Pain Seeker (The New Orleans Shade Book 1)

by D. N. Hoxa

  “Are they as warm as they say? Are they as tight as they look?” Arin asked me, and now, at least, his smiles, his laughs were perfectly genuine.

  “Exactly as tight,” I said with a sigh, and it made his day.

  He was going to make a grand story out of this when he went home. I would hear about it, too, if my father ever allowed me to go back home. I didn’t ask my brother how our mother or our other brothers were. If something had changed, he would have let me know about it. So, when he said that he would be on his way back, I had no complaints.

  I watched him ride his horse back to the five soldiers he’d brought with him, both desperate and relieved.

  “Good girl,” I said to Storm, who shook her head, pleased that she no longer had to endure the presence of my brother. My whole family made her nervous. We’d been together for three years now, and every time they were near, I could feel the tension in her body.

  When I turned around to go back to the castle, Trinam and Chastin were waiting for me. I saw the look on Chastin’s face, and I forgot all about holding myself back. I didn’t even want to.

  Reaching out for his jacket, I grabbed him and pulled him toward me until he was no longer on his horse. Storm stood perfectly still underneath me, even though the weight of both me and Chastin couldn’t have been light.

  I brought his face close to mine, then slammed my forehead to his nose. I didn’t hold back. Blood exploded from his nostrils, but he did not let out a single sound. He held onto my arms tightly. The panic mixed with fear and hate in his teary eyes didn’t bother me.

  “The next time you speak without my permission in front of my family, you die,” I said and threw him to the ground like the worthless bastard that he was. He didn’t react—that would have made killing him perfectly justifiable, and he knew it.

  I slammed my heels into Storm’s belly, and she took us forward while Chastin got himself together and hopped back on his horse. Trinam was trying to stifle a smile when I passed him, but he didn’t comment. The day had only just begun.

  Chapter 5

  Elo

  Night had fallen.

  I was still alive.

  Why?

  The weakness in my body was pulling me under. How much would I be able to do now if the fae decided to come in here, torture me, make me tell him who I am, where I come from…all of our House’s secrets?

  I would die before I told, but if there is one thing I have learned in my life, it is that pain can never be trusted. You never knew how it hit you when it did. You never knew how your mind would take it. Pain broke even the most stubborn of wills, just as easily as it restored it. I couldn’t be trusted with my own mind, and that must have been exactly what the fae wanted. Weaken me to the point where I would no longer be able to control my mouth.

  I’d stared out the windows all day. With daylight, I saw clearer. We were in a castle made of white stone, and we were even higher up than I’d imagined. White and yellow rocks fell straight to the ground right below the windows. Stone walls covered in thick vines, going out about five feet on either side of them, allowed me to only see the horizon ahead. It was still as beautiful as when I’d looked outside my window at home.

  All I could hear from the other side of the door were voices of women. I didn’t know where I was exactly, how the castle even looked, but I had Gaena to keep me company. The lands and the skies and the snow spoke to me, whispered in my mind. Encouraged me.

  All I needed to do was wait. Resist.

  And die.

  When the door opened, I was sitting on the cold stone floor with my knees to my chest. I was cold—so cold, but my pride wouldn’t let me reach out for the blanket over the bed. I’d only unchained myself once to use the toilet and drink water on the other side of the room, but I hadn’t touched anything else.

  The fae walked in, wearing the same clothes he had on that morning. No armor. The silver emblem of his Court shone in the middle of his chest—a leafless tree, just like the ones in my dream. Even my mother and father couldn’t help me get out of this, it seemed.

  But maybe now my time had come.

  I didn’t look up at the fae. I had that morning because I’d wanted to see it when he took my life. I’d wanted to witness the fae cruelty every elf talked about since the day I was born. I wanted to convince myself that our fight was just, that the war was necessary.

  Instead, I was left more confused than before. He hadn’t killed me. He’d looked so beautiful in the light of the sun dancing on his naked chest. The blade of his sword had glistened, too. The image of an angel of death, right before my eyes. Yet he’d refused to take me.

