How can you……?
I start to ask, replying in the same way without thinking and then inhale sharply as I realize, I just did the same thing. I’ve no idea if that breaks rules considering who he is.
We imprinted. We have a link; we can hear each other even from miles away. No distance is too far. No one else can tap into this. It’s like our own personal telephone line with dampeners.
He isn’t looking at me, but watching Carmen walk down the hall, crying into her own hands and creating a pitiful picture. I can sense his pain from watching her go and it pains me too. Feeling what he feels, another downside to now being connected to this guy. I don’t want to feel heartbreak or pain or any of this crap.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for any of this.
The honesty and ache in my response brings his eyes to mine and we do that weird thing, where we lock eyes, get a tremor of something we can’t deny, and both look away again. Neither want this, that much is clear.
You didn’t do this. Fate did. Now we just have to figure out how to undo it. If that’s even possible.
The hesitation in his tone catches me off guard and despite myself I look at him properly. His side profile of chiseled square jawline. Sallow skin and dark hair to match those dark eyes and brows. Colton is tall, muscular, and fit, which is only enhanced by being among the biggest wolves in the pack even at his age. His family originated from Colombia and you can see his heritage clearly, in the best kind of way, despite his mother being Caucasian. Me, I’m just a good old country white. Bland hair, plain girl, and nothing special or beautiful that I know of. Carmen is a goddess compared to me.
The atmosphere turns cold as a troop of men come marching in from the same door we did, and I’m pushed out of the way ungraciously by one of them. I get knocked sideways, unable to stop myself, and for sure know I am spiraling down as I lose my footing. Still on unsure legs after tonight’s ceremony and unable to stop myself.
The low growl and quick reflexes of Colton as he jolts in beside me and catches me to rights, sends my head spinning. His arms lassoing me and stopping my body colliding with the concrete wall, instead hitting his chest as I grasp on impulsively. His eyes glow amber over my head, as he death glares his displeasure at the men, unconcealed as that flash of warning oozes from him. That fierce mate protection coming out instinctively and I honestly don’t know how to react.
Becoming someone’s mate is as much about instincts, as anything else. It changes you and makes you feel, do things, you didn’t before. Even if he hated me before this, that need to protect me and look after me will become his mission in life and vice versa. It’s completely crazy and I can’t believe it’s happening to me.
His father, however, almost takes his head off with the rage filled bellow he aims his way. I realize a little too little, that’s who shoved me out of the way so forcefully right then.
“Did you just growl at me?” He snarls our way and Colton curls his fingers around my waist and arm firmly. Juan lowers his brows severely, and glares at his son furiously, moving into his head link to continue his chastisement; the way Colton stiffens around me tells me so.
Locked eye to eye, an intense standoff as the air thickens and his energy bristles. Captured in a tight embrace I know I shouldn’t try and break free from, although my body is responding quite happily to the contact. Feeling his anger radiating from him and the anxious uptight bubbling inside of me, as I start to sense what he’s feeling. I was never good with aggression and rage. And now the overwhelming amount he can spit out, as my mood takes on his, has me recoiling. Colton has a sea of dominant fury inside of him and his hostility knows no bounds. I try to blot out the projections I’m getting and close my eyes to focus on my breathing instead. Combatting growing heat and pulsing need from his touch, and fear and faintness from all the negative emotions flying between these two terrifying men. I feel like a piece of raw meat hung between two ferocious beasts. It’s like I don’t have full control of my mind or feelings anymore and try as I might, Colton now lives in my body as much as I do.
They argue inwardly, silent on the surface, but all in the corridor remain still and patient as they are meant to when their alpha demands. Juan is one of the most intimidating of the pack leaders and I guess it’s why he moved so easily to prime position.
Colton’s father spins on his heel finally, signaling they are done and marches off into a nearby doorway, clicking his fingers and gesturing us to follow. It’s all so hostile and unnerving that I flinch, heart erupting into hammering thuds.
“If people could just keep their hands to themselves and off my mate, that would be great! Thanks.” Colton mumbles it under his breath, not meaning for me to hear and I throw him an awkward glance. My heart flipping over and my stomach churning uneasily at his words.
