Awakening: Book 1

by L. T. Marshall

  “I can trigger you. Absorb mine, see how much you can amplify it back at me. If you can, then his is huge, Lorey. It means you have a superior power and we might…. Don’t you see? You might be a Santo yet, if you have it in you to become something amazing, a warrior for her people. If my father sees promise in you, then he might reconsider you enough to let you become one of my pack… and then….” He tails off, but I can see where his mind is heading, and it now makes sense why Carmen is not high on his priority list. Colton is looking for a way to claim me as his mate, even after everything he said in the forest. I guess the bond for the past weeks has made him as miserable as I’ve been, and that’s why he can’t stay away from me.

  It hurts at the same time as making me stupidly emotional. Bittersweet pain riling up in my stomach. Adoring him for looking for a way for us, for not really giving up on our bond, but being the realist and shoving hope out like it’s trash.

  It sounds ludicrously simple, except for one little problem. Colton is an alpha with all the gifts that go with that. He’s aggressive, dominant, strong, fast, ruthless, when he needs to be. Can command with a mental link and get no resistance, can jump at insanely high levels. I mean Colton can scale a house of many floors in just a leap. I can’t even make it over a brick wall without catching on. I’ve no idea how he’s going to expose me to any of that and then make me somehow use it on him. Triggering me might do nothing, or he might maim me in the process without meaning to. I don’t want to do that; I would never be able to hold my own in a battle with him. He would annihilate me even without wanting or meaning to.

  “I wouldn’t even know how to, and you’re making no sense. Your father isn’t going to do a U turn because I have a rare gift…. my name and bloodline are what he despises, not my abilities.” I sit up, pushing myself back against the headboard and slide my butt back until I’m fully nestled, and gaze down on him.

  “Abilities are everything! Don’t be so sure. I’m guessing I have to do something near you, or to you, using one of my gifts so that you instinctively defend yourself. That’s how it should work in theory. Instinct taking over and no room to think.” Colton looks away from me, a small muscle in his jawline clenching that reveals his rarely seen dimples again and I get a tiny surge of uncertainty. He’s thinking about something, analyzing, worrying, doubting his own decisions and I blink at him a little apprehensively. I don’t like the vibes he’s giving off, that have all my senses tingling, and now I’m starting to wonder in what way he might make me want to defend myself.

  “So, what you’re saying is… you don’t have any idea either, how to actually do this, right?” I point out, rolling my eyes and playfully shove him in the shoulder in a bid to kill the tension and to get him to drop this stupid direction of thought. He’s making me nervous and I don’t like it.

  “Hey… don’t question the man with the brains. Of course, I know what I’m doing, and I have a full proof, well, almost full proof, plan. You just need to not hate me after this…. Or kill me because that would be counterproductive.” He may sound like he’s joking with me, but there’s a U turn in his mood and a seriousness clouding over it that doesn’t reach his smile. A severe tingle of apprehension hits me in the gut as I pick up again on an undertone between us. An inkling of something hitting out at me that’s subtly under the surface of his jokey manner and fast smirks. I can’t put my finger on it, but catching him looking me over with a slightly vacant gaze, the tiniest of wrinkles between those brows of his and the hint of muscle twinge in his jaw, my stomach sinks and nerves seem to overwhelm me instantly. I tense and become aware of the fact, that for the first time since we bonded, I feel like I shouldn’t trust him at all.

  “Don’t hold back.” He breathes it out and doesn’t give me a chance to respond to that weird command. I frown, mouth opening to say ‘What?’ but he grabs me by my hips, yanks me down the bed and jumps on top of me in under a second, using hyper speed and insane reflexes so I haven’t even time for a breath, or a blink. I yelp with the surprise of the maneuver, winded with his sudden weight on top of me, aggressively heavy, his body fitting snugly against mine in every way so he’s literally nose to nose with me and I can’t move an inch. My hands pinned to the cushions beside my head by his, and ankles shoved apart by his feet, viciously. Stunned and suddenly feeling all kinds of things that conflict and collide, I gawp at him, heart rate pounding up to insane levels and start to squirm in his harsh grip.

