Pain Seeker (The New Orleans Shade Book 1)

by D. N. Hoxa

  And he told me—every single detail, until the picture was complete in my mind. I saw every drop of blood as he’d seen it, every clash of swords, every wounded animal, every wounded or dead man, the scenery, the sun burning in the sky…and I also felt the pain he’d felt that day, though he didn’t describe that. My magic painted that picture for me, and the need to put it on a canvas was so great, it sparked something in me.

  I wanted to paint. I wanted it with all my heart.

  Since my parents died over four years ago, I hadn’t wanted to paint. I’d been too empty, my mind devoid of images. I’d needed to, so I had, but I’d never wanted to. Now, of all times, I did, because for the first time in forever, I had a clear image in my head. The prince’s first battle.

  For hours, he talked. For hours, he told me about his battles, about the soldiers, the friends, the family he’d lost to the war. And he never said it in words, but I felt his hatred for it because it mirrored mine. Out of all the people in the world, I never once imagined that a fae could hate war and death. I never imagined that I wasn’t completely alone in the world, but here he was.

  He laughed and he smiled and he became angry as he told me his stories, and he served me those same emotions with his voice, too, even though my magic couldn’t pick up on anything other than pain.

  I could listen to him talk for days.

  Eventually, I no longer saw the room around me. I no longer saw anything but the pictures he painted in my mind with his words and his emotions. My head rested against the wall, and I didn’t want to ever move from that place. Like that, I fell asleep to the sound of his voice easier than I ever had since my parents died and left me all alone.

  Because for those short hours I felt hope. There was a chance that the whole world wasn’t against me. As ridiculous as it sounded to my own self, there was a chance that I was not alone.

  Chapter 12

  Mace

  I put the bags of food on the floor, and even though I hadn’t been trying to stay silent, the elf still slept. The need to reach out and touch her cheek made my fingers itch. It was as strong as it had been the night before, when I’d been possessed by some demon I couldn’t name. Sitting out there in the hall with my people had been torture, but I was used to enduring it. I’d had no other choice before.

  But when I saw the elf staring at me through the window, it made me realize that I hadn’t imagined it the first time. She watched me, her big silver eyes shining even in the distance, and I had wanted to see them from up close.

  When I came back to the room, the idea was to find a way to get her to talk to me, tell me her name at least. Instead, I’d ended up telling her things I had never told anyone before—not even Trinam. Why? I wasn’t sure. Maybe it was my instincts. Maybe it was the way she looked at me, so curious, never judging, never despising me.

  Or maybe because I knew that she wasn’t going to talk to anyone. She wasn’t going to have the chance to tell anyone before I killed her.

  Because I would have to.

  Or figure out a way to make it look like I did.

  It still fascinated me why she stayed. She was able to pick the lock my men had put around her, and I’d never hidden my weapons when I slept. Why hadn’t she killed me? Why did she stay still?

  Had she no family, no one to go back to?

  She moved to the side lazily, like she had forgotten where she was while sleeping. But when her eyes opened, they were already full of panic. She sat up, probably terrified to see me in front of her, watching her, but she composed herself quickly. She looked around her, at the pillow I’d put under her head the night before and the white blanket that covered her body. The stone floor was still warm from the Shade, but the pillow and blanket had been more for a feel of comfort.

  “I’m leaving,” I told her and once more asked myself why. Why was I telling her? “I won’t be back for a couple days. Yuna will bring you food.”

  Her brows shot up, and another wave of panic filled her eyes as she took a quick look at the door.

  “You’ll be okay,” I said for whatever reason. “Just stay inside the room.” I stood up. If anybody saw me right now, they wouldn’t just believe I’d lost my mind—I’d probably lose my head to my father’s sword, too. Yet one look at her and I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t her fault that we lived in such a world. That she was a prisoner here was not her fault—just her misfortune.

  “Now eat. And take a bath, won’t you?” I said with a grin. She didn’t smell, and most of the dirt had fallen off her skin now, but there was more on her, shading her white hair, staining her fair skin. Maybe, when I came back, I’d finally see all of her properly.

  It was just a stupid thought because I already knew that she would leave. I was taking most of my men with me, and there would be nobody to stop her if she ran away and knew what she was doing. Something told me that she would.

  I wanted to hear her voice so badly, but she refused to let out a single word. She just looked at me with those wide eyes, and I imagined that she was begging me not to go. I was definitely crazier than I gave myself credit for. I’d picked the best strawberries in the bowl that morning for her breakfast, for the gods’s sake. She’d just seemed to like them a lot the night before. More than crazy, but I’d stalled enough.

  Taking in a deep breath, I walked out the door, feeling a thousand pounds heavier. I’d be taking with me all the men who had potential to cause trouble for the elf. I’d handpicked the ones who were staying behind for that reason alone, which was not a behavior fit for a commander. Luckily, the truth was only in my head, and nobody was ever going to hear it.

  But when I closed the door, I held onto the handle and let out as much magic as I could within three seconds. “Protect her,” I whispered to the Shade. I wished it with all my heart before I let go and turned around to leave.

