I don’t get a chance to give any kind of verbal response or even encouragement. I don’t even get a chance to look up or think, and his sudden sweep into me, his fingers yanking my chin up as his lips crash into mine, knock me for six.
I’m shocked, frozen for a second by the instant lip to lip assault, but as soon as his warm mouth molds to mine, I literally lose all control. I kiss him back, hormones let loose and that craving hunger finding what it wanted after all, with a fever incomparable to anything and get lost in the sweetest tasting past time ever invented. Now I know what an urge taking over feels like and my inner wolf pushes beyond any control I have.
His lips open mine, tongues meeting for the first time and I experience my first ever French kiss with a clearly practiced mouth. I groan, succumb to his expertise as he yanks me into him and bodily crashes us together intimately. Our teeth clash with sheer ferocity in the devouring way we got at one another and his hand rakes my body, grinding me to him like he can’t get enough as I completely succumb.
Lust fuels the animals in us, and he picks me up under the thighs, his grip bruising my tender skin as he wedges his body between my legs, pulling them around his waist and walks me back so he can jam me up against the wall, to fully push himself against me. He kisses me harder, with a passion that sets us on fire and I grasp and claw at his shoulders and neck in utter abandonment, scratching, biting , kissing and finding my rhythm and confidence in what he’s doing to my mouth.. His tongue caresses mine and mentally I blurt insanely…
I want you inside of me. I’m going to self-combust if you don’t.
Not even sure if I mind linked, or where this thought even came from, given I’m a virgin and never had a sexual urge in my life, but it only seems to make him kiss me all the more passionately. All sense lost as this bond engulfs us and he grinds into me until my urges reach fever pitch of heightened horniness and I start panting with the effort as my body vibrates and craves his desperately.
I wrap my arms around his neck tightly, almost choking him with the way I latch on, devouring him with equal fervor and find my motion, rubbing my pelvis up against what is clearly an erection, a very solid bulge in his pants, as we meet in every way. It doesn’t even shame or shock me, instead it fuels my need to strip him naked and get on top of him to complete this union. He feels like the best thing in the world, smells, tastes, touches in a way that drives me insane with need and I now realize this bond is more powerful than even I gave it credit for. I want him so badly I might actually lose my mind if we don’t do this.
Grinding into one another, my crotch fitted to his and breathing labored, I experience the real first moments of a building climax, even though we haven’t done anything properly. Just the motion of his rough jeans between my thighs, over my panties, his kiss, his hands on me and the feel of him, has me unravelling insanely. I never knew much about sex before today and now; I literally cannot contain the need to have it with him and might even get my first orgasm without losing my virginity.
Colton catches my hand roughly and pulls it above my head, pinning me back against the wall hard, crazily sexy, exposing my neck to him while my arm pulls my long hair back out of his way. I turn my face, knowing what he wants almost instinctively, heart hammering through my labored breathing and tighten my grip around him to keep him close. Sliding away from my mouth to my neck, he licks from the base of my throat and up to my jawline, igniting a wave of tingles and goosebumps that makes me clench my thighs together around him. He groans at the pressure, which shoves his hard on against me firmly. My core pulsing with need as he focuses on something else entirely.
Mark me… take me. I’m yours. Finalize the union.
The wanton voice of a girl begging for release, that I don’t recognize, and he responds with a low growl that stirs everything low down inside of me.
I want nothing more. God, I need you so badly.
Primal urge is no match for common sense, and as his teeth elongate and graze the soft skin of my neck, holding me taut against the wall, fully submissive, angling me in readiness to leave his mate mark on my neck, I moan in pleasure and squeeze my eyes closed at his touch. Holding my breath as I wait for the one thing that will calm the insanity in this need between us.
A transference of blood and sex and we are united for life. Bearing marks that tie us together and shows everyone we’re bonded.
I tense and exhale as his hot breath and soft mouth nestle on the naked skin near my jugular and a sharp graze presses against the pulsing spot of my throat. A tiny inkling of piercing points pricking into the first thin layers, fully ready for the biting pain I know will probably come, but so close to self-combustion that I think it might make me climax. I dig my nails of my one free hand into his shoulder, clamping onto him brutally in sheer ecstasy and swell with the transference of the pleasure he feels as it consumes me too. Seems he likes a bit of pain.
An almighty high-pitched screech assaults my senses, shatters glass in the room around us in dramatic mini explosions, combusts inside my head so crazily painfully that I snap my eyes open and scramble to claw my palms over my ears, yanking them from him. Colton’s body tenses and he releases me clumsily. Dropping me to my feet in alarm that has us scrambling to shield our ears in unison, brains shuddering with the excruciating squealing whine on our elevated senses. Colton bristles into half turning, teeth, claws, face changing, as his protective instincts make him fight ready and poised to protect me. Turning on the source as he tries to stay upright, and I crumble behind him to the floor in a useless heap. Clutching at my head to drown it out before my brain actually pops.