  “What are you doing? Colton, get off of me.” I whisper huskily against him, panic flashing that this doesn’t feel right, or like that first time we started to mark but he has me completely immobile. I’m instantly a little too hot, and internally pulsing, for my liking, as the bond need for sex begins to boil up inside of me instinctively, misinterpreting our body contact, but somehow it’s not the same, and it dies when I realize it’s not radiating back at me at all. This isn’t lust driven and consensual. This isn’t seduction and a willingness to mate with me to seal our bond at all. He hasn’t even attempted to kiss me and he’s avoiding looking me in the eye properly.

  Colton turns off all of his emotions and our link so that he completely shuts me out internally and I feel it go black almost the second he does, bringing my frenzied fear further to the surface. His face somber, a wall coming up between us as his eyes glow amber but not how they should between mates. For a second, I catch a fleeting second where he seems like he isn’t sure, and I swear there’s a sweep of regret. My internal self-preservation mode tries to reach out and warn me to get out of this now, but it’s too late. I can’t move.

  “Forcing your hand. I’m sorry in advance, but we got to try. Don’t hate me for this. I won’t hold back either.” It’s barley above a whisper and I blanche at him.

  “Wha….?” I don’t get the question out, because Colton is all over me in a flash, his touch from tight to harsh, his eyes glowing amber at ridiculous levels of fire and brightness and illuminate between us terrifyingly. Using his speed and strength to lasso me within his body, he flips me over to my stomach, so I’m almost smothered by the pillows on the bed and lose sight of everything, pinning me down, forcing my wrists together over my head with one hand, his feet kicking my legs apart and pushing my clothes down with his now free hand.

  It all happens so fast that at first, I’m caught frozen, unable to catch a breath and absorb what he’s doing until the overwhelming terror hits me hard in the stomach. He’s yanking my clothes down and up to expose my naked body and follows with cruel grabbing and nipping of my skin with his semi elongated teeth. Dominating me horribly, in a way that mates don’t.

  I gasp at first, in shock, as I try to fight him off, wriggling, bucking, squirming as much as I can, internal panic consuming me as he exposes enough of my body to make it clear what he’s going to do to me. My ass upwards, his groin in behind me as he completely uncovers my lower body and gives himself access to fuck me from behind.

  Stop it! what’re you doing? Let me go, Colton…. You’re hurting me. You’re scaring me. Please don’t, not like this! Colton, please!! I wail and beg, sobs and tears adding to the suffocation as I turn my head from side to side to be able to breathe. I can’t get loose at all. My mind manic, but it’s like bouncing words off a brick wall, because he’s closed the link and is trying his hardest to keep me shut out. He pushes a hand on the back of my head and forces my face down, back into the pillows to quieten me and keep me submissive as he yanks his own clothes off, binding me still with sheer strength and keeping me imprisoned in the position he wants as he gets naked. He’s gone inside himself, locking down with determination and suddenly I don’t feel like I know him at all. Our bond is momentarily meaningless and what he intends to do will change forever what we are.

  Colton turns increasingly hostile, as though sensing my fear goads him on, using aggression, his brute force, to apply pressure and pain on me, like he wants to push me into turning more than he’s doing already. Somewhere in the back of my brain, sense a
nd logic is trying to claw something back to the forefront but I’m too lost in hysteria to think straight.

  His commanding strength which is easily overpowering me is more than enough to keep me this way. His whole mood and manner changing, his body bristling, as he half turns to beast and I physically feel it oozing from him as smooth skin furs up around me. Stupidly, I wonder if it’s even allowed, to rape a femme in human form, while turned to wolf. Surely that kind of damage will kill me. I don’t think sex between the two are allowed even consensually, given wolves are four times a human in size and I’m sure that goes for genitals too. His non concern for how much he’s hurting me tells me I’m his prey and he isn’t going to stop for anything and doesn’t seem to care that I’m human and not willing at all.

  I start to struggle again, sobbing crazily, gasping painfully, heart pounding erratically, hating how useless I am against this, but he rips my top open and sinks his head down instantly, letting his teeth extend as he brutally drags them across my spine, leaving extreme pain and blood in his wake. I wail in agony, writhing under him, trying to haul my legs closed but he wedges a knee between them, to force me to stay open.

  My skin stings and burns to instant welts as fabric rips across my shoulders, and he drags what’s left of my coverings off, burning and marking me with the assault of their removal. His claws rakes over my body as it makes its way over my ass, thigh, roughly scraping my skin as he circles under and heads for my core with very obvious intent.