He called me his mate.
I can hear you, and for the time being… it’s what you are. We imprinted. We don’t exactly have a choice.
Colton throws me a look that translates to ‘relax and follow me’ and I mutely do so, cheeks burning from stupidly letting him read my thoughts. Embarrassed that I’m stupid enough to not remember that thirty seconds after figuring it out. He fully lets me go and my body cools a little, somehow suddenly cold from the loss of him, and a weird emptiness fills me instead.
I follow behind him quickly, into a large room that looks like a study with extra couches. The men all file in and sit down in random places and Colton ushers me to a nearby chair, padded and semi shadowed in the corner, out of direct line of any of the men. He stands close by and waits as his father circles a bookcase and comes to perch in the chair at the desk, looking out at all of us in his position of leader.
“I need solutions. This….” He points at Colton and me. “Happens over my dead body. My son is destined to be alpha one day and I will be damned if his lineage is diluted by a mongrel with bad breeding. She is not going to be our Luna. Fix this. Find a way! I don’t care what the history books say, there has to be a way to break the bond and sever the connection, so he is free to mate up with a chosen female.” The stern tone of a man who doesn’t want to hear excuses and yet a tiny ounce of hope fills my chest. That there might still be a chance I can get out of this, and here, and follow my plan to get the hell away from Radstone once and for all. It’s even weirder that at the same time though, a desolate pain uppercuts me in the heart, at the thought of leaving him. Winding me, blind sighting me for a second.
“You cannot fight fate. There are consequences if you ignore destiny. Imprinting does not happen to us all and when it does… you do not question it.” The Shaman is quick to verbalize but Juan slamming his hand on his desk, sending a loud thud through all of us brings silence once more. I stare at my feet and will the ground to open up and take me. Crushing pressure on my chest as anxiety envelops me.
“Did you not hear me when I said, THIS is NOT happening! She is NOT going to be my sons’ mate. I will kill her before I let that happen.”
Silence befalls the room as his biting tone echoes in the air, although I swear, I hear the most subtle of growls come from Colton’s way, so close beside me and make sure I don’t look at him. Instead I stare at my hands in my lap and pray for this to be over. Shaking internally and genuinely fearful for my life. Never have I actually wanted to be left to go back to the orphanage to spend time in my room with Vanka, but now it’s so calling to me.
I don’t want anything as much as I want that right now, well except maybe this weird primal urge for the guy at my left to calm down a bit and stop plaguing me. I can feel him, overly so. Way too in tune and aware of him, even if he is three feet away. My body and mind are doing some weird things in relation to him and as terrified as I should be right now, I don’t feel it when he moves closer and somehow calms me without even looking my way. One backwards step of maybe a foot and he soothes my nerves back into warm gooey submission, that inner heat spreading as he gets close enough that his scent sparks some internal fire in me.
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“Then your son will die too, and we lose our future leader. You cannot break the bond without severe consequences. The choice has been made. Fate has chosen for him and you must obey.” The Shaman comes back, undeterred by Juan’s anger and stands as though to press the point. He’s low toned and confident in his wisdom and does not seem intimidated in any way. “He can choose to sever the bond if he wishes, but history has shown us that mates who do… both die! The only other option is denial to consummate. They choose to walk away, no mark is made, no union at all, and deny the bond completely. It will never die, and they will live lives craving what the other can give them, no matter who they end up with. IS that what you want for your son?”
All eyes turn on Juan, so much tension in this room as the elders internally talk so that I cannot hear them. Colton paces and I can tell he too is privy to what is being said. They are his pack after all, and two are his blood. Father and Uncle. He doesn’t seem happy and the waves of his anger are all lapping over me and affecting my own sanity. Dampening the heat, replacing it with his rage.
I can’t take it anymore, as minutes tick by and my nerves fray to the point I feel like I may scream, some internal burst of nervous crazy wooshes out.
“I’ll leave. I don’t want this either.” I blurt it out, into the deathly silence as hysteria gets the best of me and literally every single face turns to me in shocked response like they suddenly remembered I was here in this corner.