  If I kept my eyes to myself, to the floor, this time, maybe he would go through with it.

  I heard his footsteps and held my breath as the warm glow of the gas lamp spread to every corner of the room. Just like the night before, he left the lamp on the desk and came toward me. I didn’t move. I didn’t look. I only listened.

  A brown cup filled with water and a leather bag in front of my naked feet. I could feel his eyes on my face as he undid the tie around it and showed me what was inside. Bread and meat.

  My stomach sang. My heart sang. I was so hungry I could eat a horse. I never thought I was going to taste food again before my end. It was a good strategy to weaken me, if my secrets were what he was after.

  So why was he giving me strength?

  My eyes moved to his before I realized it. What was he doing?

  The light from the moon at my back changed his features, made him look sharper, made his eyes as grey as mine. I could almost see my reflection in them, if the image of his torment wasn’t so obvious every time he blinked. He leaned closer, his cold breath blowing on my face. I wanted to lean back, get away, fly if I had to, but I was paralyzed once more by the pain that took over his chest so suddenly.

  It had happened in the morning, too. It had been powerful enough to knock the breath out of me, and now, it threatened to tear me to pieces.

  Why wasn’t he stopping?

  Our noses were barely an inch apart. “I don’t know,” he whispered, as if he had heard the question in my mind.

  What don’t you know? I wanted to ask, so badly I had to bite down on my tongue to keep from speaking. His pain was too much. It demanded all of my attention. It called to my very soul, robbing me of all my senses, until all I could see was it.

  A growl left my throat on instinct. He needed to get away from me. I couldn’t stand his pain—I wanted it too much. I snapped my teeth at his face, hoping to come out of the illusion his tormented eyes created for me.

  He was fae. He was a murderer. He was my future killer. I’d already taken enough of his pain—it didn’t belong to me. He needed to keep it away.

  Moving back, he was surprised at the hiss that left my lips. I snapped my teeth again—if he thought I was a savage, good. I felt like a savage, too.

  He stood, his left hand on the handle of his sword, and looked down at me like he couldn’t decide what to make of me. Why did he bother? Why didn’t he just end things right now? All he’d promised me was the sunrise, and I’d seen it. I almost begged him to just get it over with. He would do the both of us a favor. He would set the both of us free.

  I don’t know what went on in his head, or what made up his mind, but a second later, he simply turned around and walked out of the room, leaving the gas lamp behind.

  The relief wasn’t complete, though. Wherever he went, it wasn’t far enough, and he carried his pain with him still. The smell of the cooked meat and the piece of bread invaded my senses next. My stomach mumbled, begging me for food, but my pride stood in the way.

  How had I gotten here?

  Two nights ago, I had sat in my castle’s eating hall, with my people, and my maids had served me food to my heart’s desire. They’d served me the best wine in the elflands, straight from House Myar’s secret cellar. They’d smiled at me, and they’d loved me, and…

  No. They hadn’t loved me. If
they had, I wouldn’t be here now. They had simply smiled until I’d looked away.

  Tears wanted to explode from my eyes, but something held them back. I grabbed the leather piece with the food in it and stood up, my legs shaking so badly, I could barely stand straight. I turned around, my chain’s rattle breaking the silence, and I raised my hands up. I was going to throw away the food he’d given me. I wasn’t going to eat it.

  My body fought me. My pride reassured me. It was a battle bloodier than a real one in my head, when…

  “Are you the Pain Seeker?”

  The voice came from my side. My arms shook and the food almost fell from my hands. I held onto it like it was dear life as I spun around once more, holding the leather to my chest.

  “What are you intending to do with that? Because I can eat it if you don’t want it. It smellsss deliciousss.”

  I looked around the room, but there was nobody there. The door hadn’t opened. The fae hadn’t come back.

  Who was speaking? Was it all inside my head? Had I lost my mind already? Because I’d been sure that I could last more than just two days.