  “No, no, NOOOO!!!” I scream so loud, my voice cracks and my throat burns with searing agony. He has me held taut, stretched out and fully accessible to do whatever he wants to do to me. Imprinted or not. Destined mates or not. It always has to be consensual and no matter how hot you are for your chosen, force is never an option.

  It’s a cardinal sin to take your mate without her say so, without her willingness. Femmes are to be treasured by their dominant, respected, cared for. Rape is a crime in our lands that could get him hung. Only the scum and outcasts would so such an awful thing, even to my kind.

  I can’t believe Colton would rape me…. I can’t believe I was ever bonded to someone who could do this to me. Or why? This isn’t him; this isn’t who I felt him to be when we imprinted. My head is trying to make sense of this, something nagging in the depths, but terror takes over and logic dies a death.

  I buck, I close my eyes as his claws inch between my legs, getting closer to defiling me and taking from me what is no longer his to take. Twisting and turning my body in useless defense and trying to push him from between my thighs to no avail. Trying to bite, even though my face is crushed to the soft plushness of the bed cushions, aware my teeth are extending, but he has my head all but wedged between my arms, unable to get free anymore.

  His voice ricochets inside my head painfully, making my brain shudder as he reopens the link suddenly. Instantly assaulting my senses with the extreme loudness of his booming tone, his dominant gift, to further control me and I know I’m completely powerless against him.

  STOP FIGHTING ME AND LET ME TAKE YOU. I WANT WHATS MINE!

  Like before my body and voice is momentarily lost, outraged, hating him with every ounce of my soul, clawing back with a need to save myself from what he intends to do but it sparks something inside of me. That sudden surge of anger, rage, and power, fighting him with everything I have, to break free and defy him, for ever thinking he could do this to me.

  I’m not a possession or an object. I’m not trash, to be used as he pleases and commanded by his will. I ‘m a heart and soul and a body which deserves to be treated as any other. I’m not nothing! … I’m a Whyte, and once upon a time, our kind was respected, loved, and accepted. He can’t reject me then think I’m his to abuse or ruin for any other mate. I’m worthy and HE is NOT!

  HOW DARE HE THINK HE CAN BRUTALISE ME THIS WAY!!!!

  I combust, like an inner mind implosion all over again, and everything goes black this time, as my brain gives out completely.

  I’m Sorry

  I wake up face down on the floor in a heap, arm draped awkwardly over my head and limbs splayed out on the hardwood, disorientated, choking on my own blood, and gagging on bile. Gathering my wits and trying to get my bearings, I struggle to move, dazed for a moment and then I remember where I am, and what he’s doing to me. Like a rush of water flowing back to a dry riverbed when the damn is breached.

  That surge of furious self-preservation, instant awareness as the room comes back at me and I jump up, heart tearing through my chest with elevated thuds, claws appearing, mind a burning mess of mad. Ready to take him on in a battle to the death and fueled by something inside of me that I never knew I possessed.

  I feel like my hatred could melt steel, with the heat radiating from my fiery depths and I spin hysterically, ready to demolish my attacker. Body mid turn in furious speed when I realize he is on the other side of the room from me and looking at me like I have two heads. A good twelve feet away at the least and crouching down, panting heavily, as though he too is recovering.

  “Woah, woah. Lorey, calm down, I didn’t do anything. Stop and breathe. Take a moment before you start again!” He jumps to his feet, hyperaware of my sudden rise. His palms up, facing me, flat out and he is completely naked, as am I, which only pushes me to heights of venomous hatred.

  Claws fully extend as do my teeth and my body shudders as it begins to transform around me, ready to fight him and maim him until this pain inside of my heart starts to ebb. I’m crushed inside, as though my soul is ripped to shreds and hanging around my organs like unwanted trash on the wind. I’ve never felt this much aggression or blood lust, and I have him fully in my sights. My body tingling all over even though I have no memory of what he has put me through, but enough to know what he intended.

  “What did you do to me? Why would you do that to me?” I scream at him, my voice pitched in raw, raspy, hysteria, but he raises his hands higher and pleads with me mentally. His eyes softening, with no attempt to turn, as he watches me at a distance.

  Please stop and listen. Let me explain. I haven’t, and wouldn’t, do that to you. He coaxes gently.