“How could you?” Carmen wails, so insanely tonal it’s like a dog whistle and things on the shelves in the room begin to vibrate as she keeps that infernal noise going. It dawns on me; this is one of her gifts. She can shatter with high pitch frequency and I clutch my ears in alarm as she begins to howl louder. Colton somehow seems to be more able to battle it and attempts to tackle her into the hall, to try and stop the eardrum puncturing noise. It’s insanely painful. “You said you loved me!” She screams at him, pushing back to get at me, losing her sanity and going for the kill. Her eyes glowing brightest orange as she loses all self-control as her nails elongate to full on wolf claws and her teeth begin to peek. He changes from pushing her out, to dragging her back away from me and wrestling what is a mid-transforming she-wolf.
“I did … I mean, I do. I don’t know what I’m saying. Calm down, Carmen.” He picks her up from behind, covering her mouth with one hand harshly, pressing until she relents for a gasp of air and turns her around, before pinning her to the wall to restrain her and get control. The tone that dominates, the one none of us can fight, comes out of him ruthlessly and reminds me why all should be afraid of the Santo Alpha’s.
“Stop it now! And stop screaming!” He growls it her way devilishly, and even though I’m not even saying a word, I instantly slam my mouth shut too. Instant feeble submission because he Alpha-toned us and there’s not a lot you can do about it.
She instantly quiets, falling into utter silence, relief immediate but my ears are ringing in the aftermath and I am so dazed I can’t immediately get up. As I finally scramble myself to my knees to try, the door bursts open and Juan storms forward, , half man, half beast, semi transformed in a ripped shirt and jacket, ready to take on the intruder, and stops dead in his tracks. The elders and Shaman hot on his tail in similar state of urgency, and they all gawp at the scene before them.
“What’s going on? What happened?” he commands snappily, seething rage, and I sink down into the corner once more, huddling into a ball and wishing myself a million miles away from all of this. This just can’t get any worse.
“Your son was in the middle of marking that Reject! …. MY mate has betrayed me!” She wails again in desolation, and I feel every single angry glare turn from her to me, and then Colton, as silence deafens us all.
Rejection
I pace my room for the hundredth ti
me, sighing, frustrated and mentally working through the war going off inside of me and end up ‘arghhhing’ out loud in frustration. So over this crap already, and tired of feeling this strung out. I feel like the events of the last few days have changed me in subtle ways and wish I could go back to the before.
Things have not been going well since that day in the pack house, that changed literally everything in my life, and I’m a prisoner in the orphanage until further notice. Under lock and key metaphorically, through pain of death should I disobey.
Colton's father erupted when he realized that being left alone for mere minutes was enough to send his son spiraling into hormonal lust for his new mate, throwing all sense aside and almost marking me. So now we’re forbidden from being near one another indefinitely. His father thinks he can control fate by just refusing to let things run their course. Despite everything the Shaman warned and tried to preach.
Juan is adamant I’ll be the downfall of the Packdom should Colton honor our bond and I god damn hate him for interfering and thinking he can control me in this way. I’m not one of his pack, he has no claim to me or my bloodline, and since I turned, I’m free to leave this stupid mountain, but he won’t let me!
Nothing like this has ever happened before in the history of imprinting, and the Shaman warned of terrible foreboding should we anger the fates and deny something as strong as an imprintation. Juan didn’t care. He only cares about what Juan wants, what the Santo’s need and I’m an annoying little fly in his soup. Not worthy of his son’s attentions or his seed.
My running away plan is pointless, because my soul is now linked to Colton in every way, meaning I’m not allowed to leave Radstone at all. To go off on my own, for fear I endanger the life of their future alpha in my unworthy incapable way in case some terrible mishap befalls me. If I die out there in the big bad world, then so does he.
I mean the Fates did make your mate become inseparable from you for a reason, beyond lust and procreation… the desire to never be parted is as much about survival. The Alpha is meant to protect his femme at all costs, and she is meant to shadow her dominant for life. Always by his side, to watch his back and become an invincible unit. They become one. If one falls, they both fall.
So basically after being screamed at by Carmen until my ears bled, literally, and they still hurt, bullied into a corner by Juan, who threatened to tear me apart and Colton almost took his head off, and then dragged home to house arrest by some of the overly handsy aggressive Santo pack, I’m literally confined to a life inside these walls, with no contact from the person fate decided would be the other half to my soul for an eternity. Everything sucks. Just god damn, all the way to hell and back, sucks!
Happy sucky eighteenth birthday, Alora.
It’s going swell so far.
We’re forbidden from linking, or talking, or seeing one another, and I doubt that will ever change. Bonding is for life and distance won't do very much about it. You cannot sever a bond. You can choose to deny it, ignore it if you can, but Colton has to be the one to reject me, or I will be and currently still am, his mate. He said the words, he verbalized the choice and started to mark me. Juan cannot make that choice for him. He has to say the words to me. I have to hear it from him before it breaks the union we started. Not that it does much in terms of our link, but for his pack, for the code, he can’t have me as his mate and then go back to Carmen without doing this first. One mate… there’s no leeway in that.
