I actually stopped doing jobs where I did caregiving or advocacy when I did have a real life wakeup call caused by a friend. This is based on a true event. I wanted to add it because when you are in the service field. Self-care is essential. When you don't engage in self-care, it is hard on the mind and body. I wanted to show this. I prefer to be left alone about the events that inspired the Briers.