  I knew why I was doing this. I was trying to make amends for all the elven lives I’d taken in battle, by taking care of this one elf who wasn’t trying to kill me for once. It was just the guilt—nothing more. And I would get over it soon. The gods would never forgive me for the blood I’d spilled, of that I was already sure, but it felt good to try and do what I felt was right.

  For now, business awaited.

  Trinam and Chastin waited for me by the gates, Storm in between their horses. I looked back at the castle once more, at Yuna waving at us. I’d told her to take food to the elf three times a day. She wouldn’t fail me. I hoped she wouldn’t.

  “Ready, boys?” I said, my voice cheerful, as if my mind was perfectly clear.

  “Fuck, yeah,” Trinam said. “It’s not a long ride. I’m already looking forward to the Autumn women.”

  Chastin didn’t say anything. He hadn’t said much to me since the day I broke his nose and threw him off his horse. I preferred it that way.

  I rode Storm out the gates, where four hundred of my men waited in perfect formation. We were going back to the Autumn kingdom, and we were going to stay there for the next two days.

  I hated that place even more than this, but it was inevitable.

  Two nights ago, when the elves had attacked the Autumn border, they came farther than anybody had expected. A group of fifty had gone around the river, around the battle, and they’d met my men and me just before reaching the first Autumn town. I’d killed five of them before one had managed to wound me, but I’d killed another ten by the end of the battle. By then, the elves had retreated, and the Autumn border had remained untouched. Our service hadn’t been needed. We’d lost three men, and though the rest had been tired, I’d decided to come back to the Shade where we could all rest and heal in peace. I’d started to feel the pieces buried in me halfway back. By then, it had been too late to stop and try to heal, so I’d just kept on going. Eventually, I’d lost consciousness.

  It had all worked out, though. Trinam had taken everything out of me—pieces of metal from the sword of the man who’d wounded me with a blade that had been drenched in potion made with
terran magic. I had completely healed, faster than anybody thought possible.

  Even Chastin had been shocked to see me standing that next morning. Maybe my body was getting stronger on its own.

  But now the Autumn King wanted to meet again. He felt they hadn’t caused enough damage to the elf army and that they were going to strike again. That was why we were required to be there while he planned, and in case the elves attacked sooner than he thought, with the intent to catch us underprepared.

  It all made sense, but it didn’t mean I had to like it.

  It was a three-hours ride to the Autumn border because there were only four hundred men with me.

  When we arrived, we were tired from the road. Our horses were tired, too, but the King had thrown a feast in our honor and the honor of the other battalions who’d joined him today—including that of my brother Ethonas. I’d managed to avoid him the last time, mostly because he had been too busy preparing for the battle, but this time, I wouldn’t be so lucky.

  At the gates of the King’s castle—one of four that he only utilized when there were attacks by the border with the elflands—I saw my brothers surrounded by Autumn commanders, and I knew they were waiting for me.

  “Keep your cool, Mace,” Trinam said under his breath as we approached the fae who were going to take our horses and lead my men to their tents.

  “What are you talking about? I’ve been waiting for this for days!” I said loudly, so everyone would hear. I jumped off Storm and patted her head. She didn’t like this place that much, either, but she never liked any place other than home. Maybe soon, we’d get to go back there for a bit.

  For now, the Autumn fae took her reins and guided her away from me while I walked toward the gates—and my brothers. This was going to be an interesting stay.

  Chapter 13

  The festivities had begun.

  I sat in the gold-colored chair, the huge round table in front of me, with enough food to last a man two lifetimes. A glass of wine was in my hand as I watched my people celebrate. What for, even they weren’t sure.

  I liked the wine better than ale. It had a slightly sweeter taste. I reached for a strawberry and bit into it, while I pretended I couldn’t see my brothers watching me.

  We sat at the same table, as sons of the King from the same Court. There was a battalion of Summer fae here, too, but they sat opposite us. The sons of the Summer King weren’t there, but his four nephews were, and they had the king’s favor just like his offspring.

  The rest of the royal family of the Autumn Court were spread around the dining hall, easily five sizes bigger than the one in my castle in the Shade. It was brighter, with golds and oranges and yellows, beautifully decorated, as a king’s dining hall ought to be. To our right sat the King, the Queen, his two daughters, and three sons. The whole family was here for this, and that alone told me how seriously the King had taken the elf attack. I couldn’t blame him. After the Spring Court was erased from the face of the world, it was a king’s duty to do everything in his power to protect his land.

  And the elves were hungry for blood. That much was obvious.

  “Tell me, brother, how did you kill the elf slave?” my brother Arin asked from his seat to the left of mine.

  I smiled. “Whoever said I killed her?”

  “You didn’t?” He pretended to be surprised. “Why not?”

  “Because she’s proven to be a lot more than just a dirty elf. The things she gives me are…far more seductive than her death.” I almost choked on my own laugh, but my brothers couldn’t tell.

  Ethonas rolled his eyes, but Arin was happy to hear it. “Lucky bastard. Now I want to try an elf woman. Maybe I should take one alive with me the next battle.” He raised his glass of wine to me.

  I drank mine, then ate another strawberry.