It's been agony though, and the Shaman was correct in that denying the bond only makes it worse. I swear, I’ve been dreaming, obsessing, about him since we were pulled apart and I can't sleep or eat for pining for the mate I will never have as long as his father has any say. Even if he made it clear he wants me too. It’s so crazy, given that I didn’t know him at all, and now I know everything about him, can feel him, see him in my mind’s eye and even hear that sexy subtly accented Latino voice of his whenever I want. He’s ingrained on me now.
He's in my head, creating dark unhealable holes in my heart and my entire being feels empty and lost without the other half of me to complete it. His kiss has ruined me in so many ways and I replay those moments until I scream in agony and try to push the taste and feel of him out. I never knew this kind of pain could exist and now I curse the fates for doing this to me. Why they would inflict this kind of uncurable disease, is beyond me. It’s a form of insanity and I am powerless to cure myself, no matter how strong I think I am.
I’m desperate to reach out and link to him, for just one second, to appease my eternal cravings, but as I have heard nothing from him, I’m assuming he too agrees with his father, that for the future of the pack we should have no contact, considering he closed down the head link and I can’t get to him at all. Dreaming about him, smelling his scent on the wind when it blows from the south is driving me crazy and I have no idea how to fix myself while I don’t even know what we are. Held captive, still his mate, yet denied all that goes with it.
The only upside to my turning and finally becoming my true self in all of this, is the physical difference, which shocked me when I finally got home to wash myself free of the grime and blood caking every inch of me. Catching sight in the mirror of the bathroom, it held me still with disbelief as I took myself in slowly and digested the image staring back at me.
The woman before me in the mirror, where a girl once stood, is almost like a stranger to me, yet not. Still Alora in a way, I still recognize myself as me, yet I’m angular, fuller lipped, clearer skinned. My features somehow better without changing too much so I can’t put my finger on the why. My hair’s thicker, fuller, lighter, so that instead of mousy brown, it’s a highlighted caramel with hints of honey, and gorgeous waves. My eyes greener, dazzling almost and my body is toned in places I don't think I could ever improve on. It enhanced, tweaked, and brought me up to par with the already turned walking around this kingdom. No longer plain; I’m desirable, which brings its own problems.
Males in heat circle me whenever I venture down to the kitchen, or out into the courtyard for air. The orphanage still has many who live under this roof, even after turning, who have no desire to leave. I may have imprinted on a mate, but I bear no mark to solidify a union, therefore I’m mateless in their eyes and available, and I need to watch my back. Not all are bound by pack rules in this new era.
Generally, males treat femmes with respect after turning, but not all. Hormones, lack of a mate, and sometimes undirected testosterone levels, all contribute to rogue males with little consideration of punishment when fueled by a need to have sex. We are primal animals, and sex is in our basic everyday makeup once we turn for the first time. I know I’m already suffering for the cravings to be fulfilled. My body yearning for my mate to join with me, until I feel like I may turn inside out with the internal painful pangs for his body. The annoying part is, that no one else will do and I have zero interest in any kind of instant relief with any other male, or any form of self-pleasure, not that I would know how. It’s not been high on my list of priorities in my life.
I’ve become aware, more than ever now, that I am no longer safe in this home when surrounded by unmated males. A lack of a real pack means a lack of protection, and any kind of consequences for a male who brutally takes what he wants. We live in a cruel world, and as an unwanted no one cares about the rejects. Especially not if one reject attacks and violates another. We have no back up.
It doesn’t matter if every single one of them saw me imprint on Colton; it’s public knowledge Juan is denying the bond and I’ve been sent to dwell here to stay away from his son. They know not to kill or maim me, but messing me up a little, doing unspeakable things… his son would recover the pain quickly and not carry the emotional scarring that I would. I’m not safe.
I stop my daily ritual pacing and slump down on my bed, aware Vanka has come in, grabbed some belongings and left again. She too is keeping her distance since the turning. It seems my public shaming with Colton put me in some kind o
f social outcast list, among even my own fellow unwanteds.
Not one of them has looked my way or talked to me in days. No one wants to know me or be seen associating with the girl who had the audacity to bond to someone way above her station. Especially not Prince Santo himself. Like I somehow orchestrated all this, and it wasn’t fate at all. Committed some kind of heinous sin that marks me as the lowest of the low, even in turns of being in this crappy home.
The only thing keeping me from being killed is the fact Colton will die if anyone touches me. I mean, I’m sure if I was cornered and attacked by someone it would affect him too, but it doesn’t seem to matter to the circling predators in this house. Most hate the Santo's and any of the alphas for that matter because they know they will never be them, or match up to them, and jealousy and ego are a lethal combination. They won’t be hunted for inflicting pain on him, only if he dies.
I lie down on my bed, my stomach growling with hunger pangs while tying my insides in knots, but I just can't seem to face eating. I try; I go down for allocated mealtimes, but I pick at my food and it all tastes like cardboard when I put it in my mouth. Nothing shifts this feeling, this deep emptiness creating a cavern inside of me and it’s bottomless and cold. The longer this goes on the worse it gets. The only thing my body craves and wants, it can’t have. I hate that he can mess me up like this, when we were strangers only days ago. It’s not fair!
Awakening: Book 1 Page 5