I know I just spoke out of turn and disrespected everyone in this room, but I’m sat here wearing my own dried blood, shredded emotions and exhaustion pushing through. My heads a mess, and in the space of thirty minutes I discovered that being a virgin doesn’t mean you cannot get crazy urges to strip naked and jump someone’s bones, even if that someone you previously avoided like the plague. I’ve pictured him naked at least twice without even meaning too since he gave me every intimate one of his memories and some of those are him showering.
What?
“What?”
Both Colton in my head and his dad verbally, in unison and I panic that I just spat this out loud.
“It was the plan, my intentions. I mean after my … the um, tonight. My turning. I was leaving. Going away and it doesn’t have to change.” I sound insane. Babbling like a fool with verbal diarrhea and aware of the way all eyes are eating up my weak presentation of my crap contribution. I should have just run when I had the chance and screwed the running ceremony.
“That won’t break the bond. We’ll still be connected, still linked. It will just make us miserable. Don’t you see? What happened tonight, it changed everything, for both of us.” Colton sounds deflated and I get the visual of him and Carmen together kissing, right from his head to mine and have to shake it away as insane jealously claws at my insides from out of nowhere, proving his point. Irrational, illogical but there it is, and he didn’t even mean to project his sad thoughts about her my way.
“Then what? Because all I am hearing is hopeless submission or death!” My anger snaps, and out of somewhere deep inside, my bravado peaks and pushes me to my feet, voice strong and frustration seeping through. An inner surge of tingling electricity as my emotions peek and Colton looks at me in a very odd way. Suddenly stopping and staring insanely into my eyes while furrowing his brow dramatically, screwing up that cute face.
“They’re not amber” he comes out with the most random reply and I blanche at him like he has two heads and no idea what he’s talking about.
“What?” I stammer as he paces towards me.
“Your eyes… when your inner wolf peeks. They’re not amber. They’re red. No one has red…. we all have amber.” He stalks towards me, grabbing my hand and spins me to him so he can inspect me closely. “Show me” He urges, and I gawp at him in bewilderment. Confused at the side-tracking of this conversation and feeling like I just fell through a reality hole.
If I knew how to do it on command, then I would, but as I only transformed for the first time and have no idea how to call my inner wolf into my eyes again, I just stare at him, completely dumbfounded with the importance of a color.
“Why does that matter?” I’m aware that despite the more urgent topic in hand, the Shaman has moved towards me also, and so has one of the silent elders. A formidable tall and muscular elder, whose grey white hair is not successful in lowering his intimidation levels and he snarls my way.
“Because you are part white, and now Cole sees red in your eyes. It matters, now show us, or I will make you fully turn on my command and you won’t enjoy it.” He seethes my way, full on hostility in his tone and I shrivel back, scalded and instantly fearful. Colton reacts instinctively, at the veiled threat, and chaos ensues. In the flash of a blink, he’s between me and the elder, growling, eyes glowing wildly, body larger and bristling with tension as he turns to him and huskily warns him off.
“My mate…. mine! You touch her…. I will exert my right to maim or kill to protect her. I don’t care who you are in this pack!” His tone drops to satanic levels and I recoil behind him, seeing the ripple of spines up his back as he begins to transform aggressively. My stomach hits my knees, making me weak, unsure what else to do as the Shaman intervenes as fear paralyses me to the spot.
“See. This is what happens when you delay the bond. The urge gets insane the longer you deny it. The need to protect, the need to be joined. It creates madness. Colton, be still. No one is going to touch your mate without your say so, and we will look at her eyes in time. Breathe and come back to us.” He places a hand on his shoulder and gently brings Colton back to my side, lifting my hand and places it on Colton’s gently, before patting both and setting us down. The instant spark and warmth generated between us gives me all kinds of safe and familiar vibes I’ve not known in almost ten years. Not since I last saw my parents alive and home. It seems to do the same to him, as his eyes fade back to brown, and he inhales slowly bringing peace to the aura between us. “His mate holds the key to bringing him calm. Be that now. We need to talk without you both here. Go, the room through there.”