  You raped me!! I mentally scream back at him, not seeing anything around me anymore, just the pulsing beat of the vein in his throat as I hone in and know where I’ll be aiming with my take down bite, I don’t care if it ends us both. I’ll kill him for defiling me, destroying my trust in him, ravaging my heart and soul this way.

  He shakes his head, looking completely devastated and disheveled. Radiating so many emotions my way but I battle them back, like bouncing tennis balls off a glass wall.

  NO, I did not! I never intended to either. Lorey, please, sit… I’ll stay here, you stay there, and just let me talk. I need you to calm down and listen. Think. Remember.

  I’m breathing so heavily my chest is heaving and I can’t calm down. Especially not when he’s telling me to. He has no right; he can’t be serious with this shit after what he just did. He broke the trust, he broke us, he ruined the bond, and nothing will fix that.

  My body is on fire, my blood like molten lava in my veins and I can already tell I’ve turned enough to heal the marks he made on my body because there is no pain and only dried blood. In fact, my complete lack of injury or any sort of niggling physical hurt, tell me I already turned, but I don’t know how if I was unconscious, or if that’s even possible if you’re not lucid. I shake it away and glare hatefully, focusing all my rage on his face.

  I hate him so much I can almost taste it. I’ll never let him touch me again or come near me. I’ll rip his throat out if he tries. He’s disgusting and vile to me now and not who I thought he was. An abuser, unworthy as a leader; not worthy as a mate, as an alpha, and not as a lycanthrope.

  “What did you do? Stop lying” It’s a hiss through a sob, a heartbreaking wail of betrayal, a howl from my wounded wolf and I’m completely desolate. I don’t believe him; about what he says he didn’t do because I don’t know. I blacked out while
he was on top of me, doing things…. he had no intention of stopping. He said it… He commanded me. He tried to immobilize me so he could finish the deed.

  “I had to make you snap. I told you it’s what I intended. And you did. It worked……You’re amazing…… your gift, baby, it’s fucking perfect.” There’s a moment of joy followed by a frown as he realizes I am not sharing in his celebrations or relaxing from my stance. Instead I blanche at him in stupefied silence. My brain having a moment and I literally think he might be some kind of sociopath, in denial about what he just did to me…or tried to…or… I don’t even know anymore.

  “What are you talking about? I blacked out! How would I fucking do anything except lay there and succumb?” another sobbing wail, and Colton’s face completely drops, obvious regret written all over him and the overpowering sense of pain waving my way. I can feel him trying to tell me this isn’t how it seems, by using his emotion instead of words. I’m weakening as adrenalin wains, but I won’t relent, and try hard to brick up my wall once more, to keep him out.

  “The human in you zoned out, not the wolf. You lost control, and you turned, you disabled me completely. You threw me across the room with a strength I couldn’t match. You came at me… I swear, you had me running around this room just to stop you tearing me from limb to limb. Complete direct focus and not taking out the house in aftermath, so you’re learning to focus it... Lorey, you had me, and I honestly don’t think I’d still be here if your energy levels hadn’t gone down before I did.” Again, with that hint of pride and joy, but my death glare and crouch to pounce mode has him hurrying the words out, realizing he isn’t calming me one ounce and I’m ready for a battle, or a second one. I can smell a hint of slight fear coming my way and it only fuels my desire to make him pay. “You pushed all of your rage on my body, and if I wasn’t half turned and healing fast, you would have killed me. Do you understand? … Blind sighted, and feral, you would have ended us both…. easily. You got in my head in ways I don’t think any wolf has ever been capable and you commanded me to stay down and stop. I couldn’t move. You alpha toned me. You took my strength, my command and you turned it and made it a weapon. Baby, don’t you see… you’ve barely grazed the surface of what you can do, and yet you have so much power and potential already. There’s a sea of something inside of you, and your eyes, we still need to figure out why they’re red. You’re not a reject, you’re not even a regular pack wolf, you’re special, and now we know for sure we can harness it, nurture it, bring it out, so you can control it and show all of them who you really are…… there’s a Luna inside of you, and the fates, they gave you to me for that reason. My father can’t deny you if he can see this kind of power in you.” Colton moves slightly forward, breathless with talking fast, still wary, his hands still up, his eyes locked on mine, but the trust is wounded and I back away. Snarling at him, baring my teeth as I flicker from human to wolf again slowly, panting with shallow breaths as my heart pounds faster and rage and fear claws me apart.