  “I doubt you’d be as patient with her as Mace,” Ethonas said, his voice ringing deep, just like our father’s. Out of all of us, he looked the least like him, but aside from appearances, he was a copy of the Winter King. The older he got, the more he took on Father’s gestures, words, even expressions. On purpose, I was sure. He was grooming himself to be the next Winter King.

  “Sure I can,” Arin said, then looked at me. “You should kill her while you’re inside her.”

  My gut turned at his words, but I forced a grin on my face. “I’ll consider it.”

  “Don’t consider—do it,” Ethonas said, crossing his legs as he looked down at me. He was an inch shorter than me, but he somehow always managed to look down at me since I betrayed them. “Sooner rather than later, Mace. Elves, even women, can be dangerous to the careless.”

  “Why don’t you let me worry about that,” I said with a wink. It drove him nuts, but he’d never show it.

  “Sure. And the next time I see you and your slave still lives, it will be my worry, too.”

  I had never wanted to sink my sword in his neck as much as I wanted to that second. I raised my wine to him instead. “Cheers to that.”

  “I didn’t think you’d be here, to be honest,” Arin said next.

  I wished they’d just let me drink in peace for a moment, but no. I wished I was Trinam, who was in the middle of the dance floor, dancing with an Autumn fae, sticking his hands all over her body while she laughed, but no. I was the son of a king.

  “Why not?” I asked my brother just to pretend I was interested in what he had to say.

  “The last time, you were here as a spare,” he said. “Good thing, too, or those sneaky elves would have gotten to the town.”

  “Fifty elves—who managed to wound you in several places,” Ethonas reminded me. I paid him no attention.

  “The King invited me the same way he invited you.” If he thought I wanted to be here, he’d never been more wrong in his life.

  But he was also right. I didn’t think I’d be invited to strategize with the King, either. It was no secret what my father thought of me, though nobody other than my brothers and mother knew why. The Autumn King knew that I wasn’t trusted with more than five hundred men and a Shade, yet he’d invited me here. I wondered why as I looked at him.

  He was powerful, as all fae kings were, but there was a softness to him—the softness of a man who’d seen too much and was wary of disappointment, even though he knew it was coming. His blonde hair had an orange tint to it, as the hair of most Autumn fae did, and his brown eyes were alert, always observing, calculating, measuring. He never smiled, and he didn’t say much as he sat at the rectangular table at the head of the room.

  The Queen by his side did most of the talking while he nodded his head every once in a while. She was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. She hadn’t changed one bit since I first met her at a celebration in their main castle in the heart of the Autumn Court. Her hair fell in soft waves to her chest, and she didn’t tie it back like most women did. If she wore makeup, I couldn’t see it, but her eyes alone, more orange than brown, gave her more than enough color, though her skin was almost completely white.

  Her daughters were younger, softer versions of her, but her sons could pass as brothers of the King easily.

  “He wants you to be a spare again,” Ethonas said, making me look away from the royal family. “You won’t be part of tomorrow’s meeting, as I understand, but don’t despair. There is honor in protecting.”

  “Actually, the invitation explicitly stated that I needed to be in the meeting, too. Together with my second-in-command.” I’d have rather gone without Chastin, in case something was said in the meeting that I didn’t want my men to know, but the King asked for it, and kings always got what they wanted.

  “That’s interesting,” Arin said, and he was no longer smiling.

  Ethonas watched me like a hawk, like he was planning my murder while everyone else around us enjoyed the night. I kept his eyes as I drank the wine and smiled to spite him. He brought out a childish part of me like nobody else, and I liked that I got to him. His opinion of me didn’t matter, though he ex
pected it to.

  “Not really. The King feels like he owes you the courtesy because of the battle two nights ago,” Ethonas said. “Do me a favor, little brother. Don’t talk while we’re there. You’re not equipped to have an opinion on strategies, anyway.” With his drink in hand, he stood from the table.

  I gritted my teeth to keep from saying anything. He was leaving. That was all that mattered. Who cared that he knew that wasn’t true? I had been taught by the same teachers he had, on the same subjects he and all my brothers had. I knew everything he knew—better, because he’d always thought he was above everyone, even the teachers, since he was a kid.

  But for now, I kept my mouth shut and smiled at Arin when he stood up and followed our brother toward the King’s table.

  I breathed a sigh of relief. Now, if another hour could go by quicker so I could go to my quarters and sleep, I would be even happier.

  Unfortunately, an hour was long, and I was bound to have another conversation before it was over.

  When one of the King’s daughters made her way toward my table—empty, save for me, I didn’t allow myself to express the surprise. She was tall and slender, but the way her arms moved to her sides and the small smile gracing her face gave away her true nature. She was a killer, just as much as I was, and she wasn’t afraid to show it.

  I stood up when she approached and bowed my head as she curtsied.

  “My lady.”

  “My lord, thank you for honoring us with your presence tonight,” she said and waved at the chair I’d been sitting in. “Please, sit. I am Ulana. We haven’t had the pleasure of meeting before.”

  I sat down and she sat right next to me, where Arin had been. Behind her, I could see him and Ethonas, still by the King’s table, talking to him, but they were watching me, too. All too casually for anyone else to notice.