The Shaman points us towards an adjoining door and Colton grasps my fingers in his tightly, his energy pulsing through mine and it does seem to bring him back from turning. I can’t explain it, but here holding his hand, it’s the first time in a long time I feel a connection of love for anyone. That sense of belonging that I lost the day my family left me.
I barely knew him this morning and yet, here, and now, my instincts are that I would die for him if I had to, and the longer this plays out, the stronger this need to be near him gets. It’s insanity, and I have no understanding of how this can be, but it is what it is. Colton is part of me now and I can’t do anything about it. While being physically joined causes all sorts of inner sparks and sizzles as tension builds between us and I move obediently as he pulls me with him.
We are ushered to the door, hands still entwined and I follow him closely, the heady need to wrap myself around him worse when we have prolonged contact and as much as my head tells me to let go, I can’t seem to. The growing ache in my stomach and pelvis is getting irritatingly intense and I am more than aware of his good his skin feels against mine. Our hands slotted together, warm on warm and it’s weirdly sensual.
Colton leads me through to the other room and shuts the door firmly behind us. Still holding my hand and keeping me by his side as he turns to me. He gazes down at our entangled fingers for a long second, seems like he too is telling himself to let go, but he doesn’t.
We stand stiffly, a pulsating energy growing between us as the air thickens and I find it harder to breathe the longer he’s this close. Fully aware of him towering over me in all his beautiful muscular g Lorey, hot body and way too good looks. Even his voice does crazy tingly things to me and standing absorbing his heat, inhaling his unique scent, I start to get clammy in really embarrassing places. My eyes keep straying to his face, his mouth, his really pretty face and I edge closer absentmindedly, biting on my lip as crazy thought
s about leaning up and biting his, course through my brain alarmingly.
I need to cool down and pull this back in. Hormones are obviously well and truly kicking in with his proximity and I need to breathe a little.
“How can I want to kiss someone so badly that a few hours ago I never even knew? I have a girlfriend. Did, have one. My heads a mess.” He looks instantly distraught and squeezes my hand in his a little forcefully before reluctantly releasing me and stepping back. Calming my jets as guilt punches me in the stomach and I realize maybe he’s not getting as hot and bothered as I am standing here. “This is … insane. I don’t know you …. How can we…?” He paces away from me, seemingly in turmoil, then past me twice, back, and forth and then turns to me again.
I shrug at him, unsure what else to say. If I knew the answers then I guess we wouldn’t be here like this. I’m a little out of my depth and struggling to get this raging fire under control in my pelvis as, what I assume is my libido, finally introduces herself to me and I have to stop checking out his ass as he keeps waving it past me. It’s making me all squirmy and uneasy and so sure he can probably tell with a look that I am about three seconds away from launching at him. Shuffling from foot to foot and swallowing hard, blowing out heavily to release this growing pressure in my stomach.
“Please tell me you are feeling this too. That this is not just me?” He stops and frowns at me, his eyes looking a little hazy and intense as he stares at my mouth and almost electrocutes me with the connection. I glance away, face flushing with his effects on me and try to focus on the floor, the table, a wall, and cool off this really hugely, suddenly suffocating room around us. I can feel him without touching him, his presence ebbing into me and stirring up all kinds of longings and sensations.
“I think that’s how it’s meant to work. We’re supposed to want to, you know… mate.” I blush as I say it and look away again, overwhelmed with sudden shyness. Uneasy with this admission he wants to kiss me, while I’m all kinds of flustered, hot, tingly, and itching to slide my hands over that strong wide chest and…… Oh god, stop. I mean, I do too, want to kiss him that is. I have done since after the whole imprinting thing, but I just didn’t think we should be admitting those kinds of things to one another. Especially when neither of us actually wanted this. And I’m finding it really hard to breathe at all as my lungs constrict and my heart flakes out with him being close enough to inhale, lick, grope….. I really need to get a grip. I pull the neckline of my T shirt to release the heat coming off in droves from me and fan my face to push these insane urges and mental images of him naked, out of my head. I want him to kiss me so badly, I can almost taste it.
Awakening: Book 1 Page 4