  No. I hadn’t lost my mind. My eyes might have not been able to see, but that didn’t mean I was blind. I closed my eyes and focused all my attention on my magic. The pain of the fae was the first one I felt. It shone brighter than anybody else’s, somewhere out that door. He had so much of it, it was hard to keep searching and not latch onto it.

  But I searched.

  And I found.

  The pain wasn’t deep, but it was there. It was the kind of pain that never went away, that remained in the back of your head until the last of your days. And it was coming from somewhere over my head.

  When I opened my eyes, I looked up at the ceiling, at the archway of the windows behind me, at the pillars that separated them…and I saw him.

  He was wrapped around the last pillar of the windows, his green body glistening under the moonlight, his eyes focused on me as the sides of his head stretched. He opened his mouth into a smile, showing me four curved fangs and his tongue slithered out.

  “There you go,” he said and began to move down the pillar until he reached the window stool. His five sets of eyes never left mine, and the closer to me he came, the more I saw the details of his forest green scales, the white lines in them, the way his slit nostrils expanded every time he breathed. All ten of his golden eyes opened and closed slowly, each set at its own time but never all at once.

  Curiosity pushed the weakness and the pain away from my mind, and slowly, I leaned closer to where he’d stopped on the window stool. He was the weirdest creature I had ever seen. Plenty of animals had more than two eyes, but I had never seen one with ten. I had never seen one with four fangs instead of two in his upper jaw, either.

  And I had never come across an animal who spoke.

  “Are you the Pain Seeker, elf?” he asked again, stretching the s. I had definitely not imagined it. His mouth moved the same time his voice came out, and it was a strange voice, too. Light, like the air, but also sharp as the fae’s sword.

  “I am,” I said, too surprised, too curious still to form coherent thoughts. “Who are you?”

  The snake smiled again and slithered a bit closer, sniffing the air like a dog. “I am Hiss. I have been searching for you for days now. Are you going to eat that? I haven’t eaten for as long as I’ve searched.”

  An animal who spoke. Not unheard of. There were plenty of stories about animals who’d been blessed by gods or altered by magic—fae or witch or sorcerer—but I had never seen one myself. Slowly, I put the food wrapped in leather on the stool in front of him and opened it.

  “Why have you searched for me?” I asked, as the snake leaned closer to the food and sniffed it once more. When he raised his head, his hood shaped like a cobra’s, he smiled again. His round pupils dilated, all ten of them, and it was mesmerizing to watch how each set closed, one after the other, in perfect sync.

  “I have pain,” he said, and his hood shrank, folding to the sides of his head until it disappeared completely. Then, he jumped.

  No, he flew.

  There were wings on his sides. Two small black wings that hadn’t been there before, made of skin, not feathers. As soon as he landed on the floor in the middle of the room, they folded onto his body and disappeared just like his hood had.

  “I have had it for years now.” He slithered into a circle and half his body raised up with his head. He was easily forty inches long, but like that, he looked barely twenty. “It’s near my tail—an injury from a fight that my body never quite healed from. Magic—too powerful for me to overcome, but not for you.”

  Slowly, I lowered to my knees, wanting to see him better. I wanted to touch him, to see if his scales felt as smooth as they looked.

  “Are you real?” I wondered out loud. I had studied animals in school as a girl, but I couldn’t remember anything about a snake with ten eyes.

  He smiled once more, his thin black tongue coming out to taste the air. “I certainly hope so, Pain Seeker. But if I am not, then your imagination is to be envied because I feel very real.”

  “Where have you searched for me?”

  He said he’d been searching for days. How had he found me here?

  “Everywhere,” Hiss said, moving slowly to the sides, like it was impossible for him to stand perfectly still for a second. “But it was no trouble. When I found out you existed, I was eager to cross worlds to get here. It was a bit of a disappointment not to find you in your home. But your scent led me here, and now here you are.”

  My heart fell, as cold as the floor beneath me. “You were in my home?”

  The snake smiled. “I am coming from it.”

  The words were at the tip of my tongue. I wanted to—needed to know, as badly as I didn’t. My mouth opened, but my voice refused to obey.

  “Celebrating,” Hiss said, slowly unwrapping himself from the bundle he’d created and slithering toward me. I sat on my legs and watched him, too desperate to do anything else. “They were celebrating. There was music and wine and women. They all looked happy.”

  Celebrating. They were celebrating my death, even though I hadn’t met it yet.

  “Don’t despair, child,” he hissed, rising up and up until we were eye level. I couldn’t pick which eyes of his to look at. “Revenge is a dish best served cold. You will have your time. Be patient.”

  “I don’t want revenge.” I yearned for it in a way that set my heart on fire. I’d never known any other emotion, other than pain, to be as powerful as this was now. It shocked me all over again.

  “What do you want, then?” the snake said, and when his tongue came out, it licked the tip of my nose. It felt very real. “What do you want from me, to take away my pain? Name it and I will give it to you.”

  My eyes closed, my mind a bit dizzy from trying to follow all of his eyes. His pain called to me. It wasn’t powerful, but it was there. It was persistent. Stubborn. It had made its place, become part of the snake now, and it wasn’t going to leave by itself, unless I made it.

  “I don’t want anything.” I just wanted everything to end—and soon, it would.

  Raising my hands toward the snake’s body, I called to his pain and pulled at it. My magic connected with it, wrapped around every ounce and made it its own with a single touch. To the world, everything I did was perfectly invisible. To my mind, I saw it all in color, the way my magic, as white as a cloud, consumed the pain it existed for, then spread inside the body of the snake, searching for damage to fix.

  Weak muscles, a broken bone—it was all over too quickly, and the magic slipped inside me again, bringing with it the new pain. It filled me from head to toe, and the next second, it was part of me. It was mine now, and it clung to me as stubbornly as it had to the snake.

  The snake hissed. He jumped back, both his hood and his bat wings spreading wide as he circled around the room, as if he were fighting invisible demons. I sat still and watched, mesmerized by his eve
ry movement. He couldn’t fly—but when he jumped, he used his wings to slow down the landing, and like that, he could move everywhere—on the bed, atop the wardrobes, on the desk, almost knocking down the gas lamp.

  Then, he settled into a bundle in the middle of the room again.

  “I am free,” he told me, his smile wide, his four curved fangs glistening under his square jaw. “You are, too, but you are broken. Why do you keep those chains around you?”

  The excitement drained from his voice as he came closer to me once more.

  “Because I deserve them. Why do you have ten eyes?” I asked, and it would all have felt like a dream, but I knew how my dreams looked, and this wasn’t it.

  “Because eyes are the biggest liars of the worlds. But ten can’t lie to you as easily as two, can they?” Hiss said, and this time, he didn’t stop in front of me. His head was on my lap, and he slithered his way around my torso. All I could do was pull my arms up and watch him sniff me, as if he were still searching for something. There was no more pain anywhere in him now, and when half his body wrapped around my waist, his head traveled up my back, to the side of my neck, and came up to the side of my face. I turned to him, still as mesmerized, and reached out a hand to touch his tongue when it came out. Wet. Soft. I put my hand over his head, and all his eyes closed.

  Yes, his scales were as smooth as they looked.

  “What are you?” I whispered as he licked the air coming out of my mouth to taste my words.

  “Grateful,” he said, and just as fast as he’d wrapped himself around me, he moved away, and to the floor, taking away all his warmth. I hadn’t realized just how comfortable I’d felt with him on me until now. “You gave me food. You gave me release. I shall not forget what you gave so freely, Pain Seeker.” He was already slithering up the wall under the window, and when he was atop the stool, he looked down at me once more. “I will be back,” he solemnly said and jumped out the window.

  My legs barely held me when I stood up to see where he’d gone. But the darkness had made him invisible to my eyes now. I looked to the side, at the food on the leather, untouched. I looked at the moon and asked it a question there were no words for.